hey people...

how might i be able to secure the attention of a man i wish to notice me?

Hey, tessaone. You don't say where you know this man--work, a neighbor, etc. I think the main thing is to get around him. Not pushy, but maybe strike up an innocent conversation. You might need to do this a few times to see if he responds and truly seems interested in you. If things seem to click, then maybe ask him if he would like to grab a bite of lunch or a cup of coffee or some such. (Not at night, unless he asks, because that is generally considered a date.) Then go from there.....

Anybody else have some ideas?

hey tessaone, i'll see if i can't help you out on this one. as a guy i can tell you that we are very visual creatures, soooo with that being said, one of the best things you can do to gain a man's attention is to be dressed very nicely.

a well dressed woman with a great smelling perfume can be downright intoxicating for us guys...the perfume is a must...don't be cheap either..a good perfume is well worth the cost.

so being nicely dressed( no jogging pants, please!..THIS IS A MAJOR TURN OFF FOR MOST GUYS) shows that you care about your appearance, that alone will grab the object of your desire's attention along with a great smelling perfume and you have formed a combination that is tough to beat!

so without knowing much about the guy, this is a general guideline for starters, a template if you will..so start from there and see if you can get some eye contact and go from there! good luck & go for it!

"so being nicely dressed( no jogging pants, please!..THIS IS A MAJOR TURN OFF FOR MOST GUYS)"

very much would like to point out you can't generalize what guys like this way or say "most" would like or be turned off by... This is not about the being nicely dressed, also somewhat subjective but true.

That being said, as a guy.. I will say that jogging pants are definitely not a turn off by any means as I look more to the girl in question and her personality, way she carries herself and such.

For me perfume is somewhat of a turn off. Unless I'm already with a girl that I love or like, what she smells like if it's strong enough is going to make me think she's doing something to "attract" males and I'd rather find a woman that just goes about her day and does waht she does.

What am I saying? Be confident, do go out of your way to catch his attention but not to the expense of waht you truly are. If you wear perfume typically, by all means continue to do that, but also if you like jogging pants, don't make yourself go out ofyour way wearing untypical clothing to avoid something that might be a turn off. Fact is, you want a guy who is attracted and interested in what you are not waht you pretend to be.

BE YOURSELF. I can't emphasize that enough. I would be very disappointed to find that i was attracted to a girl that wore this or that and did things some way to attract me to find that when her true colors came out she was nothing like what I was attracted to. This is dangerous.

What you can do. I am an introvert and do not approach women. If you're the type to do so, one thing that works for me, is if a woman is forward enough to show me attention, look, say hi, talk to me. Doesn't mean you come onto him but that you break the ice. I can only speak from experience for myself. Again, show interest in a way that makes it clear you're paying attention, even if not talking to him first, pay attention and be friendly. If he's a guy that shows up often, do this consistently and he will notice. You can't control if he approaches but i guarantee he'll notice that you're doing such things.

If he shows interest back and you can do this, approach him. just casually make conversation at that point. Go from there.

It matters very little what you look like, as long as you appear confident, interested and are PAYING ATTENTION to him.

If I may offer a male opinion. Talk to him. Honestly it is that simple. Somehow women are under the impression that if they are interested in a guy they need to figure out how to get him to notice them and make the first move. The most blown away I have ever been is when a woman makes the first move. If he is really attractive then you'll be ahead of the game while all the other women are still busy playing the "look at me" game

Making the first move isn't easy for anybody but if you're attracted to him then go for it.

