Couch 208: The Practical Couch

Nov 26, 2019, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I actually have it saved on my computer screen on one of my many sticky notes in the corner.

These are the others:

"It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane"

Sketchy videos link.

Not everyone will agree with me but this my own personal opinion and a post I sent to M&S on one of their social media pages.

Possible trigger:

The new policy allows men into women's changing areas using a 'comfortable' criterion, rather than a criterion laid down in the Equality Act 2010. There's a reason mixed sex hospital wards were phased out by the NHS.

For a company that has reported showing a 17% decline in pre-tax profits and is already closing 120 full-line stores- I doubt they would be hiring extra staff just to provide this protection for it's customers or staff, which tend to be mainly students or older women. Staff might be told by management to confront people- but I doubt anyone would have the courage to confront a largely built male. Men do not belong in women's changing areas full stop.

The count of Monte cristo audiobook = where I stopped 1.27.19

Thank you for contacting M&S regarding this issue. It is disgusting that women only spaces and single sex services are being eroded in order that men and male bodies are centred. It is insidious. It is thoroughly depressing that women's rights which were hard fought for, and won, by feminists decades ago are now being wiped out. Women matter and our spaces are important.

NP_Complete · Nov 26, 2019, 10:42 AM

I feel kind of sick this morning. How did I manage to ruin a perfectly good (at least I thought so) therapeutic relationship? I really don't know which aspect of my personality is "the ruiner". Did I really deserve that email? One of my identified problems is feeling like I have to keep my feelings to myself, and I thought he'd reassured me that I could share my feelings. Apparently I was right all along. If you're hurt, better keep that **** to yourself. Was the feeling itself wrong? I was looking forward to seeing him today. Is it wrong to feel hurt that he cancelled? I didn't take it as a personal affront, but it still hurt. I took the defensive email as a personal affront. I want to go back and reread what I said to him to get that kind of response, but I don't even want to look at that correspondence at all.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 26, 2019, 10:53 AM

Hugs, NP, please try not to put all the blame on yourself. I know it's hard--I blamed myself for a long time for ruining the relationship with ex-MC, like, "If only I hadn't sent that 'I love you' email, everything would have been OK." But it wasn't that simple. And I felt like I'd ruined things with Dr. T once or twice as well. I imagine you're a lot like me, in that you tend to blame yourself for things rather than other people. That you think it's all your fault. I know I tend to be a people pleaser, and the thought of someone being upset or angry at me was always terrifying, as I was sure it would lead to abandonment--Dr. T has helped me a bit with that, but it's a long process to change those sorts of thought patterns.

Your T's harsher reply may have been partly because he's away and is more in "vacation mode" rather than "T mode." A couple of the emails from Dr. T that have upset me the most have been when he's been out of town. Where it just didn't sound like *him*. And I realized he's probably just in a different mindset when away. Things can also sound much harsher over email than in person--it can be easy to read them with the worst possible tone. I don't think your relationship with your T is ruined--this could be partly that he feels bad for offering you a session, then taking it away, and he thought a phone call would be an acceptable solution. And he feels bad for hurting you, and it's coming out as defensiveness.

I hope you can work through all of this with your T...

unaluna · Nov 26, 2019, 11:40 AM

If youre allowed to feel hurt, isnt he allowed to feel hurt? With the phone call session, he is offering you an opportunity to not just take your balls and go home. Imo, that is what is "ruining" the relationship. Imo, its not really ruining it, its just deferring the cure to a later time. If youre not ready to talk on the phone to him now, well youre just not ready. No biggie. "Leap and the net will appear." No leap, no net. Your choice.

NP_Complete · Nov 26, 2019, 12:47 PM

I was in the middle of trying to respond to his email from last night when he sent me another one:
How about having that chat today? I think it’ll be good for you. And I promise I’m not mad and you’re not in trouble. I just don’t want you to be suffering completely alone when you feel like therapy has been deteriorating.

I've responded that I'm willing to talk. I doesn't sound like he completely hates me yet.

atisketatasket · Nov 26, 2019, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

If youre allowed to feel hurt, isnt he allowed to feel hurt? With the phone call session, he is offering you an opportunity to not just take your balls and go home. Imo, that is what is "ruining" the relationship. Imo, its not really ruining it, its just deferring the cure to a later time. If youre not ready to talk on the phone to him now, well youre just not ready. No biggie. "Leap and the net will appear." No leap, no net. Your choice.

The therapist can feel as hurt as he likes. But imo he has no right to burden the client with it. He can get his own damn therapist for that.

ETA: maybe you’re available?

Nov 26, 2019, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

My group are doing another group dinner, where you each have to make and bring something. I said I would make water and coke.

I once brought cake to a potluck. It was a hit

chihirochild · Nov 26, 2019, 01:41 PM

NP, I'm glad your therapist emailed. It sounds like he wants things to be okay and is wiling to work to make that happen (even if he was, imho, insensitive in his earlier email to you).

