[neutrino]

Ok, I really need some help/advice right now. I hope it's ok I'm starting yet another thread even though I've already started a few (and I've only been here for a few days). I feel like perhaps I'm annoying, which worries me. I just really need support nowadays (support I don't get from people "in real life"). Also, I hate the fact that I'm so insecure I feel like I need to apologise for writing and that I feel like I need to explain myself. Anyway, I need to vent and I appreciate all the help I can get. Sorry in advance for the wall of text.

About two hours ago I got home from my fourth therapy session (I've had one single session and three double sessions so far) and I seriously don't know what to do with myself right now. I don't feel well at all. I feel very low, confused and frustrated. There's this incredibly uncomfortable and almost painful feeling in my chest/pit of my stomach and I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own mind. Every thought entering my mind turns into anxiety and deeper depression.

You know, I'm not sure what I expected from therapy but right now I don't see how it's ever going to make me better. I don't want to give up and I'm not planning on doing so but I don't see how CBT is going to help. I understand the concept behind it. I find it pretty logical and I know that I need to work on things, but we've had four sessions (or seven if you count a double session as two sessions) and we've gotten nowhere. My therapist (who is really nice by the way) keeps repeating the same things. He keeps telling me how CBT works and how I should try certain things in order to lower my anxiety level. I tell him something that makes me anxious, he asks what my thoughts are, tries to identify the thought pattern and then he usually says something like "What's the worst than can happen? Yeah, perhaps you should avoid this thing you fear. Perhaps the worst will happen but I don't think it will and I don't think you should avoid the situation. I think you should just do it" etc.

Like I said, I don't know what I expected from therapy but I think I sort of thought that I'd get to just talk about things before starting to work on them. I thought I'd get some help making sense of things and understanding why things are the way they are. I thought perhaps someone would want to just listen to me for once and to understand me. Now I feel like my therapist is sort of belittling my problems though he's told me several times that "I don't mean to be disrespectful to you and I don't want to make you angry but I don't really think it's good to respect the way your anxiety makes you think. We need to rattle things up a little bit."

We also talked a bit about compulsions today. My therapist says he thinks I clearly have OCD though mine is based on the compulsions themselves rather than obsessions. By that I mean that I don't really have "classic" OCD intrusive thoughts. I carry out compulsions because I feel the urge to do so and if I don't do it things feel wrong or uneven (but I don't get super anxious). During the session my therapist asked me about some of the compulsions and then he asked me if I wanted to get rid of them. I couldn't answer that question. I just sat there silently. Is it wrong/weird to say that I in a strange sort of way sometimes (not always) like my compulsions? They make me feel safe and it's like they're a part of my personality. A part of who I am. Feeling like that "stirs up" my very irrational fear of maybe being some kind of pathological liar. What if I lie about my mental illness? What if I exaggerate things? What if I imagine things? What if I'm actually healthy but I've managed to lie to myself and the professionals so now we all think I'm mentally ill?

Now I'm sitting here and I feel like I want to cry (and I'm not really a cryer). I want to punch things. I want to scream. I want to pace around in my room. I want to hit my head. I want to hide in my bed. I want to go to sleep so this day can just end. I can't really deal with my life on my own anymore so I really need my therapist to help me. But I need him to help me and not just get rid of my symptoms (not sure if that makes sense).

I'm not even sure what I've written is coherent enough to understand and once again I'm sorry for this being so long. I just don't know what to do anymore. Even posting this makes me anxious.

This makes sense to me, neutrino. (And I don't think there's any limit to the number of threads that are appropriate to start. Sometimes we're just in a place where we start a lot of threads, sometimes we aren't. If a third of the front page was only threads started by one person maybe it would be a little excessive, for a few hours before other threads made it up there, but you're not even close )

Anyway. I have a close friend who does CBT - he is the only person I know in RL I talk about therapy with, so that's why I use him as an example - who definitely gets to talk to his T about background stuff, even childhood issues. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that from a CBT T.

Not wanting to change, even though it might lead to a "better" life, is something I recognise very much. I talk to my T about it, and he has told me that it is neither unusual nor weird to feel like that. Change happens slowly, though, and I have had time to adjust to the changes that have happened to me. And nobody can impose change on us from outside, so it's not really something to fear.