In my oppinion it is all in your confidence. A womam can dress to the T for a date and not carry herself well. I have nothing but guy friends and they at one time have all said confidence is the most attractive trait a woman csn have. Appearance is important in the beginning of a relationship. Not dressing up in drezses and what not, but having a clean kept appearance or if ur just slumming it arpund the house watchimg movies by all means bust out the sweats. Always be yourself though. Its easy to agree with things you know they like but if it isnt who you are inside than you really can't fake that forever. Plus you dont want to build up this person you think they would want if indeed that is mot you. Thats not fair to either of you. You want him to fall in love with you and who you are not who you want to be. Men arent hard to please really. Communication is hard gor a lot of them so I think sometimes you have to pull them out of their shell. Talk about life and your interests and your dreams or plans you have for you yourself. I believe men like women who know what they want and can express it and go after it. Also, a good sense of humor and you have to be able to laugh at yourself with them if something embarrassing happens. They dont like uptight. Most importantly though I believe its the comfort factor. When you find someone I think its important to be comfortable in any setting when you are together. My ex told me his problem with the women he has been dating is that if there is silence its awkward. When we were together we were both fine in silence it wasnt awkward but comforting to know we had each other and could sit in a quiet room together completely comfortable. I could keep going and going but these are things I have heard from mens mouths.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

Just don't do what one of my exes did, ... she stole my phone when I wasn't looking, and put her number in it. *cringe* Creepy. Funny thing is, I never knew that she did that.

i can understand your point of view, but as me being a guy myself & having a lot of guy friends...the majority of us care not for a girl just throws on a pair of jogging pants on a regular basis...everyone is different..this is true, for me and most of the guys i know/associate with/hang around..we appreciate a well dressed woman.

some guys wouldn't care if a woman wore a monkey suit as long as she is female..myself..a little more picky than that. so unfortunately in the world we live in, the way you carry yourself GENERALLY will determine the type of people you wish to attract, IMHO if you wish to attract a higher quality type of guy, well....jogging pants aren't gonna do it, i would advise to step it up a bit.

but again keep in mind the OP is asking what to do to attract a guy/guy they are interested in, with this being said i feel it is safe to ASSUME (i could be wrong) that the OP previous methods are not effective/ or not confident in those methods.

again, some guys don't care what you wear...but also some guys you don't want to attract, i find it hard to believe that you wouldn't be more attracted to a well dressed woman vs one who looked like she just got out of bed.

i can see your point /concern about "pretending' to be what you are not...IMHO most women do have a wardrobe with more than one type of clothing, so i don't feel so much that it is a case of false pretenses vs dressing for the occasion.

myself i am an extrovert, in my days i have met many women & have learned a lot from them, the flip applies to us guys..i wouldn't try to get a woman's attention wearing a "wife beater"(for lack of a better term) and jogging pants..i would expect not to get the time of day..it's about dressing for success and increasing the odds..this is why they make make up for women and suits for men, doesn't mean that's not who you really are..just an enhancement.

IMHO this will get you "in the door" so to speak..after that conversation & time together people really get to know you. all i am saying is to increase your odds and give yourself a fighting chance.

to say it matters very little what you look like is hard for me to swallow hearing you say this, from guy to guy i must respectfully disagree..it is very true that we gentlemen are VISUAL creatures, looks is one of the first things that get our attention, i'm sorry if a gal looks like crap no way is she getting the time of day from me..i care about my appearance and she should too.

now you may not agree with me and that's fine we all are entitled to our own opinions...to widen your net of opportunity, you really need to make the BEST impression possible to me it's just common sense.

How good is your posture? How, us women, carry ourselves, can grab attention. There needs to be a bit of mystery. A bit of, I attended to myself, physically, mentally, etc. Approachable, most certainly. A bit of coyness. A sense, that you are pleasant to be around. And, a hint of scent, does go a long way. I, do, spend a little extra in the perfume department.

Pray tell, where might this fella, who's attention you desire, be?

Edit, jogging pants, in a coffee shop, can be pulled off, if one fills them properly. ..
Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

Err...

Have a conversation with him?

I mentioned posture, because, it was actually male feedback, all the way back to my teens. Right before sent to my mom's to live, this boy who developed feelings for me, gave me this feedback. What he really liked about me, was how I wasn't afraid to stand up straight, tall, like so many tall girls would.
Then, when I moved here, some of the guys expressed, it looked like I just walked on water, how I'd glide through a room. Hence, my sense, posture is huge for men...

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

Every guy I've dated, without fail, has been totally into me while I was wearing my usual- hoodie, jeans, sneakers. I've never attracted someone wearing anything particularly special.

