I feel neglected.

It seems that my boyfriend would rather play on his online game Runescape than spend time with me.....we live together, and even though I see him, it's like we never spend any time together...Even when he decides to come lay down with me on the couch to watch t.v., he has to get up and check the game every 10-15 minutes, and if someone messages him or something, it's way more important...after we make love, there's never any cuddling afterwards, he always gets up, and checks the game && the forums.
I ask him if he could lay with me and spend time with me, but he says "No. I can't." and he gets so mad when I get sad about it. I don't know what to do.
I've tried talking to him about it but he always gets mad at me. He says its the only thing to do, which hurts, because I'm here, you know, and it's like hes saying I'm not worth spending time with.
I just want to cry because for the past 4 months I've felt like I'm competing with a virtual game for my boyfriend. IT's caused alot of stress, and the stress and neglect us just becoming way too much for me.
I love my boyfriend a lot, but I don't know how to get him to understand how lonely and neglected I feel....and advice/suggestions?
Thanks..

Been there, done that. I spent way too much time on the computer and left my ex g/f feeling the same way you feel.

Communication is the key, so have a serious talk with him. Tell him how he makes you feel. If he cares about you, he'll pay attention and try to bring the "magic" back. If not, I guess you know what you'll have to do, for your own sanity.

There is a lot of potential that this is truly an addiction and can be treated through addiction treatment. You'd have to have him *see* that though. Addicts do not understand they are addicted unless they are told over and over again that they are hurting those around them with their actions.

The definition of addiction is pretty much how you describe him playing Runescape (my 11 yo daughter plays it from time to time, not too much).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addiction

Japan and China have setup Internet Addiction centers for treating kids.

http://www.healthinforum.org/Interne...list-88-1.html
http://www.prlog.org/10011176-intern...s-to-grow.html

And remember - it's not your fault. Internet addiction is a huge problem for the addict (and it hurts others around them).

Either you can help guide him to getting his addiction in check - or you can put up boundaries that he has to respect or face consequences. "If you need to go on the internet after we make love - you are not respecting me and I will have to ask that you change your ways or we face ending our relationship." What I think you guys should work out is a limit of online time per day - say 3 hours - or no internet after 10pm. I'm sure he plays far more than that. I have put limits on my kids access and it has helped (they're 11 and 13 - so you have to start early).

Is he relying on you to pay the bills/rent/etc.? If you make it a consequence that hits him in the wallet somehow, maybe you can make it work. Otherwise, you're in a tough situation there. Keep in mind that he does not have the makings of a strong man and father figure if he keeps this up - so you have to look at whether you want to keep him as your ongoing love interest if this keeps up. It's not alcoholism - but it's just as hurtful.

Neglect is a very harsh form of abuse.

Neglect is a very harsh form of abuse.

Sad but true....no matter if it is intentional or not

My boyfriend has done this throughout our entire relationship...
I tried to talk to him about it numerous times but he still didn't care... He really was addicted... He's made an effort to not play as much and ignore me... as much... but it still does happen... I don't even think he realizes how much he plays. He loses track of time is what happens. It's pretty frustrating... I realize after almost 6 years that it isn't going to change.. so I just found my own hobbies so he does his thing and I do mine. I've just accepted it now.

Oh and about him not cuddling with you after you have sex and having to check the game right after... My boyfriend actually picked up the controller while we were having sex one time... and started playing... can't tell you how much that hurt me!! So glad he's not nearly as bad anymore.

Maybe just plan more actual dates with him instead of hanging out at home so that way he can't play the game... go out to dinner... go out to the bar... movies... whatever... so the game isn't there. I believe he really is addicted to it and that's sad but if you start planning dates and going out that could help to wean him off of them.

I agree .. my boyfriend and i have the same problem .. only he plays call of duty. it drives me freakin nuts - we've had the convo about it probably 15 times. it hasn't done me much good either, i just try to entertain myself and tell him that if there's one night i really do want him to lay with me it shoudln't be too much to ask. doesn't always work but it was the closest to a compromise we could get because me asking him not to play all the time was me "controlling" him. good luck!

Well, I've tried talking to him numerous times about it..&& he tells me that I'm overreacting && then he just gets mad at me. So most of the time, I get too scared to even bring it up..

Yea, if he isn't on the computer, he's on the 360, playing call of duty world at war...actually, now since we have the type of t.v. stand you can swivel, he can sit at the computer with runescape up, WHILE playing C.O.D....so yea..ha.

