Meditation anyone? 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks... you in?

Awesome stuff there Sun. I am going to do some of that on my walk. It is lunch time over here so I better get offline and have a fast lunch and get outside before the sun hides on me again.

ps.... my stomach issue have passed. It was anxiety. I found yesterday that it would settle after some time in the quietness of my own room but when my son came it to talk with me as time went by the tension in my stomache returned. I must be more stress out these days then I thought. All the paper work for my disability applications have finally been sent off. I guess the relief from that is helping to reduce the stress acting out on my tummy. Now for the waiting game. 4 to 6 months they say.

Okay... gotta get outta here. Catch up with you all later.

Oh... one more thing. Were you able to open wingin'it's link? It didn't work for me.

Hi ((((((ss))))))) I was able to see the pic that wing posted. I didn't need to open a link, the image just showed up for me in the post.

I'm glad your tummy is feeling better and that you've determined the aching is definitely caused by anxiety. I'm sure that applying for disability and all the doctor visits etc has been very stressful. Well done for getting it done! I'm keeping everything crossed for you!

My back ache is pretty constant. I imagine it is not helped by spending hours at the computer (though it is really bad lying in bed too). I don't take anything for it because I don't like taking stuff, but it's getting pretty depressing now. I have been to a physical therapist and he gave me a bunch of exercises to do which I have not been very diligent about doing! Time to revisit those!!!!

I hope you're having a lovely walk. The area where you live sounds beautiful (if cold!!!!!) Will look forward to hearing more from you later today

I think you need to try that matt Sun. I have the odd back strain but nothing like you describe. I can appreciate that the strain of coping will trigger some depression. I hope you get some relieve soon. Have you ever tried yoga? I wonder if it would help at all. I have been thinking, just thinking lol about pulling out a yoga CD. Seems a good complement and prelude for meditation.

The walk didn't go so well. While sitting here I feel fine but as soon as I get up and started to get ready the hyperventilating and physical weakness set in. I barely made a block before I had to turn around. I was so weak that I was tipping from side to side with each step I took. My body just felt like a ton. I staggered down the road as though I were drunk. The exhaustion weakens my defenses and trigger a crying spell. The whole way I was trying to breath but I couldn't get it to slow down. Interestingly I would yawn every once in a while and that was the only time I felt some relief.

I am back sitting again and everything has settled down. No more yawning either. I am back to thinking it is my thyroid and if it is then it will pass within the week. If it doesn't I will go back to the doctor.

While sitting here in my office I am enjoying the view of the mountain outside my window against the bright blue sky. Second best to walking in it I guess. I need to get up again to make my son some lunch since I didn't make it before my walk because I didn't want to miss the sunshine.

I think some meditative walking and keeping my movements slow might help me get it done without another tipping over episode.

Sorry for going on so much about this but I sure appreciate being able to share.

Meditation and focused breathing have been my best friends today. Taking deep breaths and returning to my centre has been extemely helpful. Thank you again Sun for introducing me to meditative walking. Making lunch in that slow calm keep the anxiety and weakness at bay. I could actually enjoy my lunch. And I love the gathas. I spent some time with the 'throughout the day' breathing. I loved it when i got to the smile. It felt good to be relaxed enough to smile. I look forward to starting my day with it tomorrow. I thought maybe I would try to write my own poem or verse to use.

I sat for awhile this evening meditating on the word peace for a while and focusing on visions the word gave me. I then moved up and down my body in my mind repeating the words relax, let go. My breathing was easy to maintain a comfortable calming rate. I think my brain was just too tired to cause any distractions. To close the session I just sat in the quiet of mindlessness. I felt so calm and relaxed I just didn't want it to stop.

When I opened my eyes again 45 minutes had passed. I had a nap this afternoon but I don't think it is going to interfer with sleep tonight. The calm of the meditation and attention to my breathing continues to keep me in a place anxiety free. I am optomistic about being able to sleep.

It has been a good night. Considering my day and how I have been feeling lately I am sure, without the meditation and focused breathing I would be in a pretty bad place by now. My emotions would be all over the map and I would be totally tied up with anxiety. Instead I am maintaining the calm and the aches and pains have lost their grip on me. I feel blessed.

Had to stop by before bed to share the peace. Cutting myself off the computer now before I get too engaged and risk any interfering stimulations.

Goodnight my friends. Be well.

Thanks for caring about my back! And thanks for reminding me about the mat!!! I keep forgetting that!!!! I'm going to write it down right now so that I look it up tomorrow!