This is not exclusive to one "type" really either.
I agree with the comments you make about how one carries themselves, absolutely.

My mother raised me though, that if you walk right and carry yourself well? You can make a burlap sack look good.

And re: "quality gentlemen". If they won't even talk to me because I'm wearing sweats or jeans, or no makeup, or whatever their particular "no, because" is?

I don't really consider that very high quality anything.

But I am not a you, t2s, looking for a gentleman.
I am a female, NOT currently in need of one.


PS: Also, my guy friends? The ones who've never gotten sleazy, who I could trust to take care of me if i needed them, who I could definitely feel comfortable oking for a date with any of my girlfriends? WHo are smart and warm and compassionate and funny and generally awesome?

...they would pretty much agree with what I'm saying too.

There's no one size fits all, as was suggested earlier in the thread. It depends what you are looking for.

Even, what "quality" is for each individual.

I have to also say- if someone is doing something just to be flashy, it's a complete turn off. The peacock thing doesn't work. you can tell when it's not their usual.

If you expect women not to "give you the time of day" in a tank and sweat pants? They won't.

They can tell you don't think much of yourself and that you don't expect to be given a chance. If you need that degree of confidence from something external, it usually shows for some women.

So if I happened upon you gardening versus at a nice cocktail party and you acted differently if I met you for the first time at each occasion? I find that to be a problem, and that's the impression I'm getting here.

I also shouldn't have to fight to be given a chance. If that's the case? The guy doesn't see how awesome i am just in how I interact with people and he's probably not aware enough that it would work anyway.

What guys find great about me is ME. When they come up and talk to me, it's because I'm laughing or smiling or having some silly pseudo-debate in a really entertaining way about what exactly the color puce is. [Also it's possible complimentary colors]. They like that I'm funny, slightly impulsive but try to curb that, I don't like hurting people's feelings. I'll go up to people randomly if I really want to say something to them, i always say thank you and please to people who serve me.

i start conversations with people who I want to notice me and ask questions about them.

Which is why I suggested it.
I don't flash my feathers. I have pretty much zero interest in someone's feathers, I don't care for that to be the reason they take interest in me.

Just another perspective, a little more explanatory than my previous posts.
Sorry! I just woke up haha.

whatever works for you is fantastic, as they say "different strokes for different folks" everyone's situation indifferent. i simply suggest something to help increase the odds.

beings smart, funny and nice and all that good stuff is great...but it doesn't amount to a hill of beans if you never get the chance to meet a person.
i'm being realistic..talking about people IN GENERAL in the REAL WORLD...

thee are plenty of great guys & gals that are wonderful people and would make excellent gf/bf but they my be overweight/nerdy/ugly etc. great people still but will be having all types of hell finding someone. sadly the reality is we live in a superficial society & people do place a premium on looks and appearance, i wouldn't imagine a person would go on a job interview in a pair of sweats and a t shirt...most people don't go out to clubs and bars in that type of attire either.

why? because they want to make a good impression simple as that. doesn't make it wrong or right..it just is. so be advised everyone has an opinion..it may not be POLITICALLY CORRECT but they are opinions & i know quite a few people that think as i do, doesn't mean i am right or wrong...just my opinion.

some guys won't talk to girls they perceive to be overweight...the girl might be a wonderful person, sadly that is a barrier to some people. there are girls that are the same way.

some won't deal with someone who is unemployed...technically it shouldn't matter,right? long as they are a "nice' person that is "funny & confident"
for some people that is a major turn off, doesn't make it right or wrong...just a matter of opinion.

there are quality people that dress nice and quality people that look like shyt,
once you get past the clothes at the end of the day the person you get is all that really matters..i get that. but if you are ACTIVELY SEEKING to attract someone..you might want to put your best foot forward...just a thought.

myself..i'm not actively seeking anyone..but i know what to do if i wish to & so far it has worked quite well, i have never had a problem attracting a mate & i imagine i never will..hee hee so i offer tips to help those who have less experience than i do, advice is objective..you can take it or leave it.

