all I want is to be in love again

Let us know what the doctor said -okay fool007?? I wanted to reflect for a moment on your title 'all I want is to be in love again'. You won't be able to find love or have a successful relationship, until you get yourself healthy. Only then will you be receptive to having a nurturing fulfilling relationship. You can't expect a plant to grow in desolate soil - right? The problem is, you're in mental pain and you want instant gratification/ a solution but there isn't one at this moment....this causes you stress. I'm happy you realize, that you have the choice to postpone finding solutions for your relationships ATM. Put those problems in a locked box for now because you aren't in a position to participate in a relationship.

Tell the lady you're living with, that you're sick just like a person who has diabetes is sick and that you need her to give you a break and be compassionate...while you get better. The priority now is to get stronger mentally and physically.

It is good to hear you will be seeing your doctor today. Good on you for reaching out for help. That's a big step forward to taking care of yourself. Wishing you well.

I want to the doctor today.....he gave me Wellbutrin sr..200mg.....to take every morning....I do not know what this is...Is this okay to take?.....we spoke and he say that I should work on getting out of the place I live...and get on my own.....He also say to forget the Girl in germany and sever all ties with her...it said this is not healthy for me to be in either situation with these woman....start taking the med..and I see him in 1 month...Does all this sound okay to you....because in my opinion, i am at a very weakened state right now...and all you guys, have made me feel a bit better about myself....so again I ask your advice, because it seems to me that you guys care ...and I have faith in what you say....thank you for that.....because I have know one else to talk too.....

Good for you for going to the doctor. Yes I think you should start taking this medication and read the pamphlet they give you, that lists the side affects. Just remember they list all possible side affects known to man (lol) and you may not have many. Take it regularly and you won't notice a big difference at first.

Can you afford to live on your own? If you can, then yes you should move out. I agree you should forget about the woman in Germany - it's basically the same situation you were in with your current partner, years ago - plus geographically it's way too complicated.

You need to focus on getting well and living on your own. When you're feeling better and ready for a relationship - it's better to look for a woman who's completely unattached(not separated) and someone who's independent. It will probably be tough at first because even when we're in a bad relationship, we still can miss what ever company that person provided. You never know it might be a relief lol. Do you have any siblings or family?

everyone is gone , except 2 brothers in florida, who i jst speak to on the phone , once and awhile...felling real down again..and I see no light right now...but hopefully the medication will help and i am just trying to keep my chin above water right now...all my so-called friends at work, went behind my back, and told ever=one at work about my trip to germany...now ever one is coming up to me out of the blue, Hows GErmany ?....I had enough of this...and i am trying to avoid conversations with everyone, but i feel this puts me back in the shell...i wish i just had 1 good friend who i can relate to...and maybe hang out with, to take my mind of things...but alas like the story of my life..it goes and goes...and i am still on my couch wallowing in self=pity..i am a real mess....

it hasnt been long for the meds to start kicking in i hope they start soon and help pick you up a little. are their support groups you could go to. group therapy sessions or anything like that. this would help get you out and to a supportive group of people if only for a short while each day/week. ii hope things start to feel better for you. sending warm fuzzies

Do you have any hobbies or belong to a gym. Go out for a nice walk. I agree it's best not to discuss your trip or problems in your love life. Did you discuss the sexual problem with your doctor?? Men over 50 should be having a prostate exam and blood test also. Prostate problems can cause sexual dysfunction. At least you can talk things out here and not feel embarrassed. What do you like to do when you're not working?

