Accepting Disability

Now I'm the one who doesn't know where this goes... it doesn't seem to fit in any particular forum (health support, depression, ptsd, psychotherapy)...

HOW does one "accept" their disability?

I've been disabled due to an "industrial accident" for umpteen years. I have been in therapy nearly all that time: heavy duty stuff...

One of the underlying problems I seem to have is that I haven't "accepted" my disability. I think I understand that by not accepting it (somehow) I continue to have expectations/hopes of doing and becoming... which what? I won't ever again do or become???

I know, in my mind, that I can't do things, that I live with constant pain also. I have limited my expectations (I think) and my calendar down to almost nothing... and think I understand it is just the way things are...

I don't always feel terrible because I "can't" do. I understand that others can't understand all I go through, and I don't make excuses to them anymore, just don't offer, or just don't say anything but,"I'm unable to."

There's more...but can't think of it all right now.

Is there anyone out there who is disabled (unable to work, unable to be physically active, unable to think somedays, having to spend most of their time taking care/responding to their disability... etc) who can help me understand where the line is for "accepting" it( and where I seem to be) ? If where I'm at is not accepting, I am clueless as to be accepting of it.

I have begun to really believe that, maybe due to my minimal brain damage that occurred in the accident, I can't "get it" and never will make that connection? My T hasn't agreed with that. I just can't seem to understand what "accepting" means...

That's a good question, Sky. I've read your post a couple of times and perused a website on disabilities. I have not been in your shoes and don't want to hand you "platitudes" when I'm really not sure what to say at the moment. I am praying for you...that's something I can do. Just wanted to let you know I have you in my thoughts today.

Warmly...Aza

(((((((((( Sky )))))))))

I wish I had a reply to this post, but I don't think I do, at the present.
But, I do know and see,you are able to do something that is very important,which is offering info, support and knowledge to others,which many people are not "able" to do.
Please recognize this special gift you have, I know so often people with special gifts, fail to see this within themselves. I wish I could find the right words to express what I am feeling, I hope I just did.
And rather you realize it or not, this wonderful ability of yours is very much appreciated by so many.

Sincerely,
Roe

Sky, in the past five years I've had to deal with several new physical diagnosis, some of which are fairly debilitating. So, I can understand some of what you are talking about.

I looked up the word acceptance online and it seems there are several levels of acceptance. One being acknowledgement.....I think most of us can acknowledge that we have a problem. Another was coming to terms with....I think that's a hard one. Other descriptions were tolerance of the problem and willingness to believe. For me, the willingness to believe is the hardest......believing that this is how it will be......and even get worse.

I had more to say but can't think of it right now......you aren't the only one.

For you 2, special ladies.

(((((((((((( Sky ))))))))))))
(((((((((( ozzie ))))))))))))

Thank you ((((((((de))))))))))

Yes, thank you all...your support is accepted... and welcomed....

I wish I had some reply to your post but I don't. The only thing I can offier is you are in my thoughts and I hope you find what you are looking for. Please take care of yourself as you are a special person.

Sky,
I can't pretend to know what you are going through.

But I would like to say you are very good at supporting people at PC. This is something that YOU can do and are brilliant at.

I also think you should listen to what your T says, he or she would know.

(((((((((((((((((((((((( Sky ))))))))))))))))))))

I'm not one to give out this kind of advice...probably because I don't deal with it myself, but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and your situation and that I did read your post.

There are so many things that I haven't accepted in life. Some very big things, actually. I don't even know how to begin to accept them. I guess we're both in the same boat about acceptance.

Do all that you're able to do and take care of yourself.

Don't have alot to contribute, except the fact that you have been one of the most supportive ppl I met here in the begining, IMO this thread is what true support is all about
Accepting ourselves and our illnesses is very hard , and with the help from our T's and each other we can do anything, we just can't do it alone
Love
Angie

(((((((( nothemama8 ))))))))))))
Great words, and many hugs to you.


DE

I wish I knew the answer to this one...I too am having major issues learning that I can not do things anymore and not work again

It's ok... maybe the only one who has the answer is the T??? And he seems to be trying very hard to help me realize it... I am just not connecting all the dots, imo. sigh.

Thank you all for your continued support, I really do need it and appreciate it.

(Bebop... I have been unable to work for 19 years... you'd think I'd figured this one out by now! I keep dreaming, and becoming overwhelmingly sad about it.)

