who here is sick of purging

who here is sick of purging and wants to just eat a diet that is right for their body, temperment, spirit, and good health? You know it can be made possible.

If we can think of a way to do it, maybe if we try one more time we can lick it. You know, just succeed. Every time we fall down, let us get back up and think about it and try one more time on a brand new day.

I realize that eating the way that your body, mind and spirit as well as your temperment works isn't going to fit into your freinds and loved ones, nor your own liking or scedules but isn't it worth a try.

Why don't we write down what we feel about it . Lets brain storm this whole idea for a while. How about one half hour a week we journal something at the same time each day about what we could do if we could do it.

Next lets try to use the net to research some diets that we could religiously do. Maybe combine a few different ones. Let's look up interesting recipies (especially veggie ones an fruit but not forgetting how much protien- we really need to function well. Maybe even break down and get some low-fat meat recipies-the internet has everything so they say. (research nuts and seeds?-I know it sounds weird but.......it could be nutritious and workable for us)

Next well, lets share what we have been inspired by and put our heads together on the topic: what would you eat if Ideally you could get anything and do well with a workable edible, diet that doesn't make you "bloat:" Puke, etc.
Can there be a Real Way for us Ed's. Oh who knows, I just wanted to sound inspiring and toss a thought out there. I am so tired of binging, purging and puking.

"I am tired of laying in bed with a water bottle on my stomach or a big pillow under my stomach because of being or "feeling really bloated"
Thanks I treasure the words.
Razeljenny-the big purger and big spender-I wish!!!

Well classes start in a week and a half and all's I need is some remedial math and foriegnlanguage and maybe will graduate in the spring from community college. Blessed be; could you all pray for me and or send your healing thoughts all of you if you desire?? Love Razel-j.

I plainly remember how I felt when my eating disorder started, just like it was yesterday. I was forced to eat in my family of origin, than I felt really bloated, also I got a severe upset stomach. I remember how greasy the food tasted and how sickening it was to have to eat it. I later remember when I was a bit older eating nervously and overconsuming food. That was distressing and the big stomach bulging out in front of me hurt really bad. I rehearsed and rehearsed to myself that some day, someday when I finally could, I would control eating and I would do it so good, i would do it better than anybody else past perfection. I was 200 % dissatisfied with living and with the weapon which was food itself and expelling it was going to save my entire life from certain ruien.

Any way that is how it began deep inside of me. There is nothing wrong with seeing it for truth of was how I created my feelings and I did the best I could with what tools I had. I am proud of myself for using the bare sets of tools and YES I did a good Job. As a matter of fact, I should be proud of myself.

Now I need to adjust my fine tuning. If I adjust my tuners, I will do the same: Find definaate answers and be successful as I was with the program that worked for me (for a little while) and kept overworking long afterwards.

So I have to readjust today. Each day I am willing to reevaluate and adjust one day at a time with my higher power it my life will premit it.

All I can do is try.

No matter, I now realize I am UNCOMFORTABLE, physically, mentally, spirtually and relationally, that there is nothing in this Earth that makes me totally comfortable BUT I have gratitude that I am doing BETTER, one day at a time and that is all I can ask for.

I can live in my own skin today with the ED., some days are MUCH more better, in MY MIND MY BODY AND MY SOUL BUT I have a brand new day with new circumstances, one day at a time.

I Razeljenny feel like crap today, YES, I do, I purged for 4 days now. I started to eat more normal, my new boyfriend and I ate a bunch of meals but I went over my limit and bounderies. Than I started purging and I didn't even realize what I have been doing for the last 3 days, but now I realize it and I sure don't feel well. (You know I have been eating blender drinks with soy, celery, and raw sunflower seeds and not milk or bread for a year, losing 60 pounds. So eating normal for a week is a real big move of bravery for me. I am sad I started to purge, (since I quit it about a year ago) slipped a couple times but got better for the most part) I ate "weird" but child I was putting daily nutrition into my neck every 4 hours. I know I sound bizarre, but Ed's are bizarre anyway, right. Well I care. Love Razel-j.

