General view on this. Diaper fetishism

Hello all,

My name is Dave and I have a subject at hand that I am both nervous and feeling strange talking about. I am hoping this more specific website, that has to do with mental issues and addictions, contains those that are more able to give constructive advice and opinions to me. I have posted(and have been kicked off other "love/self help" type forums for being assumed as a troll or whatever for the subject I presented. I was both embarrassed and shamed for the responses and being kicked off fo r real problem that I really wanted help with.

I'll start by saying that I indeed have a fetish that is commonly referred to as a DL/AB type lifestyle. DL is a Diaper Lover and AB is an adult that enjoys regression or "playing" baby dressed in diapers and wearing baby outfits "Adult Baby" I am more a DL than an AB, but I have ventured to the AB side more than one occasion. I do own several onsie type outfits and one-piece pajamas..things like that .
I am trying to be as detailed and simplistic as I can be in trying to explain to people how this is and what it's about. I hope you can bare with me and hopefully I can get a general view on what people think. I am planning to get offline help for this, but this is a good start.

I have felt the need to wear diapers since childhood(I'm 33 now) It's been with me forever and no, I have never suffered abuse or the like..I had a "normal" childhood. Also this has nothing to do with children or any of the things people associate diapers with. I am NOT one of those people so please do not bring it into this conversation.

The first memories I have are way back..I was like 6 years old and I stole diapers from my Aunts Diaper bag when she came over with my cousin on weekends. I can remember the excitement of seeing a diaper bag full of white diapers, the feel of the plastic and the smell of baby powder. I would run into bed and put them on....pretending to be a baby. This lasted for about a year and I went for over 7 years with no crave for diapers . At 14 I started to see commercials and magazine adds for Depends "adult diapers" I remember them showing the tapes and how they are pulled up between the legs ect ect and it re-sparked my curiosity. I would masturbate to it and craved to have the Depends on. At 14 I couldn't drive and had no money so I made due by making my own diapers out of towels and white Hefty bags.

At 18 I got a job and I started buying Depends...wearing them at night..ect ect... I've done this since then and at 33 years old I remain single and the fetish is getting to be a nuisance. I have displayed myself in public(Halloween) in just diapers and T-shirts. That idea started when I saw that college students at my college had wore diapers on initiation for Freshman year(New students = babies= diaper babies) is the idea. I thought wearing a diaper and shirt would not be a big deal for a Halloween thing. So for a few Halloweens now, I have been wearing them in public with good results. I have people wanting pictures with me, getting invited to parties and I even won a costume contest. My baby costume is quite nice consisting of a sleeper with prints, bottle and my diaper which is real and can be noticed underneath. Sometimes I go with just the diaper and shirt on.

So now you can see how far into my psyche this is for me. It's been part of me for my entire life, it has been the cause of my most recent break-up and it is really hurting now. Sometimes I try to forget it I box everything up and try to keep busy. I can't do it though. Anytime I see a diaper commercial, hear about Depends..ect ect.. I get the crave back.

It has become an obsession now and I really want to make an effort to at least understand why....why do I enjoy such an embarrassing, socially unacceptable, disturbing thing like this? I am totally normal when I am not regressed and wearing my outfits and that is something that most people will sit here and say.."you're a freak, weird, child molester rapist...and you are NOT normal. It really hurts to hear...you do not know.

So in conclusion..I have let you all inside something not many AB/or DL share often.... We are embarrassed about it and always scared of what other's think. We know it's strange, but we are more afraid of being labeled criminal sexual predators or something because of it. I hope to hear some very honest opinions about what I presented and I hope that you can see I am trying to honestly understand and get more control over this thing.

I plan on getting in person help with this, but for now I need a general idea what people would do when someone with a weird fetish admits it. I know in my heart I cannot totally leave my fetish... I just want to be able to shut it off when I want..to get more control over it and the sexual side of it.

I'm nervously awaiting for some mature and honest opinions about what I presented, those that want to insult or throw out assumptions about my state of mind without understanding..please do not reply.

To those that want to understand and can see I am trying to approch this in a mature manner, I really appreciate your concern and I wil be sure to give rep-points when I can.

Thank you
Dave.

Hi,

I find this topic interesting, yet strange. Not strange because I think it is wrong, because I don't really, just strange because it is different and I don't personally get it.

I do not, from what you have just posted, view you as "one of those people", so no worries there. I don't understand your fetish, but then again I don't really understand how people can have a thing for feet...or poodles. LOL!! (Not making fun of you, just trying to make you smile)

So, you mentioned that this fetish was the cause of your most recent break up and that you don't know why you enjoy such an embarrassing, socially unacceptable, disturbing thing like this.

