Motivation

This is for the insatiably curious or just anyone and everyone. I consider myself someone who would easily and habitually go above and beyond what conscious awareness can reveal, in any form. This is not something I have learned in therapy but a natural, effortless feature of mine that I have applied in many ways during my life so far: science (my main profession), philosophy, art, and many personal endeavors in how I live my life. I am often criticized that my observations and interpretations are too rational, but that is hard for me to process as it calls for something I don't even know how to process mentally or do. My biggest ordeal in mental health was addiction - mostly alcohol but I have been in solid sobriety/recovery for more than 2 years now. At this point of my life, I am reasonably happy and balanced in terms of addictive and obsessive tendencies. Anxiety is something I've accepted to deal with life-long.

My biggest challenge still is fluctuating motivation - pretty much in my whole life - like a Bipolar II pattern, which a psychiatrist also diagnosed me with and I also identify with it. It can be very annoying as I am otherwise a very ambitious person and I know what I like and want in general. Very self-driven in general. I don't even have substantial issues with relationships, I have had some very meaningful relationships and can maintain them, e.g I'm in a happy romantic one currently and have the couple close friends I know I need. But this motivational ups and downs have been devastating to both my career and personal life. I tried therapy for it, to no avail. Have not tried medications yet but open to it at this point. Mental health problems, especially anxiety and depression, run in my family. I also tend to be drawn to other people with similar bipolar patterns. My life/career has been marked with these ups and downs, some of them were years in patterns and others just months or even weeks. It can get quite self-destructive in both cycles. Funny that I post this at all as I seem to know so well what my issue is (bipolar)! I just still refuse to seek proper treatment for it.

Any suggestion?

I know the pain of motivation problems and how distressing it can be.

I think it can be related to your reward sysyem, dopamine regulation, which ties to alcoholism/brains with addictive tendencies. ADD drugs, I think, work best for this if you are interested in medication. Also Wellbutrin could be worth a try. I think it coincides with addiction brain, but also trauma, dysthymia or ADD.

Are you motivated when it comes to exciting things. including new information discovered or solving problems?

This is one thing behavioral therapy concepts can help. I think you can train your mind to 'do' instead of think about it. Take the action then let the motivation follow rather than wait for the motivation to come. Go away from the anxiety and renumeration and not towards it.

Psychodynamic exploration can help if you can get to deep work if there are things behind this such as fear of success, self sabatoge....etc.

Another possibility is not being present, living in the future and past only. Mindfulness is one remedy. I recently discovered this issue mostly comes from dissociation brain in my case so am starting to make progress. It's also common that people who intellectualize a lot have chronic depersonalization, which is very difficult to address.

At any rate, I don't normally support the bipolar 2 diagnosis, which serves as a catch all. What was your onset like or when did it start? Identifying the etiology may help craft the right solution. It's been suggested I have bipolar as well but I too am reluctant to try those medications. (maybe i should reconsider, hmm.)

This is something I'm working on now and have struggled with for years. I've made some progress with the above in mind, but it is tough. I think some if my issues are related to burn out from chronic stress, too. as I have list my concentration abilities over the past few years (which has had a terrible impact on my career).

Just spilling out a bunch of ideas. Hope something I said sparks some thoughts.

I consciously noticed it in my mid-20's, but looking back, it was there trough my teens as well. Very clear in school perfomance. In some years I was on the top of the class and even year in the whole school (also won those kinds of awards) - then more mediocre relatively and just blended in mostly.

The fear of success concept is something I have been trying to explore for a while. I experienced a version of it in early recovery from alcoholism as well. Like every 2nd or 3rd day sober, when I experienced myself sober, and what capabilities that states opened up, I would dump or clog it again with alcohol. Chronic relapser. Many years of this in spite of the crystal clear awareness, during my 30's. It led to a still pretty successful career, but what could it have been without the addiction? If the awareness got too strong and in the way of my momentary desire for oblivion, I would drink or otherwise escape. I still do many things, including posting on this forum, to escape. Why this most stupid, self-destructive, and also other-destructive (I did not work, did not even get out out of bed often, ignored my many responsibilities) act? What am I escaping from, really? These were some questions I wanted to address in therapy. I don't don't think I was open enough for it though and I don't think I choose the right Ts to lead me to it.