What if I lie about my mental illness? What if I exaggerate things? What if I imagine things? What if I'm actually healthy but I've managed to lie to myself and the professionals so now we all think I'm mentally ill?

Are you sure you're not me?? I could have written this. I don't know if it helps at all to know that you are not alone in this, but I completely understand.

I'm sorry you are feeling so low right now. Could you print out the post you made and show it to your T? It's coherent (trust me, I teach academic writing, I can spot incoherence from quite far away) and might lead to your T understanding more fully what you need from him.

Feel free to PM me if you like.

[wotchermuggle]

You mentioned you wanted to talk more about how you feel about things before trying to branch out and confront the anxieties. Do you think you could share that with your therapist? That you want to understand your feelings?

A psychodynamic or psychoanalysis route would be a way to properly investigate your feelings and actions in a deeper route, but is less focussed on strategies to deal with anxiety.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

This makes sense to me, neutrino. (And I don't think there's any limit to the number of threads that are appropriate to start. Sometimes we're just in a place where we start a lot of threads, sometimes we aren't. If a third of the front page was only threads started by one person maybe it would be a little excessive, for a few hours before other threads made it up there, but you're not even close )

Thanks. I feel very stupid and pathetic though. I just hope I don't come across as attention seeking. Today my therapist told me he thinks I'm incredibly hard on myself. Perhaps he's right.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

Anyway. I have a close friend who does CBT - he is the only person I know in RL I talk about therapy with, so that's why I use him as an example - who definitely gets to talk to his T about background stuff, even childhood issues. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that from a CBT T.

I actually asked my therapist about it. He said something like "yes, you can talk to me about whatever you'd like. It's actually a good thing." However, as soon as I say something I feel like he impatiently starts to talk about CBT stuff.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

Not wanting to change, even though it might lead to a "better" life, is something I recognise very much. I talk to my T about it, and he has told me that it is neither unusual nor weird to feel like that. Change happens slowly, though, and I have had time to adjust to the changes that have happened to me. And nobody can impose change on us from outside, so it's not really something to fear.

Are you sure you're not me?? I could have written this. I don't know if it helps at all to know that you are not alone in this, but I completely understand.

Ok, so these things don't make me super weird or something? I feel like such a weirdo sometimes. I mean, who the heck wants to be mentally ill? I don't but the change scares me.

Anyway, even though I get the thoughts about faking etc I know I'm mentally ill on days like this one.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I'm sorry you are feeling so low right now. Could you print out the post you made and show it to your T? It's coherent (trust me, I teach academic writing, I can spot incoherence from quite far away) and might lead to your T understanding more fully what you need from him.

Feel free to PM me if you like.

No, I don't think I could do that. He'd probably read it but I don't know how to gather enough courage to hand it to him. What if he gets angry? What if he gets disappointed? What if he thinks I'm silly? What if he doesn't understand?

Thanks again.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

You mentioned you wanted to talk more about how you feel about things before trying to branch out and confront the anxieties. Do you think you could share that with your therapist? That you want to understand your feelings?

Maybe. Not sure how to though.

[MotownJohnny]

No need to apologize about length -- not that I can really speak for anyone but myself, I'm both new here and pretty verbose.

I wanted to comment and see if it helps. First of all, it takes a while to get comfortable with therapy, at first I was a bundle of nerves. I have been in therapy for years on and off, did some in 1987-1990 with 3 different ones. Two women one man. I lasted all of a session with the man, he was weird and creeped me out. I quit for a long while, then in 1999 went back, and have been with that same therapist for years now, out of that 14 year period, I have done about 10 years with her. So, take away one, you won't always click with a therapist. Some are obviously better than others. Some may have personality clashes with you. You have both a right and a responsibility to yourself to find a therapist who feels right to you.

That being said, it takes a while. I would say at least 6-8-10 sessions to know for sure if you are comfortable or not with the person. If not, I would say move on graciously after explaining why, and say "no hard feelings." A good therapist will accept this and perhaps even help you find someone else so there is no gap in treatment.

It is hard, it can be very painful at times. Nothing good comes without hard work, so keep that in mind. The gain is worth the pain.

Generally, you "get to work" pretty fast. If you want to slow it down, just tell the therapist. One reason they start getting down to business fast is because of the finances of it, insurance plans if they pay for it at all sometimes limit to a certain number of sessions or a certain amount they will pay, IIRC. Usually, one or two sessions to "get the back story" then it's off to the races.

