[Blue93]

I never thought I would even try and post this, a day after coming here, but anyway... here goes.
Some history info so you all understand what I'm talking about.. Triggers for s. and physical abuse.

So I am Blue. I'm 14, male if you hadnt guessed so already... Have a younger brother.
We're in different fosterfamilies now. As of since beginning of this schoolyear.
This cause of my father.. and his friends. He has always hit us since as long as I can remember.
He has also been... s.abusing me... since i was like 5 or so. And he'd invite his friends over too whenever he felt like it. *ok deep breath*
He went to far though last summerholiday and I've been in the hosp 3 times that summer first for neglected broken wrist then for neglected internal bleedings then for neglected infection.
My father did get arrested.. Somehow the 2nd time I was in the hosp they figured out he'd been s.abusing me.
My mother kept allowing his friends into the house so nothing really changed.. So when I told social services about that they put me and my brother in fostercare.
Hoping anything would change... of course it didnt. Except now me and my brother have been seperated from eachother and i only get to see him for a day and a half or so every other week. His .. friends... found me and have been going on like they used too.
I know everyone will tell me to go tell someone, your fosterparents, police, school, social services...
They've been threatening me though... telling me what they would do to me and worse... to my brother.. I know they will i've known them long enough to know they are capable of this stuff. And they found us this time so why wouldnt they find us again if ss would move us, ya know?
So even though everyone's trying to make me tell ss or anyone... I don't know. I'm to scared of what will happen if i do..

ok... enough for now.

Blue

[nowheretorun]

well blue... you are in a spot where its very hard to be alone... you have to share this with someone... if there's no trust with the current contacts, find a new one maybe?

what about an uncle?, out of state? even better maybe, get cross state authorities involved... you've got to get their attention, either the ones around you or somebodies...

there are good people who'll help... especially in this type situation... a minster?, some trusted person in some area in your life must be available...

keep taking those deep breathes... others will have ideas.. give it a little time and think thru...

I'm sorry you are going through so much.

I imagine if you did tell someone and told them of the threat-- to hurt you and/or your brother, it would be seen that you'd both be watched more closely.(at least I would hope so)

you said: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
So even though everyone's trying to make me tell ss or anyone... I don't know. I'm to scared of what will happen if i do..


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yes the unknown can be scary-- but-- think of this-- What will happen if you don't tell?? things will continue, remain the same-- it might be worth taking that chance to change things-- don't you think?

Blue93

mandy

[Cyran0]

Blue, I can tell by how you write that while you're 14 you've been forced to be so much older than that in so many ways. It's unfair, it hurts, and I want so much for you to be free of this situation.

Your caution is understandable but you also need to save yourself and your brother. Seek out resources as you've done here, be quiet and cautious but try to work quickly. Find the move you feel you can make. Find the person you CAN tell and who WILL protect you. I can tell you're smart so be smart about this. Ask the right questions and make your move.

Also remember who you can depend on if things go bad. The police being the obvious one.

Please keep yourself as safe as possible.

Cyran0

[Perna]

Oh, what a hard place for a kid to be in! I'd still tell ss, it can't get a whole lot worse? I'd identify the people threatening you and get them arrested too for both threatening you and s.abuse since they're known friends of your father's and ss/hospital people figured out the abuse, it's not something you could have "made up" for your own purposes. I would especially keep complaining while I was in protective custody as the friends would be too afraid to actually do anything at that time?

[salukigirl]

im not sure where youre located but i actually talked to my brother-in-law who is a detective in ohio about pressing charges on my ex boyfriend. he said that now a days you pratically have to be convicted of murder to get put away for any length of time. he was telling me about how this father beat up his 4 year old for waking up his 18 month old. he spent one night in jail. im afraid that if you go to the cops right now theyll just make him go to counseling but never put him in jail. have you been keeping records? if youre going to wait then every time something like this happens make a note of it. write it down. the date, the time, word for word what happened. and when you finally gather up the courage to go to someone you will have documentation of what happened. then maybe he will go to court for it. if anything you get can a restraining order and then if he ever crosses that line he get thrown in jail. its also possible that then he will have to register as a sex offender every year or 90 days or whatever with the courts so they have a constant record of where he is.

please dont give up hope. talk to someone at the police station and spell it out for them. and if you talk to ss make sure to tell them that you want to live somewhere far away from him.

[mtd]

Blue,

The secrets will hurt you. They won't help. So, speak your truth. Don't let the threats silence you. Keep speaking your truth until someone acts to protect you. You have the strength. I can see it in what you write, and the simple fact that you are reaching out here for help and doing so openly.

