Couch 238: Appreciating Small Progress Couch

It doesnt automatically mean that she's going on holiday, just cause she sent a photo last time of her having a nice time, only time that a 4am text would not be something serious i think, is if the text got caught somewhere cause of the signal

Right. It could be an emergency, but my T is rather unusual. She texts me at 11:30 PM and 4 AM and all sorts of weird times. I hope it isn't an emergency but I think she would have said if it was. I'll be okay in a couple of hours and then I will be able to respond to her in a loving way. Right now I'm hurt because I feel abandoned--whether or not that is the facts that is how I feel--so I am honoring that and sitting with that. Kind of a hard time for her to be away with me dealing with a lot of anxiety and what she calls psychosis symptoms but that's my problem, not hers. Kit

Hugs, Kit, I definitely understand your feeling hurt/abandoned. It would be one thing if it were some sort of emergency or illness, but it sounds like she just decided to travel? Plus didn't she recently have to cancel and reschedule you do to having Covid? It just seems very disruptive.


I think you could say that you're disappointed, then maybe at your next session talk about the feelings of abandonment from it?

Hi LT,

Yes, she had to reschedule me last week due to having Covid. So back to back reschedulings is not great but I'm sure I will manage. I suck at telling someone when I am disappointed or something by a decision they made so I don't know if I will tell her. I will try to, but I might end up feeling bad about it, which will make me feel bad about myself and then might end with some negative/harmful actions to myself. So we'll see.

It kind of sucks going from the "high" of telling her I love her and her saying it back, to this low of feeling abandoned. But again, that's my problem, not hers. I will have to sort it.

I also don't have aftercare this week or next because two of my sister's children are staying with us and I cannot guarantee I will have total privacy for the session which is a requirement. So I am kind of lost as to getting support for this week, anyway.

HUGS Kit

That sucks, Kit. I know it will be hard, but I hope you can tell her that you felt a little hurt or sad, or whatever it is you are feeling.

I just did this with my trauma T. Told her I was sad because we have to miss a session next week. The shame and vulnerability are off the charts. I still am waiting for a response from her. Well I hope I get one, bc waiting two weeks with this terrible anxiety might do me in.

Also: mini-couch advice, maybe?

I have a “ regular” talk T that I’ve been seeing for 7 years. We have a good, solid relationship, and she has gotten me through a lot. I don’t think there is a ton of transference on my end. I really like her, but she had off last week and it didn’t bother me much.

I am not sure if it was because I still had trauma therapy, or I’m not as attached.

Now, with my trauma T, I feel like I am WAY too attached. We’ve been working consistently together for almost a year, but I’ve seen her on and off in the years I went to the crisis center, as she was a T there.

I feel guilty that I don’t feel the same way towards talk T. I guess it would be really terrible if I felt so attached to both.

What do you think makes the attachment different with these T’s? Obviously they are different people and do therapy differently, but I am more avoidant/fearful in my attachments, so this strong attachment to trauma T scares the living daylights out of me.

I feel like she just got a tiny glimpse in my emails I’ve written her in the last couple of days. Thoughts?

I don't really have any thoughts on your query velcro003 and I've been thinking about it. I know having a strong attachment to a T can be very scary but I don't know why it might be that you have very different reactions to your T's. I do hope that your T gets back to you in response and that it is comforting and helpful. HUGS Kit

I am a little annoyed that my T did not respond to my text (yet). I did end up telling her that I was disappointed that we would not talk tonight. I also told her to Enjoy Las Vegas. Both things are true. I hope she has a good time and I am disappointed that we are not talking. I did send her my copay anyway so I can text or email if needed. I'd kind of like to update her after my Pdoc appointment on Thursday. She'll probably respond at 2 AM or some other ridiculous time but hopefully she does respond at some point.

I've been working on a situation at work all day with no resolution. It's something for a customer. They want to pay us with ACH/EFT but it's this weird platform that doesn't seem to be supported by anything. There's no contact numbers, support numbers, emails, anything. I have been calling my bank to get help because they are a partner of the company but they can't help. My banking relationship manager can't help. I've been talking to the customer to see if they can provide me any customer service numbers or put me in touch with their banking relationship manager, or something. I can't seem to get our company registered on this site. I probably talked to 11 people at my bank plus the relationship manager. And called at least 8 different phone numbers. I have emailed the bank. Waiting on a reply. I finally got a response from the customer saying she was forwarding my email to her boss so maybe we will get somewhere. I was so frustrated that my coworker went and bought me a coffee because she was like, I never see you get this way. I'm like I can't believe there is no way to contact this company. Makes me very wary. But my customer assures me the letter they sent me is legit. I don't know. It just isn't coming together. I can't believe something that should have taken 10 minutes has taken literally 7 hours. I suppose if I can't get registered on this site, they will just have to pay the old fashioned way and send me a hard check. Weird thing is we have the same bank and we don't use this platform to pay our suppliers with ACH/EFT. So I wonder why they are doing this? It looks like so much more work than it needs to be. Certainly turned out to be much more work than it needed to be for me!