I have tried yoga and I found it quite hard. My muscles are all pretty tight (no doubt that's also why I have the achy stiffness in my upper back). I'm quite fit physically because I do so much hiking and I've also done quite a bit of running over the years. But I am NOT flexible at all. And it was hard for me to do many of the yoga stretches. However, I do try and do some of them - for example the "cat" one where you go down on all fours and alternately arch your back and then make it dip. I also like that one where you lie on your back and bring your knees up to your chest and hold on to them and sort of rock gently back and forth. Those I can handle and they don't hurt!

I'm going to speak to the naturopath about it too when I go back and see her next week. She does some kind of body work, I think. I've had chiropractic before but I get freaked out by the sudden jerky and sometimes quite violent seeming manipulations (though I know chiropractic does wonders for some people). I guess I can always see about some more physical therapy too, though that really comes down to me doing the exercises I'm supposed to do!!

Well, sorry to go on about that! I'm sorry your walk was difficult and that it was hard to find energy and also to get into a good pattern with your breathing. I do so hope that it is your thyroid which is responsible, in which case increasing your meds should help with that. Crossing my fingers for you!!!

Yay!!! That's wonderful! I'm so happy to hear this! I think it's a fantastic idea to write your own "gathas". Here's another one I just found on another website which really sums up a lot of what you have described here about your breathing being the calming force which is helping to hold it all together:

In fact, here are a bunch more!! I like all of these. I think they are separate gathas (each one being two lines), but they were published together in this order and they also work well as a longer verse.

I really can't thank you enough for starting this thread. I am getting so much out of it. I really look forward to reading and posting here every day. It is wonderful to be able to share so much here about our experiences. Thank you so much! ((((((ss))))))

Wishing everyone a very restful and healing night

Because it might permanently change your world and change is sometimes disconcerting?

Wow Sun. Those are great. My memory is lousy so I had to read them but I think the spirit of them will enter my consciousness eventually. Maybe I should write them out on some nice paper cards so I am not distracted by other things on the page. It would probably be very relaxing and soothing to do that. It would also help me to remember them.

I too am glad we started this thread. It wouldn't be where it is without you and others coming and finding enough value to keep it going so thank you for what you to to keep this thread alive. I would have no doubt I would have dropped out a long time ago. Almost did at one point but with yours and lavias and others support I was able to get over that hurdle.

I had an interesting night last night. I meditated before bed and felt ready for sleep but when I got into bed as soon as I layed down my heart started racing and my breathing was speeding up. I stayed there as started to focus on my breathing. It still took some time to fall asleep but there was no tossing and turning. It was actually pleasant to just lay there resting and being with my breath. It was such a controdiction to what I am used to. Other times it would always be the struggle that I focused on which only made it worse. Sometimes I would end up crying because I was so desperate for sleep. I would end up out of bed and accepting that there would be no sleep that night.

My sleep was very restful. I woke a few times in the night but fell asleep again very quickly. I woke refreshed even with the wake ups.

Still convinced meditation is magic. It is definately helping me when symptoms are acting up and threatening to take my down or hype my up into some form of mania. I feel more in control of my response when symptoms start acting up. No major meltdowns lately even though there have been a lot of stresser to trigger me.

Ps... how is your back today Sun?

Thanks (((((((Ice))))))) I think you're absolutely right that even positive change can be scary. I've often had the sense that I'm afraid of feeling better and I think that's because I would then have so far to fall. Whereas if I remain in this somewhat depressed, somewhat anxious state, I don't have much to lose. That's pretty sad!! But there is something like that going on with me. Whenever I have a good day, I'm so scared of it ending. I need to work on this and get better at just going with the flow and trusting the process of living each moment. Thanks for your comment

((((((ss))))))) I think it's a great idea to write some of the verses down on cards. I might try that too!! I'm so glad you had a better night last night and that you found it restful and not stressful to focus on your breathing while you were in bed. That's great!!!

I had a weird night. The night part was ok but then I woke up suddenly from a dream at 7.30 this morning and I felt like I couldn't breathe properly. I can't even remember what the dream was about now, but I know it wasn't a nightmare. I lay there for a moment trying to calm myself but I felt a rising sense of panic.

It's hard to explain about the breathing. I wasn't breathing fast or gasping or anything, it was more like I was hardly breathing at all. It was like the mechanism that controls my breathing had stopped. I tried to take a slow deep breath and I just couldn't do it. So I took a shallow breath and then exhaled really quickly. I think something physiological happens when you don't breathe properly and I definitely started to feel strange with some odd muscle twitches too. I got up and went to the bathroom and that helped calm me down a bit. It's odd because my pulse is not racing at that point. In fact, my pulse feels slow, but instead of feeling calm, I feel very anxious. Then I start feeling panicky which results in even more physiological symptoms.