I have been using certain CBT techniques. I was dubious at first, but it does help me a lot. For me, it boils down to one simple goal, rewriting the tape that goes through my mind from "worthless scum of the earth" to "a pretty great guy if the truth be known". The methods are pretty simple, too, diversion/distraction from negative thoughts and reinforcement of positive thoughts. I like it.

If the T does something you don't like or aren't comfortable, you should tell him or her. The therapist-client relationship only works with honesty, and they are trained, and should be able to, set aside their own feelings to work according to the guidelines and ethics of their profession.

Best of luck, you should find good advice and support here.

[A Red Panda]

I could have pretty much wrote your post.

I'm finding the CBT stuff really difficult and stressful too. I don't have enough trust in my T to be able to really talk to him about how all the CBT stuff makes me feel - which isn't good. It actually makes me feel worthless and frustrated and like there is no point at all in me going to see him! (Considering I didn't want to go in the first place and only went because it seemed it was expected of me...). I already KNOW hot to correct my thoughts; I've done it for years. I already DO exposures for myself and I know where my limits currently are and where I'm pushing them and he wants me to go a LOT further than I can right now. I feel like he wants me to be going so much faster than I'm able to and that he's going to get really frustrated with me. I don't even know what sort of therapy WOULD help, if any, but I really don't know if CBT will be it.

So... I think I get where you're coming from.

[neutrino]

Ok, now I feel really stupid for writing that long post (still meant everything I wrote though). When I wrote it I had what I call a "depression attack". I don't really know what they are but they're like panic attacks only it's depression instead of anxiety. My depression is a bit ... weird. I'm constantly depressed. It's like my standard mood is depressed (and it has been for the last 10 years). Then I have episodes where I get incredibly low for weeks before I go back to the "normal depression" again. Besides all of that I have those "depression attacks" I mentioned. They can hit me whenever and wherever and yesterday was really bad. Can anyone relate to this?

Anyway, after I wrote the post I paced around in my room and almost cried for a while. Then I spent the next 30-60 minutes or so lying in foetal position in my sofa before taking some antihistamines to make me tired. Went to bed and slept for 10 hours. Now it's Friday morning and I'm still feeling low but at least I've calmed down a bit. Sorry for the hysteria yesterday (I don't know why I'm so scared of you people being annoyed with me).

Thank you for the replies by the way. I appreciate it. I still don't know what to do but I guess I'll have to figure it out one tiny step at a time. I really wish my therapist could have seen what happened yesterday (and today) though. Then he'd see how bad it is when I'm not in his office.

[MotownJohnny]

No one is annoyed, people are glad to help.

[Miswimmy1]

I completely understand not wanting to give up your compulsions. It can be scary to venture into the unknown. And by now, your brain is wired to automatically go to those compulsions when you are feeling anxious. It is amazing how the brain can train itself. And once it gets into the groove, it can be very hard to break away from those old habits.

What CBT is supposed to do is help to lay new neural pathways in your brain. So basically, to train your brain other methods of coping with your anxiety, so that you don't automatically go to compulsing as your go-to way to calm yourself. Believe me, its not easy. What your therapist is saying by just do it is that at some point, you have to just give it go. His/her job however, is to gradually expose you to the unpleasant feelings, so that you can know that when you do just go for it, that nothing bad is going to happen to you. So in a way, its his job to be able to accurately judge whether or not you are ready. He must feel like you are ready to just dive in headfirst.

I understand your frustration. I hate to tell you this, but many times with OCD, you have to get better before you feel better. Because OCD is such a complex thing, getting better means doing exactly the opposite of what you want to do and what makes you feel better- which is compulse. But the less you compulse, the easier it is to resist. And eventually, the complusing stops all together.

Hang in there!

[AnnaBegins]

Originally Posted by neutrino

Ok, now I feel really stupid for writing that long post (still meant everything I wrote though). When I wrote it I had what I call a "depression attack". I don't really know what they are but they're like panic attacks only it's depression instead of anxiety. My depression is a bit ... weird. I'm constantly depressed. It's like my standard mood is depressed (and it has been for the last 10 years). Then I have episodes where I get incredibly low for weeks before I go back to the "normal depression" again. Besides all of that I have those "depression attacks" I mentioned. They can hit me whenever and wherever and yesterday was really bad. Can anyone relate to this?