You deserve better than you have been given. But you have to reach out for it, demand it.

be well,

mtd

[Rhapsody]

((( hugs ))) - I did my best HEALING when I finally let the big dark secret out with out care to who knew, just as long some one heard me.... knew what had happened.

Please find the voice within you and tell a different person what is going on - Please.

[Blue93]

I know, everyone says you got to tell someone...
But I don't want it to go like it did the last time I told ss, nothing stopped cept now me and my brother are in different homes, away from eachother.
If it would have been as 'easy' as telling ss or the police and they will lock them up so then we wont have to be afraid of them anymore... I'd already done that.
But it's not just a few names i could give and they'd all be in jail its a whole... group.... web... however you want to call that of people... If id put a few in jail, others would just pick up where they'd stopped.
I'm beyond the point though that I really care what happens to me anymore, if it would have been just me... I wouldnt care if they'd kill me or whatever as a revenge. The only reason stopping me from killing myself sometimes is that i'd never do that to my brother.
Sorry.. I guess im not making a whole lot of sense here, but the only thing i care about right now is that they wont hurt my brother..he's only 12..i miss him so much.

Blue

[nowheretorun]

if thats what keeps you going then hang to it tight blue... while you have time, think of the "what if's" .. be ready to react when needed.. you're a good young man...

[Blue93]

Yeah, I guess.
Just d&mn hard sometimes...
I dream about it at night, it happens during the day...
What kind of live is that.
And there seems to be no way to end any of it, not if i want to keep my brother safe anyway.
I'm sorry for complaining... it just all seems so dark and hopeless sometimes. Being split up from my brother sure doesnt help either..

Blue

[Cyran0]

Don't ever feel like you're complaining. Believe me, we all want to help you.

Cyran0

[wisewoman]

Blue, hang on. I don't know what state you are in but I do know a lot about foster care. How are these guys getting to you, when you are alone? In that case ask that you not be alone and that you are supervised to and from activities. Ask that for your brother too. You already have a lawyer, ask you case worker who it is and tell the lawyer and caseworker what is happening. Yup, you will be moved again, big deal, You will be safe. Please take care of yourself and ask that you be hidden well, as well as your brother, just ask that they move you both far and hide you well. Refuse visits from your mother since that info may get back to your father. Tell your brother the same as I am telling you. You need to stay strong and care for little bro. Now this is hard but often when a person has been abused they re-enact that with someone less powerful. Did you do that with your brother? If so the sooner you can speak about it to a therapist you can start to heal. If you are not in therapy ask for it. fight for it. Call your case worker and attorney daily till you get what you need. I wish you luck with all of this and keep contact here.

[Blue93]

of course i didnt do anything to my brother!
My main concern is to keep him safe!
and no im not from the states im from the netherlands wich limits the possibilities of moving far away.
I dont mind so much moving to another family... but i do mind what would happen to my brother if they find him again...
They cant give us bodyguards for 24/7 now can they?

Blue

[salukigirl]

wisewoman - youre making it sound like its easy for a teenage boy to do this. and yes, being moved again is a big deal when your life is already in shambles.

blue - please dont feel like youre overreacting or doing anything wrong. we all understand that you need to work up the strength to do this. we all will be here for you to help you through this. please keep us posted as to whats going on. please try to just stay strong for now.

[wisewoman]

Blue, I am sorry that you took offense to my reply. I am also sorry that I know nothing about Netherlands Laws. However I will do research and see the laws ans your rights. If I find a site to look at I will pass it on to you. My reason for asking the question about your brother was to try to understand why they separated you. My wish is that you can get back together. I am so sorry for what is happening. Please do what you can to stay safe. I wish I were there to help.

[Blue93]

they split us up cause thats what they do. They split us up the 2 other times we were placed in fostercare as well. Except now i dont think they will ever let us go back home.
Wich i'm ok with cept for the fact that i can only see my brother every other weekend or so.
There's normally not enough place to put siblings in a home together.
And we will be moved eventually anyway, as where we live is not yet 'permanent fostercare', so they move you around once in a while untill they do have a permanent place for you.

Blue

[pachyderm]

Wherever they move you, this place is still here. I hope all the people here can help you discover how to find help there too.

[wisewoman]

Man Blue you sound so mature. I am sorry you can't see your brother enough but i hope you have a move soon for safety sake. I hope you are doing okay and just knowing people out here care for you.

[coralproper]

Blue
I am very worried for you,I also lost trust/confidence in the law as a child,though here in the states.....I will share this with you.