Lemon, there is no shame in bringing beverages to parties--I brought eggnog to a Thanksgiving party last night and felt completely fine about it.

Ended up finding lots to talk about in session. I've got to give my T credit, he knows how to move towards areas of difficulty and tension. Kind of like a massage therapist... except massages usually feel relaxing lol.

SlumberKitty · Nov 26, 2019, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I'm sorry you're in a bad place right now kit.

Well done for telling your truth and asking for extra help.

Are you at work now?

Thanks Lemoncake. Yeah, I'm at work now. I'm kind of bored at the moment which doesn't help my mood, but I'm hoping things get better.

SlumberKitty · Nov 26, 2019, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

Therapist was initially going to be gone this week. Then he said he might work one day this week. He sent an email yesterday and we scheduled for tomorrow. He emails me tonight that he's about a 3 hour drive away and although he was planning on driving back tomorrow to work a day, they're predicting snow where he is and only 3 clients wanted to meet so he's now not coming. He asked if I wanted a call. I was having some feelings and responded that I didn't want a call, that the timing was poor because it's hard to work through whatever's gone wrong in my head re: our relationship when he's not here (he cancelled once last week after some rupturey stuff recently) and that although I was hurt, I sincerely hoped he had a good holiday week.

He responds that he's feeling defensive, that I have no basis for feeling hurt, he's gone above and beyond what a therapist should be expected to do for a client, that he was primarily coming back to town because of me because we only met twice last week and he knows that is hard for me. He claims, despite saying all this, that he's not mad at me. I'm having trouble believing that claim. I'm having trouble with a lot of what he said. I never would have asked or expected him to drive back to town to meet with me this week. I told him it would have been easier for him to just say he was taking the week off than schedule something and be flaky (his words). He sounds completely fed up with me, which is something I've been fearing for a long time. He also said this: "So I am suggesting that instead of being hurt and pulling away, why not accept the support I’m offering and talk to me tomorrow?" That sounds reasonable, but I'm not particularly feeling like talking on the phone with him at this point. If I refuse a phone call, I'm being unreasonable or something. I have no idea what to do at this point.

@NP_Complete I don't think you are being unreasonable. I'm sorry your T had to cancel. It always seems to happen at the worst times, doesn't it? HUGS Kit

SlumberKitty · Nov 26, 2019, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I was in the middle of trying to respond to his email from last night when he sent me another one:
How about having that chat today? I think it’ll be good for you. And I promise I’m not mad and you’re not in trouble. I just don’t want you to be suffering completely alone when you feel like therapy has been deteriorating.

I've responded that I'm willing to talk. I doesn't sound like he completely hates me yet.

@NP_Complete this email sounds much better than the first one your T sent. I'm glad he reached out again. HUGS Kit

SlumberKitty · Nov 26, 2019, 01:52 PM

I was feeling so bad last night (sui thoughts) that I thought about going to the hospital. I didn't though. One I didn't really have a plan. I have a sort of stupid plan that I don't even think would work. But not a very concrete one. So I figured what would happen is that I would probably spend the night in the freezing ER just to get sent home again. And then if I did get admitted, I'd be there over Thanksgiving and that would just suck for me, for my parents, and I didn't want to mess that up. So I took extra xanax (but still within the prescribed range) and went to bed early. I'm not feeling great today. But I managed not to SH. One of the friends that I reached out to was very pleased for me that I didn't SH. Funny....I don't really care right now if I did or didn't. But I guess it's good that I didn't. Not sure how I am going to get through today. But I'm having communion tonight and maybe that will help my mind reset. HUGS to all, Kit

atisketatasket · Nov 26, 2019, 02:05 PM

Spotted on Twitter:

“True story: came in with a cold one day and my therapist handed me some tissues, at which point I noticed he had boxes of them all over his office.

"Do you get a lot of colds?"

Therapist looked at me strangely. "It really never occurred to you anyone would cry in here, did it?"

stopdog · 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

If youre allowed to feel hurt, isnt he allowed to feel hurt? With the phone call session, he is offering you an opportunity to not just take your balls and go home. Imo, that is what is "ruining" the relationship. Imo, its not really ruining it, its just deferring the cure to a later time. If youre not ready to talk on the phone to him now, well youre just not ready. No biggie. "Leap and the net will appear." No leap, no net. Your choice.

I completely disagree. That may be how it worked for you - and that is fine- but it is not universal and certainly nothing I hired a therapist for. The therapist's feelings had absolutely no place in any therapy I hired them for. I paid them to stay back and keep their feelings, if they had any which I doubt, to themselves to deal with on their on time. To me, this sort of blame the victim by other people who have been clients is like that thing where some people start identifying with the enemy.

There is a monty python reference for everything:

Oh what I wouldn't give to be spat at in the face....my idea of heaven is to be allowed to be placed in manacles just for a little time

SheHulk07 · 03:36 PM

H took off to drive I think or just to test his car in the snow. We got about a foot last night. I haven't heard from our caseworker regarding the visit today, so I cleaned my house just in case he still comes. I guess I'll find out in 20 minutes if he shows or not.