I guess my first question for you would be what is causing you to feel embarrassed, ashamed, and disturbed? Is it the fact that you are actually interested in this type of lifestyle, or is it that you see other people's stigmatization of this lifestyle that causes you to feel these things. See, there is guilt, which is created within ourselves when we feel badly for our actions and then there is shame which is more often than not imposed upon us by another's judgment.

I mean, if you really enjoy this lifestyle and you're not hurting others by your participation, I don't see the issue. At that point I say be yourself and screw everybody else. If your Ex was not comfortable and you both attempted to compromise in the relationship and she still couldn't cope, then that sounds like her issue, not yours.

I know that there are others in the world who share your same fetish. I don't know if you've ever attempted to reach out and see if there was some sort of group that was involved in this lifestyle or if you've been too afraid to take that step, but it might be something to consider.

I'll be honest, it would creep me out a bit at first too, but only because I don't get it. Once I took the time to understand it though, it most likely would no longer be an issue. Unfortunately, not everyone can allow themselves to stray outside the box. For some, that's just to scary. But that has nothing to do with you.

Glad you found PC. Hope this helped some.

I'm mildly curious to see where this conversation is going to go from here. I don't happen to share your fetish; I'm not a potential partner for you, sexually or otherwise; I don't see how stuff that you do (I presume) in the privacy of your own home affects me in any way; and I'm personally not much interested in discussing diaper fetishism (or any number of other subjects) in general terms; so (in my case at least) what's there for us to talk about?

I can imagine about three directions in which this conversation could go, if it's to go anywhere: (1.) someone happens along who's either sufficiently interested in diaper fetishism to want to discuss it further, or sufficiently turned off by it that they can't resist sharing their reaction; (2.) someone gets interested in something else you've mentioned -- relationships, expensive hobbies, miniature dachshunds -- and we get to talking about that; or (3.) you get interested in what someone else is sharing, put your diaper fetish concerns on hold for a while, and join that conversation. (Anything I missed? )

That said, welcome to Psych Central!

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Come to find out -- while I was writing this reply, Elysium slipped in a much better one!

Fooze!!!

I don't know, I think we may just find some good people on this site willing to stretch out there minds enough to actually have a supportive conversation about this.

I mean there are so many different fetishes out there and no one is going to get, or be okay with all of them. I would love to see folks rise to the occasion and challenge themselves to actually offer their opinions in a supportive way, whether they can allow themselves to approve of this particular fetish, or not.

It's like anxiety....the more you allow yourself to be afraid, the worse it gets. The more you allow yourself to be afraid of other people's lifestyles the more scary they get. And just because you allow yourself to open up to this in discussion, doesn't mean you have to like it or agree with it.

Welcome Dave

You say you would like to get help for your fetish. I guess that means that the fetish is troubling to you in some way. How does it interfere with your relationships?

It seems your fetish is controlling you. You say you are embarrassed, but are a bit of an exhibitionist. You seem intent on keeping the fetish in some form.

Is a relationship important to you too? If so, do you intend to be open or covert about your fetish? Is your fetish such a part of you that you would forgo having someone to share your life with? Of course, I realize you may find someone who is understanding so you may have both.

I am not being judgmental. Life often is about trade-offs. What are your willing to trade-off to keep enjoying your fetish?

I agree with everything Elysium said. But I've heard of it before, and I don't think it's all that strange. However, I don't know the cause. If you're having trouble with obsessing over the behavior, I suppose you could try treating it the same way one would treat sexual addiction. Or there's an informative WikiHow on how to cope with being a diaper lover.

I've heard of this fetish, too, seen shows about it. I'm not freaked out by it or think badly of those into it, even though I'm not one of them.

I think this would be more appropriate in the Sex & Gender forum, not that I have a problem talking about it here.

I don't know much of anything on the subject of fetishes or sexual obsessions, nor am I or do I claim to be a psychiatrist or anything aside from a sympathetic observer. I can understand how difficult this is for you, especially when people are judgemental. Of things of a sexual nature (perfect example: homosexuality), people are often not understanding, but rude, harsh, and simply unaware of what they're saying or who it affects.

