[Chummy]

I'm not sure if I should tell my T about my feelings and thoughts involving her. She knows a bit. She knows I want her as my T and that I don't want another T. She knows I'm a bit angry that she's going on maternity leave and I have to see another T.
But about some feelings I haven't told her. I don't know if she maybe suspects some.
I envy her. She's beautiful and smart and funny. She has a good education and job. She has a boyfriend. She has a beautful, adorable daughter (I looked T up on facebook) and she's getting another daughter. I think she has a good life and is happy with her life.
I don't want to be a T and I'm not sure if I want kids. If I do want a kid, then I want a daughter. But I don't want to be pregnant. Pregnancy looks horrible to me. I think that belly from T looks disgusting. I can't look at her. I think pregnancy could be the death of me, so it's not that I'm jealous she's pregnant.
I want to be something more to her. I don't want to be friends. I want her to stay my T. But I don't want to be just another client. It hurts. I want to know more about her. About her life, her interesses, her family.
I know what therapy is and that what I want is probably not possible. I've been in therapy so often, but I haven't felt this about a T before.
I want to know what she really thinks of me. Something real. Not that therapeutic ********.
And I want a hug. I so want a hug. Just a short one. I want to know how it feels.
But most of all, I don't want to feel any of this. But it won't get less.
It's been like this for over a year, since I started seeing her again.

At the end of the month she wil go one leave. For 5 months! 5 very long months. I'll get another T. I'm now having sessions with my T and new T, to help me with the transition.
T says she will be back. But I don't really believe that until I'll see her again after those 5 months. She can say now she will be back, but she can change her mind. She has to give two months notice, so.

I don't know if I should tell her about this before she leaves? Or should I wait until she's gone and talk to that new T about all this? So far, I'm not really liking new T.

[itjustis]

I'm going through a maternal transference phase with my T, and I was so worried about telling her my thoughts & feelings, I told her though and felt so much better after it.
As for a hug you could ask her if that would be ok. I know in my sessions touch isn't out of bounds...in fact my T asked if I needed a hug after a difficult session.
I know the feelings are confusing and frustrating but I know I feel loads better after talking about them.

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[object_relation]

Hey Chummy,

It can take a while to build a new relationship with a T especially when you don't have much choice around it. If you could talk to the new T about what is happening for you that would probably help both of you with the transition.

You should try to talk to your regular T about how you feel about her if you can. It can be really good for your therapy to take that risk and you won't have another chance for a long time if you don't do it now.

Also, you can ask her for a hug. You can bring it up in session and see what her boundaries are around physical contact etc. Some therapists are totally fine with the occasional hug and it seems like it would mean a lot to you to experience her caring in this way. I say to bring it up during a session, as asking for a hug on your way out the door doesn't give her a lot of time to convey her attitudes about hugging, so you either get a hug or feel totally rejected with no time to talk about it.

I wanted a hug from my therapist and I wrote her an email about why and what it would mean to me. The following session, right when I walked in the door, she asked me if I wanted a hug. It was amazing! Just like that the thing I most wanted from her she gave totally willingly. I can't promise that this will be your experience but learning to ask for what we need is a big part of what therapy can teach us. It's worth the risk for that alone.

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by itjustis

I'm going through a maternal transference phase with my T, and I was so worried about telling her my thoughts & feelings, I told her though and felt so much better after it.
As for a hug you could ask her if that would be ok. I know in my sessions touch isn't out of bounds...in fact my T asked if I needed a hug after a difficult session.
I know the feelings are confusing and frustrating but I know I feel loads better after talking about them.

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I have no idea how she thinks about hugs. I'm so scared to ask her because I don't know if I can handle a no on top of everything.
She isn't totally against touch. We have shaked hands. But shaking hands is such a normal thing here.

I've been having these feelings/thoughts for over a year. They aren't getting less.
So far she has been very understanding about things I tell her. But with things like these, I'm scared this will be that will make her change her mind about me and our therapy or this will be what will make her mad.