It just really hurts. He can stay up all night and day playing it. He puts off doing homework. Then when he finally crashes to sleep, it's like he's dead, and won't even wake up for classes.

I don't know. It just hurts so much, that I can't even describe the feeling anymore..

I mean, it's not that I get angry about it. I just get really hurt...I mean, God, if I even get started on waiting and wanting to go to sleep at a decent time with him...ha, that will deff put me to tears.

I thought it would change once we got back together following my miscarraige..they told me a large amount of stress was to blame, and I had been feeling so neglected and it was feeling more like unloved as the days went on and I thought he understood that once we got back together but I guess not. I just want my boyfriend to pay attention to me like he does his friends online or the games...

Reading this just as my son sits down to play his XBox360... (he's 13).

The boys need to know that relationships with real people realy are more important than online anything. Including work (when they eventually get a job) - if work calls, they will sometimes have to say "no, I can't - I'm with my family."

I have to ask my son numerous times to stop playing to come to dinner. Sometimes it comes to setting up consequences "if you do that again, you will lose it for a week." You almost have to mother/father your mate in situations like you're describing and actually lay down consequences.

Online friends (they truly aren't friends, but that's not the point) - online friends don't have consequences. You can "walk in and out of their lives" at any time - the addiction is that "what if I'm missing something in the community? I better get online." I wish people would be with real people with that much vigor. The only thing I know similar is going to concerts - where people are together in a group for the reason of hearing a favorite band.

I'm a guy (well, older than your bf's) and I do/did react to consequences over my life. Lay down some consequences and see if the boys will react. If they don't you have to see how much the situation is worth it for youself to continue with. There really are guys who are into things like sports and hanging-out without online access. One example was back in the 80s - my college room mate was raised in a house which didn't allow TV viewing. Turned out he was extremely smart, good social skills, good life skills and the ability to stay focused on work. I introduced him to a girl who he later married. Had a good family life too.

He needs to pay attention to you, you need to talk to him clearly and openly about how you feel.

He needs to try to make you feel better, and work on what seems to be an addiction.

sending hugs

First off I would like to say I am sher's boyfriend and yes I have neglected her, over the last few months we have come in to some hardships which have lead us to drift apart. One was me having to pay all the rent and bills and pay for all her food I started feeling as though I was being used, and I know it's hard to find work out there now a days but sometimes it just felt like she wasn't trying even if she was. I had paid full rent and utilities for almost 6 months now and I have been slightly depressed as well due to all of that I do drowned myself in video games because I find it better then drinking or using drugs like my father. I have been to substance abuse classes and I do know that I am the type of person to become addicted to things very easily. I do use video games to drowned the real world out because it's a place where I can feel different and sometimes even better than I am in person. My mom has told her as well as I have told her my problems. yes, I have stopped getting on the computer a lot more often, because we broke up after me finding out she had been talking to another guy named matt, then we got back together after a long talk and I cut back on the computer time a lot unless it was homework for the most part.

This last week things have gotten better or so I thought until I found out she was still talking to matt which she has posted something about at this this tread (t=92502). We have currently broke up because she has lied to me a lot and I really do love her I would love to give her another chance and let her move back in but I think she needs to prove to me that she won't need another man to talk to besides myself and she will have to regain my trust. since she rarely talks to me about her problems and I believe that it may have been because of this other guy for the most part. I think maybe he was filling in the void since she can really never talk to a person face to face its always been hard for her and I know that and I'm trying to learn how to talk to her, so please do not take this as a personal attack. I was only posting this to give you an angle of the story you may not see since its only her side of the story. Sherry I do love you and I hope we can work these things out but it will take time.

I had a job when we moved into together at the mall, but after christmas, they stopped giving a lot of people hours, me included. I have tried looking for a job, but it's really hard around here..I've applied at a lot of places, including McDonald's and Kroger's. When I had a job, all the money I got in my paycheck went straight to him, I never used any of it for me. Because I didn't want him to think I wasn't trying to contribute.

Yes, his mother did tell me about his problems, but I think since even he knew about it, he shouldn't have let it go on so long and let me get to the point I was being neglected. He had done it ever since we moved in together, well before this Matt guy came into the picture. And yes, after we had gotten back together in early February, he had cut back on the computer time. and I was very grateful.

