What to do if I want to die?

I do not want to live anymore.

I am a male, in the early thirties, I have problems with coworkers, the latest problem was yesterday with the coworker sitting with me at the same office, disregarding details it was a big fight in the phone, he is so selfish ill person and wants to take all data from me and does not want to share with me anything.

I do not like my job at all, so boring, repetitive and stressful.

How can I go to work everyday and sit with someone who I do not like and work in this boring job as well. Where should I go or what should I do? Should I resign and sit at home?

I do not have friends to tell them what I feel.

I do not currently have a wife or a girlfriend, I really want to love and be loved, I got so tired, I want to care for someone and someone to care for me, I hope to have family and kids, i believe if I have many problems and I have my wife, she will make me forget about everything.

As a consequence to my usual depression, I lost all my hair and became bald, grey hair and wrinkles all over my head and face, I look now something like late forties which decreased the chance even for any girl to like me.
I even do not like to meet people I need in the past, they will tell me, hey you look so old now and I do not want to hear that.

I lost the hope, I can not be stronger anymore, I fed up and feel so sorry and sad about myself, I do not deserve to be in this conditions.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Reaching out here is a good place to start. This site helped me with depression once before, and is helping again. As for the job, I'm not a good resource as I'm stuck in a boring job as well...

Friends are hard to come by, and hard to maintain contact with when you're depressed (speaking from personal experience)...

A wife may or may not help you forget about everything. I'm married and my depression persists despite it...

Now, while all that might sound very gloom/doom, it's not...look for a job while you have a job as it's easier to find work when you have work (not sure why, I just think it works that way)...Don't listen to people who say you look so old...try some of the tried and true remedies for this illness ~ therapy and/or medication; exercise; plenty of sunshine. And then keep checking in here. There area lot of people here that care.

Thank you so much

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Point 1. You have a job. Lots of people would give a lot to be able to say that. I would guess that most people either don't like, hate, are bored with their job or would rather do someting else. So you're not alone there. try everything you can to make it better. If you can't look for another job. As the op said it's easier getting another job while you are in one.
point 2. Make friends. Not easy i know but it can be done. Join clubs ( meetup.com is great for that). Be positive and interested in other people. People like positive people. Are there any people at work that you get on with. If so suggest meeting out of work, could be anything you both like doing. Force yourself to go out and meet people and do things.
point 3. Go on a dating site . I would say Ok Cupid is pretty good. Take some great pictures and write a great and interesting profile. I did and got together with someone after a few months. It's pretty shallow and looks count for a lot ( were all pretty shallow) but there are woman that look beyond appearances and the more you message the greater your chances of a response. Ity's a numbers game and online dating is the easiest way. You can pay of course but i wouldn't bother.
Point4. It sucks big time to look older than you are. I know. I started losing my hair in my late teens ( i'm 58 now)and from then everyone thought i was older than i was. But shaven heads these days are de rigeur and a lot of women like bald heads so don't worry about your looks.

Have confidence in yourself. I know i'm a great guy and all those women that base their judgement on how i look are missing out. I have 2 houses, money. i'm easy going, like a laugh etc etc so it's their loss. That's how you should feel. I'M A GREAT GUY. IT'S THEIR LOSS. Good luck. LIfe goes on. Yeah you could kill yourself but then you lose the chance of things getting better for you. Change your mindset and they will. I gurantee it.

I sure appreciate the above post from ptangptang ... It's nice to read something positive on these boards, and has helped me with the tearful day that I've been having today. So, thank you...

I agree with above, marrage does not always mean happiness. If you can't make you happy, you can't expect another to make you happy.
I suggest hobbies! Take a pro active approach to your life

Something that helped me meet people was volunteering. I looked for things I was interested in and met like minded people.

1. I totally agree with you that having a job is something good, but what I want to say that if you have a boring job and repetitive one, dealing with people from different backgrounds and cultures, that will jot you feel comfortable at all, do not forget that working takes more than have of your day (disregarding the sleeping hours) being in this environment for this time the whole week will really make anyone ill and depressed, staying at home is very bad for sure, but in that case I and anyone else will be much more happy, at least will have a peace of mind (the only problem here will be financial because I have to spend money from savings till I find new way of income).

2. I do agree that making friends is really so hard, and finding a really kind ones those makes your life better is even harder, being alone is really better that being with a wrong ones.

3. I hope to find my soul mate girl really quickly, I really like it so much to love and care for someone, I like to give more than I like to take, this might be one of the points that always makes me miserable, I like to please people and it always comes with bad responses and hurts after being used by others.

4. Being depressed always and miserable made me a heavy smoker, I was not smoking more than eight or seven cigarettes per day, now it is a pack of cigarettes per day, if my life quality got better, I will look much better, but unfortunately life always gets worse, and I am so scared that it will be more worse in the future, I have confidence talking with all people with eyes contact always and never appeared not a confident one.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Sorry you feel so dark seawhale. These days pass and maybe become a lighter shade. I am in medium grey phase unyet the last few weeks I too felt like you. Thosr in depression dont know when we will feel a little better but we do even if not for long.