[Chummy]

I wrote this before my session. Today I had a session with T and new T. I couldn't look at both of them. They asked about it. Eventually I told them about T and her belly. So they know this now.

There are so many feelings/thoughts.

After todays session, I thought that maybe new T isn't as horrible as I thought after the first time I met her. And I hate that I think this. I want to not like her. I don't want to think she's alright. I want to be mad at her, I want to act mad at her and I want to leave her.

And T; I'm so mad she's leaving me for 5 months. I hate her for that. I want to yell at her. I want to be mad at her. But she so nice and patience and understanding. I can't express my anger to her. I'm just hurting so much. It hurts so much.
I hate therapy. It's never good for you. Good or bad T, eventually it's all bad for you.

I don't feel like talking to either of them about my ''things''. I feel it's useless to talk to T about whatever is going on. I don't want to talk about upcoming exams or college which starts somewhere in August. I don't want to talk about it to her, because she won't be there when those things are.
And new/replacement T; she's only there for 5 months. Why would I try to get used to her, to talk to her. Why would I try to trust her.
I need to improve. Not just get used to a new T. T said that that would be a good goal alone, because of my experiences with previous T's and because of the social anxiety.
But I'm probably starting college in August. And that's something huge. School has always been my biggest anxiety. I've failed so many times. I can't fail that again. It's the first time I'm starting college. I need it to get a life. College is where you meet new friends and you learn new things. Hopefully you will graduate after 4 years and then get a job.
My T knows all about my anxieties and thoughts for school. She knows how it works in my mind. And know she won't be there for me when college starts. I don't know who will. T will be gone until somewhere in August. I think the end of August, but I don't have a date yet. And when she will be back, she will have missed a lot of important things.

Therapy with either of them feels useless now.

[clairelisbeth]

This sounds so hard, and so painful! I completely understand how you are feeling-last year, my T went on maternity leave for 2 months and it was so tough....I can't imagine 5 months. I'm so glad you were able to tell her a bit more about how you're feeling. It's so important. Sending you hugs!

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[Chummy]

Originally Posted by clairelisbeth

This sounds so hard, and so painful! I completely understand how you are feeling-last year, my T went on maternity leave for 2 months and it was so tough....I can't imagine 5 months. I'm so glad you were able to tell her a bit more about how you're feeling. It's so important. Sending you hugs!

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Thank you. In my country women get 16 weeks maternity leave. And my T is using her vacation days too, so she a few weeks longer away.
I just hadn't expected this because she didn't started that long ago at this place and some months ago I read her profile on the site and it also says next year (that's this year) she would start an education to become a ... so I thought I would have her as my T for the whole of this year. It hit me so hard.

I'm so sorry you are going through this Chummy!

This is just my own experience, but I believe that a very important part of therapy is acknowledging your needs and then asking for those needs. Bringing up your concerns to your therapist could be a great opportunity to push yourself to do something really hard and potentially therapeutic.

Regarding your actual concerns, I think that with human relationships, there is a normal curiosity to know the other person, connect emotionally and physically, and have relational constancy. Therapy can be very withholding, and unfortunately that can be a very painful part of the process. In my own therapy, some very childlike emotions emerged at different points. It was really confusing and embarrassing, but talking about it helped. TBO I'm still processing a lot of the emotions around triggering situations.

Hope you end up doing what feels right for you!

[itjustis]

I can understand you don't want to feel rejected, it's not a nice feeling. Maybe you could say something along the lines of "how would you respond if a client asked for a hug" that way you're not directly asking.
I wrote a letter to my T about something I was having a hard time talking about and gave it to her this week...now she can take the reins and help me verbalise it.
When I'm in emotional turmoil I ask myself "how would I feel if I did tell her and how would I feel if I didn't." I internalise an awful lot and I feel so much better after talking about my feelings, whether they're for her or something I'm going through. It's definitely not easy, the first time I was terrified. But that's just me...
I hope you're able to get through this.

