[Blueberrybook]

@MuddyBoots We'd both be better off deleting our ED playlists, that's for sure. Are you managing to at least maintain your current weight and not keep losing? Remember you do not NEED to get worse before going into ED treatment, in fact, you can do your hardest to try to improve things some. In some ways, I've accepted this ED is going to stay with me probably for the rest of my life, but it definitely doesn't need to stay at its most destructive. Even if I have a lot of ED thoughts, I don't act on them at least, it's progress of a sort. I'd rather not have ED thoughts at all, but at least I'm not dealing with long-term ED complications other than osteopenia. Even if you can't control your thoughts, you can control your actions following those thoughts. It's incredibly uncomfortable, but it's do-able. You don't have to get worse before you get better.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

@MuddyBoots We'd both be better off deleting our ED playlists, that's for sure. Are you managing to at least maintain your current weight and not keep losing? Remember you do not NEED to get worse before going into ED treatment, in fact, you can do your hardest to try to improve things some. In some ways, I've accepted this ED is going to stay with me probably for the rest of my life, but it definitely doesn't need to stay at its most destructive. Even if I have a lot of ED thoughts, I don't act on them at least, it's progress of a sort. I'd rather not have ED thoughts at all, but at least I'm not dealing with long-term ED complications other than osteopenia. Even if you can't control your thoughts, you can control your actions following those thoughts. It's incredibly uncomfortable, but it's do-able. You don't have to get worse before you get better.

I just weighed myself for the first time since last Sunday in the hospital, and the number is technically down, but I could say it’s within regular weight fluctuation limits (and it’s with an old probably not 100% accurate scale).

I see my pdoc tomorrow and will be weighed with a more accurate scale, but I have to walk and they’re predicting rain so I’m probably going to be weighed wet (then be told it’s good I’ve been maintaining since the hospital when my shoes themselves will be like 3lbs haha).

It’s bad, but negative consequences to health have never deterred me from something. (At Cannon mountain: “Always full send, my friend!”) I mean I’m already dealing with stuff near daily from substance abuse, hypersexuality, purging, sui attempts, and other impulsive shyt, but there’s not really a part of my brain that makes me want to fix them that much or avoid causing more issues. I know the physical issues don’t fix the emotional ones, but if I can focus on them more than the nontangible distress they’re certainly an unhealthy distraction.

[Blueberrybook]

Well, take your shoes off, your coat too if you have one on and drop any bag you have and don't water load. The pdoc NEEDS to see the accurate weight.

[Blue_Bird]

Been struggling with boredom eating and binge eating lately. Whenever I’m stressed, anxious, bored or over tired I end up bingeing and it’s usually on very high calorie dessert type stuff.

Trying to have a healthier relationship with food. I go from one extreme to the other. I’m hoping when I have a case manager again they can help me get a referral to a nutritionist/dietician

It’s kind of hard right now to juggle trying to fix other issues and this too at the same time. And I’m very bad at advocating for myself. On my own. So I think having a case manager again is gonna help a lot.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm sorry you're struggling @Blue_Bird. It's hard to advocate for yourself, but if you don't do it, you can be dang sure the system won't do it for you! I hope having a case manager again might ease the burden for you.

I don't as a rule binge eat. Sometimes I boredom eat, but I try to be careful about that, sometimes waiting 5-10 min, see if I'm still hungry after that, then eat one thing (I'm talking about snacking, not meals here) and give it time before eating again. I am actually hungry a lot because I exercise a lot. But I do my best to listen to what my body is telling me. It also helps to have healthy food around if you tend to binge on things like sweets, don't keep them around. Don't deprive yourself either though; that's a fine line to toe. You can't say I'll never eat cookies again or you will feel deprived. It's easier for me if I bake something; I've got my husband and daughter to help me eat it.

[Mountaindewed]

I think it might have been legit the prestiq because I'm just not hungry. I've also had this weird sudden issue with temperture hot food. Yesterday I burned myself on something I made in the microwave and I got so upset I almost hurled it across the room.

But i think its from getting off my med

[Blueberrybook]

@Blue_Bird Are you good about eating 3 meals daily along with a couple of healthy snacks? It's can be hard when you're on your own to be good about eating meals regularly; I was just wondering if that could be an issue with you? Then, if you don't fill up because you skipped a meal, it's more likely to lead to bingeing. I also always try to have healthy foods around to snack on first (in most cases, I'm not perfect).

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

@Blue_Bird Are you good about eating 3 meals daily along with a couple of healthy snacks? It's can be hard when you're on your own to be good about eating meals regularly; I was just wondering if that could be an issue with you? Then, if you don't fill up because you skipped a meal, it's more likely to lead to bingeing. I also always try to have healthy foods around to snack on first (in most cases, I'm not perfect).

Yeah I think part of the problem is I don’t have set meals. I kind of eat at random times during the day. And it’s usually not a full well balanced meal. Sometimes I get caught up in whatever I’m doing and forget to eat then I overdo it trying to make up for it when I suddenly feel like I’m shaky and need to eat. I’m hoping to start cooking more and having actual meals Sometimes I struggle to eat anything at all because of the dissociation. So I have protein shakes for those times. Which aren’t ideal at all. But I physically can’t eat when I’m dissociating so I have to have something around because sometimes it can last upwards of half a day. Mainly because if I try to eat whole dissociating I might choke cause it makes it hard to focus and swallow food when I’m floating mentally

I need to start meal prepping more and cooking

[Blueberrybook]

@Blue_Bird You'd be amazed what you can manage to do dissociated. I have driven, cooked, eaten, taken care of a baby and pretty much done everything I needed to do while dissociated, but like I said, I push the panic about it away and put all my thought into focusing on what I am doing in the moment. Though like I said, I've been dissociating since I was a kid, so IDK in that respect, maybe I grew up thinking that was the way I was supposed to feel sometimes and that everyone went through it. It was only once I grew up and started learning more about psychology (in fact, maybe it was my psych course in college) that I realized what was going on. A lot of the time I feel disconnected from myself and my life (as a wife, a mother, the fact I one did give birth to my daughter), often even my own name. It's a crazy thing to have happen to a person. The one time that really got me though, I had completely lost my grip on reality, like I knew what reality was but I still didn't feel in it at all but I wasn't exactly psychotic either. Thankfully, I haven't had that happen again.

I suggest putting your focus into a task at hand when dissociated to see just what you can accomplish while dissociated. Don't do anything dangerous but do something like measure out ingredients for a recipe you can cook in the microwave (if you can't eat while dissociated, you can't, but a lot of eating is automatic, and sometimes for me smelling/tasting food actually helps ground me some). I wouldn't suggest driving or taking care of a baby while dissociated if it can be avoided as yeah, those situations can provoke panic all on their own but working up to cooking and eating may be do-able.

I still dissociate a lot. I don't always write about it in the forum. Yesterday, I had a lot of issues with it off and on except curiously when I was reading. So I pretty much read the whole day.