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Chopin... I hated it when xT was not the same from week to week... so sending lot of

I was never able to tell xT about it during the session... I would mention it the following session and he was like I'm the same every session and he may thought he was but he wasn't... I'm sure there were a zillion possible reasons why and I'm sure it probably didn't have anything to do with me... but it still suks

Hi Wiki... thinking of you tonight... i've been praying for you.... that you would feel Him right there with you. I always hated nights while in the hospital... I hope you are resting comfortably... I love ya and will keep praying...

But isn't therapy a special case? A place where you can think the unthinkable and say the unsayable?

Give the poor guy a break! His motives may be better than you assume.

I agree with this on some levels. I've never been in group therapy, so I can't judge RTS' H's situation. Perhaps it's normal, maybe it's not. I just know what my opinion is.

I agree for one-on-one therapy that it is a safe place to say anything one wants to say; but for the client, not the therapist. That is why I had a problem with T complaining about her H (about something moderately serious). It's my therapy, not hers. She crosses that line on occasion. Normally, I like hearing what my T has to say on many matters and when she talks about herself, I feel safer about talking about myself. That being said, there should be a boundary there.

However, I know how my marriage works. We are a united front. We each strive to only speak good of one another when we are apart. We defend the other's actions, right or wrong, when speaking to people who ask questions. We have each other's back. If we happen to disagree about something, we take it up with each other, not people outside of marriage (therapy excluded).

I received a FB message from my ex-GF that has managed to tear me out of the "emotionally numb" zone:

I hope you and *H* had a great anniversary today. 12 years..who would of thought we would be where we are today. It appears that someone knew more about us and how things would turn out better than we did. My wish for you is to be happy and know that you are loved. That will never change.

My response:

Thanks, *ex-GF*. I guess you're right and I always want you to have what makes you happy. I've learned what love really is, and the main component of true love is selflessness. I will love you always.

It's amazing what a few words can do. I hate loving 2 people in that way. I love H. I love her.

Complain about your wife and you'll soon find out.

So glad you had an okay moment. I know sometimes I'm desperate for one. Just a few seconds of relief feels like it will give me the strength to keep going through the bad stuff for a while longer.

I've had an okay moment after my T appointment today. After everything continued to get worse and worse despite how hard I fought to fix everything week after week, this was the last thing I expected from today. The last time this happened and my session left me feeling slightly better, something awful happened again soon after and things returned to dreadful again.

I really, really hope my last session before the Christmas break will be okay. I only said a tiny, tiny bit of all of the things I need to talk about. But T was supportive again, and not distant. So I'm having a not spectacular moment, but an okay one. I've got so much other stuff to sort out, because life has been a bit on hold while I focused on surviving and not much else.

I've had a heap of those sessions lately too. To the point where all of a sudden I was told I would not be a good mother (like my mother wasn't to me) because I can't model healthy behaviour. Ouch. Lots and lots of other stuff like that was said too. T didn't respond to my devastation over the comments at all.

I've reached out and asked clearly for help since, and T had things going on for her, and she forgot that I'd said I was desperate (first time in four years). We've had sessions where the person I know didn't seem to be there at all and she spoke to me as if I was a stranger. I could have gone to see any new distant, cold, removed T for a first time and had the same experience.

I understand the shutting down feeling. I know I have, because suddenly the safety has gone. I understand the starting at square one feeling too. Boundaries have changed for me and it's left me feeling worse and like T is inaccessible. I can't imagine her out there in the world, or rely on her support (being somewhere out there for me). It's all gone. It was something that had been improving for me, based on what we were doing, and now she's taken that stuff away. It helped me feel better about myself for the first time in my life. I've gone backwards in terms of how I 'm coping, and our relationship seems to have taken a huge step backwards too.

It's really shaken things up, but it's brought up a lot of important stuff. I hope we'll get through it and that in the end it will be valuable to my therapy. I hope you get through this and get something valuable out if it long before I do! Maybe it was just a weird one off disconnected session?