At around the age of 12 I had been hangin with friends my age and there was a older boy 18-19 that we hung with he stayed with a friend and his mother, and one night I learned he was molesting my friend when I stayed over...though I don't think my friend realized this was wrong,or that I had caught them at it.
anyway we lived in the middle of nowhere and the older guy was my ride home the next evening only my friend did not ride with us...I had been around the older kid allot with other friends and never knew what he was till now... hoping he would not try nothing with me on the ride home was a mistake...he pulled his 4x4 truck off on a dirt road on the other side of a canal that seperated the dirt road to my house and stopped and started trying to talk me into letting him mess with me..when I would not he just started anyway....I have always been quick witted and fast so I managed to get the door open and fall out on the ground beside the truck, then took off running and jumped in the canal and crossed it, not ever even worrying about the snakes and alligators it was filled with....I managed to get to the other side and struggeled up to the next road and took of through the woods toward home...never knowing if he was after me or not...I already had a violent home life and was not suprised to return to this...only this time it was different....my step father and mother had been arguing and he was on edge...he ended up later throwing my mother(she was pregnant with my half brother at the time) and I in a room and locking us in...he was in the drug business and extremly paranoid about something...I had forgot about what had happened to me since my mother was so stressed and I was trying to figure out what was going on at home...the next day I decided to contact the police about my step father physicaly abusing me and my mother...never mentioning the other thing...and agreed to help set him up for manufacturing if they would take me out of my home and place me in foster care(I just wanted to get away) ....I was very scared of my step father and now even being around my friends again...but I told the police only if they would not arrest my mother would I give them the information they needed...they agreed

they did the bust and arrested my mother anyway....so I did not speak in court about the physical abuse from my step father...even though they wanted me to

My mother did not forgive me for this for a long time(why I did not trust the police for so long after)......and after going from a place were other childern in similar situations went, then to my mothers mother and then other family and then another similar place to the first.......I had no where else to go...they could not find anymore family to take me at this point....and my mother stayed with my step father after a short stay in jail......I was scared to go back home and my mother let me know I was not welcome anyway....later my fathers mother who I had barely knew agreed to take me....no one knew where my father was......not long after my mother and step father went to prison for manufacturing again...this time I had nothing to do with it.

I stayed with this grandmother(good women) till age 16 and got out on my own.

I had been through ALLOT of other abuse before all the above and did not even know it at the time, but the worst was the feeling of "abandonment by my mother".

At around age 19, I called my stepfather and begged him to forgive me after he got out of prison the second time...then I talked to my mother, this time she was the one wanting to get away.

Later after she left him we slowly started to build a relationship over the phone...and now all she wants to do is talk bad about him...but I am over this part and let her know that all it does for me is bring back bad thoughts...she does let me know that she is sorry now and over thanksgiving made the comment that she did make allot of mistakes but would not change them if she could since I now have more than she could ever thought I would
and the most beautiful wife and children,who she loves very much.

I guess what I am trying to say is I kinda know how you feel
though your situation does sound worse.

I want you to focus on things that you want in life and think about them before you go to sleep every night...thats what I did,even though it was hard..I am now 33

Do you fear losing contact with your brother when you get older? Not sure how old he is now but mabey you can get him to register on this board and remember his user name and password so you can always get back in contact by pm....if you do fear this.

Kind Regards
Eddie

[Blue93]

My brother is 12... No I dont think we wil lose contact, we've got a strong bond... Even now still, being split up from each other. I do worry about him though.
I overheard our fosters talking to each other a few months ago and they said he wouldnt talk to anyone.. at all. Except when it is to me on the phone, or when he's with me when im visiting him or he's visiting me. He doesnt wanna talk about it though.. not even to me.
I would never let him register here he doesnt need to know more about whats happening to me then he already knows. I dont want him to read all this stuff.
Future... Present is hard enough to focus on.. I dream about this stuf at night, it happens during the day...and the next day too and the next night too and so on and on when is all of this ***** ever going to be over with i dont know how to do it anymore. :S sorry

Blue

[nowheretorun]

blue, if you are in protection now, how is this still continuing?

[Blue93]

its not just my dad or a few others its not like if you lock a few up then i wont have to be scared of them anymore.. Providing they would be in jail long enough that is..
If it were that simple.. But its not, if id do that there would just be others.. taking their place..
I cant have them hurt my brother.

blue

[nowheretorun]

blue, maybe you should get out that area awhile, with your brother.. any options? would the protective people help if there was a place to go away from it? if they knew it was still happening?

[Blue93]

i dont know, i do know the netherlands is only tiny so even if we'd move to the other side of the country.. that would be a couple of hours car drive at the most.
If they want to they would find us again just like they did this time i guess.

Blue