I am broken, need to talk

Hello. Is there someone who can talk with me? I feel so many feels. And every one of them is very-very bad. Not so long ago i got double betrayal. My ex gf cheated on me with my ex best friend and dumped me to be with him. We dated for 2.5 years and with guy we were friends for 15 years. Since then my life became one big hell of misery. I cry myself to sleep every night. They were huge part of my life, almost only people who cared about me. I can't understand how could they do it to me. I keep blaming myself for things that i did wrong to them. I know wont ever talk with them ever-ever again. This is soul-crushing comprehension. Nobody around me can't understand what i am going through. I feel like the whole world abandoned me. When i imagine them together and having sex i feel so bad and shattered that i don't want to live anymore. I went to therapist 3 times, but we didn't really make progress and his appointments are expensive. I feel like i am broken as a person, as a male, as a human being. My self-esteem is below zero. I feel like i ruined my life completely to the point of no return. I wont ever find a girl like my ex and friend like him. They were irraplacable and still i lost them. I am too weak to live alone without people to back me up.
Well, you get the picture of my life. I can tell more details if someone will be interested. Is there any point to live when you are so miserable like i am? When you know that never be happy ever again?

Firstly sorry that you're feeling awful, you've come to the right place as many of us feel this way. I'm pretty new on this site and the people here understand exactly what you're going through... People here have so much good advice and very loving and caring natures.
I can't give you an answer to make you feel better, but what I can say is.... Is that your ex girlfriend and ex best mate are irreplaceable!! They are not the kind of people you would surely want in your life if they break your trust and betray you??
You have done nothing wrong it's them that have!! And they have to live with the fact that they're not very nice people... Not you!!

xXx

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Hey man, I've been feeling the same way for quite a while. I have no supporting advice at the moment, because I'm stuck in the same pit hole as you. I can only tell you that with work it will get better. Maybe for your situation it will come slowly, or maybe it will come faster. Just don't harm yourself or any of that stupid crap that depressed people do. Please. This is a favor I'm asking of you. Just don't hurt yourself in any form or fashion. If you ever, EVER need anything, I check this website every week day, usually around 12:45 to 1:30. Bye

Hello & Welcome, Mefisto.

How long ago did the double betrayal happen?
How were you feeling before it happened?
Have you had a regular medical checkup lately?

Please keep posting, Mefisto.

You need to see that this was NOT your girlFRIEND, nor was it your bestFRIEND. These were skunks........

But that's just my opinion. You seem like a loyal and loving person...and betrayal like this hurts people like you the worst. You need to keep busy and keep your dark thoughts pushed out of the way because time will heal this wound. That's a promise.

Wow, this happened to me when I was in my undergraduate program. It hurt. I agree with Tommo - don't think of them as your friends, even an ex friend. They're skunks! You're better off without them in your life.

You can talk here whenever you want - I know I take advantage of it!

Damn! That's rough darlin! I'm sorry that happened to you! I would be glad to lend you an ear and a shoulder if you want to talk! I've been told I'm a good listener. I know all seems lost now, but you have all of us here at PC to help you get through this terrible time in your life! Things will eventually get better sweetheart!

Three month ago.
Much better.
I went to shrink 5 times already. Hes great and smart guy, but i still don't have any positive effect from therapy. And its very expensive so i will have to shut it down.

And to other posters here - thanks you your support. There are times when i starting to feel a little better, but then some tiny thing appeared to push me back into depression pit again. I feel like my mind is broken and im stuck in this forever with those obsessive regrets and memories. How to delete them from my conscious?

Is there anyone who can help with that?

Mefisto... Unfortunately you cannot delete regrets and memories from your conscious, I know you're hurting but having regrets and memories help us to learn how to deal with things and help us learn what we would do next time, if that makes sense?
Have you seen your Doctor? He may be able to prescribe something to take the edge of things or put you in the right direction for other help perhaps?
I know it's easier said than done as I'm in that place right now, and seriously need to practice what I preach.
Or if youre unable to do that just keep posting on here for other advice/solutions?
There are always people here with amazing advice. Hope that helps even just a little.

xXx

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Mefisto - I constantly have problems with bad thoughts taking over. What helps me is, to become VERY AWARE of when they do, and then telling myself to STOP thinking those thoughts. I even "yell" at myself, mentally, to shut up.

