Why?

Why am I feeling so entitled for someone to like me? Feeling both frustrated and hurt mainly hurt.

Going off your last thread because while hanging out, she became preoccupied with whatever it is that she became preoccupied with, then eff her, she's rejecting me and i don't care what she has to offer is what you wrote.

A bit extreme on expectations is my perception.

Entitled?

If a guy decided to write me off because we couldn't exist in the same room without him having my attention for hours on end, yeah....I'd end it! Ever just have a comfortable silence?

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Thanks. It's not like that. Way to put me down.

I didn't know her, tried to, but she wasn't open because she was preoccupied I dropped her, because she needed space. She was going through alot. She has two kids doing well for herself it wouldn'tbe healthy for either of us with my emotional state and needs and her current place.

No I didn't pester her a lot at all. It was just at that moment when I was with her it would not be a good idea to continue.

Plus, I'm so sick of being out down as a guy. Comments like yours are why I want to chop off man parts. I going on starving binges and be so critical on myself and I'm aware definitely it's my own problem just hearing I'm too needy or pushy or that I don't respect women, based off of petty rumours and lies conjured up by people who know how to start crap. I'm not a victim in my head, but when anyone especially a woman I invested my heart and soul into makes me a victim of her abusive behavior and drinking and drugs.

I'm the one whose blamed for deserving to being unloved and abused.

So please keep than men hate over criticism to yourself.

I'm taking it personally sorry. I'm only human. I never hit anyone I never cheated. I did my best for nothing.

This is different very different. I'm capable of loving people.

I didn't want to move fast with this girl at all. She wanted to have sex with me before now I changed my mind because that's not a good idea for either of us. I was ver y clear I'll tell her today too. Thank you.

It's way to early in the morning for this. I'll tell you what, I'll refrain from your posts for now on. I've too much else going on in life than to be blasted because you didn't care for my perception.

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I overreacted sorry. I had little sleep. I've cried alot because my heart is aching for my best friend who died. I was hurting alot for hours. I want this pain to go away badly, but it won't. My therapist stopped all contact to me. I tried to contact who both tried to set me up with, but no response period. So I was abandoned by my therapists I can afford now I got no one.

I have to live with doing all I can to deal with relationships living with badly needing true intimacy and unconditional support I needed and fighting my emotions not to cry a river over anyone now, because of the guilt of failing my friend. He didn't deserve to die like this. I'm doing everything to live for him, and I can't tell you how I need to hear his voice now to tell me he's sorry and he loves me like a brother.

Even now I'm crying my eyes out. I'm broken completely. It's very hard to just be same together and hopefully have any chance for any togetherness with anyone.

Why are you so sad? I thought your music career is going well, you seemed full of enthusiasm when you wrote about it not too long ago. And didn't you buy a car very recently? That's a good thing, isn't it?

Yes it is I'm very happy for the achievement I made, but what's been this constant hell. I deal with everyone literally in my daily life being ostracized being the one whose minimized at times when I'm needing support emotionally my whole life is devoid of the devotion I give to others.

When i was so young to now, when I scream in anger and when I was younger threoeing temper tantrums was not that I wasn't getting my way or being spoiled at all.I demanded to be loved, because I need it. I truly have felt and placed in this spot of past of point of no return to be helped since ever. I always had myself no one gave me the luxury most people I'm around have.

I search relationships for something I need, because I've never gotten it. I always feel scared, abandoned and suicidal because the pain is too much to handle every day.

If I had what I needed. I wouldn't be here now. God doing things on my own since I was 4 never thinking about being a kid, but wanted someone to love me. I wanted someone to be here helping me helping myself. I badly want it. I feel guilty my friend is dead.

Fighting for everything, I just did and went my whole life of hell for someone to love me. I hold on the hope thats killing my emotional state not ever getting over that I'm very unloved and I will do anything I have done anything almost dying and went through so much to get what I need just even a fraction of it. It's that previous to me.

Ok...maybe I'm a bit toughened up to being ranted at, especially first thing in the morning. I certainly don't want to see you crying. I'm far from a man vs. Woman type, cripes I've little boys to raise and the last thing they need is sexism from a woman's point of view.

Was reading about Depression Recovery, someone here shared an acronym yesterday that led me to reading about that. It included bipolar recovery too, but for me that doesn't apply , so I took away on the depression aspect.

Creating good sleeping behaviors is part of recovery. Of course for me, that's not just important for emotional health but my physical health, which I was reminded the other morning after not much sleep and a stressful morning as was under verbal attack by a pre adolescent mood, and voila...panic attack with nausea and shaking one would have thought I'd had low blood sugar, but it's my central nervous system. Once they realized I was ill, they halted and I took a rest.

