Couch 79: Spend some time on Couch 79 (snap, snap)

I didn't take it that way Mast. But from prior things you had written I figured those lists your H printed out were not just his list. If my H made me a list of chores, I'd tell him to go to stick it where the sun don't shine and probably never clean a thing again. You are not a horrible wife. You are an intelligent woman with a brain and preferences of her own. And when something is important to you, you will do it and if not then it's lower on your priority list than his and he can either clean it himself or learn to adjust.

Maybe it's just the people pleasing part of me that fell for it.

It reminds me of when my oldest sons kindergarten teacher gave my son a sad face on a paper cause he didn't color neat enough (background: my son has fine motor issues and was seeing an occupational therapist at the time). I told that woman in a meeting that my son came home from school in tears because he made her sad. I told her that it isn't my sons job to make you happy and I don't like the psychological manipulation that you are using on a boy who already realizes he can't do something's as well as other children. By the time I was done with her she was in tears and she had been teaching for 25 years...

So apparently...I only condone positive reinforcement . No apps giving frowns faces for things not done.

I am reminding myself that my opinion on what a problem is for someone, is not always going to be seen as supportive, even where they are seeming to ask for such information.

I loved the divorce rate by profession... My H and my profession are 15 to 17 %... Interesting that clergy is 5 ish %. It would be interesting to ask those married to someone in the lower % if they are happy. I know a few women unhappily married to ministers but won't do anything because it would ruin his career besides religious reasons.

Just goes to show just because a divorce rate is low does not always mean they have happier marriages.

What is the name of that app again?

HomeRoutines

This is interesting to me because I have heard it time and time again that the divorce rates for Christians in church ate the same as those who don't attend... Oh and by the way according to many preachers that is so sad. But I think it says something about what is being taught about relationships, etc.. In church.

Sorry that was a rant fueled by anger at issues I am having these days ...

I couldn't fall asleep until 4:30 a.m. and got up at 8! I went swimming and shopping. Someone told me there's something hanging under the car. It's what goes over the muffler. So now we can't go out today. I'm sad and depressed today. I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about the touching in my session. I emailed T about it and a general update and said she didn't have to write back. She did anyway. Now that's a switch! She's glad I want to do the touch work. I know I have to talk about it first. I'm feeling pathetic because I must be so touch deprived. I like when T touches me. Just feeling so yukky now. Will cry myself to sleep. My H got up when I laid down. I'm just ranting now. Sorry.

The Howling - Dee Stone - is on tv. Where the heck was i when all these movies were first run?? Its like i was absent from my own life. But its a pretty dumb movie. I cant imagine spending money to go see it.

you know I tried to go out with my BFF today and I just couldn't do it . I brought her luch as she is working at the barn taking out horses and stuff for her latest friend. she gives me this spiel in response to my bad day the other day about how she only has a few friends . and can only count on me and this new friend if she ever needed anyone. I had to leave because she has only been hanging out with this person for a few months to my 25 years .and it seems if this friend could be counted on more I would just be dirt under her feet. she has no idea the stupid things she says . and this new friend I can guarantee you is just useing her for free work in her barn so she can go to shows and so on. sense she has been trying to impress this new friend she has treated me like crap. im tired of it and just don't care if I am alone for the rest of my life I hate people.. this new friend is only like 22 and she is my age. she has even said to my face that she was hoping this new friend could be a new drinking buddy that she could go out with. but then her new friend had a baby . ohhh so sad

Anyone else remember staying up all night talking with friends about silly crushes back in the day? Like how you could say the same thing over and over and still be understood?
I feel like I want to do the same thing now, but talk about my T instead of some cute boy...
So, who's up for an all night convo about how much we miss our Ts... I'll even put the kettle on...

lol ill listen to how much you miss your T .he/she sounds like a good T

Thanks Granite.
My 6 year old is snuggling up to me right now and keeps asking 'what should I watch mommy?' (she's watching youtube videos on her iPad). I'm struggling to not snap at her because I guess I'm feeling a bit resentful. I could never have been like that with my mom - hence the desire for T to be my good-enough mommy I suppose. I didn't have a session this week - he was out of the office. He was supposed to email and let me know if anything changed about that, but he didn't and I'm feeling extra-sensitive about it. I've been trying to let the small needy part of me out in T lately. Seems to be working alright, but it's not so much fun trying to keep a handle on my adult life while feeling like an abandoned tantrum-y 6 year old. All part if the bloody process I suppose

It sucks when we try to let some things out in therapy and then those things won't stay in between sessions...

I'm sorry to hear about your friend being like that, granite.

im struggling with my adult life also. I am resenting the fact that I have to be accountable for things. I remember when I didn't have to be .and it seems like a good idea at this point . although the fact that I am an adult always wins

I sometimes feel that way shakey, especially when my 5 year old throws a tantrum. I just think, 'I try my hardest to give you everything I never had: unconditional love, security, encouragement. Why are you acting this way towards me?' I was a really quiet child even though there is a lot I should have been angry about. I have to remind myself that I have given her the opportunity to feel confident enough to express her emotions and be proud! We're not passing on the horrible baton of inadequate parenting!

I am stroppier and tantrumier (sp?) than any of my kids

Shakey, I'll have a cup of builders please, soya milk if you have it.
I reeeeeeaaaally miss my t today. Don't know why, I feel I am over all the transference stuff. Maybe starting to feel a bit wobbly going cold turkey on my meds, I don't know. I just feel about ten years old. I want her to tuck me in to bed. I don't want to be in bed with a big, hairy man, and have to look after children and do boring work and pretend to clean the house. I want to put on my sparkly shoes and cry.

the funny thing is with me if I could relax enough I could cuddle with my hubby and feel small and taken care of .but I cant relax about it . I always think he has ulterior motives .

You're trying to make your mark in society
Using all the tricks that you used on me.
You're reading all those high fashion magazines
The clothes you're wearin' girl are causing public scenes.

When I first met you girl you didn't have no shoes
Now you're walking 'round like you're front page news.
You've been awful careful 'bout the friends you choose
But you won't find my name in your book of Who's Who.

I said
I I I I I'm not your stepping stone
I I I I I'm not your stepping stone
Not your stepping stone,
Not your stepping stone.

This ought to be a song lyric, but Google can't find it.

If it isn't in a song lyric, somebody should write it into a poem! It really speaks to me.

I don't know if this what you are thinking of. Been one of my fav tunes since my teens

I've gotten pickier about my clothes lately. I don't have many places to wear pretty clothes so I've just taken to wearing them anyway. I'm wearing one of my favorite shirts today - to work in a warehouse, with glue I don't care. I feel like looking pretty. T prolly thinks I'm into him too, because I've taken to dressing up a bit. Sorry dude, just wanna pretend you're my mommy so I can fall asleep in your lap. Maybe even throw up on your shoes

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