Almost every post I've posted on this site has somehow revolved around you...I cannot talk to guys because growing up I saw my mother get beat for trying to express her feelings to all of the guys she had in her life. I can talk to my guy friends a lot more better than a boyfriend, I have always been like that...I'm not sure why. This Matt guy, who is my ex-boyfriends best friend, was someone to talk to about sports (which you don't like) or our problems (because I wanted the oppsite sexes opinion) And yes, I lied to you about talking to Matt, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings at first...that's the type of person I am, and that is a downfall. I'm not trying to use that as an excuse, but everyone knows that's how I am..Only recently did I find out what he truly wanted, and I'm sorry for how things went..I really am.

I want to be with you, and move back in and be happy...because honestly I'm so scared that me not being there is just going to have you think that I'm doing something with a guy because you're not there to keep an eye on me. I am trying my best now to regain your trust, and I hope I'm doing good...the past is the past..it's unchangable and I've learned the hard way that dwelling on it is not worth it...I can't change the past, but I can make sure our present and future is better and that's what I'm hellbent on doing...Because I love you.

Hi Sher,

Sounds like Your boyfriend has some kind of problem. Whether it be an addiction, boredom, immaturity or whatever... I don't know, but you have to realise that it is HIS PROBLEM.

You can try to kindly and lovingly (maybe check out some books on communication & relationships) let him know how his actions make you feel. Then you can decide what YOU are going do to if he does not change. That's about all you can do. Trying to control him in any way won't really work and will make both of you even more unhappy.

Sometimes the more we try to hang on to someone, the more smothered or controlled they feel. And the more out of control and unhappy we feel. Only setting them free by focusing on ourselves and "our own" problems and unhappieness has the possibility of bringing change in a relationship. But you need to truly be ready to let go of the relationship for your own good. Sometimes letting go snaps the other person back into reality, or makes them aware of what they have to lose. Sometimes they don't change or see things any differently at all.

You need to true to yourself and your needs. Maybe as you take care of yourself you will find, as another person mentioned here, that his actions no longer bother because you are busy and happy with your own "things." Maybe as you become more involved in things that make you happy and content, you will find you don't really want to be with someone like him anyway. Take care of yourself and all your relationships will fall into place eventually.

sorry, no advice that hasn't already been given but do take care of you.

- twilite

My boyfriend is the same. I met him online through a game, I'm not a heavy gamer I just enjoy time on the internet, I started playing the game because my ex played it. That and among all the other things that bother me are tearing us apart. I moved from Southern California to Northern Kentucky and the gaming has gone down (I let him enjoy his gaming time though it does get to the point where I want to pull hairs) but things are just horrible... I assumed that it was because of all the fighting we did about the gaming when I was still back home as well as my insecurities, but things are just bitter. If you love him and you really can't see yourself away from him, keep fighting for him, maybe get a hobby and abuse it, you know be away from him to get him to want you more... let him miss you like you miss him. If that doesn't work figure out something else... I mean if you really do see the things you once loved about him, then don't let anyone tell you how you feel because they are just spectators. Follow your heart, fight for your man. But if you truly lost that spark and you're just banging your head up against a brick wall then maybe it's time to balance out what's good for you. I mean people can tell you what you could or couldn't do, only you can decide to do them...

My ex-boyfriend was like that he would play Gears of War and Call of Duty online like one night he actually sat up the whole night and played the game and I woke up at 7 a.m. and saw this, then whenever I got home, he would be sitting on the computer reading the forums and then he would have the game on pause, and since I took courses online the use of the computer for my educational purposes usually would come up in an argument. Don't get me wrong he would go to work and class but as soon as he got home he was on that video game and I would be mad because I'm like "hello girlfriend here!" Then when we would finish having the first thing he did after getting himself together he would hop on the computer to read forums all night long.