Fool007,
I may be wrong here, but all the time you are wasting by whining about your problems is not getting you anywhere. Have you ever heard of the term "Sh..t or get off the pot"? Stop whining and bellyaching about your situation and do something about it. No one, I repeat no one can do anything for you. You have to do it yourself. Stop worrying about that woman and start worrying about yourself. I was in the same sort of situation as you...he nor I were married to other people but I felt sorry for him and was afraid to leave but I knew that if I didn't leave I would have self-destructed. You are not too old...my doctor just got married for the first time and she is in her late 50's. Some people don't find love until they are much older. Don't give up...there is someone out there for you but you have to move on and start taking care of YOURSELF!!! So get moving...You can do it. Good Luck!!!
Nancy

you know i do go and do things..i walk alot...but you know nobody looks at me twice, and walking for hours on end..is a very lonly road...then by doing this i feel more alone . So what is the point...I am tryin to find groups...just people i could talk to....but in reality this can go on for years....and i know i will never meet the " right " one, because i have been down that road to many times, and the baggage i have collected in these relatenships....i fear as finally taken it's toll on me......what is the point...i know i maybe have a few good years left....but age is showing no kindness to me....why take viagra or any of those other things...i am with no one in this point of my life there are no inimate relations for 5 years now..what is the use...why bother to live such a lonly existance..you know i work in a place where i have such a social intervention....yet nothing...i feel horrid by the second...i worked on something 6 months recently it was long distance, but it was nice to hear a kind word and i actuallly felt wanted....but here we go again..i open the door...and what happens it closes in my face....this go's on and on.....well i have no energy left and my desire is going right back in its shell...ansd i do not want pity, because i think that i probaly have only myself to blame.....it's over....there is no hope for me.....it is like a bad dream, but the problem is i cannot wake up.....

my suggestion is if you feel that n your heart its not working hten let it go...

barely goelevatedt though the day, felt tired and sad most of the day,.....i feel this medication justs makes me listless and gives me a sense of doom approaching, i don't kknow if it is making me better or worse.......germany sent me a message.....i have taken to not answer back...i just don't know.....back to square 1...getting into more of a depression....only this time it is more elevated....more useless feelings...more of wanting and needing...more of being a fool all these years...i'm a waste..i truly am..

You are not a waste. You are stronger than you realize. You post on here to let out emotions. This is actuall a good sign. Shows you do want to get through this. Reach out here as long as you need to. And when you get up enough motivation to take the other steps you will be more prepared. Keep telling youself things will get better and have already started since you have taken those first steps. We are proud of you. We will always listen and offer support. Keep us posted.

Thank you......Today i found it very hard not to think about " Germany "...why is this on my mind, how can i miss someone who I feel dosn't care that much about me. I guess i am still alive,......but it makes me wonder why i return to this behavior, when i am trying to get rid of it...i really wish i had someone i could talk to, relate to..this depresses me even more...and now i feel like a tired ,useless old man, who nobody wants.....or cares about...is crying good...because i sure as hell am doing alot of it...god i've got to kleep it together, my sorrows are starting to show , other people see me as misirable..i see my self as a waste...and to think that in my heart i still see a glimmer of hope...but hell who i'm i trying to kid, its just a false sense of security.....i'm useless and miniscule

I have cried rivers. Many many rivers. Tears cleanse the soul they release pain hurt anquish anger cry your heart out. I put a towel on my pillow and let go. Towel gets all gross but eventually the tears subside for a moment. If the welbutrin(that's what you are on right?) isn't working for you there are many other choices. Feeling like a drone isn't what you want either. It will be baby steps. And one step forward two step back feeling too. Keep posting to let things out. Sometimes that is great therapy.

You are moving forward even if it doesn't feel like it is right now. It took a while to get this down in the pit so its going to take some time to get back out. Meanwhile I find it best to avoid the negative thinking that is pulling you down. You won't be able to make sense of much. Your brain is playing tricks on you. That is a symptom of the condition. I find some comfort in that in the sense that it helps me to shut off the dialogue. Even if I don't feel it and even when it sounds like bunk I affirm my self worth. If beating myself makes me feel worse then I figure building myself up can only make me feel better. At least it doesn't make it worse. Unless of course I argue with my affirmations. Been there, done that. Useless waste of time.

You have to be your own best friend. You have to do whatever you have the energy and will to take care of yourself. Make healthy choices dispite your urges to do the opposite. Take that walk even if all you can manage is short walk around the block. Observe things outside of yourself. Deny yourself for one minute, then two, then three and so on permission to complain and see only defeat.

