This sounds ridiculous, but after my session today, I never want to go back! My therapist made a simple, innocent comment that "we need to end on time today." (We normally go for about an hour and half, but she needed to end in an hour)

This sent me into a tailspin. My thoughts were, "Okay, here it comes, first the sessions have to end on time, then the emails will be limited, then she is going to tell me she cannot work with me."

She could tell I completely shut down and made me tell her what was wrong. She asked, "Why did you take that as rejection? Why did you go straight to negative thoughts that therapy is going to end? Why did I think she didn't like me anymore? Did I stop to consider that there may be a reason for her comment?"

I don't know why and I did not want to talk about it. I told her I just wanted to leave. You know, they won't let you do that! I finally told her that I felt like I totally wasted that session. She did explain to me that she had another obligation this afternoon, and that it was only for today, that she wanted me to know she would have to end on time. She said she told me at the beginning because she didn't want me to be blind-sided at the end of the session when she told me we needed to end.

Even though I did not want to discuss this, she said this was important to follow through on. She said that I tend to this when I feel that I am being rejected. I shut down and close myself off to people. I felt like screaming, "WHATEVER!" But, she is right. I do this.

I finally pushed through my inhibitions and we talked about some things that she had given me to work on. The session went okay and I actually left there feeling that she wasn't trying to boot me out!

My homework assignment is figure out why I do this. Why do I take an innocent comment and turn it into such a personal attack or rejection?
Right now, I am back to I don't ever want to see her again! I know that is just plain ridiculous, but as of now, I feel that I am done with therapy.

My feelings are hurt, I feel rejected, I feel like a fool, stupid, etc... I told her that she had so much power in our sessions. She has the power to build me up, but also to tear me down. The power to help me, but also to destroy me.

I know I am carrying this to the extreme about her simple comment. Why? Why do I do this!

[SpiritRunner]

I do this, too, squiggle, I do it all too often....interpreting a simple comment as having something to do with something bad in me. And often, I do the same sort of shut down routine.....but actually, your T didn't let you completely shut down or shut her out, did she? So the good thing here is she saw your reaction and helped you see it what happened....it's good too that she was able to give you a reasonable explanation of why she said what she said, too, so you didn't just leave with that burning in your mind and not know why she said it.
I think perhaps your statement at the end about her having the power has something to do with your reaction to this statement? Maybe it seemed like a sudden exercise of power that caught you by surprise, or just a reminder of your vulnerability, a feeling of not being in control.....I don't know. I can't tell you why you do it because I haven't figured out completely why I do it.....but I know it has something to do with my feelings of inferiority(lack of self-worth, feeling like I must be unimportant...) or of not being in control or just simply misreading the other person's emotion or motive.
I wish you much insight with your assignment!

[rainbow8]

I do that too, Squiggle. I feel rejected very easily, especially by my T. I can understand that kind of thinking. For me, it comes naturally to think negatively and it's an effort to change. Did you get rejected a lot when you were a child or at any other time? Did your Ts seeming rejection remind you of times in the past when you felt the same way?

I'm glad you were able to continue the session and benefit from it. I know you feel like you don't want to go back but I think it's important work you're doing in therapy now.

[MoAnamCara]

i dont know why - i tend to react very similarly to comments also and i don't know why either. i, too, will shut down and close myself off mostly, probably, for self protection. am pretty sensitive and comments can sometimes hit me sideways - which i cant explain.

dont say you are done with therapy, even though you feel like it right now. it'll be okay and it'll work out. try and take a step back tonight from it all rather than going over it in your mind a thousand times (as i would do).

At times I think about how I am acting. I relive that moment in therapy, and then start laughing hysterically because I KNOW this is stupid! I think about the $$ I am paying and don't want to waste a session. I cannot afford to do that! That may be why I am so upset right now.

I guess she just said the wrong thing at the wrong time! I took half day off work to see her today. I really needed to work through some things. Not trying to be too personal, but we are in the process of losing our home due to my husband losing his job in 2008, spending 4 months in the hospital in 2009, and then months of rehab in 2010.

Unless a miracle comes through (and I do believe that God can stop this foreclosure), my home will be auctioned off on Feb. 3rd. Can you imagine how I feel right now? I stay up all night because I can't sleep. When I lie down to sleep my mind is racing with all the what ifs: "What are we going to do? Where will we live? Will my husband have to go to a nursing home? Is this going to split my family apart?"