This. This is me in a nutshell. Low grade depression all the time until I have an episode where I slide down the spiral rapidly to the point where all I want to do is sleep and can barely function. I'm sorry you feel this way too; hopefully it helps to know you're not alone.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by AnnaBegins

This. This is me in a nutshell. Low grade depression all the time until I have an episode where I slide down the spiral rapidly to the point where all I want to do is sleep and can barely function. I'm sorry you feel this way too; hopefully it helps to know you're not alone.

Yeah, mine is moderate most of the time (I'm diagnosed with "moderate depressive episode" though I really don't get how 10 years is an episode). How do you deal with the "depression attacks" and the longer episodes?

[AnnaBegins]

Originally Posted by neutrino

Yeah, mine is moderate most of the time (I'm diagnosed with "moderate depressive episode" though I really don't get how 10 years is an episode). How do you deal with the "depression attacks" and the longer episodes?

Not as well as I'd like...I'm going through an episode now and I'm having a hard time functioning. My last visit to my t was mostly me staring out the window and trying not to cry and then sobbing hysterically in my car after I left.

Sometimes I try to find what I call "little kid stuff" to do to help make myself feel a little better. Like making a million calorie hot fudge sundae with crazy toppings (I have a serious sweet tooth). Or rolling around on the grass with my dog. Or coloring. I dunno - maybe it reminds me of a simpler time when I felt safer.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by AnnaBegins

Not as well as I'd like...I'm going through an episode now and I'm having a hard time functioning. My last visit to my t was mostly me staring out the window and trying not to cry and then sobbing hysterically in my car after I left.

I don't know why but I never really manage to show what I really feel when I see my therapist. I wish he could see how depressed I am. Perhaps he'd understand how serious this is if he could see it.

Anyway, I really hope you'll feel better soon. We have to try to get through this, ok?

Originally Posted by neutrino

No, I don't think I could do that. He'd probably read it but I don't know how to gather enough courage to hand it to him. What if he gets angry? What if he gets disappointed? What if he thinks I'm silly? What if he doesn't understand?

Thanks again.

Something I've learnt on these boards is the concept of "20 seconds of courage". We don't need to be brave for 45 minutes straight - all it takes is 20 seconds to say "I have written something down and I would like you to read it", and then trust your therapist to take it from there.

That's what's so hard, though. The trusting.

Maybe a CBT T isn't what you are looking for? I went to a CBT T once and I prefer phycodynamic. Wother has a point, not all T's are a good fit for everyone. Sometimes people just need to talk and get it all out before they are ready to learn ways to deal with things.

[AnnaBegins]

Originally Posted by neutrino

I don't know why but I never really manage to show what I really feel when I see my therapist. I wish he could see how depressed I am. Perhaps he'd understand how serious this is if he could see it.

I have a really hard time crying in front of anyone...I had it beaten into me that only bad girls cry and that no one will like me if I cry in front of them. So in most of my sessions with my t, I feel myself on the edge of crying and I start to panic. Rest of the session is useless after that because I'm obsessing about forcing myself to hold it all in and causing myself physical pain to stop the tears. Then, after I leave, I break down in the car. I know this is not healthy, but I don't feel a level of trust and bonding with my t that would allow me to talk to him about this, let alone break down in front of him.

Originally Posted by neutrino

Anyway, I really hope you'll feel better soon. We have to try to get through this, ok?

I think we can - perhaps we are both stronger than we believe ourselves to be.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Maybe a CBT T isn't what you are looking for? I went to a CBT T once and I prefer phycodynamic. Wother has a point, not all T's are a good fit for everyone. Sometimes people just need to talk and get it all out before they are ready to learn ways to deal with things.

I think I'll try to stay with the CBT therapist for the rest of my 20 sessions (13 to go). If I've understood it correctly there will be some sort of evaluation after that (both with my therapist and with the psychologist who referred me). If I feel like nothing's changed then I'll ask if I can try psychodynamic therapy or something. Not sure what else to do.

