[confused4ever]

Has anyone done this in therapy??? My T and I are starting to work on it tomorrow, and I am petrified to do it. I see her, she is still in her bedroom, just like I left her. Mad and scared, and all alone. I have no idea how I am supposed to do this, how I am supposed to help her. I still feel like that little girl, my emotions are as strong today, going through disclosure and confronting one of my abusers. Has anyone worked on this, and if so how did you do it and get through it!!!!

[MissCharlotte]

(((confused)))

I have done some inner chlid work with T and it is very precious to me.

This work is painful yes, but it has helped me to connect to myself in a deeper way than I have ever been able to before. Just let T guide you and you will be okay. Buy your little girl something fun to play with or something she can use for comfort. I got a doll that sits on my dresser. I also bring something with me to therapy that my inner child needs to handle while talking with T so she doesn't get so nervous. I use beeswax (a piece of play do or a bit of silly putty would also work).

Best of luck. This is hard work, but you will be okay.

[DePressMe]

Several years ago I started inner child work. She has been with me since I started the work. At first it was very difficult and I had a tough time accepting her because in some ways...well, she seemed so pathetic--sad, lonely, hurt...I just did not want to admit that such a girl could be part of who I am. Today I am very grateful I have been doing the work because I feel as if I have connected with a really deep part of myself. Also, I have helped her heal--she is not as lonely, sad or hurt. Matter of fact, sometimes I would describe her a strong child--she had to overcome a lot to survive in this world. When I started the work my T gave me a small stuffed cat. I always kept the cat with me and anytime I started to dissasociate my T would have me focus on the colors of the cat to bring me back to the here and now. I think my inner child work has been a vital part of my recovery. I hope you find it as rewarding as I have...it may be difficult, but it is well worth the pain and work.

[confused4ever]

Thanks so much for the replies and the insight. I am scared to death to do this, everytime I see her she is so scared and lonely and angry that I don't think she is going to let anyone in. I abondoned her 30 years ago. It is wierd now that I realize why I see her in there, everytime someone would start talking about our childhood(sibs) or friends would ask about it, I was always in that room, always sitting in the corner, always daytime, orange and white room, with orange and white numbered curtains, I was only ever safe during the day in that house, and I would always hide away in my room. That is how I always have seen myself, even before the memories of abuse came back, and the disclosure. She would never look at me, or talk or anything, I became so good at painting a picture of my family that I believed I had, the picture I would create in my head during the abuse, that was what I believed my life was, now it is like the picture was blacked out, there is only a little girl left in a room alone!! Tomorrow is going to come, whether I want it to or not for this session......I want so bad to deaden the pain......I am trying so hard to not go there!!!!!

You have probably had your session by now. I hope it went OK. Yes, finding and connecting with your inner child is very hard work. It is painful and exhausting , but something that I have come to believe as vital. That little girl that has become "lost" within, will be found again and then your healing can truly begin. It is slow work though, but the connection is truly worth it. Good luck. Take care of yourself - both of you!

[sunrise]

confused4ever, how did it go?

I have worked with some of my child ego states in therapy. I believe this is similar to inner child work. But I prefer to call it ego states as there is more than just one inner child. I have learned better how to protect a particular little girl ego state of mine. I learned how to go into the past and protect her from what she experienced, to rescue her. She so needed someone to rescue her, and who better to do it than me? She is much more integrated into me now, and I am so glad I finally was able to see her and help her. "Where have you been?" she asked when we first started working together. Now I really value that she exists. I feel much more whole and the richer for knowing her.

[confused4ever]

It was a difficult session.....started off him asking me a million questions, how I feel, why I feel like this, why do you self medicate, why do you cut???? it was hard, answering questions that I have answered before, and not being able to still put it into words.......frustrating.....I wanted to just say FINE and walk out!!.........then he just led right into helping the little girl, and what was she feeling, and how can I help her, I saw her in her room, and she won't even look at me, afraid, alone, angry, not loved.......wanting someone to love her!!! All I did was cry........I could't even get out any feelings or anything, he asked if he could do hypnosis on me, sure........he put me under and started talking about hugging that little girl, telling her she was going to be ok, loving her, just being able to talk with her, I cried......I have never cried during hypnosis before.......I came out feeling that I saw her alittle more clearly, but still feeling like I cannot get to her.......now I feel so much sadness!!! Like someone so close to me has died..........I don't know why.........when I was driving home, I felt the need to draw a picture of her, I don't ever draw!!!! Or ever have urges...but I needed to draw her as I see her.........I did just a few minutes ago..........she is in a room full of sunshine, yet darkness is all around her!! I am so drained right now!!

