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  #126  
Old Oct 01, 2022, 07:42 PM
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I wished that I could feel good again instead of feeling down all the time.
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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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  #127  
Old Oct 01, 2022, 09:59 PM
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I'm getting fearful of the future for all humanity. It doesn't help that i'm watching the news and prepper videos, and threats of doom and gloom ahead. I have no friends if I needed one, and very limited family, one is very far from me. I'm so lonely. As I get older without a partner I feel like my future is going to be bleak. I've always been ok with just a couple of friends, but I don't feel i have that. They are there, but it's always me that iniates a text or a call, so i know i'm not on their mind. I'm so anxious hearing about all the stuff that might happen soon, but i also believe hard, very hard times are coming.
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  #128  
Old Oct 02, 2022, 03:07 PM
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I am for sure feeling the SAD today. My mom thinks its just because the baby came and stuff and now theres nothing to look forward to. But the baby coming was a huge relief since it was a complicated and nerve wracking birth. So I think its just the start of a possibly bad SAD season.
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  #129  
Old Oct 03, 2022, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Violetta75 View Post
I'm getting fearful of the future for all humanity. It doesn't help that i'm watching the news and prepper videos, and threats of doom and gloom ahead. I have no friends if I needed one, and very limited family, one is very far from me. I'm so lonely. As I get older without a partner I feel like my future is going to be bleak. I've always been ok with just a couple of friends, but I don't feel i have that. They are there, but it's always me that iniates a text or a call, so i know i'm not on their mind. I'm so anxious hearing about all the stuff that might happen soon, but i also believe hard, very hard times are coming.

Yes, it is scary times ...
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  #130  
Old Oct 03, 2022, 07:44 AM
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I am a bit up and down for the time being. I can have some good hours, then being tired and down the next hours. Some inner anger and hopelessness as well.
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  #131  
Old Oct 03, 2022, 10:54 AM
MimiBhaduri0 MimiBhaduri0 is offline
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Trying to take one day at a time and make it through the day. The oxygen supply to my brain is a bit better but it could be a little more to make me feel less tired the whole day. The physical pain is less as well. But the several mild to moderate panic attacks I have through the day leave me feeling terribly lonely and restless and anxious about the future. I am really worried about the future...feel hopeless at times. Also find it difficult to get out of the house, not because I am scared to go out but because I have too low energy. Still hanging in there.
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  #132  
Old Oct 03, 2022, 04:52 PM
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I'm feeling gloomy today. I guess it's because it's a cloudy day. I kind of like cloudy days and prefer them over hot and sunny days. However, it's just a cloudy day that seems to have hanging haze. At least I would like it to rain or drizzle.

I split up with my only friend yesterday. For those on here, who know me, you might notice that it's many times I have said that. That's because it's happened so many times. Splitting up gets me down but so does having a lousy quality friend. This time, unlike other times, I have blocked him from calling me. The reason I end up going back with him is because he calls and cries. And then I'm lonely and he doesn't have much going for him. It goes great for a while when we get back and then the crap happens again. It's like we both don't learn.

Also, this morning before getting out of bed, I was thinking to myself that I'm letting go the ones close to me. I don't know if it's because I may have ridiculously high standards or if the people I've been surrounded with are bad.

Last edited by Anonymous41141; Oct 03, 2022 at 05:09 PM.
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  #133  
Old Oct 03, 2022, 08:04 PM
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They say that you're supposed to be a champion of your own work, and that if you can't get excited about your own work you can't expect anyone else to. But by the time I'm finished with a project, I'm sick of it and I've become convinced it's the worst thing ever written. I just want to be done with it and forget it ever existed. I don't see how I'm supposed to enthusiastically promote something under that mindset.
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  #134  
Old Oct 04, 2022, 01:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Violetta75 View Post
I'm getting fearful of the future for all humanity. It doesn't help that i'm watching the news and prepper videos, and threats of doom and gloom ahead. I have no friends if I needed one, and very limited family, one is very far from me. I'm so lonely. As I get older without a partner I feel like my future is going to be bleak.
Yes, the times are certainly uncertain... I don't know what'll happen with all the threats across the globe.

I don't really have anyone, either... going off to live somewhere remote sounds pretty appealing if I can manage self-sufficiency. That's the problem, though... friends and contacts exist to help out one another during dire straits, so whoever you do know may be very valuable.
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  #135  
Old Oct 04, 2022, 04:50 AM
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I am glad I decided to become a member here. It is good to have a place to be some kind of anonymous, behind a nick-name where people in the real world cannot identify you.

I have come to the conclusion that I self-sabotage in some ways (If I told my friends in the real world about my discovery, they would have thought that I was mad). It's a bit scary, but at least I am on the waiting list for a CBT therapist. I read some articles online that tells that self-sabotaging can be treated the same way as other behavior.