You'll have to excuse me because I am highly annoyed with psychiatric thinking... I know you are well read but my thoughts kind of just flow out when i come here...but interesting discussion to me since I have issues in this area too.

If it comes more from long ingrained traits, I strongly feel that psychoanalytic therapy is good for that. Your first therapist, if I recall correctly, wasn't that skilled in managing his transferences and worked in a way that resulted in therapy becoming about the relationship with that T. Too bad you ran into him.

Although outdated and oversimplified, I found the concept of id, ego, and superego to be one of the most helpful things in understanding how my brain works. Psychoanalytic therapy, although it takes years to realize impact, eventually retrains your ego to regulate id and superego due to the emphasis on defense work. That's one reason I support that therapy-it's one of the few things that leads to permanent change, although it's risky to do that therapy. Despite having a severe trauma history and attachment problems, it's not all about the relationship imo.

I have self destructive behavior too but think mine is more related to trauma and introjection. Was that after you had issues with bullying? You might have some introjection too, where the trauma sort of melts/binds with your internal processes and sense of self.

The behavioral part, I think, can have an impact as not waiting for motivation to do things can ingrain a new habit over time. It is easier said than done I know. Self sabotage can be so many things.. Have you ever considered Intensive short-term dynamic psychotherapy (ISTDP)?

Afterthought-it might be worth a try to seek an analyst 70+ who does both analytic therapy and psychiatry.

Yes I agree it is too bad I "ran into" that psychoanalyst (my first T) that was not appropriate for me. But I did not just run into a single bad T in an environment that provided little. I chose him in an environment (where I live) that, if any, probably has the larger selection and most diverse set of therapists on Earth currently. I mean, someone like me, with all the analytical capabilities and interests, getting turned off by a single experience? We can of course also ask why I kept seeing him for almost a year, and even went back? I wasn't all that healthy and self-sufficient during that period at all.

All the self-destructive behavior was after the bullying, the bullying took place before age 10 and everything else after. Definitely my eating disorder followed right after that and I only had 2-3 years seemingly without self-destruction and addiction in my 20's (maybe not even that, I had sex and relationships then) before alcoholism followed. So we can confidently say I never had any life without addiction and self-destruction, before this current bout in my 40's. But how long is this going to last (and is this really free of excess, I don't think so)? Also, my quitting wasn't a linear process, to say the least. What turns me off therapy mostly is that it's been exactly this last ~4 years (during which I also tried therapy) that I've been away from the real bad addictive issues. Including stopping an obsession with therapy as well, very much on my own. Well, with the help of this forum.

That first guy was 70+, with many years of experience as a T. I agree that a doctor who's trained in both psychiatry and psychotherapy might be best for me. I actually know quite a few via my work. Yes I have considered intensive short-term dynamic psychotherapy, but so far only in thought. Someone should really convince me now. I really think that I have biological predispositions (both lineages of my family are packed with mental illness) and I might benefit from some sort of medication or combination of meds. It is the most stupid thing that someone like me, working for one of the best Psychiatry departments in the country (okay, now enough of self-disclosure ) refrains from meds so much. Or even therapy, at this point. With all this seeming openness. It does not make any sense, and I know these things usually don't follow rationality. Why these rock-hard defenses then against getting closer to my goals?! Not even the why... I guess I might keep the defenses even if it was 100% clear. But how to overcome it? See, this is why I think medication.... But maybe a really good T could help, someone that would snap me out of this. I knew someone like that when I was freshly sober in 2015-16. He was also a recovered addict. Unfortunately he got ill and died quite quickly after a short battle with cancer, just a few months apart from my beloved father. Sometimes I seem to have perceptions that some Ts could help me in similar ways, but it is very rare. It is also true that I don't search, even though I still live in that environment with the highest selection and variety of therapists ever, and I could even afford it!

Therapy is very poor, in my opinion and experience, at addressing or even understanding, difficulties, with or damages to, the sense of self.

It's my bias to see that kind of thing, because I believe that's what therapy didn't do anything to help me with, and may have hurt me more. But the bipolar and a lack of central, continuing motivation that you mentioned in your OP brought that thought to my mind before I read the quote above.

So, for what it's worth, my insight for me, this morning, has been that "I", my psychological and emotional system, replaced the joy of (and the search toward) being somebody for the joy of being alive.

They can both be sources of joy, but the quality is somewhat different.