This used to happen frequently at night (and during the day too) and it was horrible. Thankfully it hasn't happened in a while. I went back to bed and I really tried to focus on taking deeper breaths. It took me about 45 minutes before I felt more relaxed. Then I dozed for a bit.

When I got up this morning I felt anxious. And my breathing still felt somewhat self-conscious. I did meditate after I got up and it went ok. Then I went for a long hike with my hubby and the dogs and that helped. But I can't completely shake the anxiety. It's a body feeling. My body just feels anxious. I need to distract myself.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that out!! My back is sore (thanks for asking!).

I just read your other thread in the Bi Polar forum (((((((ss))))))) and I'm so sorry for the emotional distress you are going through. I hope so much that some peace will come to you

Hi everyone. Wow, it's been 4 pages since I was here last. A lot to catch up on. I appreciate the gathas. Some sound like Thich Nat Hahn's sentences, or perhaps he wrote phrases that were traditional. I'm sorry for the health-related challenges that you SS and Sundog are having. Thanks for the reminder about judging mind, SS, when I'm avoiding practices that would calm me. Self-criticism only makes it worse. Sundog, I can really identify with fear of change, even fear of success. A state of suffering or even milder dissatisfaction is familiar.

Sometimes, I've been motivated by visualizing a positive outcome, holding a visual concept of "reward" for the action I've been avoiding, since I struggle so frequently with lack of motivation and lethargy. I'll have to work with that again. I will try to sit tonight for at least 10 minutes. I didn't go to the sangha last Sunday or the week before, but will make the effort tomorrow. Peace to you all.

Great to see you here again ((((((((((lavie)))))))))))) Thanks for checking in I hope your sit goes well tonight and that you make it to the sangha tomorrow

Yes... great to see you here Lavie. Remind me again what sangha is?

I had to look it up the other day!

How is everyone doing today? Ok, I hope

I had a better night last night in that I didn't wake up feeling like I couldn't breathe properly and getting into a big panic. But I still didn't sleep well. Not sure what is up with my sleeping right now, but it's been out of whack for a week or so......

I did two shortish meditation sessions, one last night before bed and one this morning. It's a beautiful day here and I went out hiking earlier and spent some time holding on to a tree (not quite tree-hugging, but that same idea!) I love the energy of trees. They feel so solid (even though I'm also amazed how easily they sometimes blow over in storms). Anyhow, I'm going to go out again later and find somewhere to sit quietly in the sunshine.

Love and good feelings to all

That happens to me too Sun... where I am barely breathing and hardly a pulse can be found. It often follows high anxiety. It comes when I am anxious in place of hyperventilating. I am not sure why one or the other happens. Perhaps it represents the two extremes and either way the work is to get our breathing level.

I also know that feeling of your body feeling anxious and getting only momentary relief when we spend time with our breath and return to our centre.

It reminds me of something Lavie told us.... to learn to sit with anxiety. To acknowledge it but not let it take over your thoughts. Meditate instead on what it feels like not to be anxious about anything.

I have been practicing something new. Probably in response to my meltdown yesterday. Even when I would calm down a little bit I could feel the nagging anxiety haunting me ready to rise up with the slightest trigger. Each time I would say to myself, "Its just anxiety. Breath". Like you it isn't always easy at first to regulate the breathing. I discovered if whenever I felt the anxiety start to well up again if I immediately broke away and got my breathing steady again. As it turned out there wasn't much I could do without triggering some anxiety from within or without but it did prevent the anxiety from getting out of my control.

I hope your anxiety eases and that you are able to get a restfull sleep tonight.

Thank you for your support regarding my son. I am still struggling to keep from curling up and a corner somewhere and just melting into tears. I did actually melt down once when the sound of the snow plow outside brought me to my knees. I did some meditative walking around the house to help calm me down again.

Other then that I had a very mindful night. My only interest was to get a break from thinking about the situation so I could focus on returning to my breath. Sometimes one deep inhald and slow exhale was all I needed. Other times it would take more. Depended on how quickly I responded.

Even though I had done all this to manage the anxiety when my head hit the pillow in search of sleep the tears welled up again and I just felt too wasted to try to fight it. Eventually I did get back to focused breathing but the anxiety would quickly return. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I woke feeling anxious and depressed. The day has been another duel with anxiety. So far I am winning the battle.