That gives me hope.
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  #136  
Old Oct 04, 2022, 04:12 PM
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I have more to say this day. I have had an appointment with an eye doctor. My eyes are generally fine. I am only to use eye drops for one week.

With regard to my psychological health I have remembered that all is not about my depression, but about my anxiety as well and the self-sabotage I mentioned in my last post (may be more). I don't care as long as it is treatable. I am glad that I am able to find out as much as possible before I meet my CBT therapist.

CBT is not, as probably some of you know already, a therapy where the therapist is going to cure you. Instead it is about looking about how the client (I don't think they use the label 'patient') uses the tools to see the links between THINKING - FEELINGS - BEHAVIOUR and the other way around and then tries to make new nerve pathways in the brain between new thinking patterns and new behavior. One trains to become ones own therapist so to speak. When behavior and thinking changes, emotions will do so as well. One does the change gradually (therapist and client find the best tools for presented problems together) before the patient starts to move on and uses the new tools on her/his own without the therapist. It can seem as a quick fix, but it is a lot of work to do along the road.

I do look forward too start the therapy.

(Sorry for ranting. I am not trying to disqualify other methods that therapists can use. I am only sharing that for me this is probably the best I can do for myself for the time being).
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  #137  
Old Oct 05, 2022, 07:01 AM
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Good for you, @Rose60... the CBT sounds promising... have you heard of Schema work ? It is often used to further the CBT work... your therapist might bring it up...

I debate whether the thoughts come first or whether the feelings come first... it's sort of a 'chicken or the egg dilemma'... but whatever works....

Hope you have an excellent day today!
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  #138  
Old Oct 05, 2022, 10:02 AM
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Good for you, @Rose60... the CBT sounds promising... have you heard of Schema work ? It is often used to further the CBT work... your therapist might bring it up...

I debate whether the thoughts come first or whether the feelings come first... it's sort of a 'chicken or the egg dilemma'... but whatever works....

Hope you have an excellent day today!

No, I have never heard about "Schema work". I have read about CBT and find that approach attractive. It "corresponds" with my own private thinking about how "things" hang together. I know about the home work, and am not afraid of it. I am looking forward to it.

I do not think that all here should seek that kind of treatment. We are not alike ... I only explained what it is about, so that the others here know what I am talking about if I ever will talk about my therapy (probably no talking about THAT, just in case). I mean I will not feel well if I come here and talk about my therapist. The way I see it, that would be a violation of the therapeutic rules between therapist and client. It will interfere with the process that is supposed to be between the two of us only.

I don't think this is a debate forum! As far as I have understood it is a "thread" where people come and tell a bit about how they are feeling. Some have a bad day, others a very good day and want to tell about that.

I don't want to discuss "Schema works", neither the chicken or the egg. Please respect that!

By the way, I feel fine today. Hope your day is fine as well!
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  #139  
Old Oct 05, 2022, 10:15 AM
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Not too well today. The physical pain has been more today.
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  #140  
Old Oct 05, 2022, 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted by MimiBhaduri0 View Post
Not too well today. The physical pain has been more today.

Sorry to hear that, Mimi. Hope you will feel better soon!
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  #141  
Old Oct 05, 2022, 12:06 PM
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@Rose60, sorry for rubbing you the wrong way. That wasn't my intention... very sorry indeed.

Be well, peace, love
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  #142  
Old Oct 05, 2022, 12:22 PM
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@Rose60, sorry for rubbing you the wrong way. That wasn't my intention... very sorry indeed

Be well, peace, love

That is past, now, TheGal!


I had a friend once that told me that everything I said was good. After some years the same person told me that he/she had suffered in my company for years and he/she lied to others about me... I have never liked persons that play like an angel in your face while thinking the opposite. (The "devil" in a sheep's clothing). I just want to set the borders proper from the start. It wasn't meant as a smash in your face, just being honest about what I cannot like ...


Peace and love sent back to you!
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  #143  
Old Oct 06, 2022, 09:09 AM
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omg ... I have fallen into one of my personal traps again. I bought some candy and ate up all this morning. I feel sleepy and unwell ...

Have to be more clever and remember what is NO-NO for me. Never store candy in the home ... I feel ashamed. How could I treat myself so badly?
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  #144  
Old Oct 06, 2022, 12:49 PM
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Feeling a bit gloomy again. I have a trip coming up next week and have anxiety about it. Lately it's been foggy early in the morning and I hope that doesn't happen on the day I leave. The flights are grounded when it's foggy and that will mess things up for me if that happens. It is a long-distance trip.

I've been feeling down since I let my friend go. He was the only local friend I had. I miss him but not his antics, which have been many. Yet it seems like everything else is following suit as I feel more lonely and notice that my phone hardly rings. Even the scammers are not calling.
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  #145  
Old Oct 06, 2022, 03:36 PM
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Feeling a bit gloomy again. I have a trip coming up next week and have anxiety about it. Lately it's been foggy early in the morning and I hope that doesn't happen on the day I leave. The flights are grounded when it's foggy and that will mess things up for me if that happens. It is a long-distance trip.