Do you meditate? That's not "the solution" but it's something that's been around for awhile and has helped me with a sense of grounding and just being in the moment. That's before I had "today's insight" this morning.

Seems to me like a coherent self, and/or sense of self, would inherently provide motivation, consistent with the person and the environment at the moment. But, as I said, it's my bias to see that kind of thing. So, just my 2 cents, take it for what it is worth (maybe nothing).

Thanks so much, here today! You know that I've felt a similarity with you in many ways probably since I started reading your posts... so it means a lot to see you respond to this. The feature that I don't usually identify with (and I've tried to look at it and feel it as much as I could) is that lack or deficient sense of self. What is that really and how do you know that you don't have a good sense of self? I have always felt that I have strong interests (most often self-driven, related to me at least some) and I know what I like, what I don't like, what I want with my life, have strong opinions etc. But octoberful's post about a gap between Id and Superego also made me think... that's where the Ego is supposed to be, I guess, coordinate and experience most adult life experiences? If I have such a strong instinctual, often self-destructive and even other-destructive force in me, while at the same time also an equally strong motivation for quality, responsibility, and drive for implementing my standards - maybe it is exactly that more realistic and relaxed self that is lacking or too often not "in charge"? While I usually pride myself of being realistic. LOL

I often also think that I am just somehow dopamine-deficient by default (by birth, maybe). The motivation issue... and I have always struggled with experiencing joy in response to normal, natural rewards. All the academic achievements, business achievements, relationships, inner explorations, spirituality, even often physical pleasure... I see other people in much less favorable positions compared to me exploding with joy and happiness, or at least content, in response to these normal life experiences. I have rarely felt such joy but have often pretended. I usually have very strong interests and motives before I invest energy, time, money, emotional and spiritual effort, whatever... a very brief "oh, okay, it is done" and then not much else. I was going to write "oh, okay, it is done" and then emptiness, but that is not true at this point of my life, I rarely (almost never) feel emptiness or lack of anything, except this... motivation. But I've also read that a main feature of people with my personality type is avoiding emptiness, always looking for stimulation, creating a rich and complex inner world that is never boring... so perhaps I've just achieved my goal?

I also often think that some of us may just expect too much of life and perhaps most, or even all, of our problems stem from those high expectations. Because we have all these intellectual and emotional capabilities, all the fantasizing about possibilities, dreaming about what could be... I am not sure but would be interested if anyone had feedback.

I am not easy to motivate externally. I don't usually don't respond to awards, gold stars (drove my mother nuts as a child because her attempts at motivating me usually caused me to just quit), more money, etc. If I am interested in something or an aspect of it, I am motivated. If it doesn't interest me but has to be done then I do it but no more than the bare minimum. The second woman stated a few times that "[stopdog], pushing you doesn't work. You don't respond to being pushed" - like she was surprised every time. But at least she recognized it. The first one would push and be rejected every time.
It doesn't really bother me. I am interested in how external things motivate others. My sibling would just about kill himself to get the highest score on a test, collect a medal, etc. My person often opined how external kudos made her work harder - they shut me down.
In therapy I was motivated to try and find out how it was supposed to work (read books, took classes, interviewed a lot of therapists, etc) but not motivated at all to let a therapist overtake me.

I'd be curious about what the lack of motivation looks like. In my experience, there are different categories of lack of motivation - true apathy (where I just can't bring myself to care); perfectionist-procrastination (where I care very much but somehow can't bring myself to start) and so forth. I've found the solution differs depending on the reason for the lack of motivation.

I've talked with loads of people about this before, including my T. It comes up in my personal and my professional life (I'm a teacher, and parents reach out about this A LOT. I don't think motivation comes easily to anyone, honestly, and I don't think there's really a magic bullet. It seems like some version of "Just do it anyway" is the main answer.

Good luck with everything.

I am actually a bit motivated by seeing some of my favorite people on PC responding

My father said that a few times. Most of my bosses (when I actually had bosses) never even tried. I guess they figured what's best for everyone's interest without investing futile efforts.

Exactly! I most often find that motivation comes on the go and it is the worst idea to wait for it to arrive a priori. That's the definition of reinforcement, wherever it come from. My problem is that sometimes never comes and I just dump projects. Not much anymore but sometime it is an enormous amount of energy to get some things done.

Including posting about myself on PC and then following up on the responses (which I wanted in the first place).