Originally Posted by AnnaBegins

I have a really hard time crying in front of anyone...I had it beaten into me that only bad girls cry and that no one will like me if I cry in front of them. So in most of my sessions with my t, I feel myself on the edge of crying and I start to panic. Rest of the session is useless after that because I'm obsessing about forcing myself to hold it all in and causing myself physical pain to stop the tears. Then, after I leave, I break down in the car. I know this is not healthy, but I don't feel a level of trust and bonding with my t that would allow me to talk to him about this, let alone break down in front of him.

It sucks that you feel that way. I can relate though. Even though it wasn't "beaten into me that only bad girls cry" I still don't cry in front of others (I think it has to do with my social anxiety). How does your therapist react in those situations? I mean, he/she must notice that you're not doing too well, right?

[AnnaBegins]

Originally Posted by neutrino

It sucks that you feel that way. I can relate though. Even though it wasn't "beaten into me that only bad girls cry" I still don't cry in front of others (I think it has to do with my social anxiety). How does your therapist react in those situations? I mean, he/she must notice that you're not doing too well, right?

He doesn't do anything. And by that I really mean nothing, nada, zip, zilch. He doesn't offer me a tissue, doesn't move closer, doesn't take my hand, offer a hug...nothing. If, despite my best efforts, a few tears leak out and/or my voice breaks, he might stop talking as if he's giving me a few moments to pull myself together but that's it.

He's actually reinforcing my beliefs that crying in front of people is bad, although I don't think that's his intent. When he does nothing, it makes me feel like he is disgusted with me, that all he wants is this useless fat lump of **** to get out of his office and never come back. I understand that he needs to establish boundaries and that the last thing either of us want is transference, but...I just wish that he cared about me enough as a person - not a family member, not a close friend, not anyone he thinks about in a romantic way but simply as a person he has gotten to know and does not want to see in this much pain - to offer some sort of comfort and/or support.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by AnnaBegins

He doesn't do anything. And by that I really mean nothing, nada, zip, zilch. He doesn't offer me a tissue, doesn't move closer, doesn't take my hand, offer a hug...nothing. If, despite my best efforts, a few tears leak out and/or my voice breaks, he might stop talking as if he's giving me a few moments to pull myself together but that's it.

He's actually reinforcing my beliefs that crying in front of people is bad, although I don't think that's his intent. When he does nothing, it makes me feel like he is disgusted with me, that all he wants is this useless fat lump of **** to get out of his office and never come back. I understand that he needs to establish boundaries and that the last thing either of us want is transference, but...I just wish that he cared about me enough as a person - not a family member, not a close friend, not anyone he thinks about in a romantic way but simply as a person he has gotten to know and does not want to see in this much pain - to offer some sort of comfort and/or support.

Sorry he makes you feel that way. Doesn't sound great. I would be upset as well if my therapist didn't do or say anything if I cried or panicked or something (it hasn't happened yet so I don't know how he reacts). Is he a good therapist apart from that? Do you think you'll be able to talk to him about this in the future? Also, what exactly is transference? I'm new to this.

[AnnaBegins]

Originally Posted by neutrino

Sorry he makes you feel that way. Doesn't sound great. I would be upset as well if my therapist didn't do or say anything if I cried or panicked or something (it hasn't happened yet so I don't know how he reacts). Is he a good therapist apart from that? Do you think you'll be able to talk to him about this in the future? Also, what exactly is transference? I'm new to this.

I grabbed some help from wiki since they have a better definition than I can express:

"In a therapy context, transference refers to redirection of a patient's feelings for a significant person to the therapist. Transference is often manifested as an erotic attraction towards a therapist, but can be seen in many other forms such as rage, hatred, mistrust, parentification, extreme dependence, or even placing the therapist in a god-like or guru status."

The way I would define it, transference to me would be me falling in love with my T or expecting him to take the place of my father. Neither scenario would be good for either of us.

I'm trying to write him a letter today expressing all of this but I'm not sure when I'll be seeing him again. I had to cancel my upcoming session with him because I can't take any more time off work right now and the next week is one I usually skip because my responsibilities at work require me to work a tremendous amount of overtime once a month. Even if/when I do see him again, I dunno if I'll have the courage to give him the letter. I'm too afraid he'll laugh at me or tell me I'm being silly or have no reaction at all other than thanking me for being honest. I also feel like asking my T to care about me as a person is pathetic...what kind of horrible being has to ask for something like that?