[confused4ever]

ok, so how do you talk to your inner child??? How do I get her to talk to me, everytime I try to break the silence she turns away from me!!! Help please with this!!!

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((( confused4ever ))))))))))))))))))

You're very brave to do such difficult work. I commend you there. To continue it when you get home is wonderful! It is draining, confusing, hard.

Your little girl is hurting so much...hurting and alone in isolation...no one understands or cares to where she's stuck.

She doesn't know that YOU care. YOU want to understand and love her!

Talking will come but she has to trust you to believe her and comfort her...keep her safe because she vulnerable. When she feels safe, she'll talk to you.

Help her feel warm, safe and show her your heart...that it wants to help.

What would you do for a child you saw in that position in a room? What would you say to her? What would you try to do to console her? Do that for your little girl...say that to your little girl...time and time and time again for all the hurts...

Love,

KD

[confused4ever]

Thanks KimmyDawn.........I am going to try to do all this. I can see her, how unloved and alone she feels!! I left her there, hoping to never have to revisit that hell again!! Now I have to fix her.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
confused4ever said:
ok, so how do you talk to your inner child??? How do I get her to talk to me, everytime I try to break the silence she turns away from me!!! Help please with this!!!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Your therapist may have some techniques that will help you. Ask him this same question. I have heard one exercise is to try to write a question to your inner child with your dominant hand. Then allow your inner child to write back to you by using your non-dominant hand. Try to communicate with her and see what that hand writes out. (I've never tried this.)

See also this book:
Recovery of Your Inner Child: the highly acclaimed method for liberating your inner self

If you try the hand thing, I would love to hear how it goes.

Time and patience........lots of it. It is a long and slow process to connect with the little girl. Remember, shes been stuck there a long time. Don't rush yourself, the connection will happen..........in time.......

[confused4ever]

She hate sme, that is all I can feel from her when I get close enough. I left her there for so long.....coming back from my session on Friday, I had to draw her, I don't know why, but I had to when I got home I did, I drew her in the room she is in, how I see her, the clothes she is wearing, darkness surrounds her. I never draw, stick figures with the kids and that is about it..........it was wierd that the urge was so strong for me to do this.

Thanks for the book recommondation, I will check it out.

[Perna]

There's a good book by Richard Bach (Jonathan Livingston Seagull fame), Running from Safety http://www.amazon.com/Running-Safety...dp/0385315287/ that is about his dialog with his inner child that I found comforting/useful. He locked his inner child in a room/prison and when he went to talk to him first, was met with a really angry inner child (because he'd been locked away) with a bazooka pointed at him :-) It's a very fun/loving book.

[confused4ever]

thanks

[wickedwings]

i did my own inner child work years ago, and it was hard, but yet, healing. i cannot remember the exact title of that self-help book that i used to help me with this process. heh. i read so many self-help books i could get my hands on. of course, i did therapy before, too. anyway, i commend you for the courage to work on this. it does take patience, but you'll reach her. i wish you the best.

[confused4ever]

I have been trying to talk with my little girl on my own, I haven't seen my T in a week now, long story.

I don't want to go to deep right now, for fear of putting myself I can't get out of with no help IRL right now. But I did give her a way out of our room, that isn't through the abusers rooms. She has been in there for so long and no way for her to leave unless she walked through 2 of my brothers rooms. I don't even know if this is the right thing to do, it feels it. I have been reading online about helping my inner child, today I will go and buy some books on it. I know I need to do this for her/me, and right now I don't feel like I have the support behind be other then this board and my support board on another site.

Would any of you continue without a T available to you at this moment??? Is it ok, to do little things for her right now without trying to get her to talk to me and pushing her??

[DePressMe]

I think the worse thing you could do is ignore her--once the door is opened it is hard to shut. It would traumatize her again to be shoved away. When I am not with a therapist or am lacking support I try to keep it positive--try to nurture not really open up the pain too much. Take it slow...little by little she will come out. Little by little I learned to love mine. I hope that happens to you as well. It sounds like you are on the right track--trust yourself and go with your heart.

We are here to support you.

[confused4ever]

I did go out and buy a self help/ workbook on connecting with your inner child. I read the first 2 chapters and the 3rd starts you on connecting with your inner child. So last night I locked myself in the bathroom with a bubble bath and candles and I started the inner child workbook part. With my left hand I held the colored pencil and just let it go, I drew her, as she is. What a unbelievable experience, the hand just went, until the picture was done. Not bad either for using my non dominant hand.........I then wrote a paragraph on what I see in the little girl from the picture.

