Hey guys.

I've been having this problem my entire life. I can't seem to become more than just a friend with ANY girl I meet. After talking for like 5 minutes with her I can already tell that she only wants a friendship with me, because there is no romantic indication or any kind of flirtation (even as time goes on for months afterwards and we meet regularly). I go immediately into what is known as the "friend-zone", she doesn't even seem to think twice about it, it's just instantaneous.

I've tried asking out women that I don't really know, seeing as I am not friends with them yet, but I've just been rejected by every single one. I did online dating too, but guess what, those girls just want to chat too! And, then I've still got to buy them a subscription just so that they can email me back.

I don't understand what is wrong with me. Why do ALL girls I ever meet think I just want to be friends? I am a MAN after all, why would a MAN want to be just friends with all the WOMEN he meets? And, why, when I'm clearly on an online dating site to try and get a girlfriend, do they think all I want to do is chat? If I just want friends, I'll go down to the local pub and get hammered with the guys there. The reason I talk to new girls or do online dating is because I'm looking for a girlfriend. I've got female friends that I've known my whole life and they are like sisters to me. I don't need any more, I need a girlfriend/wife.

It got so bad, that at the age of 23, I couldn't take it anymore. I'd never been touched or flirted with by a girl EVER, so I called an escort and she took my virginity. I am now a sex-addict! I've been "clean" for a few weeks now, but I just can't, for the life of me, seem to get a girlfriend the normal way. The prostitutes seem to be the only women on this planet that realize I'm a MAN and I need a sexual partner that is a WOMAN, I need intimacy and to fulfil my sexual needs. Everyone tells me the whole time that I have attractive facial features and the prostitutes keep asking me if my wife is going to find out, because an attractive guy like me MUST be married, surely. They don't even want to believe me when I say I'm single, and have been single my whole life. They say I speak rubbish, that's impossible, that I am a very desirable guy. They also say I am a very calm and cool-headed guy and that is incredibly irresistible to a woman because I am a confident guy that can handle things and that makes women feel secure and safe, and that is very desirable. Then why have I never had a girlfriend?

Sorry for the lengthy, well, rant I guess. I'm just so confused, depressed and feel like I'm wasting my time hanging around on this earth.

[hvert]

You are paying the prostitutes, so they are not going to say anything rude to you. I would take what they say with a grain of salt. Maybe it is true, maybe it isn't.

Have you ever asked the women you are friends with to set you up with someone? That can be a great way to meet people. And I would ask your friends, both men and women, if they can see what you're doing wrong -- most of them will lie, but you might find someone who gives you an honest appraisal that is very helpful, once you get over feeling insulted by it.

With the women that you think are friendzoning you in five minutes, how do you indicate that you are interested in them romantically?

I do hope you can keep yourself 'clean' -- if you catch something from one of the prostitutes, your chances of finding a normal woman to date are going to really go down the drain. Definitely get tested for everything before you go out with anyone else!

Hi Hvert, thanks so much for your input.

Yeah, I also figured that already, that they are being nice with me because I'm paying them. I thought that until I actually met a really nice lady one day, who was more a prostitute because she had a terrible life previously. It was not really out of choice, she needed the money after her husband and family deserted her. She and I clicked very well and we had something nice going for quite a while. She had an on-off boyfriend during that time, and eventually she chose him over me only because he was older than me and she knew him for years before I met her. I met her initially as an escort, but she told me straight that she does not see me as a "client" and told me I don't have to pay anything, that she was actually crazy about me. She helped me a lot actually because the day before I met her I had decided I was going to kill myself within the next week after that. I thought well, seeing that I'm not going to be here anymore, I can go out with a "bang", and then I met her. As soon as I walked into her place I could see she really liked me immediately, and that she thought I was attractive. We developed a really great friendship (with benefits) type of thing because I said I didn't want a girlfriend anymore (at that point I had given up). She said OK, whatever I want she will do. When she told me about her joining up with her old boyfriend again, I said I respected her decision and I held her tightly against me (she loved that, she could hug me for over 2 minutes for just one hug), she cried so much and said she was really going to miss me. I know people pretend and act and stuff, but I could tell, she was for real. Sometimes there's just something in someone's eyes that tells you they are speaking from the heart, and you can also tell they love you or are in love with you. I saw it in her eyes. I asked her many times if she was BS'ing me just to stay in my good books, and she said no. She also said I was very attractive but that I just didn't know it, and that I'm a really cool guy who deserves to have someone special in my life. This was long before we parted ways, and from the first day she was always giving me advice on what I should do to get a girlfriend. But, of course, she didn't know about my social problems (autism) because I didn't either. I've come to realize that is a major stumbling block in my life.