Love you keep on trying

yes we have small, medium and large set backs, but the important thing is to take care of YOURSELF. I am going back to my eating method, not larrys way because I have to takee care of me and deserve it. I am still proud of myself for eating like a normie for last week and might try again when I feel better, but go more slow next time. Thank you for listening.

I have been bulimic for going on 18 years. Half my life. I am so sick of making myself sick. If I don't eat and purge, I just don't eat. I am so afraid of getting fat and having no control. I just want to die. I also am an incest survior. Bi-polar hypo manic and I also cut and burn myself. I have made 4 serious suicide attempts. I feel I am not even good enough for God to take me away from this hell I am living in.

Purplesunny, I give (((((((Hugs))))))
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I am. I wish I can resolve it. I sliped today. I did. I have to tell on myself.

I have been making food choices that are much better lately this month, though. Once I start on a good diet and if I am less stressed or if I pretend to be less, I psych myself enough to do really great.

I have eaten regular two small but very normal meals (meat and veggies and postatoes) at dinner for the last 6 weeks. I am amazed that I did not over consume. I really concentrated each bite and I concentrated on not eating when I was in a rotten mood. I actually went a day or so with out much eating, but that's ok because I picked up where I left off. I began to eat the two small meals all over again. I slept with the little pillow under my tummy to take away that "Awful Bloated Rotten Ugly" feely we with eating disorders love noticing "No matter what- I am not kidding- we would notice the small paunch even if we ate two bannanas and a small bowl of cereal. We would get irratated if we ate the whole "Hersheys Huge candy bar meant for Family size." Actually I have purged just because of this kind of stupid bloated feeling. Man anyway. Now I am sleeping with the teddybear under my tummy every time and boy does it work.

I want each and every one to please please try this. I don't care if you weight 80 pounds or 200 pounds, please take my word for it and give me your comments on sleeping with the little pillow or teddybear right under your belly. Actually if you just get or feel like you are bloating even if you aren't tired, just lay down on your tummy with the small pillow or stuffed animal right under there.

I even stopped purging and started to do a better portion sizing when I started this simple thing. Please let me know. Are you sick of purging and puking as much as I seriously am sick of it??????? I just hate it and my obsession of size, obsession of bloating- which by far is far worse an obsession than how much I am on the scale, or even how I look at myself in the reflection of any mirror, my obsession with my beauty and my obsession with putting myself down; I am sick of being this way and like comming to this group as much as you do because they care about me enough to care and that is all that matters to me at this moment. I am sick of being sick and sick of it to the point of trying this group one more time tommorw.
Will you try for me too????? Please? Listen, we are good, we can try it a little Please Please.......thankyou

hi razel i've been free of my ED (anorexia) for the past 3 years now, but i just wanted to give u my support and congratulate u for doing so well. i think it's great that ur trying so hard to get better and u seem like u have a real determined, fighting spirit that will no doubt get u thru this and having ur ED running away screaming!! good luck, i swear there r great things waiting for u once u get thru this

Hi Razel

It's Sezzie
I'm so with you sister. I'm so sick of the binge and vomit cycle. It brings such a roller coster of emotions. It's seriously bad for a person's health, as I've just literally discovered with my last blood test! I'm feeling really stressed out and very low at the moment. I feel that a lot of people looking at me from the outside would find it hard to believe how desperately sad I feel, just coz things are soooo 'great'. I did give up the binge and vomit cycle for a bit a few months ago, but am now back on the same ole routine. I feel your pain! My body is half attached to the loo. How sexy do I sound? I know all of this is very hard and it does seem like one hell of a trek to get the hell out of, but the only thing that I can see in the whole bulimia thing is what positive purpose I can use its experiences later on in my life. I could possibly help someone else who struggles with it similarly (once I've gotten meself over the whole shebang). I'm positive that I will defeat it. I can't say when, which is certainly the frustrating point! I just hope that I can achieve all that I set out to in life! I have such huge goals and being a vomiter just doesn't do justice to who I want to be. I hope you succeed with your studies. I've had to take a break from mine, sadly. I'm just too sad and sick. I drive around like a maniac binging on food and then finding a place to vomit. My life is hardly worth living as I can see. I just don't care about myself too much and don't really appreciate my body in the way that I should. I'm like yee all, out searching for self-knowledge. I just aint liken the half of what I see at the mo. Things are very slippery. Anyways, I'm sorry I've talked a wee bit too much about meself. Just wanted to let you know gurl that I'm there with you. I understand what the constant struggle is like, but I friggon believe that there is an end to it. It simply is a matter of choice. Horrible words I know. We've just got to find something in life that is much greater than bulimia. I'm sure we can do it. I'm sure we can get past it and into something that's worthwhile.