I too have dreadful workplace problems and I cry sometimes on my way home from feeling so supressed and dejected. I get slyly cleverly bullied. Im telling u so u know how I can understand.

You are not lucky to have a job. You are fortunate to have an income from this job and you will b lucky the day you find a decent nice workplace. You dont deserve to spend half your day unhappy and though workplaces are not controlled and rarely change...I wish u a better job. My coping mechanisms are to put an earphone in one ear and listen to music to manage my mood. I also cut off from them because I see them as very childish and quite honestly Im bored sick of them their conversations and their games. If I knew them in real life, in my neighbourhood I wouldnt even look at them. Gain perspective by imagining your co worker in an extrrnal setting. What can u see?

Friends can b tricky too. For now , know u have friends here. Everyone here has or is in turmoil and are usually extremely sensitive types who really can feel how u feel. I for one.

Having a gf or wife is not the be all and end all of life and you are only 30 still. Be patient but you do have to look in the right places and put alot of effort in. Its one of the hardest things for anyone to find.So dont be worried about it personally. One of lifes mysteries..romantic love.

Seawhale, You sound like a lovely guy and I do hope that you find someone who will love you for who you are. Until then may I sugest that if you are really unhappy in your job to maybe look elsewhere for one. I know its very difficult to work with an intolerable person, but you can ride it out until something else comes along. I agree with a lot of the other posts, that girlfriend/ marriage is not the be all and the end all, the best of marriages are hard work. Best wishes and good luck. Think of this as a new chapter in your life, and good things will come you will see.

I'm sorry you feel this way, and I can kind of relate.

Some questions.

Have you had a girlfriend or partner before?

What kind of job do you do?

Have you been able to make friends in the past?

Hi Seawhale,
You sound like a very caring person who puts his needs second. Many women find that very attractive. You are only in your thirties, you have your best years ahead! I'm in my mid-forties and have been through many failed relationships throughout my life. We always want what we don't seem to have at the moment. Put yourself out there, you will find the one. Be patient, she will come when you least expect it.

Stay positive and start looking for another job. Being happy at work manifests itself in many ways and can make us depressed very easily. This alone can keep you in a weird funk, isolating, making it harder to meet positive people. Start with changing some of the small things you don't like about your life, and work your way up!

Good Luck!!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

(((Seawhale))) Remember when you suffer from depression, depression will tell you many negative things. Depression wants to control you. The worse you feel the stronger depression becomes. I see that others have posted all of the good things in your post so I wont go into that. A lover: In my case at this time there will be no one. Depression has me stuck in my home most of the time. I keep thinking about doing stuff to meet someone but I just think about it. I did meet someone online once. I was with her for 8 years. She is great but my depression got to bad. In a way depression took her from me too. Do your best that's all anyone could ask for. If you get to down post on here and someone will answer.

Indeed I feel so dark, I always feel that I want to cry too, I stayed strong for too long in my life, now i feel like i cannot stand or afford these circumstances anymore.

This is the problem in workplaces that you are obliged to deal with certain people on daily basis, these people you did not chose, they are there by no control of you, totally agree with you that some of them if they are in my life somehow out of work I would not even look at them. And I can not deny that also some people are respectable, but few and yes friends can be tricky, I met a lot of friends like this type.

Having a girl friend or wife really may enhance anyone's life quality and too hard to find as well.
Really agree with all your words and wish you all best bro.


Yes, I am trying to look for another job, it usually takes times and will not come easily on one day, just I will keep the hope to find a good place of work, until then I will try to cope and adapt my self with what is around me.

Thank you a lot and wish you the best of luck too.


I had one girlfriend before and one fiancé, I and my fiancé were deeply in love with each other, and before marriage with few months, some small problems happened then these problems escalated with interference of both families and the engagement ended up being broken up. Bad luck as usual, I saw black days till I got over her, it was not easy at all to be in a relationship for one year, talking and going out everyday and then suddenly everything went away, i was just make anything to make her happy.

My job is in civil engineering.

Yes I made friends before - not too many, but never succeeded in finding a kind friend who is not tricky, I got hurt many times from my friends, although I was always helpful, selflessness and kind with them, but they have never appreciated, I have only one friend now, we do not meet a lot (i am happy with that because I really want now to give a distance to avoid any more hurts), he was my manager before.

Thanks you a lot for advice dear, yes relationships always like this, and I can say that more than 90% of anyone's problems are related to people around him (friends, family, coworkers, wife, girlfriend) which result into that people whose are too sensitive or kind are always miserable - unfortunately, but it seems that this is how the world works



Depressions is the worst illness i have ever seen, it is even harder than physical illness, and it affects everyone mentally and physically, and it is always developed further due to the conditions and circumstances around us.

Many thanks to you and wish you the best of luck dear.