I try some romantic indications, but obviously they don't seem to work. I would smile at a girl first of all and if she smiles back and seems quite keen to meet, then I would go over to her and tell her who I am and ask her a little about herself. It would go back and forth for a minute or two and then we'd part ways for the day. The next day we'd chat a little again and we'll get to know each other better. Then suddenly, the next day, she will just begin to go off about all her problems and talk for so long about this and that and then I just become no more than an ear to bend. By then, the romantic stuff is long forgotten and I'm just a person to dump things on. When I look again, she's dating another guy a few days later, and I'm her go-to buddy for advice and a shoulder to cry on.

Yeah, for sure, I keep myself clean always. I get tested regularly. I also stick with the same ones for a long time, becoming more of a regular with one, than a once-off with many. But, to be honest, I'm almost hoping to catch something, especially something fatal, so that I can just be done with this life.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I think you should get therapy, seriously. If it's affecting you so bad you're suicidal, you need to get help. There may be things you're inherently doing "wrong", and not realising it. (not necessarily your fault; could just be how you're raised, or just from lack of experience) I agree with hvert's post in its entirety. To summarize:

1. Get some professional help, ASAP.

2. Ask friends/family what you may be doing wrong, or something that gives off a bad impression.

3. See a doctor and I personally would recommend that you avoid prostitutes like the plague, but to each their own.

4. Perhaps start working out, if you aren't already. Lots of women seem to have a thing for muscles or at least a toned body. (as has been my experience, at least) If you're a bit messy, lack manners, etc, then it's worth sorting that out... from what I gather, women like a guy who's polite and "well-groomed", or at least makes an effort towards how he looks. I'm not judging you, because I haven't the foggiest what you're like, I'm just echoing the kind of crap I've heard or read online, and.. well, I suppose common-sense. You wouldn't wanna date a woman who lives in a toilet, would you? xD)

5. People keep saying that you have to get out there, do things where you can meet other women. Get involved with something you enjoy, and see if you meet anyone.

6. I love the idea of asking your friends to set you up with someone; could be a nightmare, but could also work well.

Best of luck.

PS
If it's any consolation, I'm 28 and have been in 2 serious relationships. I've been single for 3 or 4 years, now, following a heavy relationship that went to "feces". At first, I just didn't want anything to do with women, I didn't want to open up, I didn't want to get close, and I didn't want to be vulnerable; it still applies, but it's applying less with every day. I admit, I'm lonely, ... I miss "love", but, the way I see it, the more I get my crap together and mend the mess the past left behind, the better my chances of not only meeting a woman, but coping with a relationship, again. Also, I was about 22 before I got into that first relationship.

[hvert]

With the friend-zone thing -- I can imagine a couple of scenarios.

1. The girl is interested. You chat. No one makes a move. The next day the same thing happens. She figures you aren't interested. The third day, she treats you as if you are not interested.

2. You chat. She isn't interested in you romantically but senses your interest in her. She starts telling you about her boy trouble to let you know she isn't interested.

There are a ton of other scenarios, but until you are more direct about your romantic interest, you will never know what is going on. When you meet a girl you like, I would directly indicate interest by the end of the first or second conversation. By direct, I mean asking her out on an obviously romantic date i.e. dinner and a movie or offer to buy her a drink. If she shows interest, nail down a time and a place immediately.

You have nothing to lose, right? You aren't looking for another friend, so if she says no, just move on. Don't waste your time being bored to death by their problems, unless they show you the same courtesy.

It sounds like you got to be pretty close with that other woman, so that's proof it's possible - you just have to find the right one.

It takes A LOT of misses before you get a hit. Dating can be horrible. I agree with the advice above, too -- and improving your physical appearance is huge. My dating pool increased ridiculously when I lost 25 lbs.

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

I think you should get therapy, seriously. If it's affecting you so bad you're suicidal, you need to get help. There may be things you're inherently doing "wrong", and not realising it. (not necessarily your fault; could just be how you're raised, or just from lack of experience) I agree with hvert's post in its entirety. To summarize:

1. Get some professional help, ASAP.

2. Ask friends/family what you may be doing wrong, or something that gives off a bad impression.

3. See a doctor and I personally would recommend that you avoid prostitutes like the plague, but to each their own.

4. Perhaps start working out, if you aren't already. Lots of women seem to have a thing for muscles or at least a toned body. (as has been my experience, at least) If you're a bit messy, lack manners, etc, then it's worth sorting that out... from what I gather, women like a guy who's polite and "well-groomed", or at least makes an effort towards how he looks. I'm not judging you, because I haven't the foggiest what you're like, I'm just echoing the kind of crap I've heard or read online, and.. well, I suppose common-sense. You wouldn't wanna date a woman who lives in a toilet, would you? xD)

5. People keep saying that you have to get out there, do things where you can meet other women. Get involved with something you enjoy, and see if you meet anyone.