at the end of the day..everyone has different standards, the word on the street so to speak is that most guys will sleep with anything and everything,
myself & my guy friends are a lot more selective than that..we know what we bring to the table and expect the same. one persons "shallow" is another persons "picky" i get that & that's fine i accept that.

so at the end of the day you can increase the odds or keep doing what you are doing...if it ain't working...you might want to try something else..just a thought.

ok, i will clarify that for you..if i am grungy, dirty and smelly & wearing a tank & sweatpants and approach a young lady..the odds are against me, no lack of confidence..just an understanding of the world we live in..idk her..she doesn't know me, i could be a drug addict/wino for all she knows..we have this thing called stereotypes..unfortunately people subconsciously do this all the time, not everyone..maybe not even you, but let me ask you REALISTICALLY ...how many "you's" are truly out there, not many..the first thing ALL people look at is appearance..from that appearance..some type of judgement/assessment is made, doesn't make it right..just how society works.

so getting back to the gardening vs cocktail situation..in all situations i am myself...i don't change or be someone i am not, i love to dress nice and look good, that's part of who i am..i shop a lot, moreso than most guys..all my clothing/outfits match..it's a must for me, i like to look my best at all times..that will never change.(.it has little to do with hitting on women), but because of that..who i am..the women in my life i like to look good, that's just me.

some people don't care about their appearance, those people are not for me.
everyone is different & i respect that. i'm not a slob & i don't want a slob on my arm..that's my opinion and my choice..doesn't make it wrong or right..it's just me. personality and a great sense of humor is important to me too..i'm greedy i want the total package(hey what can i say..who says you can't have it all!)

so i get what you're saying, no one wants an asshole..but you'll find that out usually within the first six months anyway..but really we are kinda of getting off subject, we are talking about "first base" so to speak..getting the foot in the door & attracting someone IF YOU ARE ACTIVELY LOOKING. if you are not actively looking/trying to attract someone & you look like crap & they hit on you..that's a bonus, it really is..i have had it happen to me before( i think when i was washing the cars or something) so yes it does happen and i don't deny that..but the point here is the OP is ACTIVELY SEEKING TO ATTRACT SOMEONE not just randomly getting hit on...that is the point we are missing here

Yeah that bit of clarification is necessary if that was what you meant, but hardly where the sweatpants comparison started I have to mention. Because if you were indicating women in that situation, though I'm pretty sure you weren't, that would be different. If someone can't deal with basic hygiene it's kind of a different discussion point.

no, maybe a woman just doesn't want to talk to someone who smells and can't keep themselves together. This is a different point. I don't want to talk to someone like that.

Yeah, but you seem to take that inherent propensity [it's kind of a biologically derived tendency we have to "group things"] and seriously level it up.

But with all these comments you have greatly changed the nature of your point and argument. Difference between "not showing off" or not putting a huge amount of effort into their clothing choice and "looking like crap"/"looking like a slob" is huge, but you've lumped all this together for some reason.

Some with your thing about how you initially just said sweatpants and tank- but now it's if a person is dirty and smelly. I know this is a bit off topic, but I kind of wanted to address that.

I think this is kind of an interesting but important discussion, particularly in the relationship board- many people assume there is one way to interact and attract people, or to date, or to "present themselves". I think a lot of people become discouraged because they are constantly changing this ideal or that which may be assumed is THE KEY to happiness in finding someone compatible, so a discussion like this is good not only for the OP but in general.

The only thing is that when you change your points in mid-conversation it's sort of difficult to make it a reasonable discussion.

I'm still working with that point, actually.
Your assumption is that I'm not.

I don't actually know what the OP looks for in a mate, and neither do you so everything we've talked about could be moot. But it's pretty clear we come from opposite corners of the room.
Back to attraction- my point in a lot of this is: why would you look to attract someone who wouldn't be compatible with you? So "upping your game", in a way that is not characteristic of you typically, would be more likely to backfire down the line.