I have the same question that you asked, yet no answer.
(((((Seawhale)))))

Mindfulness has been the most useful thing for me, when life has felt so difficult.

My problem now is my last fight with the coworker, we made a big fight over the phone, and some emails between I and him only and he threatened me that he will make a fight out of the work place, and will nominate someone to harm me someway, and after we settled the fight together, he called me again yesterday and provoked me in every way that any person can be provoked, I lost my mind and cursed him madly, then i blocked him on Facebook and his phone number as well

Now i do not know what his reaction will be, and how the new next week will be look like.

It seems that there is no answer and will never be an answer, we have to know that this is how relationships work, this is the life.


It is very good to be mindfulness if you have the ability to do it, for me it is not easy, the human brain is not like a hard desk, so you cannot delete, format, cut and paste, hide or shut it down.

And it is so sad truth to control something made by your self as a human, but very difficult to control your own mind, not that easy, and for that people take medicines to help them, life is full of philosophy.

Wow!

What a toxic work environment!

No wonder you are so stressed and depressed.

I hope you choose to keep on living.

There are many solutions to the issues you are having without choosing the permanent one.

Besides, if you kill yourself ...

There will be a hole in this Universe where you are supposed to be and THAT will be a very sad thing!

As a result of this toxic environment, your life turns to be a series of working days and weekends (weeks).

- At the beginning of the week you are so miserable because you have five complete days to work and you keep waiting patiently every week for its end to take a couple of days out off.

- And when it is the week end, your mind will always remind you that they are couple of days will pass and then you will start a new week.

Of course this is not the case when you are in a good work environment.

How well I know this, seawhale ... I've worked in a few toxic work environments in my lifetime, and it can definitely impact our mental health BIG TIME!

Whenever I find myself in an intolerable work environment now, I make myself a smaller target by avoiding and/or ignoring the toxic people I work with while I actively look for another job. As soon as I have secured another job, I tender my notice and get the heck outta Dodge!

It's customary to work out a two week notice in most places, but I've found that a toxic work environment will let you go as soon as you tender your notice! That can be a blessing and a curse.

It's a blessing because it gives you a couple of weeks to get your mental health in a good place before reporting to the new job, but it can also be a curse if you are unlucky enough to be living paycheck to paycheck.

Hello again Seawhale u cant let this insignificant person win. If u didnt work there/ with this person calculate how much less despairing you would feel. Alot less. I know that my workplace increases my depressed state, elongating its episode considerably. It helps me to find 'answers' it really helps to read up. I felt so much better to read about things pertaining to my situation: nepotism. bullying. passive aggressives. Toxic workpkaces. It cant stop it it can give you some explanation of what is happening there.

Its so hard to come home and forget how sad u have been made to feel. I try to distract myself for about an hour and after that the weight of the day is not as bad. Cook slowly and carefully? Play a computer game? Read an absorbing book? Just to kick start your down time. Or get on here and pour your day out to folks here.

Sorry you are feeling so low. In the case of your coworker you could send him an apology, tell him you were having a bad day and took it out on the first person that did not agree with you. Do you think it escalated to HR? If so, make sure HR knows you recognized your less than professional behavior and apologized. If you feel comfortable doing it, a verbal apology in public where others see it might get you brownie points.

As for the GF or wife.... There was a time in my 30's when I was convinced I was better off in a relationship than alone. Consequently I had a number of less than healthy relationships. My last BF ended up killing himself. That put an end to my dating. I thought I was somehow responsible for his death. Now I have a cat that I adore and he gives me unconditional love. He also has helped with my depression and my suicide ideations. I still would like to find my soulmate but now that I realized I can live on my own and not be lonely I am more selective.

If you can't have a furry companion try visiting the animal shelter. The animals there are starving for love and will return the love a thousand fold.

Good luck!

PS, you don't want to die if you posted your "desire" on this forum. Usually people who say things like that are really asking for help, I should know, I've done it a couple of times in the past.

Many thanks for your advice, I do not know whether it got escalated to HR or not, I will know tomorrow, but I am sure that he was calling me to just provoke me, no more, may be he was recording the phone call, he is the guilty he is ill selfish person, and i did not curse him in front of others to apology in front of others, moreover he was replying me and cursing back for sure, i should have ended the call once he started his silly talk.

The story you mentioned regarding your boy friend is so tragical, please forget the story and find new love you deserve to be always happy.
Sometimes I really feel that I want to tightly hug a girl I love, give her care and feelings, and make her feel safe, lack of being in love is somewhat really painful.

I have a pet cat and her daughter living with me and the family, although I love dogs more because they are so loyal and intelligent, but I love the two cats so much, once I feel one of them is sick i take her to the vet immediately, caring for them in every way a pet can be cared for, they will never hurt or harm me, I feel peace with them, and really sympathize with them because sometimes they cannot express their feelings or needs, they just meow and I keep looking for what might be missing.

Best wishes to you too.