Husband Recording During My "Episodes"

I think this is a horrible way for a person that is suppose to love you to treat you. I feel awful that you have to deal with a husband like that. Personally if I was in your shoes, and if someone recorded me during my moments of being "bipolar" and wouldnt delete it or get rid of it I would literally probably break the item that it was recorded on. Im sorry you are going through this. Its hard enough to deal with being bipolar and life in itself without someone doing things to make it harder on you. You as a human being deserve better. I wish you the best of luck.

I wish I could delete them but he has his IPhone in his pocket all the time and he locked up his iPad and laptop in the safe which I don't have the combo too. I am trying not to think of this too much because when I do, I feel worse and worse about him as a person and that isn't healthy.

Actually. It might be healthy if it is the truth. Sometimes the truth doesn't feel to good, but if we try to push it under the rug so to speak, well we know that dust bunnies grow bigger and bigger.

I hope you find someway to get to a better place. Whatever that might be.

I'm trying my hardest not to really say what I want, but my ex did that to me and the following day the Iphone 3gs had been runover by my car. oops. Not saying to do that, but he learned his lesson.

I read your post quite a few times because I couldn't believe what I was reading, I'm appalled at his behavior. I realize I don't know all the elements of your marriage, but it seems like your husband has quite a bit of work to do on himself.

I thought about what I would do if this was happening to me and I feel this would be a major call to action for me. If I were you, I would get your husband's attention, tell him this needs to stop now, and let him know it's a deal breaker if it doesn't stop. I would also let him know that if he wants your respect, he needs to respect you and take your marriage seriously.

I hope everything works out for you!

His claiming to be a victim is laughable. Is he serious about this? He does not HAVE to live with a bipolar person, he chooses to live there. He sounds like he has mental health issues that he is afraid to face. I hope after everything you have read here that you decide to tell him to man up or move on. You have to be strong for yourself and your children, and he is trying to break you. Dont let him. If he has mommy issues send his *** home. You have to much on your plate to deal with someones elses ****. Girl get out of there, he is a sorry excuse for a man. I seriously hope you do this for yourself so you can heal inside. Do NOT be dependent on someone else for inner peace. This is up to you to create and keep. So many to you and your kids. You can send me a message anytime. I will be here to listen and give advice.

LOL...You made me laugh out loud...Go girl... I know I know...I shouldn't condone violence

THIS...I agree...Get those tapes before you leave! I don't care what you got to do...Get all of those tapes...Do what you got to do...Get him drunk, seduce him, then when he is passed out POW get that safe and move it somewhere else if you can...I'm serious. I would play coy and cool and not mention a word about this...Act like I was over it...Catch him when he got his guard down...

You guys have been awesome and I appreciate each and every one of your responses.

Last night, again, I asked him to delete the recordings. He asked me again why it bothers me so much. I told him I already told him why. He made a few comments after that basically about him not getting why they bother me so much. He did actually delete them off his phone and said he hadn't synched his phone with the iPad or laptop yet so they shouldn't be on there.

You guys are right - I do think he has mental issues he refuses to face. When we were in counseling our counselor didn't have enough of a backbone to really say anything to him. The counselor asked me to participate in his group therapy thing, which I did for a while, and I can't count the number of times my husband said "yah, no wonder the counselor wanted you in group therapy.".....The underlying reason for group therapy wasn't so much the bipolar, it was all the family issues and stuff from my past and my husband knew that, but still used it for ammo. EVERYTHING is used for ammo. I pray everyday, I pray with my best friend also from time to time that he will open his eyes and work on some of his issues and he simply won't.
Whenever the conversation turns to his issues, he either gets irate, changes the subject back to all the things I do wrong, or he gives me the silent treatment.

I don't want to end my marriage. When things are good with us, they are sooooo good. People around us even notice. He's can be my best friend, my buddy, but those times are getting fewer and far between.

Another big issue is that his mom has, what we all believe to be bipolar also. She cycles like clockwork and his dad calls my husband whenever she's having a moment and they talk about it. My husband describes both his mother's and my behavior as dealing with "crazy-town adventures" all the time. Listening to the way both him and his dad talk about his mom, none of it is compassionate, understanding or caring.....All of it has to do with the word crazy, etc...I'm sure that behind my back he talks about me this way to his friends and dad also.