Hi sorry my mind is playing tricks on me lately. Could anyone confirm if there was a thread on the forum about how people get attached to their T yesterday? I don't know if it got removed or if I'm imagining things...would just help my head to know 😬

I was wondering the same--I'm assuming it got deleted. Perhaps the person who posted the thread asked an administrator to delete it? They did make some comment in it like, "I guess I shouldn't come here then" (in reference to the forums when looking for people being nice), so maybe they left?

Well, it looks like I've lost all my doctors. Even the new psychiatric nurse. All because I moved.

Thanks Kit ♥️
That would be embarrassing! I don’t remember seeing a thread like that.
Awww, so sorry Scarlet. A big reason I would never want to move is that I can’t lose my providers.

I'm so sorry, Scarlet....

I'm not sure how to explain it. I was never that attached to ex-T, who I saw for 6 years. With her, I was like, "OK, I want to try someone new" and was able to walk away, basically without looking back (I emailed her once, but it was more because I felt bad for just being like, "OK, peace!" at the end of a session--the guilt, like you mention).

Of course I was very attached to ex-MC. He met a particular need for me, and he was so accepting of everything I said or did for so long (until he wasn't...). Dr. T is very different from ex-MC, but I'm quite attached to him as well. It feels different though, but I'm not sure how to explain it (and I'm dealing with his current vacation pretty well, though maybe in part because I'm seeing his backup?).

I know, an obvious common denominator here is that they are both male T's who are somewhat older than me (ex-MC 12 years, Dr. T 7 years), but I've seen a couple (older) male T's in the past and not gotten attached, though they were for much shorter time frames. (Also a female T for a year, to whom I didn't get particularly attached.)

Anyway, I'm rambling. I guess I'm not sure what exactly makes someone attach to one T and not another. I also think it may be a case of timing and where a client is in their therapy and their life in terms of attachment. Like maybe if I'd seen Dr. T 10 years ago, I wouldn't have become attached (I imagine I still would have with ex-MC).

There's probably just something about your trauma T that leads you to feel more attached. It may not be something you can consciously identify. Maybe she reminds you of someone from your past, like even something random like her eye color or the way she gestures when talking. Or it's just something about her that speaks to you in a way that your regular T does not. In other words, you might not be able to put your finger on the reason.

Also, I hope you hear back from her soon, if you haven't already.

Thanks, LT. Yeah I can't really identify it, because my talk T is awesome. She really is. I am attached to her in a way, for sure...but I am not sure I'd be extremely sad if we had to stop sessions. This makes me feel SO bad! But if my sessions with trauma T had to end, I'd be pretty upset.

I still haven't heard from her

I am telling myself there are many rational reasons why she hasn't responded yet. Last time it was because she had a migraine for 3 days (ugh, that sounds horrible). One time it was because her vacation went longer than planned. 95% of the time she is pretty timely in her responses. She hasn't responded to a few emails, but those weren't really anything but information giving. It could wait until next session. I feel like this is different, but if I have to wait until next Friday to deal with it, I might lose my mind a bit.

I actually went back and added the & so it didn't look like it was you

I tend to answer emails between those times as well. I'm just a night person and it's easier for me to do it then

I really like how my endocrinologist clinic has a nifty thing for blood draws. They just need one needle for the patient, and can fill different vials with that. I needed 7 vials drawn. They're also colour coded according to the tests needed.

Wait, is that not how it's normally done there? Like do they normally use a different needle per vial? They use a similar system here, one needle, different colored vials. Not sure I could deal if I had to be stuck a bunch of times!


Hope all is well with your results.

Finally finished going through loosely-boxed old letters and photos.

The very last thing in the very last box was the telegram that my grandfather sent my grandmother to let her know he was on the way home from World War II.

Yup, normally it's 1 needle per vial at other places, including in hospitals. I asked the person who took my blood. No idea why though.

Omg I'm sorry Scarlet.

Velcro, I once had someone say I'm too attached to my providers and avoiding moving due to that. I felt awful, because she meant it disparagingly.

(It also was way more complicated than she knew, not that I owe her an explanation.)

I'm fortunate that I'll still see my T (just switch to virtual) when I move. I don't want a Norwegian therapist (no offence to my fiancé's nationality hehe) even if I could find one.

T and I use a variety of languages / dialects in our therapy, and they don't translate easily. Plus cultural stuff that's important and difficult to explain to even my fiancé.

Aw, Scarlet, I am so sorry! That is such a tough situation to be in. I hope you can find new providers that will be awesome! I know it is such a tough thing to go through though and I'm thinking of you. Kit

Yeah, T is a night person as well. She stays up until 2 AM or something and then usually gets up at 11 AM. I get up at 4 AM and go to bed at 8 PM so we are opposites. (I refrained from putting an exclamation mark after that sentence, just for you, stopdog.)

Wow, 7 vials! That sounds like a lot. I usually get three drawn when I get blood work done.