One minute at a time emersed in what is beautiful around me. Like the view from my window watching the snow coming down and noticing how pretty the trees look all covered in snow. Looks like we got 6 inches at least since it started late last night. It is snowing very heavily so who knows when it will stop.

The drive way is beckoning me to come out with the shovel but I am not sure I am really up for it. My son is on crutches so it falls on me. Can't remember his excuses for the last 2 snow falls last week but I know I sure don't feel like it right now. I am inclined to just not go anywhere and leave the drive and my truck buried in snow.

I will go for a walk and maybe play some in the snow. Too dry for a snow buddy. Maybe some angels would be fun. I shall see after that how much shoveling I can do.

geesh I am long winded these days. I guess it is serving as a kind of release for me these days.

When you mentioned the tree Sun I thought about the big old cedar tree in my yard. It has a section in its trunk that kind of caves in from the ground up for about 6 feet. It is the perfect place to lean into and feel hugged by the tree. I sometimes will go there to pray or meditate on my breath or just offer my appreciation for the tree. Before I leave I give an offering of tobacco by placing a little bit of it in each of the 4 directions at the base of the tree. Giving thanks to Great Spirit and the Grandmothers and Grandfathers.

I hope your sleep is more restful tonight Sun. I know I could really use a good nights sleep too. I am sure it would help reduce some of our anxiety.

Any thoughts of going to the doctor and seeing if this is med related? I am pretty sure my out of wack thyroid has contributed to mine. I am hoping the new dose will bring me some relief soon. We aslo increase the Limictal so I am hoping it will kick in soon and lessen the mixed episodes and overall anxiety.

No formal sits again but lots of moments of mindlessness resting with my breath.

Hi ((((ss)))) I loved seeing your snow lady in the other thread!! Great job!! And I loved hearing about your cedar tree and the tobacco offering you make.

I'm really sorry you cried yourself to sleep last night but it sounds like you did great with managing the anxiety. You have a real reason to feel anxious and it must be incredibly hard to maintain any sense of calm when you're so overwhelmed emotionally. And yet you obviously did manage to do just that. My anxiety is more "free-floating". There is nothing specific I am anxious about, other than my own feelings - both physical and emotional. And I am very anxious about those. I live in fear of myself. Of my own mind and body and the tricks they play on me. I fluctuate between thinking there MUST be something physical causing this (I've been to the doctor many times and she can't find anything specific), and between thinking that it really is "just" anxiety. Either way, I don't seem to end up feeling any better though.

I was relieved to hear that you also have that experience with being very anxious but having a low pulse at the same time (well, obviously, I wish you didn't have that experience, but it's so strange to me that this happens and it's comforting on some level to know that it's not just me). I don't really understand it since all the literature on panic attacks and anxiety talk about a rapid heartbeat, not a slow heartbeat......That's one reason why I'm scared to take benzos like Ativan, because they slow down your heart rate and your breathing, which is the last thing I need to happen......

The only medication I take is Zoloft (I don't have an official diagnosis of Bipolar even though I do post in that forum and am part of the BP Social Society) My diagnosis is Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Panic Disorder and specific phobias, and dysthymia. I've recently started taking some homeopathic remedies and I thought they were helping, but every time I "relapse" back into the really bad anxiety, I start questioning it all. I'm going back to see the naturopath on Friday....

I do try and tell myself that it's anxiety and that it will go away again. And I have got better at not reacting to the anxiety. But it still manages to catch me off guard sometimes - like when I wake up and immediately feel panicky for no apparent reason - and in those situations I find it hard to calm down again.

Today has been a better day overall, but this evening I've been feeling anxious again and I'm scared to go to bed in case I have a panic attack. But I am going to go upstairs now and do some meditation and then go to bed.

Phew!! Sorry to write so much. And to go way off the topic of meditation!! Thanks for listening

I really hope you have a better night tonight ((((((((((((ss)))))))))))))))

I have not posted for many days. It is very good to read your posts. Although I must admit I did not go back too far to read. SS I love hearing about your tree and the tobaco offering. You are such an inspiration. Sun, you are also such an inspiration to me. I am sure if I read back I would read other peoples posts and be duly inspired as well.

It was intersting reading about the panic attacks etc. I have them. I told me doctor but she didnt take it very seriously. No one honestly does. Perhaps thats the way I want it. So Im not thrown on very heavy drugs. I have klonazapham to take when I get an attack. But usually I do not take it because its addictive. And the more I would take it, the higher dose I would need. So I usually just manage to get through them somehow. I try to breathe properly through them. Because I know that the breath is so important. I was also told to take rescue remedy ( Or what I take which is Australian Bush emergency remedy).