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[BudFox]

Originally Posted by FallingFreely

Regarding your actual concerns, I think that with human relationships, there is a normal curiosity to know the other person, connect emotionally and physically, and have relational constancy. Therapy can be very withholding, and unfortunately that can be a very painful part of the process.

I agree. For me, in hindsight, it was just plain unhealthy, with subtle undertones of emotional abuse in all the withholding. I developed intense attachment and feelings for my ex-T. And yet I was allowed no physical contact, only the briefest morsels of face time, there was no mutual sharing, and none of the deep longings and needs were ever, or could ever be, gratified in a meaningful way. It was a torment. And then the client is made to feel guilty for wanting more. This is healing?

Hope the OP can get through this.

Originally Posted by BudFox

I agree. For me, in hindsight, it was just plain unhealthy, with subtle undertones of emotional abuse in all the withholding. I developed intense attachment and feelings for my ex-T. And yet I was allowed no physical contact, only the briefest morsels of face time, there was no mutual sharing, and none of the deep longings and needs were ever, or could ever be, gratified in a meaningful way. It was a torment. And then the client is made to feel guilty for wanting more. This is healing?

Hope the OP can get through this.

To be fair, I think the point of therapy is to acknowledge those needs and channel them outside of therapy. For example try to build more intimate friendships, find a partner to fulfill physical needs, and so on.

What I'll call the 'Big Problem' is when clients become fixated on the therapist and assume the therapist is the only person who can meet those needs. A therapist needs to be really skilled and really patient to help a client through it. Otherwise, there is a wide potential for damage.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by FallingFreely

To be fair, I think the point of therapy is to acknowledge those needs and channel them outside of therapy. For example try to build more intimate friendships, find a partner to fulfill physical needs, and so on.

What I'll call the 'Big Problem' is when clients become fixated on the therapist and assume the therapist is the only person who can meet those needs. A therapist needs to be really skilled and really patient to help a client through it. Otherwise, there is a wide potential for damage.

Looking back on my last therapy, there was the implicit promise of something like you describe. But nothing was ever said about how this would happen. The mechanism of therapy was never revealed or discussed. Turns out there was no mechanism, no real plan. This notion of "working though it" seems to be rarely flushed out.

A risky game. Activating deepest needs, then hoping this will somehow magically translate to something in the real world, rather than heartbreak and grief, possibly abandonment. And it's even a bit absurd to think that a paid professional is going to guide one in their relationships, as if someone can be paid to dispense that sort of wisdom.

Most helpful thing for me, and I hope the OP can take something from this, was realizing that I was responding in a very natural way to what was unfolding, whereas the process was not natural. Was a big weight off my shoulders.

Originally Posted by BudFox

Looking back on my last therapy, there was the implicit promise of something like you describe. But nothing was ever said about how this would happen. The mechanism of therapy was never revealed or discussed. Turns out there was no mechanism, no real plan. This notion of "working though it" seems to be rarely flushed out.

A risky game. Activating deepest needs, then hoping this will somehow magically translate to something in the real world, rather than heartbreak and grief, possibly abandonment. And it's even a bit absurd to think that a paid professional is going to guide one in their relationships, as if someone can be paid to dispense that sort of wisdom.

Most helpful thing for me, and I hope the OP can take something from this, was realizing that I was responding in a very natural way to what was unfolding, whereas the process was not natural. Was a big weight off my shoulders.

I don't disagree with you, and yes, therapy is way more risky than the profession will disclose. I cringe at the frequency the expression 'you need help!' or 'you should see a therapist!' is tossed around. It should not be entered lightly.

The catch 22 is that people that can get in and out of therapy easily probably don't need it all that much to begin with. People with more serious issues are much more likely get enmeshed and stuck in the process.

I've ready some pretty 'out there' posts on this board regarding feelings and desires that have cropped up during the therapy process, and don't consider most to be unnatural or atypical in the least bit. Therapy is a strange beast.