6. I love the idea of asking your friends to set you up with someone; could be a nightmare, but could also work well.

Best of luck.

PS
If it's any consolation, I'm 28 and have been in 2 serious relationships. I've been single for 3 or 4 years, now, following a heavy relationship that went to "feces". At first, I just didn't want anything to do with women, I didn't want to open up, I didn't want to get close, and I didn't want to be vulnerable; it still applies, but it's applying less with every day. I admit, I'm lonely, ... I miss "love", but, the way I see it, the more I get my crap together and mend the mess the past left behind, the better my chances of not only meeting a woman, but coping with a relationship, again. Also, I was about 22 before I got into that first relationship.

Thanks for that, I am well-groomed and stuff, but my body is not good. I have an eating and weight problem, and it comes from something bad that happened to me as a child. Before that I was anorexic. I have this problem also where I never ever feel hungry and never feel full. So, I don't know when to eat and when to stop eating. I am addicted to sugar and caffeine (a popular soda drink, if you know what I mean) my whole life, since I can remember. My body is totally screwed by now and I'm sure I'm not going to reach 50 or even 30 anyway. When I was 8, one day my chest felt like it was caving in and there was a lot of pain. I think I had a heart attack maybe that day. I never told anyone. How I still lived after that I don't know. My body is genuinely beyond repair at this stage. I sometimes have blood coming out of the strangest places too.

I am actually over the whole sex part, I've had a lot of it already and it's not something I actually enjoy that much. The thing I miss in my life is just those special moments with someone special, you know, when you two sit together and hold each other tight and tell each other how much you love each other. I had a little bit of that with that one escort I was talking about but not to the same extent, since we weren't in love as such.

I can't ask my friends or family stuff like that. They are so unapproachable with anything. My dad makes jokes of everything and tries to take over completely, my mom lives in denial, I have no siblings and all my friends have left me. I am literally all on my own in this. My therapist doesn't really want to discuss these things, she rather wants to talk about my dysfunctional family.

[silver tree]

Does your autism affect your social skills do you think? I know aspergers can affect interpreting facial expressions and things like sarcasm etc. but do you feel at little socially detached in conversations?

The prostitutes don't spend any time with you and no one can go purely on the physical. Plus, like Hverts said, they want the business so will tell you what you want to hear, just like shop assistance tell you you look nice in clothes you try on in their shop etc. I wouldn't tell any potential female that you sleep with prostitutes either !! If they ask then you can't lie but don't volunteer that information. I would say it would put most women off.

Friends and family will also often be kind to spare your feelings so if you are going to ask their opinion, go to the closest, most critical and brutally honest person you know and ask them to critique what's wrong with you and why this keeps happening? Maybe chose a female and a male to ask, to get both gender perspectives, and tell them not to hold back. You might not like the answer but at least you will know if your the problem and that *gives you a base to work from to improve those things (*maybe say something like that when asking them to tell you what they think)

I didn't look at these so they might be rubbish but they are just an example of the stuff you can find on-line (and I bet you tube have vids)

How to Flirt With a Girl the Alpha Way: 13 Steps

Flirting 101 by SIBG.com

Originally Posted by hvert

With the friend-zone thing -- I can imagine a couple of scenarios.

1. The girl is interested. You chat. No one makes a move. The next day the same thing happens. She figures you aren't interested. The third day, she treats you as if you are not interested.

2. You chat. She isn't interested in you romantically but senses your interest in her. She starts telling you about her boy trouble to let you know she isn't interested.

There are a ton of other scenarios, but until you are more direct about your romantic interest, you will never know what is going on. When you meet a girl you like, I would directly indicate interest by the end of the first or second conversation. By direct, I mean asking her out on an obviously romantic date i.e. dinner and a movie or offer to buy her a drink. If she shows interest, nail down a time and a place immediately.

You have nothing to lose, right? You aren't looking for another friend, so if she says no, just move on. Don't waste your time being bored to death by their problems, unless they show you the same courtesy.

It sounds like you got to be pretty close with that other woman, so that's proof it's possible - you just have to find the right one.