My take on the issue of DL/AB is this (take it for what it's worth, which probably isn't very much): basic psychology would suggest that you like the idea of being "babied". This doesn't mean that you are physically attracted to babies, nor does it mean you wish to be one; it simply means you may like the attention, pampering, and care that one recieves as a baby. Put in these terms, this doesn't seem all that weird. As for the diapers, (and this is assuming I'm correct, which I may not be) I think they symbolize babies to you, and may be a sort of trigger for your desire to be "babied".

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, I just figured, "What's the harm in throwing out an idea?" Whatever the case, welcome to PC, Dave. I think you'll find that this site is quite unique, and rarely judgemental (and in those rare cases, it's not your problem; it's the other party's). Honesty such as yours is welcomed. I hope you find some of the answers you seek here.

Fetishes are pretty normal for men, actually. I think the biggest thing is that you believe it is having negative effects on other parts of your life. When it starts to become an obsession and actually interfere with the healthy parts of your life, thats when you need help.

I think the best thing to do would be to go to a sex therapist. They will have more experience with these specific things like fetishes. If you really want help for this I think those would be the most appropriate people to ask. Especially because all the things we would probably suggest you have already said no to (i.e. being abused as a child etc....)

I think in a way everyone wants to be babied sometimes. We might pout or throw a fit or do something else seen as childish but yours is considered "abnormal" simply by societies standards. It's not "normal" to pout at 33 either but its definitely more accepted. I have tattoos and piercings and get looked down on by a lot of people for that and for being a smoker. Its not that its "abnormal" to like body art, its just not typically what "professionals" do lol

I first want to say that I am sometimes ashamed of the human species. To run you off from other self support sites because you have trusted others with honesty and sincerity makes me more then angry. Secondly, many of us can relate to behaviors that we wonder are healthy or not, and whether it is something we should embrace or change and fear of others condemning us for one reason or another. I hope you get a bit of confidence in sharing who you are, what your concerns are and how to address them through communicating. The downside is not everyone understands every individual concern so there is always a risk of someone hurting you. I don't see anything irreprehensible or wrong about what you do.

I hope you follow through with getting someone to help you delve a little deeper into how to learn to accept what you do and how to share that with trusted loved ones. Or, if YOU decide, this is something you would like change get leverage to do that. Ultimately, I hope you come to terms, with the real you. I know it isn't easy to feel good about your personal choices because others don't understand it but I hope you find a way to be the you who you are meant to be and do it on your terms.

I appreciate the responses, thank you so much. A lot of information at hand and I want to try and answer everyone here, so right now I will keep reading and I'll write up a conclusion in a day or so.

So far I can say that yes, it has become an obsession and I want to get more control of it. I want to seek out the answer as to why this sort of thing has been with me my entire life, that is something I cannot answer and I know there has to be a reason.
Although it is a rare fetish, it is more common than one thinks(Google Senator David Vitter) He actually hired girls to baby him(I wish I could afford that) Right now I can honestly say that I do enjoy it and I'm not sure if I want to leave it...I just want more control of it. It has to be along the lines of other fetish...feet fetish, super hero fetish...ect ect, just that mine, I like diapers....*shrugs*. The cool thing though..I see this fetish a lot on TV and on the internet and at first it was very weird to know that others were out there like me...at the same time it was a great relief, because prior to the internet I lived in great shame of my fetish..I thought I was the only one in the world that liked wearing diapers.

I'll give more depth in a couple of days, but thank you all for the nice responses, because one can never tell what people will do or say when someone tells them they like wearing baby clothes! lol.

Thank you,

Yes I have been damned as a weirdo, rapist..ect ect on other sites that probably weren't as deep as this one. I have to keep in mind though when someone comes on a forum and says.. "Hey, I'm a diaper lover and I like to wear diapers and the smell of baby powder" that it's hard for a lot of people to suck it up and not question the authenticity or if the person is looking for some kick out of it. One forum I was kicked off after my first post, by the Admin them self. I guess subjects like this may stir the pot on other forums and the admin just prefers to avoid it.

You all are so great and it's good to get an idea what people think before I take this to offline and get professional counseling for my fetish. I believe talking here about it here will help me feel more at ease bringing it to a offline professional or sex therapist whatever.

While I am not an expert in the field of why people develop a fetish - I would have to say that your particular fetish seems to have a deep emotional base of needing to be cared for... maybe your childhood was with out bonding to the ones that meant the most to you?



You are accepted and welcomed here on PC -

Here's where it gets hard.