(((((((((Sky)))))))))))

I live with chronic pain as well as the other. I don't suffer as you do phsyically but I think I can relate.

I think you have accepted your disability. I think in accepting it, we always strive to push ourselves to do the best that we can do. Sure we get tired...more than tired, but accepting it can means recognizing the limits while always pushing them to do our best.

I think that's what you do.

KD

Thanks KD... but T insists I haven't accepted it yet... and that I can be some "better" (whatever that means) if I could accept it. Maybe my pushing is what isn't good for me? Always hoping to be "able" and not able..and thereby adding to my depression? IDK, like I said.. but thank you for your kind words.

Sky, I can't answer your question, except to say that I don't think I've ever seen anyone I know actually accept a disability in any meaningful way. Pretty much everyone has continued to expect to be able to do more than, in fact, she could do.

I think it's the nature of the beast. I also think it has a good side, because it does go along with rejecting complacency, and with continuingly challenging oneself. As long as you're not injuring yourself, either by trying to do something physical that will cause additional injury, or just by expecting things that are impossible and then suffering emotionally, I think it's OK to have at best a partial acceptance. Use reason, but I think that emotional acceptance may not be truly possible.

I hope that helps some, Sky. I'm in a similar position, although most of my problem is psychiatric, so I know it's hard to draw the line on my ability. Good luck.

HMM, Sky. You know that I vaguely remember a similar conversation with t.

Um, I took it with a grain then, but you bring about a VERY GOOD point. When I finally realized some things that t and I had discussed that I needed to do for self, I've been less depressed on the whole. Yes, a very good point you bring. I would continually push TOO HARD FOR TOO LONG and have a meltdown.

There's a fine line that has to be found then, I think. The first thing would be recognizing that line so that we can make it a goal?

Good post. I needed this.

KD

((((((((((( Sky ))))))))))))

I cannot say what it's like to live your life. I do know it's hard to be physically ill and mentally ill. I keep thinking if I just had one or the other, maybe I could beat it all and go back to work. I don't know how to tell you to "accept" it. I still keep hoping and dreaming.

I wish I could help you somehow.

Safe and gentle hugs,

Jan

Sorry your disability have gotten you down lately. I don't know how one accepts their disability.

I think all people have varying degrees of ability and disability. Unfortunately you have much more to deal with than other people. It's not fair for you. I wish things were different for you.

I hope people around you get to understand you better. It sounds like sometimes they don't get you. I hope you are able to focus on the things that you can do instead of can't do...it might make you feel better.

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_Sky said:
Now I'm the one who doesn't know where this goes... it doesn't seem to fit in any particular forum (health support, depression, ptsd, psychotherapy)...

HOW does one "accept" their disability?

I've been disabled due to an "industrial accident" for umpteen years. I have been in therapy nearly all that time: heavy duty stuff...

One of the underlying problems I seem to have is that I haven't "accepted" my disability. I think I understand that by not accepting it (somehow) I continue to have expectations/hopes of doing and becoming... which what? I won't ever again do or become???

I know, in my mind, that I can't do things, that I live with constant pain also. I have limited my expectations (I think) and my calendar down to almost nothing... and think I understand it is just the way things are...

I don't always feel terrible because I "can't" do. I understand that others can't understand all I go through, and I don't make excuses to them anymore, just don't offer, or just don't say anything but,"I'm unable to."

There's more...but can't think of it all right now.

Is there anyone out there who is disabled (unable to work, unable to be physically active, unable to think somedays, having to spend most of their time taking care/responding to their disability... etc) who can help me understand where the line is for "accepting" it( and where I seem to be) ? If where I'm at is not accepting, I am clueless as to be accepting of it.

I have begun to really believe that, maybe due to my minimal brain damage that occurred in the accident, I can't "get it" and never will make that connection? My T hasn't agreed with that. I just can't seem to understand what "accepting" means...

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I'm not but my mother is!
She's got a really bad back...

how do you accept that? You don't i guess... The way i see it in mum is she tries to do what she can (she does to much somethimes) and tries just you know not get to frustrated with it (witch happens at times to).

I know how hard it is trust me i've seen my mum strungle since i can rember...

It's really sad to hear you've got this problem! I get frustrated over it to a lot since i see my mum suffering and i can't help her at all!

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_Sky said:
HOW does one "accept" their disability?

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_Sky . . . It's a process. There's no quick solution. It's an attitude change or perception change on your identity.