ETA: Guess H was right and the CPS caseworker didn't show today. I wonder if that means we won't have a visit this week since he'll have to call and reschedule.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 26, 2019, 02:47 PM

NP, I'm glad your T sent you another email. Maybe he realized how harsh the other one sounded. Hope your talk goes well.

chihirochild · Nov 26, 2019, 04:47 PM

I'm feeling melancholic. I'm not totally sure why.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 26, 2019, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

I'm feeling melancholic. I'm not totally sure why.

Could it be something holiday-related maybe?

chihirochild · Nov 26, 2019, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Could it be something holiday-related maybe?

I suppose it could. I'm just having Thanksgiving with my roommate and a friend of hers so that'll be low-stress. I'm working in the ICU over Christmas but I'll be going home to visit my parents when I have a week off in early December.

unaluna · Nov 26, 2019, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I completely disagree. That may be how it worked for you - and that is fine- but it is not universal and certainly nothing I hired a therapist for. The therapist's feelings had absolutely no place in any therapy I hired them for. I paid them to stay back and keep their feelings, if they had any which I doubt, to themselves to deal with on their on time. To me, this sort of blame the victim by other people who have been clients is like that thing where some people start identifying with the enemy.

Point taken. I only mentioned it because it reminded me very sharply of a turning point in my own therapy. I am not judging the intensity or sincerity of the ts feelings, only that NP and my situations were similar, where we were faced with a person (okay, a t!) who had objectively wronged us.

As a child and even as an adult, i was ostracized for similar behavior, and therefore my only reactions were to either ostracize others, or allow too much. Working with a t may give one the opportunity to develop effective boundaries.

SlumberKitty · Nov 26, 2019, 06:00 PM

Can't seem to get out of this depressed head space I'm in. I'm trying so hard but it is so heavy. I see T tomorrow. I don't know if it is even going to help. My head is telling me that no one cares, even though I know for a fact that isn't true. I'm afraid to reach out to friends IRL because I reached out to them yesterday. And one of them called me this morning to make sure I hadn't SH-ed which I didn't, and she was so relieved. I forget that other people think it's a big deal. TBH I don't know why I haven't SH-ed except maybe I don't want to have to explain it to Regular T or Pastor T. I'm struggling so much right now but I can't seem to get myself to feel a little bit better. Work is slow too which is not helping. And I don't want to talk to my coworker too much about my depression because then it makes me the employee that is a "freak" and I don't want to go there. But it's like I'm screaming on the inside but no one can hear. I don't know if I can even explain this to T tomorrow. I just want to walk in there and be like,

Possible trigger:

I want to die. What can we do to get me through this?

but realistically I don't see myself being that way. I'll probably slowly get around to it. Ugh. My brain hurts. It feels like my brain is trying to kill me. I so want to go home (I'm currently at work) and just sleep. But I have communion tonight and it's at my house (my Dad is an elder and so the two elders are hosting Thanksgiving communion tonight at their homes) so it's not like I can escape it. It might be good for me. But I really just want to go to bed until I have to get up for work in the morning. Even then I don't want to get up, but I have to. Sorry for whining. I just needed to get this off of my chest. HUGS Kit

unaluna · Nov 26, 2019, 06:07 PM

Good thing i dont keep very sharp knives. Then again, if the knife had been sharp, maybe this wouldnt have happened. I had the seedless half of an avocado this morning in a salad, then this afternoon i went to make avocado on rye, and as i whacked the seed with the knife, the knife bounced and durn near sliced off my thumb! I have another avocado for tomorrow and a head or two of celery. Also cherry tomatoes - i dont cut those!

atisketatasket · Nov 26, 2019, 06:16 PM

*stuffs mouth with cookies to avoid obvious snarky response*

unaluna · Nov 26, 2019, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

*stuffs mouth with cookies to avoid obvious snarky response*

Im lactose-intolerant, if thats what you were inferring!

WarmFuzzySocks · Nov 26, 2019, 06:52 PM

Ugh.

I just got home from the doctor because I had a little spot on my collarbone that wouldn't heal. He made the face. You know, the "yeah, sorry, not so good" face, which is the face they make when it's definitely not good news but it's mostly going to be a pain in the, well, literally a pain in the neck, I guess. (I totally didn't even plan that. Heh.)

He said it's almost certainly basal cell carcinoma, and the choices were for him to give me a referral to see the dermatologist, which takes 3-4 months, or for him to biopsy it right then and there, in which case they'll get me in to remove it next week. Kind of a no-brainer. He did hesitate over the bandaids before passing over the plain ones in favor of a bright pink one. So, a tiny win.

Also, still not divorced, and have a meeting with my attorney next week. I keep thinking I am not sure how much more I can handle, and then I just keep not melting into a puddle of goo. So there's that, I guess.

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