When the bad thoughts come.....I shut them down as best I can, and then close my eyes and focus on finding a good thought to replace it. Sort of a meditation thing. It doesn't wipe out the bad stuff, but it does kind of knock the brain off it's tracks of negativity. I feel like I am training my mind to think happy / positive instead of negative. And it really does help me.

Before I started doing this, I realized I had lost YEARS of any good memories what so ever. I'd look back on life, and all I could see / feel / remember was the bad stuff. But since I started re-training my mind to remember and hold good things, I've gotten better at having happy memories.

It sounds cliche'd, but, it really does take time to heal the hurt you've suffered. It also takes work, on your part, to make sure you don't get stuck down in a pit of pain. So trust the people here, when they tell you that the pain will lessen, and that you can move on from it, and that yes, it is possible to find someone worthy to love, and to be friends with. Two people who used to be in your life screwed up, and hurt you horribly. That's just two people. Just the number of folks who have responded to you here all ready outnumber that!

>What helps me is, to become VERY AWARE of when they do, and then telling myself to STOP thinking those thoughts.
When they appear i instantly losing any control, don't know why. My mood is going down in a second after a thought appears and after this second its too late to say stop, because i am already ruined. Also, so many things work like triggers to me. I would be tired to name all of them. Just so tiny things, as some skype smile emotion can get me back into regret and suffering. Im surrounded by triggers, they everywhere.

>finding a good thought to replace it.
But what to do if you don't have any good thoughts?

>I realized I had lost YEARS of any good memories what so ever.
Great for you. I looked back at my life and saw only pathetic and miserable attempts to socialize, all of them failed in one way or another.

>It sounds cliche'd, but, it really does take time to heal the hurt you've suffered.
How much time?

>That's just two people.
Closest people i ever had. How to forgive myself for spending so much time on them and screwing this up in the end? I am that kind of person who have it very hard when it comes to finding new friends and girlfriends. In 5 years of college i made only one friend and he got expelled. It will be one month until the studies are over. Its safe to say that i lost almost all the college opportunities to meet people, especially girls, which were 65% of all students. I regret it so much. I am awkward creep that should not have any relationship in the first place. I would be much happier right now. All the good moments i had with those two came for so high price of suffering that i wish i never had them.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It's insane how powerful other people can be to a person and their effects. I honestly think that there is still hope for you. There ARE going to be those kinds of people in life because everybody's got sins and are imperfect. I think that you should keep going. Keep living. You seem like a great guy and I believe that now you have more knowledge of people you should avoid. I don't believe this situation was your fault- think about why those people did that in the first place. They were probably insecure about something. Hurt people hurt people.
Anyway, I hope you will meet someone way better than those 2. It takes time to make good friends again (same situation) but you will meet people who will become close to you like they were. But you have to be careful and make sure they're not ****** people first. Good luck

>I honestly think that there is still hope for you.
Why i don't feel it? Instead i feel like its the end of everything in my life.

>I don't believe this situation was your fault
I introduced them to each other - how it can't be fault? I also commited a few serious mistakes that revealed very low level of my self-esteem and that made her compare me to my friend and lose respect for me. And i created a similar thread in another section of this site. I asked there how to supress thoughts of revenge. Thats what i got from there:
"in fact, if that is the way your mind works, then I'm starting to see why this girlfriend might have decided to move on. Based on what you've told me about how you look at life, I think a girl would have to be an idiot to want to hang around with you."
Do you think this person is right about me?

Honestly I also feel hopeless and the only thing I CAN do is to have hope and being positive. No if I were hurt I would also want to have revenge.
You're your worst critic so you need to try to say kind things to yourself. You deserve the best even though YOU may not feel like it and although I don't know you, I know you deserve the BEST. **** the shxtty people. Move on to finding people who see the good in you. That is what you deserve. You deserve a happy and wonderful long lived life.