Usually not true apathy, I am rarely apathetic. More "perfectionist-procrastination".

I have a feeling (but not the motivation to verify!) that there's an awful lot of literature out there on this phenomena - and a lot of clinical interventions. I have no idea if any of them would be helpful.

Here's an article which I didn't read:

Perfectly Wrong: Why Perfection Can Destroy Your Motivation | Psychology Today

OP - do you want to be more motivated for some reason? What would it get you?
I find motivation fascinating in that I don't understand how most things are found to be motivating. But I actually don't really want more motivation for myself.

Yes, there is an awful lot of knowledge and literature on all this, from many different perspectives, including how motivation works in the brain (I do research myself that is related) and practical methods to deal with lows and overcome procrastination. That article is interesting, too. I know this is one of the most common issues people have, and people of the high-achiever variety often struggle with it. I chose my second therapist in part because he advertised himself as a T working with this high achiever mentality and associated issues. We had countless really good and insightful discussions on it and it did help some in the moment, but did not resolve my pattern at all. Including that it is hard to give up or lower the quality standards if one is almost always rewarded for achieving them, when a certain level of it happens. Not just externally (wish I were that externally motivated) but inside.

Stopdog - I do want to be more consistently motivated because it would make it easier to get things done and to be aligned with my own standards and self-expectations. Instead of so often working in the neurotic ways I do and causing insane amounts of stress to myself. So I guess that's a form of motivation by itself. It is not mysterious at all how it works in the brain via reward (it does not really matter if external or just self-perceived) and reinforcement. This is where, I often think, my brain is somewhat deficient, somewhere in the biochemical processes that generate self-perceived success and resulting reinforcement cycles. It gets off-balance very easily. What is hard for me to understand why I still have the feeling of wanting but then not doing, and so intensely that I tend to torture myself with it like this. I know there are many logical gaps and contradictions in all this and in what I am saying here. I feel this way often and usually keep it to myself at this point because it seems like and endless pattern and may be best to let go of it rather than obsessing. But still get hooked on it like today and I never spoke about it this directly here, so...

I know it is a stupid first world problem and if I looked at my life in the objective way I tend to claim I do, there is no problem really. Especially now that I am not self-destructing via abusing my own body in various ways. More just this silly internal torture about it, about never enough I guess. For those that like Schema concepts and therapy, I think my issues is a perfect example of the Impaired Limits domain. I believe it is not what many people seek that sort of therapy for as, on the surface, it may not seem like much of a problem... but, I think, many people with it end up in my kind of obsessive and addictive patterns and self-destruction.

Speaking from the bipolar end of things, your antsy-ness to “do” is I think fairly common. It’s a common thread for bipolar folk to miss their hypomania — that energy and action — when they are not hypomanic. They kind of miss that “high.” What would happen if thought of these times as probably more balanced or stable than those times when you feel more actively “do-ing”?

One thing I’ve come to realize is I am much more stable actually when I am a bit less motivated: I’m calmer; I take the time to nurture rather than accomplish; I’m more emotionally introspective without being full-on depressed on one end or grandiose on the other end. True, stability can be boring and can even feel nonproductive, but a bit of boredom, stability, and time to just “be” isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Perhaps what you may need to consider is the need to accept these times as okay, not pathological at all, just mellower.

Yes, trying to accept it... it is hard.

Speaking of bipolar - I have experienced many of what they call Mixed States. So many, I wonder if these are actual episodes, for me at least. Often it feels like my default way of living. I don't want to post details as I don't want to put trigger warnings on my expressions, let me just say that suicidal ideation can be my default daily being. I don't even perceive it as a symptom of depression anymore because it's become so much of who I am and what interests me. Also, I try not to pathologize myself, as some suggested. But it (the thoughts about death, and general intense ambivalence) are in my mind more often than not. I am very used to it and tend to be very unfazed by these thoughts and impulses because have had them forever and have tried, in a million ways, to understand them. In my late teens and early 20's, I turned to Existential Philosophy driven by it. In my 30s, more into a quest to find explanations and (maybe) solutions from a biological/psychiatric point of view. In my 40s now... I don't really know. I guess maybe acceptance is key now, as some of you have suggested. I guess maybe it is not a "Mixed State" but general life itself, especially for an introspective, introverted person?

Thanks so much for the feedback, BTW, I really appreciate it!