[Favorite Jeans]

Can you ask your therapist to break down your work into smaller more manageable bites? When I read your first post I felt overwhelmed at the thought of trying to apply new skills to every feeling and situation after only 4 sessions. (Maybe that's not what your T intended but that's what I took away from your post.)
It sounds like you're aching to be listened to. I'm not sure how you can get that patient non-judgemental listening while simultaneously being coached to retrain your thoughts and actions. (Because you're being judged on how well you're applying your new CBT skills.)
I'm not the hugest fan of CBT for myself but I appreciate miswimmy's perspective about it and definitely see a role for it in targeting certain symptoms. I'm not sure you can have it both ways though. At least not in 20 sessions.
What is your priority? Can you try out your CBT skills to manage one type of compulsion that you choose to target? Can you set aside a part of each session just to be heard and have your T promise not to jump in and tell you how to CBT your feelings away? Maybe?

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by AnnaBegins

I grabbed some help from wiki since they have a better definition than I can express:

"In a therapy context, transference refers to redirection of a patient's feelings for a significant person to the therapist. Transference is often manifested as an erotic attraction towards a therapist, but can be seen in many other forms such as rage, hatred, mistrust, parentification, extreme dependence, or even placing the therapist in a god-like or guru status."

The way I would define it, transference to me would be me falling in love with my T or expecting him to take the place of my father. Neither scenario would be good for either of us.

I'm trying to write him a letter today expressing all of this but I'm not sure when I'll be seeing him again. I had to cancel my upcoming session with him because I can't take any more time off work right now and the next week is one I usually skip because my responsibilities at work require me to work a tremendous amount of overtime once a month. Even if/when I do see him again, I dunno if I'll have the courage to give him the letter. I'm too afraid he'll laugh at me or tell me I'm being silly or have no reaction at all other than thanking me for being honest. I also feel like asking my T to care about me as a person is pathetic...what kind of horrible being has to ask for something like that?

Ok, thanks for explaining. How do you know it's transference though? I mean, what if you actually develop romantic/erotic feelings for your therapist? How do you know if that's transference?

Good on you for writing a letter. I find writing much easier than talking though it's really scary to hand in what you've written. I wish I could give you some sort of advice but I don't really feel like I'm qualified to do so as I find similar situations difficult myself. I really hope it works out for you though!

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Can you ask your therapist to break down your work into smaller more manageable bites? When I read your first post I felt overwhelmed at the thought of trying to apply new skills to every feeling and situation after only 4 sessions. (Maybe that's not what your T intended but that's what I took away from your post.)
It sounds like you're aching to be listened to. I'm not sure how you can get that patient non-judgemental listening while simultaneously being coached to retrain your thoughts and actions. (Because you're being judged on how well you're applying your new CBT skills.)
I'm not the hugest fan of CBT for myself but I appreciate miswimmy's perspective about it and definitely see a role for it in targeting certain symptoms. I'm not sure you can have it both ways though. At least not in 20 sessions.
What is your priority? Can you try out your CBT skills to manage one type of compulsion that you choose to target? Can you set aside a part of each session just to be heard and have your T promise not to jump in and tell you how to CBT your feelings away? Maybe?

I think he said he actually wanted to start working on my social anxiety since that causes a huge amount of problems for me at university (and in life in general). Last session he started talking about compulsions as well though so I'm not sure what he intended. Just before leaving the last session he said something like "neutrino, I think that on your way home you should walk by the woman playing the guitar on the street and give her a small amount of money in front of the other people. Then you should step on all manholes [or whatever they're called in English] with one foot and go to the store and buy that notebook you need. However, take the first/top notebook. Not the second or third one. The first one [I never take the first or top of anything I buy]." All I could think was "no no no no no, that'll result in everything feeling wrong" and then I left without stepping on the threshold as I walked out the door.

You're right. I'm aching to be listened to. No one has ever really taken the time to really listen to me and the things going on inside my head. No one has ever taken the time to understand me. I've never felt understood and I've always felt so different. Would a psychodynamic therapist listen to me more than a CBT therapist? I know I need to deal with my fears eventually but I don't know if now is the right time. I definitely need help now, I just don't know if CBT is right for me at this precise moment in time.

[Favorite Jeans]

Would a psychodynamic therapist listen to me more than a CBT therapist?

Yes.