It takes A LOT of misses before you get a hit. Dating can be horrible. I agree with the advice above, too -- and improving your physical appearance is huge. My dating pool increased ridiculously when I lost 25 lbs.

I've actually thought about those things you've said, that maybe I have to tell her direct in the beginning that I want to take her out on a date.

I want to lose weight, I wish I could. I just love food so much, especially the junk food and the soda drinks. I get withdrawal if I don't eat or drink those things. It's truly the highlight of my day at this point. That's why I want to die, because I have nothing left to live for anymore. I hate my life. There is nothing that inspires me or attracts me anymore. I know I'm a horrible person and someone with so little doesn't deserve a girlfriend. I don't know how things became like this, it's always just been this way, basically my whole life. It's just, when I was younger, I liked one or two things still, like my school work. Now I hate everything.

I tried exercises, about two years ago I cycled 10 miles daily for about 3 months. The year before that I cycled the same amount too. Now, I know that is nothing compared to what other people do, and I wasn't expecting to lose like 50 or 60 pounds, but I didn't even lose 1 pound. I left the sodas everything, just drank water, no junk food. I suffered through the daily withdrawal symptoms. I gained 10 pounds in weight. So I decided it wasn't worth the effort. Now, I eat what I want, drink what I want and haven't even gained 1 pound, I'm still the same size, despite doubling my intake of food even. I've tried weightlifting, dieting, etc. all did nothing. I'm fat and that's it by the looks of things.

Originally Posted by silver tree

Does your autism affect your social skills do you think? I know aspergers can affect interpreting facial expressions and things like sarcasm etc. but do you feel at little socially detached in conversations?

The prostitutes don't spend any time with you and no one can go purely on the physical. Plus, like Hverts said, they want the business so will tell you what you want to hear, just like shop assistance tell you you look nice in clothes you try on in their shop etc. I wouldn't tell any potential female that you sleep with prostitutes either !! If they ask then you can't lie but don't volunteer that information. I would say it would put most women off.

Friends and family will also often be kind to spare your feelings so if you are going to ask their opinion, go to the closest, most critical and brutally honest person you know and ask them to critique what's wrong with you and why this keeps happening? Maybe chose a female and a male to ask, to get both gender perspectives, and tell them not to hold back. You might not like the answer but at least you will know if your the problem and that *gives you a base to work from to improve those things (*maybe say something like that when asking them to tell you what they think)

I didn't look at these so they might be rubbish but they are just an example of the stuff you can find on-line (and I bet you tube have vids)

How to Flirt With a Girl the Alpha Way: 13 Steps

Flirting 101 by SIBG.com

A friend's father once told me I was a coward and a ******, when I was about 3 years old. The other day a woman on a forum on the web told me I was a typical nice guy and don't deserve a woman after she complained about how horrible men are and I told her she shouldn't date scum and then say all men are like that. I also said to her that she was one of those women who always like bad boys but then complain and that she is too scared to try and date a quiet guy because she want's thrills in her life. So, she let me have it, big time. I guess I was asking for it. They also said guys like me are creeps who are looking to hurt women and the type that always stare at them in the shops and stuff. They said guys like me are nerds and secretly hate women. I don't hate women, at least I think I don't. Maybe they were right all along, and I just don't notice it in myself, IDK anymore . If it's true then I deserve to die for being such a horrible human being/creature/thing/monster.

These articles and things are telling you how to be an alpha male, I think I've probably read a million of these already. I am not one and probably never will be. My dad and my friend's dad have been emasculating me since childhood and they broke me many years ago already. I've been damaged all my life by their vile criticisms. I didn't even know what was happening to me, I was just a little boy.

[silver tree]

I am sorry you have been through those things I would suggest that you don't go to your father or anyone else who is likely to just abuse you. People from on-line forums don't know you properly so anything nasty they say doesn't count either imo. I meant ask a female friend you have? and more about how you come across socially and what makes you appear more 'friends material' to women and not bf . What you could work on to seem more sexually attractive to girls, and any general little mistakes you are making or things you could improve on. You have to pressure someone to be honest I think, and let them know it is to help you understand yourself better and you wont be offended etc..

Do you think you find it hard in social situations or when chatting a girl up? x

Originally Posted by silver tree

I am sorry you have been through those things I would suggest that you don't go to your father or anyone else who is likely to just abuse you. People from on-line forums don't know you properly so anything nasty they say doesn't count either imo. I meant ask a female friend you have? and more about how you come across socially and what makes you appear more 'friends material' to women and not bf . What you could work on to seem more sexually attractive to girls, and any general little mistakes you are making or things you could improve on. You have to pressure someone to be honest I think, and let them know it is to help you understand yourself better and you wont be offended etc..