Yes, maybe -- a shift from hyper-focus on doing to more acceptance of just being, what ever that may be. Except that if your default daily being can be suicidal ideation, I can understand why you might not want to do that. Why that might not necessarily be a workable, functional shift for you.

Ordinarily, in years long past, I would have thought that "therapy" could help someone with that kind of situation. Except that I know now that's not always the case and you know from your experience, too. But, to put it in the old way of talking about things that octoberful mentioned, if there's stuff down there in the Id that the Ego doesn't want or can't deal with, there's probably a reason for that. So it certainly sucks that, despite the theory which may point to something valid, lots of time therapists can't help.

Which I know isn't something you would like to hear and of course it's just my opinion. But it does sound like you have a bit of a dilemma, so that's my 2 cents again about it.

Have you tried any of the alternatives to therapy? Meditation or something like that? Training your mind to focus on the breath or the moment. Perhaps that could help shift the current "default".

Just a quick follow-up on this. Thanks again, HT - it's not a problem if you express any opinion, I am very much interested in any sort of feedback. Yes, I have experimented with many of those "alternatives" - meditation was a major interest for about 10 years (I tried different forms, attended retreats and just kinda figured out my own ways). I still practice although not regularly enough. I also tried different forms of physical exercises with strong mental elements and focus such as yoga, tai chi, pilates, trance dancing and I go to spas at least once a month for physical relaxation and treatments - these things that have physical elements tend to be by far the most helpful for me. Part of the reason also why I think that my motivational issues and occasional dark moods are not much more than physiological fluctuations. They come and go without any apparent emotional trigger most of the time; if there are triggers, they tend to be stress, hormones, bad lifestyle choices. I have also always been very environmentally sensitive - to both excessive sounds, lights, crowds and also the lack of stimuli - this is where a balanced lifestyle is important.

Anyhow, I re-read this thread just now and feel quite astonished (once again) at the contrast between my mood and thinking two days ago and now. This is what I alluded to but, I believe, did not explain well and completely. It is actually not even true that I am in those dark moods daily or even too frequently (especially now that I have been sober for a while) - it made me cringe inside to read that I said that, huge exaggeration. I think I more just have days like that and sometimes my thinking can get quite delusional while in it, even distorted perceptions that it's always the case or often. I've confused people with these occasional distortions and dark moods many times throughout my life, it still happens, and I don't always recognize clearly when I am in it. I think it may be related to my biological heritage - most of the mental illnesses that run in my family are of the psychotic type and I am definitely lucky because I never developed a serious, really disruptive form of it like many of my relatives (especially females). I did consider trying medications, the kind of combos they prescribe for bipolar, to see if it would even my mental states out, but the truth is that part of me actually enjoys the weird moods and thought processes. I really don't think that any amount of therapy would make much of a difference in these trends and I think I've pretty much reached a level of awareness about how my mind operates that is useful - doing more introspection can be directly harmful, I know from experience - it can be yet another a form of voluntary escape for me. I talk with friends about my mental life very often and it's much more useful than therapy for me. I do sometimes feel weird and even ashamed talking too much about these things with other people and I felt that way also yesterday about this thread, especially because I don't often do it here on this forum. But I guess that's what PC is for. That sort of shame is actually definitely something coming from my childhood when I was ~constantly encouraged to have my *** together and just work things out. I make better choices now about people that won't tell me to suppress elements of myself but I will just never be the kind of person who gets very emotional frequently and complains about things. Part of the reason why therapy was not very helpful for me, I think. I would mostly just go to my sessions and have civil conversations about many different topics, most often quite deep conversations but not very emotional. And between sessions, I would sometimes email my Ts similar stuff to what I said on this thread earlier. Then go to next session and analyze it the way I do here today.

The motivation issue - I really think the best remedy is what was mentioned earlier - just do what I think needs to be done anyway. If I start dissecting too deeply and extensively why I am not motivated, it mostly leads to getting stuck in my mind and laziness, like two days ago when I posted this thread and then did nothing else all day except reading and writing about stuff I already know very well. The other strategy that helps, which was also mentioned above, is just accepting these fluctuations as part of my nature. If I don't want to take meds or engage in other forms of treatment, then it does not even make any sense to still torture myself all the time with being dissatisfied. I know many here might say that it is not such a rational process, but I do find that the types of cognitive exercises to consciously regulate my inner chatter and how I react to it behaviorally is most helpful for me. Probably also because it's my strength. I think the physical exercises are also helpful because they do regulate my mental states by means of changing body chemistry.