Its all about you right now. About you finding your way out of the depression.

I was rescued by my local mental health centre. I had been isolated in my own dispair for months and months when I found myself there looking for help. I met with a counsellor and given my state he wanted to hospitalize me. Because I am a single mom and had no one to care for my son we agreed instead that i would come everyday to talk with him. A few days later I was well enough to reduce that to once a week until he hooked me up with a pdoc.

You will get better. It won't always be this bad. You are very brave. The first step is the hardest and you have already done that. Keep the faith.

Fool - you mentioned you have so much to give to someone - which to me sounds to be true - you are a good provider, want to be passionately involved with someone, want to have a connection that is not just about the physical side of things - so I don't understand why it seems you have given up so easily or why you are settling for a life where you feel nothingness or a life where all your feel is panic and desperation. Can you step back - seperate from both of those situations - and yes that means that the woman you have supported will have to go on to support herself - but it is probably time. And give yourself time to breathe. think about what you really want - and don't settle for less because you do still have time - age is just a number - you could still have 30 years to live and love someone - don't you want that someone to be the "love of your life." You can't do that if you don't know what you want in the first place. Is honesty important to you? What about financial stability? A Sense of Humor? Fidelity? Are there any thing that are deal breakers? Right now it seems you are willing to accept any behavior just so you don't have to be alone. You have to be comfortable alone with yourself in order to be comfortable with another. I have the greatest hope you will find someone to love!

today was a very hard day to get though...i am so depressed, i hadly got though work..i can't go on another day feeling like this...and the worse part of it all...it's like my whole life is flashing in my mind, and i see that i was always a failure at love...god in 55 years i have accoplised nothing and no=one...why can't i just turn a cornor, and everything i wished for would be there...i am totaly out of my mind right now...this is really making me feel so sick inside, that i cannoy function properly...i don't even feel the meds..what am i supposed to feel anyway ?...look guys i really am losing it and falling deeper into darkness ...i really do not want to continue living like this...i'm just so down...a real idiot i am....the fool is a perfect name for me because i am one....

You haven't been on the meds long enough to determine if there going to help you - sometimes they don't help and sometimes the person is feeling so low, they don't help much. Can you for now, stop thinking about your past and judging your life and relationships. You can change the past and now's not the time to think of all your regrets.

At this time, all you should be thinking about in getting through each day and surviving...taking care of yourself. Every time a negative thought comes in, put it on a shelf - don't deal with it. All you have is right now..this moment. If you feel worse than before the meds, maybe you should call your doc.

I think you should stop calling yourself names - that won't help you. Make a list of things you have to do tomorrow and they can be simple tasks, even taking out the garbage lol. One of the things on your list is 1.stop being your worst enemy. You wouldn't treat a friend like you treat yourself - right? So you deserve to treat yourself better, talk to yourself better. This is your task for tonight and tomorrow.

You are not a fool. You are sick. It will take time and focused care to get better. It won't happen over night. You didn't get sick over night. Can you take a sick leave from work for a while and consider checking into a hospital. I know that sounds pretty radical but if you had a broken leg would you sit home with pain killers and hope it will fix itself?

It might be worth at least calling your doctor to let him know the meds don't seem to be helping and you are feeling worse not better. It may be too soon for the meds to take effect but if it is getting harder to cope then your doctor needs to know.

I am so sorry this torment continues. I hope you can get more focused care. You need help to deal with the depressive thinking that is dominating your perspective on everything right now. The hospital may be the only place you can go to get the care sooner rather than later. Be honest your doctor. He needs to know.

Hang in there. It will get better. It doesn't feel that way now but it will get better.

Hi (not a) fool... how are you doing today?

I read this today and it made me think of you and your current situation....

You are the only one who has the power to effect change

"The world presents a mirror to you of how you feel about yourself. If you’re experiencing negativity and the broken record keeps playing bringing you the same people who treat you poorly, it is time to embrace yourself in a new way.