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by BudFox

I agree. For me, in hindsight, it was just plain unhealthy, with subtle undertones of emotional abuse in all the withholding. I developed intense attachment and feelings for my ex-T. And yet I was allowed no physical contact, only the briefest morsels of face time, there was no mutual sharing, and none of the deep longings and needs were ever, or could ever be, gratified in a meaningful way. It was a torment. And then the client is made to feel guilty for wanting more. This is healing?

Hope the OP can get through this.

Thank you.

I think I'm getting too attached to my T. I already am. I'm not sure about my feelings. I like her and I admire her and envy her. I don't really want to see her outside of therapy, that would feel too weird. But during our therapy, I long for something more. A hug. Casual talk. Getting to know a bit about her interesses.
I haven't told her this. She knows I'm a bit attached to her, but I told her I want her as my T. She's the only T who has been able to help me and who seemed to understand me.
This is also true, but there's more. I think I should talk about this to her before she's going on leave. Otherwise I might keep thinking about it and I won't have any contact with her for about 5 months.

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by FallingFreely

To be fair, I think the point of therapy is to acknowledge those needs and channel them outside of therapy. For example try to build more intimate friendships, find a partner to fulfill physical needs, and so on.

What I'll call the 'Big Problem' is when clients become fixated on the therapist and assume the therapist is the only person who can meet those needs. A therapist needs to be really skilled and really patient to help a client through it. Otherwise, there is a wide potential for damage.

I need to build more friendship anf I want to find a partner. But I'm not in the right place to do that yet. I hope to start college in September and school is a good place to meet new people.

I don't think my T is the only person who can meet my ''needs''. I understand very well that it isn't the job of a T to fulfill your needs. But I long for some contact of her. And I feel ashamed to tell her that.

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by BudFox

Looking back on my last therapy, there was the implicit promise of something like you describe. But nothing was ever said about how this would happen. The mechanism of therapy was never revealed or discussed. Turns out there was no mechanism, no real plan. This notion of "working though it" seems to be rarely flushed out.

A risky game. Activating deepest needs, then hoping this will somehow magically translate to something in the real world, rather than heartbreak and grief, possibly abandonment. And it's even a bit absurd to think that a paid professional is going to guide one in their relationships, as if someone can be paid to dispense that sort of wisdom.

Most helpful thing for me, and I hope the OP can take something from this, was realizing that I was responding in a very natural way to what was unfolding, whereas the process was not natural. Was a big weight off my shoulders.

I think not all therapist seem to realise how much impact the therapeutic relationship can have on a client. They should be teached more about it.

I have romantic feelings for my Pdoc. I felt ashamed to tell it to my T, but she reacted well to it.
Some months after that I finally told my Pdoc about my feelings. It was bothering me so much. He reacted good. Said that it happens, some people get feelings for their T or Pdoc. There's isn't anything wrong about it. We can't do anything with it, but it isn't wrong.

This is what I felt. That I was wrong. I know that in such relationships, dating and such isn't allowed. And that's why I felt I was wrong. And it made me ashamed to tell others (T and Pdoc) about it.

And now with this attachement to my T, it feels like it's wrong and that's why I'm really afraid to tell her about it.

Originally Posted by Chummy

I need to build more friendship anf I want to find a partner. But I'm not in the right place to do that yet. I hope to start college in September and school is a good place to meet new people.

I don't think my T is the only person who can meet my ''needs''. I understand very well that it isn't the job of a T to fulfill your needs. But I long for some contact of her. And I feel ashamed to tell her that.

Sorry Chummy! I didn't mean to put things on you that might not apply! Just making some observations.

I think many of us (including myself) have looked to therapists to meet needs that the therapists weren't equipped to meet. Rationally, we know certain truths but our emotions don't always fall in line.

As an example, I used to struggle a lot with my therapist's vacations. Rationally, I knew she deserved a vacation, I knew she'd be back, and I knew I'd survive in her absence. Emotionally, I couldn't understand how she could go somewhere nice while I was home struggling, I felt she was never coming back, and I felt I was going to dissolve into a lonesome mess in her absence. Reasonably, I couldn't expect my therapist to always be at my beck and call, but it felt like a very strong need none the less. It was a good opportunity to look to other supports.