This is the same "real world" that I live in too right? I mean there couldn't possibly be more than one of them...

Given your response in your previous post? I'm not entirely convinced you actually think that someone who isn't "typically" attractive [media standards] would make a good SO.

You wear things appropriate to an interview because it demonstrates you have your act together and you understand how to function in an appropriate work/office environment. In a lot of ways it is also a show of respect.

I'm fat, I really don't have a lot of problems dating, as i mentioned. But that's silly... because I'm fat and only wear comfortable clothing, so I've cut my odds down to near nil, right? Not really.

Also, if you don't really like going to clubs, it doesn't matter if you don't dress like you are going to a club- the people you want to find and meet won't be going to clubs or dressing up like that either.

We can go back and forth on that all day. I'm happy with who I'm dating, didn't meet him in a club or wearing club like clothing or doing other stuff that is way out of character for me. So I met someone I get along with.

I definitely acknowledged the whole opinion thing, I think we got that.

I think you missed my point that those are not generally people who are compatible for everyone anyway. Sure I'm fat now, but I have been thin before [at times svelt, even]. I still didn't like it when a guy talked to me solely because of my level of attractiveness or was generally making decisions about people based on weird stuperficial stuff.

Look. Unemployed, smelly, disheveled, bad hygeine... those are separate issues from what you wear specifically.

They indicate levels of having your s*** together or not. Circumstances can be individual [in the instance of employment for example]. But wearing a specific outfit or not has no bearing on the amount of s*** one has together in his or her life. It's preference- omg just like you painfully pointed out earlier.

Again, this initially started with clothing choice and now it's like... "looking nice" or "looking like crap".


Heh.
Ok, so the people looking for some one can go through our tips and sort through the nonsense.

[quote]we know what we bring to the table and expect the same. one persons "shallow" is another persons "picky" i get that & that's fine i accept that.[quote]

So maybe it's possible other people are extremely selective about completely different things? [generally not hygiene or being unkempt or not or looking after yourself for examples... most of which you seemed to have some how mixed in there with like, a sense of sophistication and higher maintenance fashion... somehow. Which is a bit confusing]

I agree.
Though I would say that "something else" is not necessarily to do something that is not representative of who you are.
Start wearing heels all the time if you don't usually, start a daily hour make up ritual if you barely think to put on lip gloss.

Wow...ok....my 2 cents...and I have them to spend, evidently.

I agree with T2S and I get what he's trying to say. From a female stand point, if the guy looks like crap on first meeting, odds are I will be polite (hell, I'm unfailingly polite) but I will not even consider him as bf material (if I'm looking for a bf...and that IS a big part of the discussion here)...maybe as 'friend' material...and then maybe...years later, as bf material after we've talked and I've helped him with his self-esteem issues and taught him that bathing is good etc...but I digress.

The fact is, both men and women are VISUAL animals. We make our very first judgement on any given person based on that first, rightly or wrongly...and please can we totally step away from the quandary that is 'profiling' and stay on topic? cause I just feel a lot of you bristling right now! lmao If I see a guy in the garden ..ummm gardening, I don't expect a suit, but if I go to a nice club and see him still in his 'gardening attire' I'm not gonna be the first one to step up and ask his name 'and btw, my name is.....etc' Just not gonna happen. First impressions with us ladies matter a LOT. And not just because we may or may not be looking for a mate. Survival of humans depended on it...so if you meet a great looking guy, dressed wonderfully and APPROPRIATELY to the situation and after a few minutes of talking, you can tell there is something not quite 'right' about him (he makes nasty comments about other people, is generally negative) well, then absolutely...you take your empty wine glass and plead 'necessary' and move on. But you have to WANT to talk to him first. And that won't happen if the visual criteria isn't met. First.