Learn to love yourself enough so that when someone enters your life that treats you negatively, you can stand up for yourself and have the strength to let them go. You can learn that it is okay to say no to anyone who is not willing to treat you with the love and respect you not only want, but also deserve. Have the courage to walk away from anything that does not serve you well. Search for your highest good.Y

You may be thinking right now, how do I go about this when I do not have the things that would make me content? What is in your world externally is nothing more than a mirror of what is going on internally. So to change the external vision of what your world appears to be, go within and change it there, then the outward vision will change to mirror the inward feelings.

Understand that every new path has a beginning and a first step. To pursue anything new, all you have to do is to take one-step at a time. And that is the step before you. If we learn to feel and believe that we have all that we desire and want in life and accept what has been granted to us, more will come.

It is all about appreciation and gratitude. If you could learn to appreciate and have gratitude by focusing on what is good in your life, more goodness will flow to you. If we complain that we do not have those things, then that is where our focus is and that is what we will continue to attract to us. If we think and imagine having the life we desire, and act and feel as we have it within, it is sure to appear before us.

When negative events occur in your life, if you look for the silver lining in the dark rain cloud, you will learn that good is always flowing toward you, if you have but the eyes to see it. And when you embrace the good that comes from that stormy rain cloud, you are transforming the energy of what you previously deemed as something negative into some positive. When you sing this new song, more “good” things can flow to you.

You are the only one who has the power to effect change in your life.

You Learn
You learn that talk doesn't change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve, and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees, because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time - FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears, because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom."

By Sonny Carroll.

Source....

Positive Thoughts @ http://positive-thoughts.typepad.com/

that is so lovely...thank you so much..it is something that i will rad over and over again...it is inspiring.....I feel lost some days...really can't keep my mind on things...i feel their is a dark cloud hanging over me.....it is all to match...now germany, is causing me to become sicker, with this incredible nonsence..that really makes no sense to me at all...i really don't need all this...too much negative...no positive...i must trudge on dear friends...but it is so hard to focus on things i cannot see or imagine.....thank you again so much for those words.....

i think about it over and over, and the more i see no answer, there is a change in me, but its not good, i still feel there is no solution to the problem, and i feel myself growing futher about from people...i want to alienate myself, from everything and everybody, i see no happiness for me, the people around me, don't offer me anything, but they are all wrapped up in my life...how in the hell, do people do this, they need to let me alone to live my life, which to say is crap anyway, you know all this time is gone, i really don't see reasons for carrying on for what, it is a horrible feeling to keep wanting and needing, but in reality for me it will never happen...i really am stupid and simple...this is never going to happen for me, why bother any more...i am the fool and shall always be this fool...you know i really don't want to go on...too old ..too tired...nobody really will come into my life...this is not going to happen as much as i do this or join this...i've been down this road for so long now, that this path is only going to end in more fustration and lonliness...here i go another day putting on a happy face, when inside my whole live is crumbling...i really don't care what happens any more, i have no nerves left...just an empty shell, is a shame really, because i do know that i have a big heart to give someone, if they would just look inside...but i really won't find anyone like me..who am i kidding with all thi hoping and wishing for something to happen, it won't...

Fool oo7. Im here to listen and think you have a very big heart, Dont give up!! Everyone on here really cares, giving you a big big hug!

i can't think right anymore..i've had it with people every one is so full of ****...they play games with youy, they don't care about you..unless they want something, hey then they love you...it is so fustrating for me to live like this..i trust no one anymore..the more they want ...they devour you with lies..wwhat did i do to deserve this from them...i am angry at them and at me...i tried ..i really did but they keep sticking the knive in your back while they smile at you...i lost so much weight, i am not the same..i am hurt and i know know what to do....i wsh for a miracle ...please i can not take anymore

(((((fool))))) words fall me today. I am feeling quite low myself right now. I just know that no matter what we need to feed ourselves something positive to keep the faith in hope.