For me, I initially looked at my disability as a stumbling block at "happiness." When I "decided" I wanted to be happy (that happiness was something I valued, desired, and needed), THEN I was able to risk failure and work on little things in my life to obtain happiness.

I think "acceptance" of anything is achieved with only a positive mindset. If you are pessimistic about everything, then acceptance probably won't come, or without a major struggle.

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_Sky said:
One of the underlying problems I seem to have is that I haven't "accepted" my disability. I think I understand that by not accepting it (somehow) I continue to have expectations/hopes of doing and becoming... which what? I won't ever again do or become???

I know, in my mind, that I can't do things, that I live with constant pain also. I have limited my expectations (I think) and my calendar down to almost nothing... and think I understand it is just the way things are...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

_Sky . . . that is very insightful. Maybe consider working on that perception change within yourself? Maybe there ARE things you can do but at this moment are unable to visualize yourself doing? For instance, maybe you need accommodations to help you achieve your wants and goals? There's nothing wrong with accommodations. Also, sometimes we just need a little more time to do stuff . . . which means, you can still do stuff, but just a little slower . . . that's still able-bodied!

View yourself as a "normal" person . . . you can do normal things . . . or you will be able to do normal things in time.

Sometimes I think our problems are because we think we are the alone, that nobody else goes through what we do. There are many people who are disabled and work through their issues. I watch a lot of Discovery Health Channel shows and have seen people who are severely dismembered and who function normally within their life. Expand your mind. Have hope. Research accommodations. There are possibilities out there for you you probably haven't considered. You can do it!

I kinda think you HAVE accepted it as well as anyone can and your T may be wrong here..acceptance doesn't mean you like it or will not try to improve and challenge yourself from time to time...maybe I am wrong but seems to me Chris Reeves did accept his diability but he tried to find new ways and treatments and challenged himself a lot

Thanks again for the replies

It is difficult to learn acceptance when my attorneys/insurance company try to block everything I try to do for myself in the way of self-care. Not everyone can just pay full price for the things needed to be able to accept something, find a solution, and move on. Plus add that the chronic pain in never consistent except in being there... it makes it tough to plan anything (whether that is for self care, or for enjoyment )

I have an MD appt later in the week... and my attempt at self-care regarding the ambien will be on the table, I guess.. . contrary to my other doctors, she is bent on believing I have a drug seeking attitude and trying to reduce my ambien med (change from cr to plain) will only be seen as a chance to double my med for 2 weeks (I still had 2 weeks on the CR, which I have been taking.) But I digress.

I went out today, had been invited to view an activity. I did go, too early for me...and stayed longer than I planned... just because I didn't remember to check my phone for the time... the pain pulled over me before I realized I had overspent my pain med... and I wasn't even able to think to take the pain med, and was reacting/persevering instead. How do I accept this?

I am trashed from doing this. If I get 4 functional hours on a GOOD day, that is exceptional. Once I push... the pain and fatigue rise so high... and my brain is overwhelmed from stimuli. How do I accept this (beyond... as I lie in bed writhing... confused...fatigue... to try and block all the second guessing, to say to myself :Self, I know this is what always happens when I go or be elsewhere than in bed, it's all of the disorders (physical and psychological) that attack me...I have no control over this, it isn't my fault:

Now my question is this: I knew I would get this way because of going...before I went... the result was as it always is... was/is my going, and thus ignoring the afteraffects part of not accepting (realizing?)

Sorry for the long post. It's complicated, I know. So's my life. sigh

[b]Just when I think I'm in a tough spot, things get tougher.

The ambien issue is a minute one, now.

I'm not doing well.

While I've been trying to accept the increased constant pain, and the limiting all activity, being content (?) with playing computer games while lying in bed...

my physical therapist said my MD called and talked with him. Seems she may put her foot down about my driving. The good side of this is MAYBE she will medicate me for my pain then, and also, maybe she will push for the power chair I need if I do things.

Of course the down side of it is not driving. (I have to give up driving to be able to go and do ? ) I'm alone. The insurance company and attorneys are already balking at helping me further...

No one "knows" where I live, a part of the safety valve I had in place to assist with the PTSD.... ppl are going to have to know where I live if I have to rely upon them for assistance.... IF the insurance company allows me help.

The thought of the gap between not being able to drive, and when the insurance company might authorize power chair, vehicle and assistant... that could be... months and months or years? I don't have the fight in me right now...

I really don't want to have to do this.... I'm really not doing well.....