You have no reason to feel ashamed at all! I think it's great that you are considering revealing emotions that are embarrassing and difficult. The more you share with your therapist, the more she can help you. The good part about developing feelings for your therapist (instead of someone else) is that she can help you through the feelings.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Chummy

I think not all therapist seem to realise how much impact the therapeutic relationship can have on a client. They should be teached more about it.

I have romantic feelings for my Pdoc. I felt ashamed to tell it to my T, but she reacted well to it.
Some months after that I finally told my Pdoc about my feelings. It was bothering me so much. He reacted good. Said that it happens, some people get feelings for their T or Pdoc. There's isn't anything wrong about it. We can't do anything with it, but it isn't wrong.

This is what I felt. That I was wrong. I know that in such relationships, dating and such isn't allowed. And that's why I felt I was wrong. And it made me ashamed to tell others (T and Pdoc) about it.

And now with this attachement to my T, it feels like it's wrong and that's why I'm really afraid to tell her about it.

You keep saying that what you're feeling is "wrong." I used to think that about some of my feelings too (and still do). But one of my marriage counselor's main philosophies (like, it's on his biography on the practice's website) is that feelings aren't right or wrong--they just are. Whatever you feel is OK. It's about what you do with those feelings. I still struggle with that sometimes, but I try to keep that in mind. I've discussed my mostly paternal (though sometimes erotic) transference for him (and did so again recently via e-mail), and it's been difficult, but ultimately a good thing. It helps that he's experience it from other clients before and is comfortable with it and makes me feel like it's totally normal.

Your T seems to really care about you, and I think she'd be really understanding. I think it would help you--and your relationship with your T--to talk about it with her. Even if it's scary.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by FallingFreely

I've ready some pretty 'out there' posts on this board regarding feelings and desires that have cropped up during the therapy process, and don't consider most to be unnatural or atypical in the least bit. Therapy is a strange beast.

I was saying that therapy itself is unnatural. The feelings, desires, longings, impulses that it provokes are, in my opinion and experience, entirely natural and not the problem. The problem, as I see it, is that these feelings are arising in a business relationship that looks and feels like a personal relationship, but is still a business relationship, and that is bound to cause great confusion and distress (or worse).

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by Chummy

I'm not sure if I should tell my T about my feelings and thoughts involving her. She knows a bit. She knows I want her as my T and that I don't want another T. She knows I'm a bit angry that she's going on maternity leave and I have to see another T.
But about some feelings I haven't told her. I don't know if she maybe suspects some.
I envy her. She's beautiful and smart and funny. She has a good education and job. She has a boyfriend. She has a beautful, adorable daughter (I looked T up on facebook) and she's getting another daughter. I think she has a good life and is happy with her life.
I don't want to be a T and I'm not sure if I want kids. If I do want a kid, then I want a daughter. But I don't want to be pregnant. Pregnancy looks horrible to me. I think that belly from T looks disgusting. I can't look at her. I think pregnancy could be the death of me, so it's not that I'm jealous she's pregnant.
I want to be something more to her. I don't want to be friends. I want her to stay my T. But I don't want to be just another client. It hurts. I want to know more about her. About her life, her interesses, her family.
I know what therapy is and that what I want is probably not possible. I've been in therapy so often, but I haven't felt this about a T before.
I want to know what she really thinks of me. Something real. Not that therapeutic ********.
And I want a hug. I so want a hug. Just a short one. I want to know how it feels.
But most of all, I don't want to feel any of this. But it won't get less.
It's been like this for over a year, since I started seeing her again.

At the end of the month she wil go one leave. For 5 months! 5 very long months. I'll get another T. I'm now having sessions with my T and new T, to help me with the transition.
T says she will be back. But I don't really believe that until I'll see her again after those 5 months. She can say now she will be back, but she can change her mind. She has to give two months notice, so.

I don't know if I should tell her about this before she leaves? Or should I wait until she's gone and talk to that new T about all this? So far, I'm not really liking new T.