I read about Sangha here. I used to be in a local Sangha associated with Thich Nhat Hanh. I know they are many places throughout the country, and world. And I know they do meditation, walking and sitting. here is a link if you are interested in seeing if there is a Sangha in your area http://www.mindfulnessbell.org/index.php Where it says "directory" on the top is a dropdown menu specifically relating to Sanghas.

I have to get back to sitting. Starting tonight. I do not sit on the floor. The teacher I have been relating to in the past many years recommends sitting on a chair. Its a meditation model that comes out of the Berkley Psychic Institute. A guy named Michael J Tamura teaches it. Although he has not been affiliated with the institute in many years. Life is ever changing. So perhaps in the future I will find a way that I relate to more. But he teaches to sit on a chair when meditating. Hey, whatever works. I would be grateful to just be able to get in the meditation zone and stay there for a while. Great work SS that you did it for 45 minutes !!!!
Huge thanks to all. I love reading your words. Inspiration and challenge. Thank you for the community <3<3<3

I can totally relate to everything you say about anxiety. My dx is BP, anxiety and panic disorders, phobias and a few others I seriously question. I think sometimes they just like to make a list for the sake of making a list. Not to mention their interest in justifying a boat load of meds. The symptoms are so intertwined between all of these that labels don't much matter at the end of the day.

I can also relate to the kind of over thinking you do to try to figure out what is going on, how to fix it and questioning if what you are doing is working or not.

I know what you mean about the almost not breathing seeming contrary to popular assumptions. I have come to think of it this way... when our breath seems non existent I think it is our last defense to fight the anxiety. It is anxiety to the extreme in a way. It is like our bodies shutting down a little. It is not conscious but an unconscious anxiety driven response to overload. Just a thought... I overthink things too. lol.

Other then the circumstantially triggered anxiety that can catch me off guard and have me on my knees before I am able to get a grip on it, I have times when I just generally feel on edge and wound up really tight ready to snap at any moment. The anxiety I hate the most are those times when my hypersensitive to sounds in particular is heightened. Sounds that other people don't even notice will have me cringing and pressing my hands over my ears to try to block it out. A motor cycle or a siren can bring me too my knees and immediately trigger convulsive crying. A sqeak or a squeal or a high pitched buzz just crumble me. I am getting better and breathing my way to recovery but if I can I will find a way to escape the noise and breath my way back to center. On a good day I may not react much if at all but on a bad day, a day when my anxiety is up everything is that much more intense. Like you say it is when an anxious response catches you off guard that is the hardest to deal with. Just that experience zaps your reserves and before you know you are caught.

I found an interesting article today about coping with anxiety. Looking beyond the sales pitch I found the approaches he shared worth the read. Here are the links to a couple of the ones I read tonight....

End anxiety in 4 easy steps.... it speaks to the idea of sitting with the anxiety that Lavie has talked to us about.....
http://www.panicaway.com/newsletter/1

Here is another from the same site but it also has on the right side a list of other articles that don't appear in the first link but seem interesting as well.

Getting to sleep when you have anxiety.....
http://www.panicaway.com/blog/getting-to-sleep-when-you-have-anxiety

I too hope for a better nights sleep yet here I am.... here we are... lol... still on line at 1am. Intensions are a great think hey. lol. I guess it is time to live the intension and breath my way to bed. No fear, no presupposing, no pre-anxiety. With a spirit of calm and focus only on what reflects balance and harmony. My words for meditation before I submit to finding sleep.

Be well my friend. Given how long and detoured my posts can be I am happy to see others do it as well. I am not so sure though that it is relevant to our meditation. I think by sharing our day to day struggles we are learning from and teaching each other how to apply them to our everyday. As we share we find commonality with each other and as such we are able to relate and share ways that we cope that might be useful to others.

I like where we are going with this thread. It as become very personal, real life and practical. We are being strengthen to keep at it and feeling more empowered as we go along. We have more determination to find the other side of our disorders because we are walking side by side together. The encouragement and support we are getting from each other is for me a great and wonderful gift. It is good not to be travelling this road alone. I would have quit weeks ago if not for you guys.

Wishing you an anxiety free sleep and a calm and refreshing wake up time.

Great to see you again sunset. I enjoyed your post and have much to comment on but at the risk of getting caught spending any more time on line tonight I will look forward to offering a response tomorrow.

Thank you for your kind words.

Before I closed my google image searching I thought I would contribute to the collection of photos we are gathering here.