I really needed to make a connection with her today. I needed her to help me work through my feelings about this. Why did this happen today? Of all the days I needed her the most, we had to start off like this. I keep telling myself I am NOT going to email her ever again! I am not going to bring my CD player, blanket/pillow, and journal notes ever again. I am going to act like a normal person and sit on the blasted couch!

That is if I ever get the courage to go back! I am not mad at her, I am mad at me. I am angry that I am allowing this to consume me. It has completely taken over my thoughts. I will think about this, over and over and over again until it drives me crazy!!

((((((((((((((((((squiggle))))))))))))))))))))))))

Go back. Take your CD player and your blanket and your journal. Sit where you need to.

I have so been where you are.

Your feelings are okay. Be gentle with you.

I hadn't planned to use music today, but when I got there I told her I thought I needed to. That is when she made the comment. It felt like she was saying, "Okay, you can spend 10 minutes listening to music, but that is going to cut into our talking time."

This embarrassed me to no end! I wanted to throw the CD player out the window! I know that I am the only client she has who does the music thing. She keeps telling me that she is fine with that, and reminds me the sessions are about ME and what I need. She tells me to stop telling myself that I am weird, odd, different, or whatever because I don't exactly follow what most of the other clients do.

I can still see the look on her face when I told her that her comment upset me. She was like, "What?" She was baffled that I took that SO personal. On the other hand, she knows me well by now. She knows I do that, but she never knows which comment she makes will send me over the edge!

[thepft]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

This sounds ridiculous, but after my session today, I never want to go back! My therapist made a simple, innocent comment that "we need to end on time today." (We normally go for about an hour and half, but she needed to end in an hour)

This sent me into a tailspin. My thoughts were, "Okay, here it comes, first the sessions have to end on time, then the emails will be limited, then she is going to tell me she cannot work with me."

She could tell I completely shut down and made me tell her what was wrong. She asked, "Why did you take that as rejection? Why did you go straight to negative thoughts that therapy is going to end? Why did I think she didn't like me anymore? Did I stop to consider that there may be a reason for her comment?"

I don't know why and I did not want to talk about it. I told her I just wanted to leave. You know, they won't let you do that! I finally told her that I felt like I totally wasted that session. She did explain to me that she had another obligation this afternoon, and that it was only for today, that she wanted me to know she would have to end on time. She said she told me at the beginning because she didn't want me to be blind-sided at the end of the session when she told me we needed to end.

Even though I did not want to discuss this, she said this was important to follow through on. She said that I tend to this when I feel that I am being rejected. I shut down and close myself off to people. I felt like screaming, "WHATEVER!" But, she is right. I do this.

I finally pushed through my inhibitions and we talked about some things that she had given me to work on. The session went okay and I actually left there feeling that she wasn't trying to boot me out!

My homework assignment is figure out why I do this. Why do I take an innocent comment and turn it into such a personal attack or rejection?
Right now, I am back to I don't ever want to see her again! I know that is just plain ridiculous, but as of now, I feel that I am done with therapy.

My feelings are hurt, I feel rejected, I feel like a fool, stupid, etc... I told her that she had so much power in our sessions. She has the power to build me up, but also to tear me down. The power to help me, but also to destroy me.

I know I am carrying this to the extreme about her simple comment. Why? Why do I do this!

I do the same thing sometimes..I'm guessing your a person with a big heart who is very giving.those types of people tend to take things this way..I advise you to bring this up in your next session..just ask why you had to stop on time so to speak.see how the next session goes..She is certainly not there to tear you down..

[sunrise]

I think having experiences with your T of hearing those comments, jumping to misinterpret them, and then clarifying with your T her true intent will be really helpful. You can experience first hand a comment that is not rejecting and really learn that it is not because she tells you so. And hopefully each time that happens with her, you will be less and less apt to jump to negative conclusions. It's a slow process, but having that experience in therapy will be healing, I think. I often am afraid people will get mad at me, if I bring up anything even vaguely conflictual. I have learned to bring up things with T and experience that he does not get mad. Or if he does get kind of pissed off, it's not the end of the world, which is a secret belief I must carry inside (if people get angry at me, I will die, or something warped like that). It's really powerful to have these "counter" experiences with T! He's a safe person to experiment on.

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

My homework assignment is figure out why I do this. Why do I take an innocent comment and turn it into such a personal attack or rejection?