I've tried everything. I have begged and pleaded for him to start to change how he views this illness and me. I asked him point blank if he was willing to change how he viewed me and bipolar and he never answered the question, but used the conversation as a way to vent his frustrations yet again.

I'm still not giving up yet, but I know I won't be able to live the rest of my life with a husband who views his wife in the manner he does. One of these days, I will have had enough.

that is awesome!!! Men will learn, more than likely the hard way. Hehe

I just want to add that some of you guys have made me laugh....I needed that.....I had been fantasizing about what I could do to his electronic equipment or many other things he loves, but if I actually did something to them it would just give him more ammo to call me crazy so that's the only reason I don't.

Yes it would be more ammo. The thing that sticks out to me is that you say when it's good it's soooo good. Have you read much about the cycle of abuse? This goes for emotional abuse as well as physical. And oh boy do I know that feeling. When you are in an abusive relationship, it cycles from great, to abuse, and eventually makes it's way back to amazing. For one abusers are good at " honeymoon phase" which is the phase between the abuse. Two, you are so happy and releived that things seem good again, that it literally seems amazing, so you cling to that. And three, the abuse happens more and more frequently than before, the time shortens between incidents. Which is what you just described.

Please google that and look into it, see if it sounds familiar. Maybe you already know that. Just putting it out there, because this sounds incredibly familiar to me.

Yep, I've known for quite some time he's abusive......and by definition so can I.....I have gotten a lot better since my diagnoses and being put on meds, but I can be mean and snippy if I am having a really bad episode.

I do say in my head often....I'm bipolar....but what the heck is his excuse? For someone who so readily puts down people who are unstable, he sure as heck isn't too stable himself.

I think I am going to have a talk with our closest friends. They are a couple that we both love dearly and they know all about our issues. However, I've always been the biggest target, so to speak, because I always had the obvious bipolar issue. I have decided I am not going to let that be the focus anymore. If our friends are going to mediate for us, they need to know how nasty he can be and call him to accountability on it. I sure as heck have been called to accountability (and gladly) for the things I do to contribute to the mess. It's his time now..

I should add - his major issues with me stem from a COMPLETE lack of compassion or sympathy based on me trying to manage my illness. He is constantly pissed because I sleep too much. Well, he's a morning person, I need that extra sleep. But, he still complains and complains......I have tried to tell him that I am the most stable on 9-10 hours of sleep and he doesn't get it. So, if I wake up late, I get the silent treatment or him *****ing at me.
His big thing is nutrition. He's constantly pissed at me because I don't eat right according to him. I have quit my 1-3 soda pop a day habit and have virtually cut out almost all junk food. He still complains "I do nothing to help myself".
I take my meds on time every day. The biggest thing I don't do is exercise regularly. I've never liked exercise and when you are on a downward slump, it's impossible to make yourself do that. When I'm more manic, I get plenty of exercise just running around my house cleaning and cooking like a mad lady.
If he sees me start to get depressed, he withdraws......which makes me more depressed and feeling rejected.....I have told him time and time again that I need him to be right there with me, sweetly and kindly helping me through it. He refuses and makes excuses later. ALL of his excuses have to do with him telling me what I do wrong.
Most of all though, his constant reminding of how disappointing I am to him is what sends me over the edge. The last thing I need when I'm depressed is to hear him complain about everything I'm not doing around the house. I also take a full credit load of classes online right now and all I hear is how much time I spend "away from my family" while studying.
Basically, in his eyes, he has to do everything for his invalid bipolar wife and I am not exaggerating...To hear him talk, he does everything, I do nothing....All of this really does wonders for my self-esteem and mood.

Yes, and you are as person first, who just happens to have a mental illness. There are sone interesting studies done on bipolar and positive traits. We all do differ, but on the list was empathetic, creative, realism ( though we might laugh at that ) resilience, and spirituality. http://m.medwire-news.md/47/87789/Ps...logical_traits

Just a reminder that although Bipolar is tough, and we have our flaws, we all do have some very good traits as well. Including you! I imagine that with all the negative bipolar talk, that it would make it extra hard for you to deal with this.

If you think your friends can help, I wish you all the luck!! I hope you find happiness, love and peace. We all deserve that. I know no one really wants to walk out on their marriage. Just don't want you to loose yourself in this. I think you've got the right idea, it is his time.

Ohhh, ugggh!!!!

