I just want to be loved.

You can’t really love people whom you don’t spend time with in real life. You don’t really know each other. Anyone can type anything in texts or emails.

If you want love and good relationship, you should start looking in your area.

On The other hand since you are very young and still in school you might want to focus on school/grades/future career.

Good relationship will come to your life when time is right. It’s pretty clear good relationship isn’t going to happen whth this guy. But if good relationship is what yuh want, you might need to finish a bad one first.

Good advice! I should probably just focus on my education and what i´ll do after school. That on it´s own is stressfull enough to be honest. I don´t really want a relationship, i don´t much have interest for boys. Only this one boy who does not seem to share the same feelings, and that´s okay. I´ll just focus on other things.

But...How? That line is just the simple truth. He gave so much of his love to me in the past, that maybe now he´s gotten tired of it. I think he´s scared to give me another chance. And i have to respect that. But i really want him to feel love for me the way i feel love for him...

How long have you been dating this guy?

This all just makes me very sad for you. I wish that you valued yourself enough to see and know that you are getting the short end of the deal here.

You deserve true love... you deserve to have your own love reciprocated.

If he is not giving you as you want, please consider maybe trying to find someone else.

I know what it's like to want to feel love. And it really is one of the best feelings in the world! But you have to value and LOVE YOURSELF enough to draw the line and say, this is NOT what I am looking for or want. HE is getting everything he wants from you, but you are not getting everything you want from HIM. This is not an equal or balanced partnership. Why stay?

You are right, i know that deep inside. That my relationship with him isn´t what i want or need. I keep hoping he´ll change. He was a loving boyfriend before after all, he has the potential.
I feel quite stupid and pathetic for giving him sexual things and letting him call me certain things. Never thought i´d be "that kind of girl".
It´s like i´m addicted to him, and i know i will never be able to fully leave him.

2 years dating, long distance, we only met for a few days in real life.
If you count this year as dating (he broke up but we´re still talking) it´s been 3 years.

Why do you say you can never fully leave him? My dear, please love yourself enough and respect and value your own needs and desires to know that this isn't all that you want and deserve.

My guess is he won't change... once he's pulled back into a state of friends with benefits AND broke up with you because of your mental health issues previously, most likely he is not going to switch back and fall in love again. He's already made it clear that the mental health issues you face are a dealbreaker... so he's downgraded the relationship.

WHY not be with someone who can accept you for ALL that you are? Please value yourself more. You're better than this AND deserve far better than this. You're mistreating yourself and are accepting sooooo much less than what you deserve. It pains me to see you doing so....

((((((hugs))))))

That was very kindly said of you Thank you. It´s true i don´t think much of myself. He calls me stupid a lot, and that´s something i´m really starting to believe. I was really struggling before i had him, but at least i had my own identity, strength, self esteem. I´m much healthier mentally now and i want those things back. I think i can do it. If i stop depending so much on a 19 year old boy who just wants physical things. I don´t think i´m ready for a partner, but having a best friend would be awesome.
Hugs!

oh sweetheart, you are accepting verbal abuse from him. What he says to you is NOT acceptable. He is mistreating you. NO ONE deserves to ever be called stupid!!!! AND.. worst of all, you're starting to believe him. This is all false, and is a way to denigrate you, to demean you and to make you feel less than. You deserve FAR better.

If you used to have your own identity, strength and self esteem, you can certainly obtain that again. I KNOW that being single can be lonely and painful sometimes, but the self respect you get from walking AWAY from abuse and disrespect is immeasurable.

Please rethink this relationship, for your own mental health, your dignity and self-worth. You can do FAR better and deserve to be treated FAR better than this. Please think about it.

((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

I agree with you. No one deserves to be called stupid. Or maybe once if they actually did something stupid. But not over and over...I don´t think he realizes it´s making me look down upon myself. He genuinely thinks it´s a compliment. He said "you´re stupid, but that makes me happy"

Honestly, i´m so done with this. I deserve better. Whatever. I´m gonna give him the cold shoulder. I should treat him like just a sex object too.

Hmmm... I don't even think just once is OK. It's a put down/an insult. Being called stupid is hurtful and demeaning. I've been called stupid in jest and let it slide before though. I guess it really depends on the delivery and intent, but in your case, it's just plain hurtful and demeaning.

And good for you for seeing that you deserve far better. I would not only give him the cold shoulder, but I would stop giving him sex as well. He's gotten too much of you already.....