Thank you for kind words. I always was the worst critic for myself, its a curse that always bringing me down. What are you feel hopeless about? Im interested in your situation as well.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I've been betrayed, abused, mistreated for much of my life.
The best thing I can come up with, is to be kinder to yourself, learn to accept your faults, realize that the "best" human beings can make horrible mistakes and really hurt others like yourself.
You are blaming yourself for having introduced them to each other. It is just what happened. She might have gotten introduced to someone else and left you for that person. She made the mistake of hurting you.
I've struggled for years to get over my marriage, and it wasn't a good one. I've used up boxes of kleenex, felt so down and low I thought of suicide, it is really damn hurtful when others treat us like we aren't worth anything
NOW is the time to stop letting that happen. Start with YOU, what things (however small), you enjoy right now? I know you are thinking, "nothing"...
I've learned at times the suffering overtakes any joy. But start small. Favourite drinks, books, music, making sure you are sleeping well, getting some fresh air.
Best wishes, and if you ever want to talk, you are welcome to p.m. me if I can be of any help.

Yes, I can help with that. Follow the instructions for "SNAP CLUB" in this thread

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- vital

Hey there,
I'm brand new here...this got me teary eyed..I wanted to let ya know you're not alone..I'm truly sorry you're hurting so much..But please stop being so hard on yourself..stop beating yourself up..its absolutely NOT your fault..You're NOT the bad guy..I know its still pretty raw but you're so much Better off without. ..I do understand how deep the pain of betrayal feels..It sucks but you'll come out so much stronger. It's never fun having to learn the hard way but In time it all will eventually turn into a Good thing!! So Hang in there..maybe attend a support group or something...Remember Best part of being at the bottom is, the only option is Up! It will only get better & better!!

Appreciate your support, guys. Today is my birthday and i feel depressed as hell. Tears appearing in my eyes. They both used to love to congratulate me, but they wont do it ever again. Still can't believe that past year turned out as worst in my life. And it seems like even more misery awaits me in the future.

Recently i felt a little better because i met this gorgeous girl online. We went on date and i thought it was great, we had so much in common, were laughing and smiling all the time. But i guess she didn't find me as attractive as she expected. She became a little cold online, not really eager to meet me again. She didn't declined my offer yet, so there is still hope. Anyway, i feel like im losing the only hope to get better. Like i got proof that i wont ever attract any girl that better than my ex. This is heavy feeling.

Oh honey don't give up hope! Some women just don't have good taste! You'll find someone worthy of you!

Its not about taste. I think i am truly unattractive person. There are too much flaws in my personality that i can't fix at the moment. The thing is - i tried really hard with her, i did my best, i showed her my most good qualities (without lying about anything) and did a great job to hide my worst. And still it wasnt enough to attract her. And its hard to understand my mistakes, i was pretty confident and made her laugh a lot, touched her a few times and it looked like she liked it. Maybe i should have kissed her, but i thought it too soon for 1st date. I don't know what is so repulsive about me. I hate myself so much right now. And this feeling can't be a reason, because i didn't show her it in any way, as i said i was extremely positive and confident the entire time.

Oh darlin! Don't be so hard on yourself! There's a lid for every pot! She's out there, and you'll find her! Everyone who comes into our lives is either a blessing, or a lesson. The right one will love, accept, and appreciate you for being you! Those who walk out of our lives were never meant to be there to begin with. Don't hate yourself because we love you! ♡♡

Hi,
I'm glad to see you posting. You seem very critical of yourself. I have to ask if you know, what "characteristic flaws" you think you are hiding? What is it that you hate about yourself. Was this feeling there before you lost your gf and friend?

Unfortunately hiding things and trying to show only your best side does not work, in my opinion. You have to be open, honest with yourself and others. You may be rushing into another relationship to get over the hurt of a past one. You need to fully understand what is it that makes you say "I hate myself... I don't know what it is that is so repulsive about me...etc."

Most people just have a pretty good sense of how they feel after a first date. It isn't all about you and what you think you should have done or not done.

Please keep posting. Attraction is not all about looks if that is what you are most concerned with. You must learn to love and accept yourself before you can give your love to someone else. I know it is said often but it is very true.

Open up to us if you feel comfortable. Tell us what you think is making you feel the way you do about yourself. I know getting hurt by your relationship is a HUGE part of the problem right now. I remember you said you don't have friends. I know it hurts. I was isolated with no friends for years. Do you have any family close by? Can you get out and join some kind of social activity while you are studying? (I know that is alot on your plate already)