I think the live, direct experience of doing this with your T may help you more than doing written homework. You will make new pathways in your brain that way.

Originally Posted by sunrise

I think the live, direct experience of doing this with your T may help you more than doing written homework. You will make new pathways in your brain that way.

Maybe it is the teacher in me, but I need assignments to do between sessions. I process, think, rethink, write, rewrite, over and over and over. Sometimes I get a light bulb moment during that time, sometimes I get more angry.

I send her emails between sessions to help me process as well. She gives me feedback and challenges me even more! I hate that!!!! There are times when she gives me a positvie thumbs up, but most of the time, she will respond with yet another question/assignment to take me ever further into whatever we are working on.

We discuss my assignment at the next appointment. Since sessions are limited in a time frame, I have to get my act together before I get there. Doing outside assignments helps me work through things. I have no doubt that she will MAKE me talk about this and work through it when we meet again.

That is IF we meet again. I am still thinking that I want to QUIT!

[sugahorse1]

Squiggle- please don't think of stopping therapy. It's painful now because you're on the verge of a big break-through. Push on through it and it will be easier on the other side.

Btw - would be interesting to hear what the outcome of your assignment is. I tend to do the same. I wish I could just say: This is me; I am unique, and this is how I respond.

[WePow]

Squiggle, I sense you may do this as a way to protect yourself. Perhaps in the past, big trouble would start off with a very small thing. Just a slight comment. The next thing you knew, the entire world had blown up.

When we are young, we go over things at night - over and over and over - trying to make some sense of our world. We try to see how we missed the signs. What was it that we should have paid attention to before the world imploded on us? Was it that single comment of "Oh, so you think you had a bad day?" Was it the sly look that neighbor gave us??? What did we miss??? What could we have seen that would have allowed us to escape the damage BEFORE the entire universe burst into flames?

That is how PTSD works. It stinks. But maybe that will give you some stuff to think about for your own healing. Tons of hugs and remember that our responses now are the result of our learning from what we thought were our mistakes.

[SpiritRunner]

I understand the feeling of thinking about something, something I said or she said from session, then feeling like this >> and thinking, oh my goodness, I don't want to go back, I feel stupid/ashamed/embarrassed/vulnerable, I can't handle her seeing me like this anymore.......but all I can say to you is, keep going, keep going!! Take your blanket, your music, your journal, sit wherever/however you please, and just be, just be there with your feelings.....it is your therapy and your right to do those things!

[Perna]

Sounds difficult to me; if you knew why, you wouldn't do it? I don't think whys can be concluded out of thin air like that.

I would look at the statement and repeat it to myself a few times and see what feelings and memories come up.

For me, the "We" and the "need" implies I'm in there, part of it, but I didn't make that decision? I don't need to end on time, lady T, YOU need to end on time

However, that being my first reaction, I also see the double meaning of "we". T and I are in this therapy thing together (or at least T feels we are). How would you have felt if she had said, "I have another obligation this afternoon, can we end this session on time today?"

Depending on how she actually worded what she said; there's a lot that smacks of my stepmother's controlling and "in charge" type of wording where I didn't get a vote. Yes, one does not get a vote in therapy; the therapist controls the length of the sessions because they are "appointments" with her and we're paying for her time BUT, using "we" and "need" together, implies that I know what is going on and am feeling the same way as T and that's a bit high-handed?

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

At times I think about how I am acting. I relive that moment in therapy, and then start laughing hysterically because I KNOW this is stupid! I think about the $$ I am paying and don't want to waste a session. I cannot afford to do that! That may be why I am so upset right now.

You didn't waste a session. You got to the very issue that you actually need to work on. Right now, you are doing the work! Stick with it, and try to figure it out. To me, your current situation explains quite a lot of the rejection trigger: losing your home is a tremendous amount of stress and is a form of rejection or abandonment. But there might be other things there too in the past and present, which only you know.

[Sannah]

Actually, the only way to work through your issues is for them first to come up so it is good that you had this reaction in therapy so you can work on it now and get rid of it.

Do you think that you are just waiting to be rejected at any moment?

Sorry about your house. You couldn't get it refinanced?

[Sweetlove]

Squiggle...I totally understand the feeling of "I hate T, I quit!" Sometimes my T will say something so innocent and it really hurts me. I leave there so sure I never want to go back. But by the next week I'm ready to see him and maybe talk about what happened. I hope you can go back and talk about how this made you feel. Good luck

Originally Posted by Perna

How would you have felt if she had said, "I have another obligation this afternoon, can we end this session on time today?"

