Yesterday I was busy throughout the whole day. I was feeling alright when I first started cleaning but then my mood sunk. Plus it was a hot and humid day for doing it. Later in the morning my sister called but just left a message. That sunk me down further. I though I had made it clear to her that I don't want to do the phone calls anymore. It's because she's too upsetting and we've been arguing a lot. I didn't call back and I feel guilty about it. It's hard for me to make the call especially when I had already told her I don't want to do the phone calls.

I'm anxious about my trip coming up in a couple of weeks. I'm taking this trip so that I can scout out the place to see if I want to move there. I feel depressed that I have to move out where I am now. For me I think that Buffy's therapist nailed it about "living in the past and worrying about the future". Oh, that's me right now!

[Breaking Dawn]

Mostly downs, but an up now & then.

[Rose60]

Yesterday was good. We had a family gathering. Enjoyed. For now I'm making myself ready for a good walk outside to get a doze of fresh air. Feel tired, but will not give into the tirednes. My day lays there ready for me to use and as I read in the depression-work book: It is my responsibility to use my skills to fight the depression (as far as my energy is on my side).

[Rose60]

Here I am again. I felt so tired after my morning walk that I had to rest for a long time afterward. I don't like it, but if it so it is, that the energy is too low, I have to accept it. I will probably use Netflix and/or Internet games most of this day, while I try to at least do the most necessary like cooking and more.

[Rose76]

I've been doing very well, physically and mentally.

[Rose60]

Today I had the company of good friends at my morning walk. We went longer then I usually go, so now I am very, very tired and full of pain in my body. I only want to sleep , but to sleep too much during day time will probably give me a troublesome night with little sleep, so I will stay up until bedtime.

I have come to the conclusion that the best I can do for my health tomorrow, will be to stay at home and make a slow, slow mix of taking care of myself and my home.


My depression is not bothering me today. I will try to continue to set away time tomorrow to work with the self help book: "The Cognitive Workbook for Depression: A step-by-Step Program" by Knaus and Ellis.


So far I have been eager to work with it. I have faith in that I will be able to do this.

[Deilla]

I'm okay today. I could be better. I'll take it.

[downandlonely]

Today has been good. The intensive outpatient program is helping.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MimiBhaduri0

I am not well. I hope...I wish I see better days soon, very soon....I cant go on like this any more.

:sadhug: :grouphug: I understand how you are feeling.

[Buffy01]

I feel so awful today. Regardless of what I did to try to feel just a little bit better today.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I'm making good progress on rewrites of my novel. I rewrote the first chapter, in the hopes that this will 'hook' an editor and/or agent better. They always request you send in a sample, usually of the first ten pages or the first chapter, so it's important to have a good first chapter.

Sounds like a great idea to do. I hope everything works out for you.

[Rose60]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I've been doing very well, physically and mentally.

What a surprise that there already was another Rose in the forums when I became a member here.

I picked that nickname because I thought that is how we, all, are supposed to be: Roses in full bloom when we have had relief from our depressions.

It is also surprising that we have chosen almost similar avatars. I picked mine because the Peace-dove symbolises my character. I like peace in the groups where I participate and hope for peace in the world ... (even if that may seem a bit difficult now when thinking about the situation in Europe and all the hunger in the world as a consequence of the war, the lack of enough corn).

I am sure there are lots of roses in different colors in the world, so the members here will probably have no difficulties in knowing who is you and who is me.

I am glad to hear that you are doing well!

Hugs and best wishes from one rose to another!

[Rose60]

I feel that I am loosing the grip on my day. I caught myself in a lot of negative thinking, but was able to tell myself to STOP and make some food.

The reason I am using a CBT workbook, is because I believe in the ideology behind that kind of treatment. I felt like a failure and was sad, but then I understood that recognizing my depressive thinking was a sign of good observation.

I lost a part of the day, so far, but I have learned something new about observation. I am going to reward myself with a good movie or something. To be under the dominion of depression is hard, but not hopeless. I feel a bit anxious about this, but will continue to fight, fail and fall, rise up and continue.

It seems like I've been hopping and busy lately in the past week or so. That's great because the busier I am the less I think about gloom and doom for myself.

Today I stumbled across an article online that gave me a little shot of hope. What I came across was that I could get into a program for financial help so that I can stay at where I am for a while. I don't know if it can happen. I'm planning on a trip in two and a half weeks from now and, in all honesty, I'm not looking forward to it. The reason for the trip is so I can scout out a new location to live. I dread the whole process of having to move.