Ok. My bf is a sleepy head, I'm a morning person, I need little sleep, he needs lots. We compromise. He sleeps in some days and wakes early with me on some days. My bf also used to pull away from me when I was depressed. I know exactly how great that feels. he has changed this after much discussion about what I need. When he is depressed he isolates, and I don't. We just accept that we are each different in this and have different needs.

This a very complex problem going on. I'm not sure how you get someone to care tho, if they clearly don't.

I am so sorry he is making you feel like this. It sounds like you just can't win. You can't help yourself, and when you do you are still wrong. That truly is awful. My father was like that with my mother. She had zero self-esteem or confidence when he left her.

Yep, here's a scenario on how resistant to EVERYTHING he is. Since I upped my dose on Seroquel, I sleep like a log. I will sleep through both of my alarms and if there is an alarm set across the room, it doesn't wake me. So, I've asked him to just please come and talk to me if I am not getting up. He says "it's not his job to get a 33 year old out of bed". I tried to tell him that I understand that he wants me up when he gets up, but I need a backup if I sleep through my alarms. Nope! He'd rather do nothing and then be in a bad mood at me the rest of the day.
Gosh, and on top of this, I've explained to him how nice it would be to actually get woken up in the morning with a hug and kiss from him and start the day together with a nice conversation. Still, nope!!
Gosh, I am loving this thread and getting to vent all of this!

Doesn't seem like your husband is ever accountable for anything!
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There are 2 of you in this marriage, your husband needs to grow a pair and stop acting like an insolent little boy. He doesn't get to throw his toys out the cot bcoz his wife is bipolar...
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Vent all you want

Bipolarbug!!!!

How are things going now? Hope there is some improvement.

He is projecting his ill feelings about his mother onto you. You could be a saint and the word bipolar would bring all those unresolved issues onto you even if you had perfect control of cycling and never had another episode.

I was with my husband for 13 years, 11 of those married before I was diagnosed bipolar II. My husband has repeatedly said that I'm the same person I was for all that time- and the word "bipolar" doesn't get to come in and change our relationship. He was happy before he will probably be happier now that we can control the depressions that show up.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. You deserve far better, far far better. Did I see in your typing that he has a GUN out in the open in the home? Not kept in a gun cabinet with the ammo stored separate? Not a real smart guy there.

You are doing so much. NOBODY can be the perfect partner all the time. Was he like this before any diagnosis?

yeah, I would record HIM. and second that - why are the computers in the frickin safe and not the gun?! Sounds like his primary relationship is with his dad, not you. That's not good. They blame women for everything?

Hi Guys!

Well, there has been some improvement..You know, basically I haven't gotten the silent treatment for a few days. I had a talk with him the other day and told him that I am tired of hearing his mother and that the way his dad and him talk about his mother - and me - is not acceptable at all and is nothing short of cruel. I told him that him constantly bringing up his mother would be akin to me bringing up my abusive parents and constantly throwing that in his face (something I never do).

He also likes to bring up MY mother as a trigger, which she is (but nothing like him) as a further way to deflect off of him.

Hankster & AmazonMom - Re: the gun. My husband likes guns and I have no problem with that. They are all usually locked up in the safe which is a huge safe and nobody could break into that sucker. The computers usually are never in the safe, he just did that to prevent me from being able to delete anything off them or break them that day. His handgun is usually on him (he is legally allowed to conceal carry), but that particular day he had taken it off and laid it on top of the safe. I haven't seen it since so I have no idea what he did with it. We live in the country and I am often at the house by myself, so having them is mainly for protection and sport. I told him the other day, I don't want to be able to see them anymore for my own safety.

Anyways, back to him. His business had been thriving the last three years and a couple of months ago, just fell flat. There is really nothing he can do about it. The phone just isn't ringing. So, that's another thing that has contributed to my sadness lately - and his. I wouldn't say he's taking the business stress out on me, but it is probably a small factor in me being able to find joy in much lately. I have been on my knees praying for this business situation to turn around. I would love it if some of you could pray also. We are getting close to critical mass financially. I have also been applying for jobs myself and haven't even gotten an interview. Even with the hospital I've volunteered with.

Will keep you in prayer, I'm also job searching with zero luck. Maybe we can keepe eachother in prayer?

Absolutely I will keep you in prayer for jobs and also I've been following some of your other threads.

Really appreciate it, Thanks so much