Had she told me when I first emailed her about getting an earlier appointment, I could have handled it alot better. I took a half day off work to be there. It just hit me the wrong way when she said that as soon as I got in her office.

It was like: "I worked you in, so let's get to it!" I would rather have had the option to think about whether or not I wanted to take a half day off work, knowing that she may be in kind of a hurried state. I guess I thought she was thinking more about where she had to be, than talking with me that day.

That is FAR from the truth. She did not make me feel rushed. I did that to myself. I automatically went into panic mode. "Oh my! Uuuhhmmm what was it I wanted to talk about?" I couldn't even think straight at all.

I also went into: "Therapy is stupid. Why am I here? This is dumb. What am I getting from this? I am wasting my money. She is laughing at me when I leave because of the stupid things I do and say when in our session. What is wrong with me? I hate this! Grow up and put your big girl panties on!"

(((((((((((((Squiggle)))))))))))))

My T told me a few months ago that we had to be better about time, and I totally freaked out in just the same way. I heard all kind of messages "I just realized I was giving you a gift by mistake, and I don't want to do that, EVER, so I am taking it back", "You are taking advantage of me and my time", etc. etc. I posted about it here a bunch, actually. It really threw me for a loop.

T and I talked about it A LOT. He really was just trying to be a better time manager. But, wow, did I spiral out about it.

I just read a meditation today...the general idea was to notice what's really there and let what's not really there go. So. What's really there is that T had to end early. What's not really there are all of the other messages you are telling yourself (and that I tell myself). Something about that helped me when I read it today. When I reacted to things, I asked myself "what's really here?" and was able to prevent a spiral or two.

Your reaction is important. It's not stupid, nothing is wrong with you. Your feelings matter, your reactions matter. These sorts of moments with T, as horrible as they are, usually turn into really good moments of growth and a closer connection for me.

Hang in there. It won't feel like this forever.

Originally Posted by Sannah

Actually, the only way to work through your issues is for them first to come up, so it is good that you had this reaction in therapy so you can work on it now and get rid of it.

Do you think that you are just waiting to be rejected at any moment?

Yes. I do think about being rejected a lot. It could stem back to the religion I was in for so long. If I did not meet up to their standards and beliefs, I was considered somewhat of an outcast. I always felt that I was 'not good enough', and what was wrong with me that I did not see things the way 'they' did?

Originally Posted by treehouse

(((((((((((((Squiggle)))))))))))))

My T told me a few months ago that we had to be better about time, and I totally freaked out in just the same way. I heard all kind of messages "I just realized I was giving you a gift by mistake, and I don't want to do that, EVER, so I am taking it back", "You are taking advantage of me and my time", etc. etc. I posted about it here a bunch, actually. It really threw me for a loop.

T and I talked about it A LOT. He really was just trying to be a better time manager. But, wow, did I spiral out about it.

Since my therapist is a small private practice operating through our church organization, she can be flexible with time. I often look at my watch during our sessions. Mainly because if I am fixing to talk about something that may take a little while, I don't want to open up that can of worms if I only have 10 minutes left.

She sees me do this. She sees that I am on the edge of really getting to a break through, she notices me look at my watch and ALWAYS says, "We have time. You have come too far. Don't shut down. Keep going."

The first 6 sessions or so, we had to end in one hour because I couldn't get to her office any sooner. The building closed one hour after my appointment, so we had to stop no matter what was going on.

I told her how rushed I felt. She said that when summer came (and I was off work), we could take our time and really talk with feeling rushed. Ever since then, we normally go about an hour and a half. SHE is the one who started this, and SHE is the one who always tells me not to worry about the time (when I am looking at my watch).

I am laughing hysterically at how utterly ridiculous I am acting! She meant NOTHING by her comment at all, she is NOT saying that we are going to stop exactly in one hour from now on, she is NOT getting tired of me, she just had another obligation that ONE day and wanted to give me a heads up so that I was not offended when she said something like, "Can we stop here, and take this up next time?"

To be honest, I am in total LOCK DOWN mode. I have totally shut myself off from therapy. I don't want to do any assignments, I am NOT emailing her, and I don't want to ever speak to her again.