Do you think you find it hard in social situations or when chatting a girl up? x

Yeah, I find it hard in social situations, I often don't know the words to say to a girl to show her that I'm interested.

I think I've got some problems:
- My Asperger's makes me seem really cold and unemotional, even though I have all the feeling inside of me,
- I'm fat too, after a horrible childhood experience, before which I was anorexic - I have something wrong in my body stomach wise
- Up until a few months ago I actually couldn't afford taking a girl on a date, I had no car either,
- I never went to parties and things really because my dad didn't want to visit anybody anymore since a few years ago, so I got really isolated from everyone,
- That has carried over into my life too, and my mom's - both of us have no friends,
- I just seem to lack the natural "talent" others seem to have in social situations
- Many more issues I haven't detected yet, probably.

So, I don't know. Maybe my whole life is wrong, everything. It would literally be easier to die and be born as another person again, I think .

[lilypup]

You have a lot going on, but I will say I have a 23 year old son, who has only had one brief girlfriend. He looks great, is in college, and is honest and friendly. The right girl has just not come along. My husband did not get married till 30. I think you are in a panic over nothing.

Originally Posted by lilypup

You have a lot going on, but I will say I have a 23 year old son, who has only had one brief girlfriend. He looks great, is in college, and is honest and friendly. The right girl has just not come along. My husband did not get married till 30. I think you are in a panic over nothing.

Yeah, I suppose. The thing is, I've met the love of my life already and lost her because of my incompetence. Nobody since has impacted me the same way. It's all just because I don't look like a great guy on the outside and I don't appear to be capable of intensely loving someone. But, I know how much I loved her, I know I'm capable. On the inside I can love someone very dearly, but it's only because I have faults on the outside that people disregard me.

I don't wish to make you panic, but I was the same as your son. If he is as you say, he is NOT going to get the girls, sadly. I really wish the same thing doesn't happen to your son one day that happened to me, it can literally kill a man inside. I so hope for his part that he can just meet that one girl with old-school values that truly values guys like him. They are scarce, but I still believe in my heart that such girls exist. The other girls, they all overlook good, honest guys. The only way to attract these young women today is to increase what is known as your "jerk quotient" and become "cocky-funny" and the "alpha-male". They go for the seductive, charismatic, cocky guys that treat them like crap, because that is seen as manly and strong. I lost the girl I love because she was inclined the same way. She was introverted and shy just like me, but because she was so desperate to fit in, she did anything to gain the attention of these popular guys in my class at college. She was so into them, that she didn't even notice that I liked her. I had to tell her a year later that I liked her all the time, but once you have to tell a girl that in plain english, it kills anything you might have had.

You're son sounds like such a great guy, without even meeting him. But, sadly, in my opinion, I think he is in for much heartache still into his future when it comes to girls. Let's just hope he gets saved in time by a great and lovely girl, he really deserves it. And, let's hope he doesn't lose her to some other guy who exhibits all the modern alpha-male player bad boy characteristics. They seem to be so desirable to women for some reason.

One cannot have healthy relationships with others until they have a healthy relationship with themselves.
You are putting the cart before the horse.
Focus on building a quality life; not finding a wife.
If you build it, they will come.
Choose wisely

Originally Posted by allforgood

One cannot have healthy relationships with others until they have a healthy relationship with themselves.
You are putting the cart before the horse.
Focus on building a quality life; not finding a wife.
If you build it, they will come.
Choose wisely

Sadly today, this is how many guys end up with gold-diggers. But, you have a point. You see, I AM happy with myself, or I was at least. But, having the Asperger's condition means myself is not the normal "myself" others want. I realized this and became unhappy. You have to understand happy for me is totally abnormal. Happy for me is being locked in a room with my latest obsession and being totally oblivious to everyone around me. It's just me. Nobody likes such a person, no matter how happy they are. The normal social rules don't work in my case.

I swear, I am the only person that loves myself for who I am. I am happy with myself. I love me for being so unique. But, in terms of others and what they have defined normal, I hate myself. I can't explain it so well, sorry. To succeed in the world, it means I have to betray myself and totally who I am. For "normal" people it's a minor adjustment, for me it's a total redefinition. That's what I meant when I said it's easier for me to die and be reborn as another person all together.

Originally Posted by allforgood

Focus on building a quality life; not finding a wife.