And I have a question after all that....are we talking IRL? This OP wants to attract a man IRL or onliine? Cause we're talking 2 very different animals here. Online you can be wearing an unwashed sweatshirt, seven-day-shyters, not bathed in days...in weeks even and be the most astonishing conversationalist, the most witty, profound and stimulating person ever.....and no one has to see you. In that case, of course....personality is ALL... it's also a venue some find more terrifying than just meeting IRL. Because, for some....that is where the 'performance' starts and by that, people, I don't mean fakery. I mean....for some people who may look like a George Clooney (just go with me here) and are totally shy, but NOT stupid....they're used to not having to actually participate in mutual conversations, (because of said physical gifts) and although they might be able to, they are lost in the art of actually TALKING to a person. In conversing. One on one. and Online......text based.....there ARE NO George Clooney's....there ARE NO Angolina Jollie's.....and even if a person does not classify themselves in that category, they still might be put off, because of fear, of online conversation.

I'll sum up because I'm getting lost in the diatribe and pretty sure you all would want me to anyway.....IRL, if the OP wants to attract a man...take care of herself, look like she does, walk talk, proud and confident and mind the thin line between 'arrogant' and 'confident'...and if she really wants to meet someone and finds someone somewhere she likes....don't be afraid to make the 'first move' i.e. just freaking say hello. Just walk up and ask 'are you with someone?' (he knows what you mean) If he says no, then give him your 'card'...(and girls....we have cards now...it's classy. It says what we do, and it says we have a life outside of ourselves. If you have to, do, but try not to have to write your phone # on a napkin. Says all kinds of 'trashy') and after you give him your card, smile and say "call me....maybe we can have a coffee together" That's it. If he calls, great...if he doesn't...well, you've only wasted and inth of a rainforest.

If it's online you want to meet, talk to a man....step up your game. Conversation and the art of it hasn't changed much in 1000 years. Find out what he likes and if you're not familiar...google it so you can speak with knowledge, not just blighted opinion. BUT, have opinions....men (and women) loathe someone who is too agreeable and shows no difference as after all...we learn by seeing opposites. Try to see the lighter, stupider, funnier side of life. Men (and women) appreciate humour....in fact, we gravitate to it. You don't have to tell a joke but just recognize the stupidity that is our lives and be able to find the kernel of 'funny' in it. Be yourself, relax...and mostly, both online and offline..............LISTEN. Don't be waiting for your turn to speak, thinking about what you're going to say next. LISTEN TO HIM / HER.

That is the sexiest thing you will ever do. Hands down, bar none.

Just sayin.

Granted, it sounds shallow, but presentation will get a second glance. That's the reality. Even a woman in workout clothes, depends on presentation.

For instance, i can go somewhere, directly from work, pull hair down from day bun, unmanicured, oops did i miss that area around my knee, no makeup from an earlier cry session, but toss on a casual black button down cotton dress, loafers and....bam...be told how good i am looking.

Just saying. Also about my inner presence shining thru.

So, OP, how'd it go? Get noticed?

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

After reading his clarification and responses together to your original response I have to say I was about to say pretty much the same things. The original reply sounded much less about taking care of yourself, having confidence and carrying yourself well than it did about appearing as something you're not.

As I said in my OP reply, I said if you wear perfume, by all means keep wearing it, but also if you like jogging pants then do that also. BE yourself but carry it well and be happy with what you are. That will translate much more to attraction of men/women than anything superficial you can do.

If you're a construction worker, a craftsman or other type of hard labor working man, you might be caught out and about on your lunch or otherwise all grungy and maybe borderline smelly. Truth be told, some women may even be attracted to that, and frankly that's the woman you want.. you're gonna come home to her all dirty and gross, she better appreciate it or like it. That's an extreme case but valid IMO..

Again, this is not an encouragement to let yourself go. That goes against being confident having self worth and carrying yourself well so.... No matter what you are, how you are or what your preferences in dress code is, be content in what you are and you'll have people attracted to you.

presentation, sure but it's more about being hygienic and care, not about dress code or being out of character to attract the opposite sex. If it takes extra effort to 'be" what it is you're trying to be perceived as being, you're probably acting out of character.

I personally am attracted primarily to young and thin women but the truth is, a girl that's less than my ideal body type or wearing something I'm not typically attracted to can get my attention just as well by her personality.