Is this not hysterical! I am acting like the 8 year old kids that I work with everyday. They get into these tiffs with each other over things that don't amount to a hill of beans! I am the mediator, the one who gets things back on track, and hopefully does not hurt anyone's feelings. If I do end up hurting their feelings, I have to tell them, "We are not discussing this anymore." And then, I let them sulk and boohoo until they get over it. By the next day, they are back to being best friends!

Originally Posted by poetgirl76

Take your blanket, your music, your journal, sit wherever/however you please, and just be, just be there with your feelings.....it is your therapy and your right to do those things!

My thoughts right now are: I am NEVER, EVER going to take anything with me again (that is IF I go back, which you know I will). If I take something, it will be something I put in my pocket that she cannot see.

HHhhhmmm......is there an analogy to that? Am I trying to hold onto the control, but hiding it at the same time? Am I keeping this a secret because I think I am 'getting back at her' by bringing something in there that she doesn't know about? Is this my way of saying, "I'll show you, I am going to do what I want to do and you can't stop me!"

Again, childish games. It is not hurting her one bit for me to do these things, it is hurting me. Stubborn? Controlling? Why does she think that about me? LaDuh! Read my posts and you can plainly see that she is right! Sometimes I hate her......don't we always hate it when the other person is right!

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

My thoughts right now are: I am NEVER, EVER going to take anything with me again (that is IF I go back, which you know I will). If I take something, it will be something I put in my pocket that she cannot see.

HHhhhmmm......is there an analogy to that? Am I trying to hold onto the control, but hiding it at the same time? Am I keeping this a secret because I think I am 'getting back at her' by bringing something in there that she doesn't know about? Is this my way of saying, "I'll show you, I am going to do what I want to do and you can't stop me!"

Again, childish games. It is not hurting her one bit for me to do these things, it is hurting me. Stubborn? Controlling? Why does she think that about me? LaDuh! Read my posts and you can plainly see that she is right! Sometimes I hate her......don't we always hate it when the other person is right!

I don't know if this is how you'd describe it.....but sometimes I feel like I'm a teenager again, and I'm acting/reacting at times as if I were a 16 year old at home with my parents....I have come to an understanding that this feeling is actually helpful in making me aware of how I have carried within me somehow the deeply imprinted emotional reactions of a sad, scared teenager whenever I am faced with someone who does have authority/power over me in some ways, and that it's good to deal with it in a controlled environment. It is like a sort of defiance....but it was something I put on growing up as part of my protective armor, a way to have control when much else was out of control. Nonetheless, I find it disconcerting to find myself feeling and reacting like that in session at times! I mean, my T is only 6 years older than me....and like she said, 'I'm not your mother, and neither do I see you as acting like a childish brat!'

[Sweetlove]

Originally Posted by poetgirl76

I don't know if this is how you'd describe it.....but sometimes I feel like I'm a teenager again, and I'm acting/reacting at times as if I were a 16 year old at home with my parents....I have come to an understanding that this feeling is actually helpful in making me aware of how I have carried within me somehow the deeply imprinted emotional reactions of a sad, scared teenager whenever I am faced with someone who does have authority/power over me in some ways, and that it's good to deal with it in a controlled environment. It is like a sort of defiance....but it was something I put on growing up as part of my protective armor, a way to have control when much else was out of control. Nonetheless, I find it disconcerting to find myself feeling and reacting like that in session at times! I mean, my T is only 6 years older than me....and like she said, 'I'm not your mother, and neither do I see you as acting like a childish brat!'

This is exactly how I feel. I was just telling my T yesterday that I feel like I'm being a brat because I want to get my way with the number of sessions I want from my insurance company and if I don't get it, I'm going to quit. How can I be so mature and "experienced", then feel like I want to throw myself on the floor while I kick and scream? It's amazing what therapy can bring out

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

They get into these tiffs with each other over things that don't amount to a hill of beans!

I am the mediator, the one who gets things back on track, and hopefully does not hurt anyone's feelings.

If I do end up hurting their feelings, I have to tell them, "We are not discussing this anymore." And then, I let them sulk and boohoo until they get over it. By the next day, they are back to being best friends!

When you hurt their feelings you then say that you aren't going to talk about it anymore? And then you want them to just get over it?

Is this what you are doing to yourself right now too?

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

Stubborn? Controlling? Why does she think that about me? LaDuh! Read my posts and you can plainly see that she is right! Sometimes I hate her......don't we always hate it when the other person is right!

She said that you are stubborn and controlling?