Please define "a quality life".

[A Red Panda]

Ok... so I will probably sound harsh, but it is with the best intentions ok? I'm going to take the role of harsh-critic-blunt-friend. And it is ONLY based upon your posts in this thread - there is a lot about you that I am clearly missing!

1. Your lack of confidence in yourself will in fact show up quite quickly in conversations.
2. You can in fact change your eating habits. Even if you don't lose weight, you'll be healthier. (Plus, if you went from never working out to biking lots, you were probably also gaining some muscle).
3. Prositutes will give you a warped perception of women - it's not helping you at all. And a lot of women will definitely not wish to be in a relationship with someone who's gone to lots and lots of them. (Then again, not everyone! There are also lots of women who won't care because it's your past.)
4. What sort of job do you have? A lot of people care to see that potential partners have a stable career (then again - not everyone! and "stable" doesn't mean "earning lots of money")
5. A smile and brief random conversation really doesn't mean "hey I want to date you". It means that you smiled and were friendly. Not everyone will interpret that as sexual desire. I wouldn't! I'm quite clueless.
6. Therapy would be quite beneficial because you don't seem to have a very positive view about anything at all (then again, you're having a rant!) and you've mentioned problems since childhood. Therapy could help you manage that and recover a bit.
7. It sounds like you just meet women in bars? Try joining up with social groups in your area to meet people who would have similar interests. Or do some volunteer work. If nothing else, it will help you develop more social skills.

There is a lot that you can do to help improve the quality of your life. Quality of life means what do you have going on in your life that is meaningful to you? Do you have a job that you enjoy? Are you happy? Are you taking care of yourself physically and emotionally? A lot of the time, when you are happy with your life you're more receptive to finding a healthy relationship - and it shows when you meet people.

If I were in your situation... I'd focus on your health and your addictions (protitutes and junk food) and get some help dealing with your past traumas and low confidence in your social skills. They are all barriers.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Ok... so I will probably sound harsh, but it is with the best intentions ok? I'm going to take the role of harsh-critic-blunt-friend. And it is ONLY based upon your posts in this thread - there is a lot about you that I am clearly missing!

1. Your lack of confidence in yourself will in fact show up quite quickly in conversations.
2. You can in fact change your eating habits. Even if you don't lose weight, you'll be healthier. (Plus, if you went from never working out to biking lots, you were probably also gaining some muscle).
3. Prositutes will give you a warped perception of women - it's not helping you at all. And a lot of women will definitely not wish to be in a relationship with someone who's gone to lots and lots of them. (Then again, not everyone! There are also lots of women who won't care because it's your past.)
4. What sort of job do you have? A lot of people care to see that potential partners have a stable career (then again - not everyone! and "stable" doesn't mean "earning lots of money")
5. A smile and brief random conversation really doesn't mean "hey I want to date you". It means that you smiled and were friendly. Not everyone will interpret that as sexual desire. I wouldn't! I'm quite clueless.
6. Therapy would be quite beneficial because you don't seem to have a very positive view about anything at all (then again, you're having a rant!) and you've mentioned problems since childhood. Therapy could help you manage that and recover a bit.
7. It sounds like you just meet women in bars? Try joining up with social groups in your area to meet people who would have similar interests. Or do some volunteer work. If nothing else, it will help you develop more social skills.

There is a lot that you can do to help improve the quality of your life. Quality of life means what do you have going on in your life that is meaningful to you? Do you have a job that you enjoy? Are you happy? Are you taking care of yourself physically and emotionally? A lot of the time, when you are happy with your life you're more receptive to finding a healthy relationship - and it shows when you meet people.

If I were in your situation... I'd focus on your health and your addictions (protitutes and junk food) and get some help dealing with your past traumas and low confidence in your social skills. They are all barriers.

Thanks for that. Ummm...these things kind of apply, but the thing is I think my weirdness/abnormalness factor is a lot higher than most people's/guy's.
To answer your points:

1. OK, the thing is, I actually don't lack confidence at all. I can easily approach women or any people and speak with them. I am especially confident at public speaking (presentations, orals, etc.) and I actually rather enjoy it, where other peers of mine actually dread it.