Don't know why I'm rambling about this other than to say that rest is very critical.


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Sorry for what happened to your friend, but why do you feel guilty about it? Did you mention it elsewhere, and I missed it?

Your search for love is legitimate. It is everyone's quest. But you seem to make it hard for yourself to believe that someone else is willing or capable of loving you. Why do you create these barriers to yourself?

He got angry at me, when no matter how horrible he was to others I knew the real person he is and I loved him unconditionally as a brother. It hurt me when he pushed me away, and that I really needed him to tell me he was sorry for what he said to me before he passed away, "Told me to never talk to him again ever. Leave me the **** alone and I'm tired of your complaining, I'm not your friend anymore so go away forever."

Man those words feel like daggers and it hits me so hard. I know it was something petty, but damn I loved him and I wanted him to succeed and it kills me he never got his wish, but maybe he did in some way, but I knew he was miserable when he was alive his cousin being dead from suicide. I missed her too, I remember seeing her before she died.

I really always felt I wanted to save people either from their self and just be acknowledge I'm here instead of thrown away.

I don't intentionally create these barriers to keep out others. I am being honest that I don't know what it's like feeling capable of being loved by others or someone will go the extra mile for me to show me they are truly caring about me.

I'm not making it up and I'm tired of being downplayed by everyone in my life who doesn't understand. It's hell living and you're the only crazy/sane person who is locked up receiving the worst from others and they make it clear how much they don't like you, when you are yourself or not. It's very difficult it's like I've been conditioned by myself and the outside world from real experiences that were all traumatic, sometimes life threatening, that when I gave people a chance I felt it was real. It was me being an easy target. After years of being hurt a lot, and never given a chance, never feeling the feeling I'm searching for.

You don't know what to believe, you don't know how to feel it if it really happens, you don't know how to do much except treat others how you want to be treated, but for me I do that, but I never get that satisfaction I dreamed of having.

I know what it feels like from what others told me, and seen it, but I've not experienced it at all. Most people have from more stable and much more supportive environments, but me I didn't have that luxury. I lived alone my whole life, being always separated from everyone else in some way always misunderstood. My mother the most doesn't understand or care to try she'll get more defensive and emotional and take her anger out on me verbally if she doesn't agree on something insignificant that's not related to her at all. My dad will ignore me and change the subject, my sister will tell me to **** off.

My friends are like my dad and blow me off in their own way and sometimes give ****** advice, because they don't understand or try to.

So I don't know what it's like when it's real. So I learned I have to give to receive, but all I've accomplished I gave a lot and got nothing.

I hold onto ideas, memories, and temporary good feelings, because they are the only happy things I have.

Love is very foreign to me. I've come to realize this the past 4 years. I always let someone use me and I receive affection in very codependent and abusive ways from the other person never laying boundaries of being respected it was more give and take. She took what she wanted from me and I give her affection and sometimes she give it back or she will give it back because she is obsessed with something she's addicted to, like drugs or sex.

Nothing about the real me. I desire someone to see the real me and just make it known they really like what they see and want to spend all the time with me like a true appreciation.

I find it easier for me to do this to someone else, but never back to me.

So if it did come to me, I wouldn't know what to believe I always feel they are lying, because in every case it was. I know I shouldn't let it hold me back, but I got in really bad situations, being in the wrong situation wrong time being and making it much worse than it should be if I just walked away and ditched them.

I used to devote everything to someone, and did a great job learning about them and really appreciating someone wherever. I never had it happen to me.

Your expectation is something to consider, I think. It is not healthy to try to put others in frames. Also, it seems that you attract the kind of people who are using you. Consider that, too.

Yes, I really don't mean to. I've been told this many years ago by my old social worker when I was dating habitually with many different girls at the time. I was 16 he told me that same thing.

I wanted someone to enable the worst in me, because I enjoyed the abuse in which I do and I more loved the highs for being appreciated in a false more bipolar manner by girls who love me then try to harm every bit of me.

I know this very too well. I know in my heart I never wanted that, but I stayed single to step back and find out what's causing this. Why and all of this. I learned a bit, but not much to help.

See I'll never know, all I can do is know whether to back out or to continue. Never relief that this person is legitimate with me and not thinking poorly of me under their sheep clothes.

See when it comes to relationships, if it were a snake it would bite me and if venomous it would kill me for certain.