I know some people think "Ok so he likes to put on baby clothes and feel Pampered(literally) and why share this with people?..just keep it in your bedroom and go crazy with it, no one needs to know these secrets"

Well I have lived with this my entire life and although there are worse things to have as a burden, it still has haunted me, even more so before the internet. I thought I was alone with this. Try thinking you're the only FREAK at school that sneaks diapers into his room and wears them at night.... Trying to undo the tapes without making that ripping noise, worrying about getting caught ect ect. I truly thought I was a FREAK in my childhood, but even so I enjoyed the diaper and everything about it.

The thing I cannot figure out is my earliest memories of having this need. I was 6 years old and used to wear my cousins diapers when they came over on weekends. I would take two at a time so it wouldn't get noticed. I would wear it then carefully take it off and save it for next time....things like that at only 6 years old. 6 year olds do not have sexual feelings or the like, but I remember having very regressive sensations while in diapers. My mom always told me that I was never a bed-wetter and was potty trained earlier than most. I would really like to know why a 6 year old would have this need at such an early age.

Nothing happened to me such as abuse or being molested...nothing at all and I always felt close to my family, my childhood was normal and I had it better than most kids. Could something of happened to me and I just don't remember?... Can it be so tragic that I just shut it out of my mind?....I just don't remember? Something has had to happen...why would a 6 year old wish to wear diapers?...... and today at 33 I have that same feeling I got when I was 6, taping on a new diaper and letting myself fall into that comfort...hugging my pillow and feeling the soft blankets and sleeping.

So I will admit it.... I do feel that I would like to be cared for, felt sorry for and that the diapers show this....I'm in diapers wanting to be hugged....tucked in..ect ect. It's not easy to say that..even on a forum, but it's what I feel and I will be honest about it with you. Eventually I will be saying this to a in-person counselor and this is like practice for me.
My main goal is to find out why.......why did I have this thing my entire life...Why did I at 18 years old go to the drug-store and buy a pack of depends? and why do I at 33 still shop online for better diapers and "adult-baby clothes?

I am sure this is on the same lines as feelings of being gay and not sure why it happened to you or feelings of being of the opposite gender. I've seen cross dresser in real life....I have much respect for them and a bit of envy. Envy as in they are a little bit more accepted in a public place cross dressed, while myself wearing diapers and a baby outfit in public would get me arrested and yes...if I could be in my "outfits" in public I would... I would give anything for that, but for now events such as Halloween and Mardi Gras allow me to be public with my baby outfits..people don't mind it then.

I'm even thinking about going to the Bay-to-breakers race in San-Diego they have every year.... People dress up or even go naked to the race..it's all allowed and some even wear diapers..... I would love to wear diapers all day in public without worrying about the negative things and this race would let me do so. I'm well built and I exercise a lot so I would be cute in my diapers at the race lol.. During Halloween I even got some cat-calls from girls that told me that I make that diaper look sexy. I'm planning on a Cupid outfit for Val-day...I have a bow and arrow and made heart tips on the arrows...I also decorated one of my Attends diapers with hearts on it....it looks so cute lol.
I'll wear this to a party I'm going too on the 13th. I've seen others dress up as Cupid before, so it's not a problem.

Another thank you to those who are working with me on this. I appreciate the positive and it makes me feel better and more confident about getting some offline help with this as I feel it's getting to be too much.

Thank you

I often like looking at things backwards from the usual perspective so if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you: was the fear of getting caught (and perhaps considered a freak) entirely a problem for you, or was it also part of the attraction -- forbidden fruit, "I'm doing something they don't know about"?

Why a six-year-old would, is the sort of thing that psychoanalysts speculate and argue about, often without arriving at a completely satisfactory answer. Why you did, you could probably reconstruct by looking at your own experience of it for a while. Then again, you also have the option of jumping over the whole "Why?" question with "Because I did," and going on to look at where you want to go from here.

Did you perhaps end up feeling you'd given up something you were entitled to, that you deserved some payback for?

Could you be thinking of San Francisco? There's a famous Bay-to-Breakers race there but I've never heard of one in San Diego, a significantly more conservative community the last I heard.

Ooh, go for it, go for it!

May I ask who was missing from your life by age 6, or, who came into your life that got the attention you so desperately desired (needed)?

P.S.
If you have ever watched "Everybody Loves Raymond" you will understand why I am asking the question above...