2. With the eating habits, I agree. But, from about 8 or 9 years old, I started comfort eating to mask the things that were happening in my life. I lived on chocolate (which is proven to make you feel good), Coca-Cola, and then, not to disappoint my mom, I ate my food at night too. I developed an abnormal appetite for a 9 year old boy, but strangely it wasn't that far over normal if I look at it now. It was what I was eating/drinking that was the problem. I have been drinking Coca-Cola since I was a little boy, like 3. Before that, my mom used to give me coffee instead of milk, all in a BPA plastic bottle too. I only recently found out that BPA (bisphenol-A) caused so many problems in children who had it in their plastic bottles (bottle babies). Yep, I was one too. I've been addicted to Coke for over 20 years. I actually have withdrawal if I stop. I have to drink more than 2 litres a day or it feels like I'm going to die. I shake, sweat, feel weak, massive headaches (like being hit with a baseball bat or an axe) and then I pass out and wake up about 12-15 hours later, a complete blackout. I can try, but it's going to be so hard. My depression is also so bad that the highlight of my day is going to the KFC for my spicy burger and wings. If I had to lose that, I might as well be dead. I know that's pathetic, but that's the current state of affairs.

3. Oh well, I just reduced my chances by 99% by the sound of things then...

4. Don't have a job, studying full-time. Not attractive at all - a guy without money.

5. No, you're right. No, I meant that is they way I would initiate something.

6. Yep, I'm seeing a therapist.

7. Nope, the bar is only a latest thing of mine. I never used to set foot in pubs before. But, seeing as I had absolutely zero in terms of friends and a girlfriend, I thought, oh, what the hell...My dad was an alcoholic, and hit my mom. So much for vowing never to drink and become like him...

When I'm happy, the rest of the world is unhappy with me. My happiness lies in such an unconventional place. "Smile and the whole world smiles with you". I'm the exception. The things that make me happy are just downright pointless and boring to someone else. Hell, if I were to be happy, people would hang me.

I don't mean to be argumentative, but nobody can begin to fathom how abnormal I think and am.

I don't think I'm human .

I interact better with inanimate stuff (computer, television, pen, paper, printer, mathematics, science, chemistry, chemicals) than I do with people. Maybe now I'm being punished for that by being relegated to being no more than an object myself. Most people just use me for what I can provide them, they don't see me as a person. I have been misused by almost every person I've ever come into contact with. People used to call me a walking encyclopaedia, I thought it was a complement, now I know it was what they really saw me as.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by StbGuy

I am now a sex-addict!

Sorry about your situation.
I would get into a Sexaholics Anonymous support group [google it] or find a therapist.
good luck,
jim

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by StbGuy

I don't think I'm human .

I interact better with inanimate stuff (computer, television, pen, paper, printer, mathematics, science, chemistry, chemicals) than I do with people.

I would also consider either Codependents Anonymous or Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous [google them].
good luck
jim

[silver tree]

I am sorry that you struggle socially and seem certain ways because of the autism. Must be hard for you? Is there no centres you could attend to make friends?

Does your weight bother you?

You say that you can't be who you want to be because people don't like you when you are, In what ways do you feel you have to be different to fit in and why wouldn't they like you? I wouldn't say this is a good thing really imo or good for making friends. I think you should work on the things about yourself that YOU want to but not change for others. Try and find people who accept you for who you are maybe? I am sorry you feel people treat you badly but maybe that is about not being you too?

What things make you happy that you say are also 'down right pointless and boring to others'? Not everyone will feel that way. Maybe you could do some classes associated with them to meet people?

Have you tried MH dating agencies to meet someone? Perhaps try and meet someone who understands autism better? x

[unaluna]

I would get your blood sugar checked. You may be insulin resistant, based on your descriptions. That would make you fatigued. I dont like hearing that you sleep for so long. I am trying to get my own eating under control, and my blood sugar, and do a little exercise, then when that is improved, add more exercise.

Originally Posted by silver tree

I am sorry that you struggle socially and seem certain ways because of the autism. Must be hard for you? Is there no centres you could attend to make friends?

It is very hard for me, but not that much either, I mean it's all I've ever known my whole life. I don't know of such things as specific centres, and if there are, I can almost be sure there are none here in S. Africa. Even our normal healthcare services are under-equipped, under-staffed and lack expertise. Everyone here is only into money, so things like that won't make any and hence they won't exist. It really is that ridiculous here. If there's no profit to be made, or taxes to be gained from it, nobody bothers. Quite sad, huh? I mean we are a country with a large, complex and diverse population, and my logic tells me there are bound to be people here with the same complex problems (that need experts or special organizations) that you'll find in Europe or the USA, but I think most people here don't even know (and don't care) about what autism is. It's just another reason to bully children in school, since they are different, and nobody, not even the teachers care. They just want their salary at the end of the month.

Originally Posted by silver tree

Does your weight bother you?