Yes. I think so too. I´ve been thinking of it a lot, and i used to try to tell him no when he requested it. Don´t want to be too literal. I need to work on being more assertive and standing my ground, and not be convinced or guilted into doing it anyways. Sorry to get dark all of a sudden. I feel so guilty. If anyone knew the kind of things i do for him...I never thought i would be like that. I don´t blame him. He thinks i like "rough" things because i play along. I need to just not do it anymore. It´s over the internet but still.

Don't worry about being dark... say it like it is -- we all do on here!

Yes, being assertive about what you want and need is very important in life. I am working on being better about this myself!

I think -- to be honest -- that you would do best to cut all contact and all sex with him. And to be done with him... but I realize that may be a big step for you, but something to seriously consider at this stage.

((((Hugs)))))))

Thank you so much for your replies! I have some soul searching to do. Hugs!

You're welcome! Yes you do. Hugs back!

He wants you to stick around as his backup person and sex object. If he genuinely cared about you he would want happiness for you, not endless waiting.

I agree with golden_eve: Cut all ties, block him on all media, do not contact him or accept contact from him. Once he is out of your life, you can start to become yourself again.

Maybe it is true he does not care about me and just has me as a back up. I understand. It´s funny. Talked to him yesterday. He mentioned visiting me. I think it´s gonna happen soon. I´m okay with it, because i´ll get to pleasure him. Which is a form of love. And i know he´ll hug me afterwards. He cares but in different ways.

Oh dear, you are excusing him..... of course he appreciates if you pleasure him. It's not love to him, it's sex and pleasure. You're backsliding.... what happened to your stance of giving him the cold shoulder? You need to value yourself so much more than this.

Spidy, I was curious about something and wanted to ask you a personal question - of which you're under no obligation to answer...

I was curious if there is anything about the relationship dynamic between you and this individual and about the types of emotions/feelings that he elicits from you that could be perceived as comparable or similar to a relationship dynamic and feelings evoked from an earlier time in your life (your past). Does your current relationship dynamic with this individual mimic any of the relationships from your past? Does he treat you in a way that evokes certain types of feelings and emotions that you can recall experiencing in your past? And please keep in mind that my question is not limited to 'romantic' relationships or anything - just anyone (including parental figures) who may have interacted with you in a way that would have evoked similar emotional responses as you find yourself experiencing now in relation to this individual.

Thanks for your time...

That is a very good question! I would have to say that there is not really any specific person from my past that mimics my dynamic with him. Yes, some people say that you subconsciously seek out partners that remind you of your parents. My dad is strict and we don´t ever talk about feelings, just like with Sir. But they are still very different.
When i was about 14 (when your brain is still developing) i talked to quite a few old men online. I wanted care and attention because i felt lonely, and they gave it to me. But they also asked me to do sexual things which i did. And then i met Sir, on a chat site. And he claimed he was saving me from those men, but now he´s becoming one of them...

I was doing so well.....I´m back at square one now. I had online sex with him a few days ago (tmi, sorry) and it made me like him so much, again. He reminded me tat my place was below him. He literally said it. Your place is below me. I don´t know, i´m a confused mess.

My dear, please get rid of this man. ANYONE who says that your place is BELOW them is demeaning you..... that is a very degrading comment!!!! This man does NOT respect you... he does not love you.. he is taking advantage of you and is disrespecting you severely. Like I said before, please value yourself more. You deserve FAR better than that. You deserve to be treated like an equal and with respect. I am sure there are things you like about him, but you are disrespecting yourself by accepting this kind of treatment.

what is confusing you about this? Do you like the way this makes you feel? Is it just reinforcing your own feeling of lack of self-esteem so you feel comfortable with it rsther than ANGERED by it.

Wow, any guy that said that to me even back in the 1970's when I was in college would hsve been dumped so quickly his head would have been spinning.

Actually my H at the time tried a variation on that theme after we got married he thought put doen sarcasm was cute & so he was clnstantly putting me down. I threw it right back in his face for a short while but hated how it made me feel doing it. Besides I KNEW i was his equal (if not better) i was acing my college degree while he was just getting by & I was aiming at the same career as he was. Finally told him to stop or get out of my life because I had no use or time for his crap in my life.

Not always easy to stand up for ones own value but definitely a worthwhile skill to learn & also work on gainibg that confidence level in yourself.

No matter what anyone does for you, you are NEVER less than them!!!!

Yes, and to add to that... I would be outraged by that comment. That person would have heard it from me and then some if I had received it. It's a good question why you're not angered & incense by this type of treatment.

Do you have a good therapist? I think it's time to work on your self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth, and to take a good hard look at these things square in the eye.