Yeah sounds a lot like my boyfriend. When he gets home from work ZIP he's right on the stupid computer. Reading stuff for his Wii his other baby! Then when he whips out his lap top if I even touch it slightly I get yelled at. I mean I'm a bigger girl so my hips are the size of Texas and a half, if I go and sit next to him I might accidentally nudge his USB mouse thingie and he'd say "Dont make me beat you!" But he jokes about everything, though is humor isn't tasteful I know he'd never touch me on purpose he's not like that but still it's pretty rude dont you think? He calls it his other girlfriend. Yeah... I've been teathering with the idea of hoppin on a plane back to CA but that family life is a whole nother ballpark for me. Ugh... Listen girl, it's better to nip it in the butt now than later! My boyfriend isn't on the games 24/7 because we talked about it. Don't hide your emotions when you talk to him, it obviously hurts you and if you tell him how you feel, he should realize how much it effects you, if he doesn't and gives you this "You're over reacting stfu" thing going on then he's not worth it, it's one thing for a needy girlfriend to have him being on her hip all the time (which we aren't!) and another thing for a girl who feels neglected and lost because the one she loves is regecting her. Tell him that you don't want to take his passion away (because really do you want him to be unhappy for you to be happy?) but you do want your lover at your side again. If all else fails tell him to have a good rest of his life with his xBox then if you aren't financially stable move into one of your best friends house or move back to your mom and dad. You need to surround yourself around people who love and adore you. This is not your problem, there's nothing wrong with you, he just has his priorities out of wack and he's too stupid to see that he's losing a good thing. Sorry most of this was venting haha... but really it's time to think about yourself instead of him. Sometimes the best thing is to let go. And it's not a loss it's a gain of oppertunity to get something better... But like my other reply, if there is a light at the end of the tunnel dont let it slip away no matter how small it is.

You all fail to relize she was talking to another man for 3 months of our relationship and thats why she never talked to me about her problems, we are now broken up and i do HATE her because she used me the whole time we where together. You have no idea what she has done because she lies about everything and she only tells half truths. she negelcted to tell you she allways wishes for me to spend my money on her for just about anything such as food and rent and utilities. Our relationship failed because of her constant lies and failure to pay bills since we were supposed to split the bills but that never happened. theres a reason she lost her job or she basically quit her job. which ever truely happened. and the guy she was talking to 3 months well i found a message stateing "her throat was to sore to go down on him" on the monday i attended school after we had been back together for only 16 days maybe? so you can talk down on me all you want she has used me and planned to keep using me as long as i would take her back... When i told her we would never get back together she was pissed. so thank you can some one please close this topic? or refur the users to her other post that tells half the truth on the story as well

Been there did that my self with RuneScape and now living with it with my husband that also plays RuneScape... and what can I say, but that games of any kind are very addictive even when you still love another.

GL and God bless!

I actually don't see the problem here. Sher is unhappy with Rekon because he is addicted to video games and won't spend time with her or talk to her. Rekon hates Sher because she had a friendship with another guy for 3 months and she was unemployed and so he provided her with food, rent, and utilities, which he resents. Sounds like both people are highly dissatisfied with the other, and they are no longer living together. Sounds like they split up and so both can move on now that the unsatisfactory partner is out of their lives.

Good luck to both of you. Hopefully you have learned from the experience and can do better in future relationships.

(I am appalled at the number of women who have posted here about their partners who are addicted to video games. Sounds like an epidemic. )

Sher, as I remember, didn't have an affair, with anyone, it was a guy who kept bothering her and Rek didn't bother to find out the truth, albeit Sher should have told him what was up, both failed at communicating. If one can't handle people having friends, be it a same sex or not, something is wrong, altho again, this situation was a little diff and was handled wrong.

As well, I was responding to the fact if you love someone, you take care of them in their down times, if needed...not say, why am I paying the rent and the utilities, etc., which I guess in essence would say to me you didn't love them in the first place. Guess it sounds to me like this relationship was doomed from the get go...*shrug*

As for video games...LOL, have you not heard of EQ, EQII and WoW, and now War Hammer, and LoTRO? Literally millions of people play these, WoW (World of Warcraft) alone has over 1 million people who play. It's an addiction just like any other, altho it's easier to quit, people admit to having withdrawls when they do quit...you get that "good" feeling, like when you smoke a cig, or take that drink.

I'll let it rest, as you say, it's over, and I agree, they should just both move on.

More than we know... and more than some are willing to admit.

Okay, I just want to point out that I never started this thread to have Rekon feel bad. But what this person said, I agree with whole-heartedly. As for him hating me, yes, he called me a few times just to tell me that. And once he shouted that in my ear, I lost my love for him. I lost all respect and everything for him. We will never get back together, and that is fine with me. We both just were not meant to be together, and it happens all the time all around the world. I am done trying to prove myself, and I'm done hating myself, because I have never felt like this before.

He knows he will always have a place in my heart, but that is it.