That's actually a tough one. Most people would say yes. I would say yes and no. Yes, because I did look good at one stage (when I was still quite young) and I miss that body, and I miss what I could've had in high-school and feeling great when you're healthy, wanting to do sports and exercise and you love your body. But, I often say no too, because I genuinely think it has prevented a lot of issues in my life too, I never had to worry about teenage pregnancy (since I was too hideous to get a girlfriend in high school), I bypassed all the peer-pressure stuff because nobody ever invited the fat monster to their parties, and I avoided basically all of the problems a normal teenager would encounter. So, I don't know. It hurt me and helped me .

Originally Posted by silver tree

You say that you can't be who you want to be because people don't like you when you are, In what ways do you feel you have to be different to fit in and why wouldn't they like you? I wouldn't say this is a good thing really imo or good for making friends. I think you should work on the things about yourself that YOU want to but not change for others. Try and find people who accept you for who you are maybe? I am sorry you feel people treat you badly but maybe that is about not being you too?

What things make you happy that you say are also 'down right pointless and boring to others'? Not everyone will feel that way. Maybe you could do some classes associated with them to meet people?

When you are so different from everyone else, being the real you isolates you totally, because nobody can understand where you're coming from. Autism is different. It is not like the normal variations you get among normal people, you are a lot more way out there with your ideas and the things you are interested in. An Asperger's person's interests are so obscure and obsessive that they make other people want to back off completely, and just leave you alone thinking to themselves "What a freak!". I can't discuss the stuff that interest me with others, firstly I confuse the hell out of people because nobody knows the jargon and all the technical terms or understands anything I'm rambling on about. And, that leads to the second thing, you ramble on about things and nobody really cares, because it's obscure crap that nobody's interested in. For example, one of my interests is satellite TV and dishes. Now if I were to begin to tell you about gain, antenna diameter, coaxial cable, the path loss to the...blah blah blah you're already getting bored. To me it's so exiting, I want to jump for joy when I find an article or titbit of information about something I've been looking for, for years. Other people will say "So what, it's all just rubbish anyway." At this point I'm at my happiest, nothing beats that feeling. You see, but to even begin showing any sort of normality to anybody, I have to stop talking about the things I love all together. Now that is a huge step for me, but for the other person it seems like nothing, that's just step one. Now, I have to begin showing an interest in what the other people are talking about. They are talking about sports, women they are dating, celebrity gossip, their careers, and I don't have a clue where I fit in all of this, and I know even less about what they are talking about. At this point I'm so overwhelmed I shut down completely and crash, like a computer that just got infected with a huge virus. My brain goes chhh-zz-zz z ch shzz chszzz-zz-zz-zz-zz-chsz and fries completely. They are just warming up, getting started. They only way for me to come close is to leave everything I love behind and then begin to try and understand what they are thinking and how the social code works. It is like trying to figure out all the mysteries of the pyramids and the universe in 1 hour.

That's just one aspect - friendships. My work itself also has to adapt to be more "people friendly" or compatible. I'm currently doing my doctoral research in soil science. Could you imagine I did my PhD on my satellite nonsense, that would be pointless. I've got to do something that actually is meaningful and useful to the world. My petty obsessions mean nothing to anyone, except me. If I'm going to function in this world I've got to leave all I love behind and do something actually worthwhile. Net result - me unhappy, the rest of the world happy. If I only did stuff to make me happy, I'd be so isolated that it would only be me that's happy and nobody else around me. Can you imagine being around a guy that sits stuck in a room for 20 hours a day fiddling with what you see as no more than pointless nonsense? It makes him happy sure, but pisses other people off, because you can't get anything out of the moron, it's all he seems to care about, his stupid obsession, day in and day out.

Originally Posted by silver tree

Have you tried MH dating agencies to meet someone? Perhaps try and meet someone who understands autism better? x

What's that? Is that mental health dating agencies? Could be nice, don't know of anything local here, but maybe a long-distance relationship could work I suppose.

Originally Posted by hankster

I would get your blood sugar checked. You may be insulin resistant, based on your descriptions. That would make you fatigued. I dont like hearing that you sleep for so long. I am trying to get my own eating under control, and my blood sugar, and do a little exercise, then when that is improved, add more exercise.

Yep, I think I do have it. But, the long sleep is when I pass out from no sugar intake during the day. I generally sleep like 4-5 hours a night only, sometimes I don't sleep at all, or I sleep sitting upright in a chair, say 3 hours in total. I have a lack of melatonin my entire life. When I was a kid I can remember often staying awake the entire night.