Love Sezzie!

Well, I screwed up again today. I was invited over to my new friends house and he fixed a dinner and I felt so bad that it was stuff I can't usually eat. I ate it. Afte that we watched a movie and then I left. When I got home I took magnesium and purged.

He is a really nice friend and I am going to tell him to quit making stuff that is off limits to me. I stopped eating lazagna and cheese cake along time ago. I was so grossed out, I wished I just could have walked out of there.

I hate this. I just should never eat stuff, I hate. I have to gain some control and if I can't handle the meal, just have to tell people, no matter if I really like them or not.

I am so so sad right now. My stomach is so pudgy and I still feel like I went to the buffet and overate after magnesium. I think that certain food just won't leave your body dispite purging. They must be pretty awful for everyone if the body won't do much more than turn them to pure fat. I can't undrstand how cheezy pasta like foods are rib sticking and no one quits eating them, because they make you fat right away and all of the exercise and past good diets go right down the drain.

Feel so bad right now. Gotta stick up more for myself and just tell people honestly I despise foods. Some food (no matter how good it tastes going down the gullet, you just wear. You mayas well hang it onyourself, literraly because you really JUST WEAR CERTAIN TYPES OF FOOD almost literally, and it happens almost instantly, after it's eaten.

I gotta just STAY AWAY FROM stuff, I think is crap like the stuff above. I feel awful SO AWFUL. Feeling great chewing it up and all just doesn't do justice to the way I feel and am going to feel for the next 2 days. I end up feeling HORRIBLE for two or more days, and it is physical. Even if I did not take the laxitive, I would be sick for 2 or more days from it. I have to gain control somehow. Any one have some story to share of your own difficulty about this kind. Thank you for your support, Signed, dumb me.

This is a copy of a message I sent to another personne on here who was going through the same problem.
I' can understand what you are going through. I went through the same thing when I was a teenager. My mum found out a while later and she took me straight to the doctors. The doctor said that if I didn't stop I would ruin my body and maybe not even be able to have children. That really scared me. I did stop. I have 3 lovely children. Two boys and a girl and they are all fit and healthy. The boys are 19 and 16 years old and my daughter is 17.
Problem is that at the time that I was doing that I was not fat, but I felt as if I was, now though I am overweight and that is because of what I did when I was younger. I tried all diets, and the more I lost weight the more I'd put on afterwards. I advice you to eat healthy foods and please try to stop what you are doing.

I still have an eating desorder but I try not to make myself sick. Problem is that when I don't make myself sick I put the weight on. Now I try to come to terms with it and say to myself that it's my fault for eating what I did and I must face the consequenses. I would like to stop eating what is not good for me but it's hard. I would really like to help you though to get through this, if it can stop you from making yourself sick it's one positive step to getting better.

Courage

Love
Domino

I can't stop!! I try to so hard. I ate some cottage cheese today and felt that feeling of fullness. I tried to not do it. I know I need to eat something and keep it in.

Then I reason myself and tell myself, why not? You'll feel better.

Then I do it and I feel thin, but sometimes, in the morning after a long day of binging and purging, my throat really hurts and I hate it.