Robert "the older brother" taps his chin with every piece of food before he eats it and this behavior is still in practice even though he is a full grown man and is deemed to be due to the fact that as a small child baby brother Ray stole all the attention away from Robert when he came into this world... and Robert "lonely and needing" picked up a nurturing behavior he saw mom perform one day when she tried to get baby brother Ray to eat his food (touch his chin then swoop food into mouth) - the tapping of food to the chin is now Roberts way of compensating for the lack of attention he failed to get from his childhood and still feels his does not receive as an adult.

first off...welcome

second off...ya know..in the realm of things...ya could be dealing with a lot worse things...so i think in a way you are in a not so bad spot. it's not harming anyone else..or really even you...(say in the manner of drugs or alcohol)..you're aware of it, want to work on it...hey good for you.

honestly a little pampering sounds nice...can't say i would mind that...geez...it a dark snowy night a little tender lovin' care from someone would be a good thing..especially a single adult...coming from an abusive childhood..sometimes you yearn for that nice safe touch..so i can understand your desire ...sort of...

as to why...hey i can't figure out my own issues...and then i have to work on world peace and the cure for the common cold..but then ..i promise..you are on the list.

good luck...i hope you find what you are looking for

stumpy

Welcome to PC Unconstruct - I agree it's not fair that you've been shunned and mistreated at other sites. I also agree fetishes are okay as long as you or your partner is fine with it. You do mention you're a tad uncomfortable and would at least want more control and it's interfering with your personal relationships,so I think you should explore this with a trained therapist, who deals with fetishes. I looked it up on Wikepedia and it stated that sometimes people with this fetish also enjoy dirtying the diapers. Please know you're free not to answer, if this makes you uncomfortable - I would like to understand. Do you depend on this as the only way to be aroused or can you take it or leave it? I wonder also - are there people who also like to see others in diapers and if there are - wouldn't a person like that be an ideal partner? I would imagine there are support groups for this.

I answers questions in the Q&A section and there was a poster, who had a husband who insisted on shaving some of her hair while having sex. So it just goes to show you, there are many kinds of fetishes. I remember reading that fetishes start as children - somehow the object etc becomes associated with arousal. Best of luck in managing it and finding a balance so you can have a fulfilling relationship - I think that's what you want.

The fact you did this at six does not necessarily mean you or your parents were deficient in the attention you got. I think maybe you could ask yourself about what would have happened if one of your authority figures would have known you were doing this? In the mind of a six year old there is a great deal of anxiety about the transition from having all your needs met, being the focus of attention to going to school and maybe this was a bit of a rough transition for you because you had another little one around. Maybe you could still remember being taken care of the way your cousin was being treated and missed it? I think your big concern is how you feel and process it. I also think you are on the right path to coming to terms with this. I am glad you are able to think and process these things. I am even more proud to be a member of PsychCentral after I have seen all the support for you here. I too, have been to several different sites, and never seen an online community that tries so hard to be so supportive and understanding. If some of us ask the wrong question or maybe say the wrong thing it is almost always in the right spirit.

When it boils down, this thing has made me a lonely, miserable bastard. Other guys my age have GF's, go out to dinner and have sex... I wear diapers and baby clothes...have no GF.

I truly must of done some bad things in a previous life to deserve this sort of BS and other things that are in my life that burden me.. I truly must be in hell right now..this must actually be hell.

Thanks to everyone for the insight.
Take care.

Sounds more like depression to me.

In your inital post you didn't come across as so unhappy with your fetish, except for saying you wish you had more control. Obviously this fetish is getting in the way of your happiness. If you were happy and had this fetish, then I would say fine but you're not. I think you should find a therapist who specializes in fetishes. I agree with Foolzero you do sound depressed. I hope you come to terms and at manage this so you can have a more fulfilling life. Best of luck.

I am sorry for the small rant I did.

Having a bad day today and I admit that it's more than the fetish that I am having problems with. I guess I focused on the fetish a little more because it has helped to calm me a little more than usual the past few years. Like I said originally it has become sort of a lifestyle that lets me escape the loneliness I have experienced for the past few years.

Yes...it's not just the fetish that is getting me down and out these days.

take care.

to each their own

i think it's kinda cool that you have something guaranteed to turn you on. i mean, i have basically no fetishes at all, and my sexual life is pretty effing boring. thought it may be strange and unique, that isn't anything to be ashamed of.

sorry you have been kicked off sites before, that must be the shits. i agree with thebyzantine though... sometimes life is a trade-off. if you visualize yourself going without this fetish, can you be happy? if you can't than that's your answer. my advice would be to TRY to go on without it. if a relationship is so rewarding and satisfactory, in every way, that you do not need your fetish anymore. if you find something that fills that need for you than you wont need to fill it with your fetish.

just my little two cents