I've been feeling down since I let my friend go. He was the only local friend I had. I miss him but not his antics, which have been many. Yet it seems like everything else is following suit as I feel more lonely and notice that my phone hardly rings. Even the scammers are not calling.

Let us hope that there will not be any fog when the plane is going to take off.


It is not a good thing to feel alone all the time. Do you have any hobbies that you can use as an entrance to a friends club, or can you invest time and money on a new hobby? (Don't mean to be rude, am only offering some "food for thought" if you can use it).
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  #146  
Old Oct 06, 2022, 04:01 PM
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It is not a good thing to feel alone all the time. Do you have any hobbies that you can use as an entrance to a friends club, or can you invest time and money on a new hobby? (Don't mean to be rude, am only offering some "food for thought" if you can use it).
I prefer not to receive any kind of unsolicited advice. Reading things like this only hurts me. I've tried things over the years and they all didn't work. I don't appreciate being reminded that "being alone is not good for me". I know that and I didn't choose that way of life..
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  #147  
Old Oct 07, 2022, 04:03 AM
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I can't say that I'm 'up' today... I guess what I'm feeling is dread.

Hopefully, it will lift ... I am waiting for the sun to rise so I can go outside for a bit.

My nerves are quite bad today...
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  #148  
Old Oct 07, 2022, 04:12 AM
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I prefer not to receive any kind of unsolicited advice. Reading things like this only hurts me. I've tried things over the years and they all didn't work. I don't appreciate being reminded that "being alone is not good for me". I know that and I didn't choose that way of life..

I am sorry that my question hurt you!

My claim about that it is "not good to feel alone", on the other hand, was related to my own experience of former aloneness and how it helped me to join certain "clubs". I could have been more clear about that my "knowledge" of that it is not good to feel alone was based on personal experience. I did not recommend any specific "clubs" to you, but let the question be open and was specific about that I did not want to "be rude" by asking ... if you could use it (so my comment took care of the aspect that you could feel it otherwise than me).

I am so glad that you have specified your borders for what is okay and not. I appreciate honest people.

I'll do my best to remember that advice against loneliness is not wanted by you!
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  #149  
Old Oct 07, 2022, 10:18 AM
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I am sorry that my question hurt you!

My claim about that it is "not good to feel alone", on the other hand, was related to my own experience of former aloneness and how it helped me to join certain "clubs". I could have been more clear about that my "knowledge" of that it is not good to feel alone was based on personal experience. I did not recommend any specific "clubs" to you, but let the question be open and was specific about that I did not want to "be rude" by asking ... if you could use it (so my comment took care of the aspect that you could feel it otherwise than me).

I am so glad that you have specified your borders for what is okay and not. I appreciate honest people.

I'll do my best to remember that advice against loneliness is not wanted by you!
I have join clubs and other things a lot over many years. I just came up empty each time. And then it got to the point that I just gave up. It hurt more getting out there to try and fail than to not do anything and feel bad about it. I don't know what it is that it seems like people are not crazy about me. As of now, I'm trying to be content in being alone. I had put up with a lot of crap from others so much.

I personally think it's best to never give advice when you are not asked, especially on here. It's rude. I would suggest for you to look up and read articles about giving unsolicited advice. I'm sorry if I'm coming on harsh. It's just that I've had this as an issue for so many years and I don't know how many times I have received advice about it, which is annoying.
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  #150  
Old Oct 07, 2022, 10:59 AM
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I have join clubs and other things a lot over many years. I just came up empty each time. And then it got to the point that I just gave up. It hurt more getting out there to try and fail than to not do anything and feel bad about it. I don't know what it is that it seems like people are not crazy about me. As of now, I'm trying to be content in being alone. I had put up with a lot of crap from others so much.

I am sorry that it did not work for you. It worked for me. This subject between you and me is passed now. I have said I am sorry, but you haven't even thanked me for trying to be kind ... I will be happy if we can use normal politeness after this, instead of making a mountain ot of molehills.

Quote:
Originally Posted by will19 View Post
I personally think it's best to never give advice when you are not asked, especially on here. It's rude. I would suggest for you to look up and read articles about giving unsolicited advice. I'm sorry if I'm coming on harsh. It's just that I've had this as an issue for so many years and I don't know how many times I have received advice about it,which is annoying.

On what you are writing here we have to disagree to some point: First I did not give you advice. I asked you if you had tried ... Second we are free to tell about what has helped us in our journey (I apologized for having forgotten that, so it is nothing to bring up again). If others will try to do "things" the way that has helped other members, they are free to do so or not to do so.

To give directly advice is not in my pot. With this I hope this discussion is over and that we can behave friendly toward each other when we happen to meet on the threads. I have my own problems to solve and have no time for this ...
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