As a rather superficial but perhaps interesting update, based on other recent posts on the forum. Maybe one of my main issues is what they describe as "schiziod personality". It is not for the fist time I am considering it but definitely a reminder. I have been reading up on schizoid again and, 100% honestly, there is very little little to none that I don't identify. That schizoid baseline pattern, streaked with occasional mood episodes of mania maybe.

For those interested in music and art:


And probably know Metallica's older Unforgiven series:

For those interested in music and art:


And probably know Metallica's older Unforgiven series:

"It is not mysterious at all how it works in the brain via reward (it does not really matter if external or just self-perceived) and reinforcement. "

This is not what I was talking about. But I am not certain how to explain what I meant. I am hard to motivate, particularly externally.
There is a large part of perfectionist/procrastinator in me.
After looking at what schizoid personality was - I am probably on the scale, but the traits that are identified as such are not traits about myself that bother me.

I more wish I understood why things like grades motivate people - not in the way you described above but more how it feels to be motivated by such a thing. I don't particularly want to be motivated by such, I just want to understand what it would be like and reject it. I wish I understood how it is that people are reassured or motivated when the therapist says trite and obvious platitudes, but according to other threads, some people are greatly moved by such. As an experiment (that failed because I was trying to prove that no one would react well to having such idiotic phrases murmured at them) I have tried phrases on students that the woman tried on me. I found them infuriating, but strangely enough - I find my students usually react in a completely different way and leave my office thanking me. While I am happy to have students stop crying and leave calmer, it also causes me to despair over the state of humanity that such tripe is comforting (this may not be the right word). Seriously -it causes me internal strife. I want to grab them and shout "Stop. I am just making this crap up. Don't be reassured by it. It is total ********. I don't mean it for god's sake. It doesn't mean anything." But I don't. Both because I am relieved they are leaving happier than when they came in and because I suppose I don't want to take away that tiny bit of reassurance or whatever that they got that seemed to give them some relief.
I sometimes feel like there is some internal part that many others have that I just don't.

I have thought for years that my late husband was probably schizoid. He was also wonderful.

He was very internally motivated, by interests and hobbies, mostly. Sometimes had problems being motivated to do things at work that didn't interest him or that he thought were stupid. He was generally well-liked and respected at work, especially by subordinates. Had problems with higher management sometimes and overused alcohol at one point, too, but overcame that also.

From what I understand, it is part of that schizoid spectrum that people don't think it is a problem.

I was also not motivated by grades when I was a student. I often had the top grades without much effort, and sometimes also poorer ones or fails due to total lack of effort. I figured it was way too easy to get good grades for me, or at least pass, when I wanted, and learned to manipulate that system very easily. So that I could study and do things in my own ways whenever. I had some quite hard times in the beginning of grad school (I was in a very thorough and competitive PhD program) to realize that my manipulations and superficial learning methods would not work anymore. Then I learned to appreciate the academic evaluation system... some. Still, my PhD (in a very competitive program in Switzerland) was a breeze for me and all of my papers from that era were accepted as they were submitted mostly. All that early academic success (up to grad school) definitely made me quite elitist and arrogant.

When I truly learned to appreciate and actually started to feel it intensely was becoming an independent investigator, having to get my own grants, responsible for a large team. It is a very flawed system like therapy, but I do tend to feel devastated when I get poor scores on my grants especially (and also, to some extent, on my papers). In part, because I know I am creative, analytical and a good writer. Why do those people give me such *** evaluations/feedback sometimes? I usually rage internally or with a friend/colleague for a day and that's it, then I get to work and try to resolve it. I tend to be very good at handling rebuttals and resubmissions, if I have the motivation to deal with them.

As to motivating students, I have had some similar experiences, stopdog. I just use methods I've learned in management classes, therapy, or from my own observations in life, and they work. Many of those methods would never work on me, so I do mostly apply them as some kind of robot or AI system.

What you have described here about your late husband feels very familiar to me, but I guess you know that and why you posted it So if I am schizoid, do I want to be "cured"? No. It's actually a fairly easy life as long as I do not abuse substances and/or get heavily involved with people who have more complex emotional needs and especially demands. As for the upper hierarchy at work, I struggle with that as well.