I'm blind, I don't know what it is I need and I never received what I try to perceive all relationships feel more scary and less about fun. When I really want it to be fun, not scary all the time, but something real heated and just exciting not by physical touch or sex, just real connection smiles and laughter the way I do with some friends when we have fun. I badly needed it.

I love women, who create, spontaneous, creative hearts and minds and just a beautiful soul. Someone unique flare that's signature, that I can't copy, but I can make a parody or a alternative version a true artist like me. Someone who is just living life for their self and wants company like I do to join their journey. I really want to experience the good and bad, and not being in my place. Someone to grow with me, someone to sing with me, someone to dance and cry with, drive around and someone to go outside and camping. Someone to get a puppy and taking care of it like our own child. Someone who is passionate and whose smile is addicting to see.

Someone to bring out the romantic in me, the opposite of what my parents have who only just push each other way and fight a lot.

I feared that the most when I get close to someone, I fear of that how my parents are. I needed a guide to truly appreciate someone.

I learned what I said, because of my own needs are more selfless and selfish together. I want both worlds. I want to appreciate up close and afar someone to be with me not all the time and a person who will always be here for me. The moment I saw my uncle in love with his ex husband at his wedding.

The thing I saw my grandpa loving his wife who died horribly being at her bedside for 10 years of alzheimers my heart kills me how I seen his agony. I know I know what love is like from seeing it in others eyes living it when I lost my daughter. I wanted someone to fill that void not to complete me, but to be on a journey like me and help me help myself and I would for them.

Like when my ex didn't love our daughter, it brought so much appreciation to show my daughter needed a father figure and a mother figure even if her mother won't be apart of her life if she wasn't aborted. I was shocked she was, but I couldn't tell you how badly I would of fought for her and give her the best lessons of what men to go for who will not enable you fight not to protect you like I had from her mother, but someone who will fight for her and be the best person he can be in her life.

I would brag about and it was from a true place of pride, that I knew how much I loved her when my ex challenged me. When she never cared she made it clear calling her it all the time.

I want the person I eventually be in a relationship with to understand this side of me that I will go the ends of the earth for someone I'm not afraid of what hits me, I will literally fight every problem I face to be with that person, even if it's my own issues. I will face my own problems head on, to be with that person, because I love to be with in their company that much.

I'm such an idiot to care about it. It's so apparent how I'm being treated. I really lost my appetite today. I feel sick of myself being in my body being me.

Again, long posts, I skimmed. You apparently are trapped in our own thoughts. I suggest not to keep thinking and writing about this the way you are doing. You basically write about the same issue in different threads. Get busy with your music. Have some alone time and reflect on life in general and on your life in particular. There is a cause for everything. Figure out why people treat you this way. Also seeing a therapist if you cannot manage your feeling is highly recommended.

I was watching something on Netflix called the dark matter of love. About kids reacting like I have had. I wanted to learn something. See the kids act and reacted like I had. I threw temper tantrums not because I didn't get my way in my head most of the time as my mom believed I did it because I'm scared and I'm hurt.

It's translated now me just either not feeling anything or getting angry when someone likes me.

It's like I'm not happy about anything anymore. I really didn't want anything in the world except the one thing. I truly have not really enjoyed things alone. I've been doing what you've said and I get angry and more frustrated being told and expected to be ok and go on. I can't I want what I want from the people in my life.

I think the hardest thing to accept when I'm really struggling this is my life. I have live my life without knowing understanding or knowing what is good or not for me. Not really happy even if do well. It's how I feel, when those close people passed away in my life, I am angry I want them here now and I am not ready and ready to be on my own emotionally, but I hate it.

I was short changed when do many were given much more and people say I have it good. Yes in some regard I do not fear of my parents being alcoholics and abusive physically.

My parents weren't around because of work, and when I was abused no one saved me. I had to do it myself I had to be my own hero at 6 my parents my mother takes it hard she feels guilty for not here to be mom protect me help me understand what was a healthy relationship.

I was institutionalized that was crazy, hard to love, going through school feeling the bad kid.

I act and feel like this because I needed what I needed then and what drives me to want to die many days feeling my whole life is not worth what I needed. That's what kills me.

My girlfriend long ago ex, her family was dysfunctional in some manner but it felt like a family yes claustrophobic with all these brother and sisters but it felt unified and harmonious in some way. I needed that in my family. My family is mom existent distant and fighting and all I want is to have what I never had. I struggle with suicide because I needed someone else another persons parent growing up and now to give me what they recieve all the time I don't get.

Dear healing. I couldn't read thru the whole thread. It's too early in the am. Plus the emotions are out of control for some of the participants.

I think it could be a tranferance.

I've grown to respect your opinion. So your super in my book Healing!