I won't suggest that this is a simple fix I don't have this problem...but my problem also might be yours ...

the nerves in my stomach (or wherever the sensors for feeling hungry or full are) are all messed up. I know this. I don't have good nerve signals in the rest of my body either.

I have to debate just what my body needs ... because I don't really feel "good" in my stomach at all, ever! I KNOW it can't be hunger if I've just eaten (and if I don't recognize this, I'll eat til the cows come home!) I just have to evaluate and not assume that I'm hungry, or full, or that I've eaten too much, or not enough, or that my stomach's upset...

Maybe you can work through some of your ill feelings about having eaten too much (when your brain knows you haven't) and blame it on nerves that aren't telling you the right thing? Have I been clear in what I'm trying to suggest?

I hope so.

I'm sick of purging, the sore throat, the binging, the passing out from eating too much sugar.

My teeth have cost a small fortune to fix.

I also remember the extact moment that my bulemia started. I was at work , got extremely stressed and I went into the bathroom and it just began. Mine didn't have to do with weight but stress. Everytime I purge all my stress is going into the dumpster (you might say ) - such intense feeling of relief. The binging without purge makes me feel good, relaxed taking something for me without people always taking from me. Even though I know I will be sick as a dog, I can't seem to stop myself.

I took on one part of the challege in the last 4 months - I refused to eat the foods that others thought I should eat. A major major step. I have friends that feel very strongly about what is normal. I don't want to eat pizza or lasgna or hamburger helper meals

I don't want to eat red meat because I've lost the ability to digest it. I don't care how many of my friends put pressure on me.

I eat instant oatmeal made with whole milk because it is a comfort food.
For me, comfort foods seem to be a part of the answer. Jansime rice mixed with a really mild fish stays down.
Hot choclate warms me.

My stomach feels unbreably full when I eat these good foods and I have managed with a great deal of concentration to ignore the feeling of being too full.

Yes, I know it doesn't make sense - I can binge and binge but feel that fullness feeling after eating something that is good for me. But that is how I learned to ignore the fullness feeling - I self talk and tell myself that it is a false feeling.

I don't have control of my illness - I hope and hope. The hope makes me try.

But I too am tired of the endless cycle.

I want to update how I am doing.

Cardiac troubles. Don't know why but E.D. maybe a small cause.

Still I say don't eat breakfast because it makes me uncomfortable for 2 days. Eating food too earily after rising causes me to not metabalize it well, gain more from the same food if It was eaten after 12 noon which would not cause me to have my ribs padded.

I still despise to feel my ribs padded. Does anyone despise the padded ribs. I really am extremely uncomfortable with padded ribs. Eating after 12 noon prevents rib padding extensively. What I am saying, is that the same meal will be less caloric and fattening (atleast for me) if I wait and eat "breakfast " after the noon hour. Give it a try. It works.

Eating food at a too soon hour after awaking is bad news for me and I put on padding, unecessary padding. Why don't I just stop and never ever eat a "prepared meal" until after that time. I trust that I know what dosen't work by now.

I eat seeds and nuts and chocolate. I mix it together. I limit what I feed myself and agree with the posters here because I like the tips I read here.

Ate out with spouse last night. Proud of myself for not taking the 5 red purge pills. (actually my bloat is huge and it is a day later) Still didn't take the purger.

Well, also, here's what also good that I DID! I am proudd of myself today girls.

I rode my exercise bike for a while. I took a nice walk outside in the A.M. I even smoked less also.

Well honestly friends, most the time I WILL REFUSE TO EAT food that other people do LIKE, cause I CAN't. That is just the way it is friends here on the board.

I come from fat gene genetics, I am telling the honest truth. Yea no doctor will agree. Most docs are jerks (sorry docs) anyway though- I am eating more-- I just eat stuff that my stomach will digest--- nuts, seeds, natural penutbutter and stuff, most of the time. I stay away from eggs butter, toast, fatted milk, icecreams, cheese. I have to not eat this stuff because I put on "tons" I am not NOT MAKING IT UP, NOT MENTALLY ILL. So please don't moderate this post. Some people just say they are large and aren't. I am pretty closer to the normal medical size yet I have to take care of myself.