Sorry that was a bit long.

Nightlight...thanks for your thoughtful response. I hate you are going thru this, Your T actually said you wouldn't make a good mother? That's awful!

I think I'm going to try to sleep now. Good night everyone!

I know, right? I know she was trying to tell me that I need to learn to be kind to myself so I can model healthy behaviour...but comparing me to my mother, who I'm nothing like? So sad! Devastating. And knowing she thinks that as I am now, I'm not good enough. Devastating. The session was filled with similar comments and it's a miracle I made it back again (but I also couldn't bear to end there after 4 great years).

Hope you have a good night!

so many thoughts still going through my head. wish i knew how to sort them out and determine priority. but even if i could i know that they wouldn't stop. i can't stop them.

I know you're kidding around, but on a serious note, I don't think that any of the woman on here have ever MEANT to jump on you when you discuss your wife. I have seen a few people try to offer you the woman's perspective so you could, perhaps, understand your wife better. But, I know you and I see input differently. I am just hoping that you can see, sometimes, when people are trying to help by offering a differing perspective.

I think this may be true in individual therapy to some extent, but I am always bounded by the restriction that I what I say be true and fair. I cannot tell you how many times I have complained about H, but then said, 'to be fair to H, I did X . . ."

I also think group therapy is a slightly different thing. If you are walking into group and presenting a seriously, seriously slanted view of your spouse, in an effort to have the group be on your side or to get more support and none of these people would ever meet you spouse and s/he will never know and you just really need support, that is one thing. Going home and telling your spouse about the hurtful things that are said about your spouse is a totally different thing.

Sorry I haven't been on the couch much....my migraine made a return with a vengeance, so I've been busy writhing in pain.

Monday mornings are pretty awful with a migraine. I wanted to see if I could go in to work a different day this week, but I just saw an email from my boss saying he wants me to see him today. So, I'm gonna have to suck it up and get my arse to work.

God help me.

I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think. Things usually aren't once they get going. Good luck at work.

Ouch!! That sounds so bad. I've never had one. I feel like I'm dying when I get a headache (I always get a temperature along with the bad ones, and feel really sick and unwell...and that's bad enough)!

Is it not still worth asking if you can work another day? So sorry if that's not an option though, because I know I'd just want to crawl up in the dark if it was me.

One thing that I have definitely learned is that the things that I complain about in other people really do have a lot of power to tell me about myself.

"Why am I bothered when they do that?" What is the real issue here?

Most (not all) of the time, the problems I encounter with folks rest squarely in my perceptions and interpretations.

It doesn't mean that I don't have a right to have the way I perceive things respected - I certainly do, but it all has to be in a larger context.

It is usually true that when you point a finger at someone else, there are three pointing back at you.

Well, unless you are flipping them off. Which also has a lot of merit.

I totally wish I could just crawl in bed and stay here all day with the blinds shut and the lights off....but I don't want to give my boss any reason to not find value in me.

We got some bad news about the big project that we're bidding on (which would help me get full time work) and he wants to meet with me about taking a different turn with it....we were supposed to have the bid out last week - so me taking a day off today would probably not go over well.

Bother Well, send a little bit of your migraine my way? Only a little bit though, because I've never had one before and I'm such a wimp with headaches. It's night here though and I'm about to crawl up in the dark anyway. I'll send you a little bit of my clear head so you can get through the day?

Aww, thanks, Nightlight.

Morning all... Its freezing outside, 34 degrees, and I slept awful last night. Forgot my sleeping meds, so I tossed and turned the entire time. On the upside , I was able come up the idea for many a novel!

It's 20 here, Lola.

Ain't it foggy outside....a nice 55 right now. Going to be near 70 today. I don't like it. I wish the weather would pick a season already. lol

I'll have to google those so I can remember what they equal in celsius