I prefer to stay where I am, but many times I don't know why. It's nice where I am but there are some improvements that need to be made and I don't know if it will ever change. But moving to a new place is the unknown for me. Especially at a place where I don't anyone and I'd be there alone. And it would be a completely different kind of place than where I am now.

[Breaking Dawn]

@will19, what you describe is pretty easy to understand. Maybe the program will let you in. Hope so.

[Breaking Dawn]

This day began with a lot of gratitude & hope. But I guess it wasn't in the cards. Maybe tomorrow. I need to build up my strength.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Rose60

What a surprise that there already was another Rose in the forums when I became a member here.

I picked that nickname because I thought that is how we, all, are supposed to be: Roses in full bloom when we have had relief from our depressions.

It is also surprising that we have chosen almost similar avatars. I picked mine because the Peace-dove symbolises my character. I like peace in the groups where I participate and hope for peace in the world ... (even if that may seem a bit difficult now when thinking about the situation in Europe and all the hunger in the world as a consequence of the war, the lack of enough corn).

I am sure there are lots of roses in different colors in the world, so the members here will probably have no difficulties in knowing who is you and who is me.

I am glad to hear that you are doing well!

Hugs and best wishes from one rose to another!

Hi Rose. Yes, it's quite a coincidence that we both picked similar avatars that don't match our screen names. "Great minds think alike." I do believe we share some philosophy. I'm just back from being absent here, so I don't know how all are doing yet. I hope you're ok at the moment.

I just saw your recent post. Sorry you're struggling. Low blood sugar always makes me feel bad, so I definitely endorse stopping and eating. Good move!

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Today has been good. The intensive outpatient program is helping.

I did a "Partial Hospitalization Program," which I think would be somewhat similar. It was the most worthwhile treatment I ever received. I hope you continue finding it useful and helpful.

[Rose60]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I just saw your recent post. Sorry you're struggling. Low blood sugar always makes me feel bad, so I definitely endorse stopping and eating. Good move!

I have in former days been treated for depression, with no specification of what kind (mild, moderate, stronger or whatever). Talking therapy.

This time I cannot afford to pay for a therapist. I bought a self-help book: "The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression" from Amazon. At first I felt sure that this could be the help I needed and felt some sort of relief.

Now I feel like I am trapped in hopelessness! I know that I have to focus my thoughts on something different according to what I have learned from CBT and so I will, but I find it a bit difficult for the moment.

I have to add (some time after I wrote the former today). I have no idea how to get out of this, either economically or emotionally. I ended up with ordering an appointment with a therapist. May be the most important is to get somebody to talk to. It doesn't have to be so many hours.

[Rose60]

I feel a bit better this morning. It is a relief to know that I will have a CBT-therapist to discuss my situation with. I have to wait for around three weeks. In the meantime, I have my CBT-tools from the depression behavior work book and my hope about finding solutions that probably will make my life better in general.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm trying & wishing to find strength this morning, physical & mental. My sadness & lack of willpower are draining me & my spirit.

[Buffy01]

I have been feeling really awful lately. I have been trying to do activities that will help me feel better.

[Rose60]

Today I feel like I am trapped, like I am tucked into sadness. Am trying to do some cleaning in the home but have to sit down from time to time because I cannot concentrate because of sadness. I hadn't expected this after feeling so full of hope yesterday.

[MimiBhaduri0]

Originally Posted by Rose60

Today I feel like I am trapped, like I am tucked into sadness. Am trying to do some cleaning in the home but have to sit down from time to time because I cannot concentrate because of sadness. I hadn't expected this after feeling so full of hope yesterday.

Hope you feel better soon Rose60.

My day has barely gotten started as of right now. I woke up this morning and kept thinking I should cancel my trip (just like I did last year!). It's like why should I go there? It's going to cost money for the trip and then if I decide to move to that place, then it might not be as beneficial as I think it could. On the other hand, my money is definitely going to run out if I stay unless if I could get financial help of some kind. At where I live, there are thousands applying for financial help and there's not enough money to help everyone who requests. My only friend, who is not a great quality person, thinks I shouldn't do this. He hasn't offered or come up with any kind of help.

At where I live the amenities are great and probably much better than where I'm going to move to. There's not much greatness in people at where I am. I hardly have any friends and I feel like the people surrounding me do not think the same way I do. It's been that way for a long time and I don't see that part getting better anytime soon. My neighbors are not friendly and I feel like I try to be nice to others.

I guess it's just a fear of failure on my part, I don't know.