I know this gets said on here a lot but the best thing you can do is to tell your T how you feel. I think you should tell her all of these feelings. You have 3 sessions left with her so you should say everything you need to so that when you leave at the last session you don't leave anything hanging for 5 months. You could write it all down and give it to her or read it to her or you could write her a letter and give it her. I know this is not easy for you so the best thing might be to say whatever you need to so you don't have any regrets.

It was very hard for me to tell my T about my attachment and how I envy her and my transference. It was rewarding to talk about it and I felt much better after getting it all out and seeing that she still accepts me no matter what. You are not wrong for how you feel. Attachment to a T is normal. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. I hope you can share all of this with your T and you can feel somewhat better. You could ask her how she feels about hugs and see what she says that way you are not directly asking for one. If she says she is fine with them you could ask for a hug at your last session before her break. I am pulling for you and I hope you can find some peace with this difficult situation.

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by FallingFreely

Sorry Chummy! I didn't mean to put things on you that might not apply! Just making some observations.

I think many of us (including myself) have looked to therapists to meet needs that the therapists weren't equipped to meet. Rationally, we know certain truths but our emotions don't always fall in line.

As an example, I used to struggle a lot with my therapist's vacations. Rationally, I knew she deserved a vacation, I knew she'd be back, and I knew I'd survive in her absence. Emotionally, I couldn't understand how she could go somewhere nice while I was home struggling, I felt she was never coming back, and I felt I was going to dissolve into a lonesome mess in her absence. Reasonably, I couldn't expect my therapist to always be at my beck and call, but it felt like a very strong need none the less. It was a good opportunity to look to other supports.

You have no reason to feel ashamed at all! I think it's great that you are considering revealing emotions that are embarrassing and difficult. The more you share with your therapist, the more she can help you. The good part about developing feelings for your therapist (instead of someone else) is that she can help you through the feelings.

I understood that I've read a lot about it and a lot of articles say things like that. So I wanted to explain how it is with me. Though it is confusing for me.

What you wrote about your T's vacation, I can relate to that. My T was going away for 2,5 weeks. I didn't like that, but I could do that. But I couldn't see her for 4 whole weeks. Because on the days I could she was full. And she knew which days from the week I could go to therapy. So I felt hurt that she gave that to other clients and not saved a time for me. I've been so long with her. More than most of her other clients if not all. I felt angry about that. And she was like; I could do that, the weeks will fly by. Not.

I think what I want from my T is, what I call, T+ or therapy+. Therapy or therapist with benefits So what I've now, but I want to know some things about my T, music she listens to, books she reads, places she likes to visit, that sort of things. I would like a hug so now and then. I would like it if she would send a check-up mail after a very difficult session. I would like a short encouragement card or note if I won't see her for a long time.
It's not much (I think). It doesn't cost much.

It might also come from insecurity. I like her. She has been my only good t so far. She's important to be, during this difficult time in my life. I need her for therapy. And this ''relationship'' is just a weird something. I'm teling her things I've never told anyone else. And she listens to me. But only because I pay her. And sure, T's don't only do this works for the money. But T's can't like every client they see. They must get tired of someone once in a while or often. They must dislike some of their clients. I'm doubtfull T's will every be completely honest to me.

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

You keep saying that what you're feeling is "wrong." I used to think that about some of my feelings too (and still do). But one of my marriage counselor's main philosophies (like, it's on his biography on the practice's website) is that feelings aren't right or wrong--they just are. Whatever you feel is OK. It's about what you do with those feelings. I still struggle with that sometimes, but I try to keep that in mind. I've discussed my mostly paternal (though sometimes erotic) transference for him (and did so again recently via e-mail), and it's been difficult, but ultimately a good thing. It helps that he's experience it from other clients before and is comfortable with it and makes me feel like it's totally normal.

Your T seems to really care about you, and I think she'd be really understanding. I think it would help you--and your relationship with your T--to talk about it with her. Even if it's scary.