Still-- I am so proudd I didn't purge or puke yesterday, or today. My tummy is so painfully bloated and the admodmen of mine is hurting so awfully awfully awfully bad that I am again going to be eating less. I know I am sopossed to eat every day atleat 2 good healthy meals. I know I know I know. I am making some progress, not prefection. Thankyou girls for listening and all. Razeljenny

sounds like you did well razeljenny. glad you re proud of yourself. you deserve to be!
take care
biiv

Ohh... Razelj .. you are my hero!!!! ((((hugs))) amd more (((hugs)))

I puked up carrots and water tonight- not what I was trying to get rid of but thats all that came up. I feel lousy.

I, too am sick & tired of purging, of bingeing & purging, of starving and of the whole horrible cycle. I've had it. My body can't take it anymore, after ~15 yrs. I've abused my body so badly. Over the past 16 yrs, my weight has gone up & down too many times to count. I think I've probably both lost & put on a grand total of approx 400 lbs over the years. It's sick. So incredibly bad for my body.

Please tell me, does anyone else have probs w/ telling when they are truly full? I'm sure my metabolism is completely screwed up (although my thyroid - heaven only knows how - is working normally). I have a TON of food cravings: mostly for carbs like breads & sweets (cake, cookies, etc.). It's just horrible. In the past two short mos, I know I've put on ~ 25-30 lbs alone...IN ONLY TWO MOS. :*(

I can't do this anymore.......I'm too weak. But I'm so fat (believe me when I say this - I know I am overweight for my height now after the drastic wt gain), yet my body STIILL craves heavy carbs. Seems like I'm hungry every cpl hrs, and I'm eating "well" - definitely adequate meals for what my income can allow. I'm in no ways deliberately starving myself, b/c I give up.

I'm just so tired. Tired of it all.

DESPERADO, Hugs(((((((((())))))))))))))))))

It's good to be together with eachother on this board

I'm really trying... I added whole wheat pasta to my foods that I can eat.

The cramps are really tough but I hope that I can keep eating it until my body gets used to it.

I spoke with a good friend of mine and she offerred to go to store and stock up on the food that I can eat (I'll pay)... it is celebration time - first time I asked for help...

Running out of food, puts me at risk for all kinds of things - one step towards getting better ....

Thanks for the hug, razeljenny. Hugs to you, too ((((((((()))))))).

Once, in an eating d/o tx program, they asked the question, "Which would you rather do? Gain 10lbs or be free of your e.d.?" I still have no idea. I really hate my e.d., and as much as I am sick & tired of it, it is one of my coping mechanisms (albeit maladaptive). And the thought of gaining 10lbs...............no way, hose.

Take care.

I hate chocolate cake. Why does it have to be on the ban list? I wish I could eat chocolate cake like normal people do. If I can't eat it without puking you would think that I just would stop eating it but noooo can't do that either. My happy thought is that I only ate one piece. Congratulations to me . . .

I remember reading that thing about gaining ten pounds or losing your ed one time on a website. I think it was one of the times that I was like yeah maybe I got a problem. I keep telling myself I'll stop when I lose ten pounds. Gaining ten pounds ditto no way hose.

I puked on my white linen pants last night. I'm so pathetic. I like those pants. But they're not looking so great right now. Not sure I'll be able to get rid of the spot. I missed the toilet. I get kind of lightheaded sometimes. Can I just sigh and groan. Or maybe groan first then sigh

(((((((((((((((((((to everyone sick of purging))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
i wish i could make it better for us all. have thrown up twice this evening. it seems so easy to just NOT EAT and then i find myself sitting there full and feeling horrific and wondering how the hell it happened AGAIN.

maybe it will get better for us all soon. maybe if we just keep trying.
good luck to you all and my thoughts are with you.
biiv