Then I tried to picture her in a safe place, so first I tried my home, she would not come into focus, I then tried my T's office and she still would'nt come out, my sisters house, this is my safe place when I need grounding and she was still not viisble to me, I had to see her in her room, so I pictured her in our room, and she was there, sitting down in the corner. So I used my right hand and said "Hi", my left hand responded with a "hi", I asked her her name.
"Mickey", we talked about feeling sad and scared, she is angry with me for leaving her, I told her I was scared, and that I was sorry for leaving her for so long and leaving her alone, she told me she was scared also, and that I forgot about her....I did....I told her I made her a way out of the room that was safe, she could use it without having to be afraid to go through the abusers rooms, she told me she see's it, but doesn't trust big people! I told her I want to help her, I want to make her feel better, she told me to go away......I didn't push it, I told her I would leave but I would be back tomorrow, and could we talk, she said maybe.........

It was amazing to do this, when Mickey was getting mad, she would write big and hard on the paper, like she was yelling through the words, I was exhausted at the end of this excersice and still wound at the same time..........I so hope I can do this, for us!!

[sunrise]

confused4ever, it sounds like you are having some wonderful connections with your child. I've heard of that writing with the non-dominant hand technique, and it sounds like it worked really well for you. What workbook are you using? I am glad you have found a safe space to meet your little girl.

When do you see your therapist next? Will you work in therapy also with your child?

[confused4ever]

I don't see my therapist until Wednesday, not sure what we are going to do, I know we need to clear the air between the two of us. I have figured out that I am having some major abandonment and rejection issues right now, and that is spilling over into the way I feel about my T. I know I have created this, I will push him away before he pushes me away attitude, the leader of my support group tells me that it is my inner child talking not me!! So I will talk to my T on Wednesday to see where we stand with each other........fingers crossed that it is me feeling this way, and dumping won't happen....

Recovery of your Inner Child
By Lucia Capacchione, PH.D

It is a workbook/self help book, walks you through every excersice.........chapters on how she helps her patients in her art therapy sessions, and how she discovered her inner child after suffering a deadly illness, and a divorce!

[debbie_tabor]

Good luck on Wednesday!

[sunrise]

I wish you good luck on Wednesday too. I hope it works out OK with your T. Fingers crossed.

I am glad the Recovery book is working for you! (That is the one I recommended upthread, and I was curious if it was the one you were using.)

I don't have just one inner child (I have quite a few younger ego states), but I have gotten in touch with them through my experience of going through the breakup of a marriage. Sometimes these life changing events shake us up in many ways.

[confused4ever]

No wonder it sounded familiar..... I had I think 4 books at B+N that I took to the couch and had my coffee while browsing through them, and I kept going back to this one, and decided it was best for me...!! Never even remembered I pulled it up from your link and browsed the inside of it.....hate my memory these days!!

I woked alittle more with Mickey tonight, she drew another picture, I asked her what would make her happy, she told me she wanted to not hurt anymore, that I had to stop hurting us, and that she wants to be able to laugh and play agian. I asked her to draw a picture of her if she was happy, she drew one of her outside on a swing playing, with the sun out. She told me I left her in a dark place, she doesn't like it. I asked her if she ever plays now, NO........all her toys were taken away.........so I told her I would get her a toy, and asked her what she wanted, she said a friend, and soft cuddly friend....so I am going to go shopping tomorrow......I am exhausted........she asked me to pinky swear I would never leave her alone again.......I did, and I did remember this time to ask her how old she is. She is 7........I feel good about her talking to me, and me being able to connect with her, but sad because of what I have done to her.

I am so nervous about Wednesday's appt, I know alot of this is my issue, something else I have to work on.....but until I talk to him, I have this hole inside of me, thinking I am going to lose the one person that I can tell everything to, and is always there to help me........or was always there, to help me.........he went from almost daily contact to nothing.......zip......few brief emails here, last one was he said he was "pleased to hear I am working on the inner child and understanding" my other T, would of said it "is about freakin time"........jokinly but he would of made me smile........so now I am refering him to my T and the other T because I don't know the one that has come out over the past 2 weeks........

[DePressMe]

I am glad you are making such progress with you inner child--Mickey. How wonderful. I am glad you are sharing your progress with us. I am reflecting on all the times I drew pictures and wrote letters. Its been awhile since I have done that. Mainly I have been just talking about it with my T. We touch base about it most sessions--it just always seems to somehow work its way into our conversations.

I am glad you are buying her a gift. I too bought toys. It was fun shopping for them. One time I bought the buzz light year action figure and his little star ship. He had a saying..."I may not be able to fly but..." Dang it now I forget the rest. Does anybody remember? It was inspirational. I remember it really helped me. I must be having a brain block right now. I still have the movie--maybe I'll watch it again--that will be fun.

Well, I hope you keep making progress. Good luck with your T appointment--I hope it all works out.