For me it feels wrong because relationships other that the therpeutic one are not allowed in therapy. And I won't act on my feelings, but that's why I feel there're wrong. I would also feel that with teachers or docters.

I also had that with my Pdoc. But since I told him and her reacted wel to me, I don't feel that bad anymore. I do feel a bit ashamed when I see him, but like when I talk to my T abot it, I don't feel that wrong anymore.

I've read a lot from you about you MC. He sounds like a good T who knows how to deal with such stuff.
So far my T has reacted mostly well to whatever I told her. But with some things I'm afraid that this will be that will mess things up. That she will decide it's better ''for me'' to see another T. I'm afraid she will say that when she's back from leave (if she ever comes back).
She's also a lot younger than your MC. It has been about 6-7 years since she graduated from university. So she has a lot less experiences.

So far I've had two session with T and replacement T. And I've barely looked at any of them during those. And that other T said something like that it's a shame I don't look at my T because then I would see the compassion she has on her face for me.
When things get hard, I usually avoid eye contact. And then still, I find it hard to see such things. Because of this relationship. She gets paid to see me. It's her work. And then my previous experiences with T's. There's a lot of insecurity for me.

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I know this gets said on here a lot but the best thing you can do is to tell your T how you feel. I think you should tell her all of these feelings. You have 3 sessions left with her so you should say everything you need to so that when you leave at the last session you don't leave anything hanging for 5 months. You could write it all down and give it to her or read it to her or you could write her a letter and give it her. I know this is not easy for you so the best thing might be to say whatever you need to so you don't have any regrets.

It was very hard for me to tell my T about my attachment and how I envy her and my transference. It was rewarding to talk about it and I felt much better after getting it all out and seeing that she still accepts me no matter what. You are not wrong for how you feel. Attachment to a T is normal. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. I hope you can share all of this with your T and you can feel somewhat better. You could ask her how she feels about hugs and see what she says that way you are not directly asking for one. If she says she is fine with them you could ask for a hug at your last session before her break. I am pulling for you and I hope you can find some peace with this difficult situation.

It's better to tell T. I've been dealing with this for about a year. I keep postponing telling her about this. And after this month I can't talk to her about this for at least 5 months. This whole year I could just say to myself ''I can wait to next week or longer. It isn't necessary to tell her now. It can wait.'' And I could email her any time I wanted, she only aswers email during workhours.
5 months without any contact from her

I'll try to write everything in a letter. With very difficult stuff I can express myself better on paper than with talking. And then I'll give it at our session this Friday. I've also two other things we need to talk about. Ugh. Al this stuff about T's (my T, replacement T and Pdoc) comes on top of the things I went in therapy for. I think/worry about it so much.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Chummy

It's better to tell T. I've been dealing with this for about a year. I keep postponing telling her about this. And after this month I can't talk to her about this for at least 5 months. This whole year I could just say to myself ''I can wait to next week or longer. It isn't necessary to tell her now. It can wait.'' And I could email her any time I wanted, she only aswers email during workhours.
5 months without any contact from her

I'll try to write everything in a letter. With very difficult stuff I can express myself better on paper than with talking. And then I'll give it at our session this Friday. I've also two other things we need to talk about. Ugh. Al this stuff about T's (my T, replacement T and Pdoc) comes on top of the things I went in therapy for. I think/worry about it so much.

So she won't respond to any emails during the 5 months? That is a long time. Seems like you are facing termination basically. I hope it is being handled in that way given the long duration. WRiting a letter sounds like a good idea. I have done something similar.

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by BudFox

So she won't respond to any emails during the 5 months? That is a long time. Seems like you are facing termination basically. I hope it is being handled in that way given the long duration. WRiting a letter sounds like a good idea. I have done something similar.

Yes
That's how it works here. At least by every T/practise I've been too. They only work during their workhours. So my T only answers her email during her workhours. It's even mentioned on the website of the practise. On every T's profile it says what hours they're available.
I do have a replacement T. My T does inform her about what we're working one, but still, it's starting over.
16 weeks maternity leave and she uses her vacationdays.