[taylorball]

Ok, i'll try to condense our whole story as quickly as possible.

Met my wife in early spring 2010. I had just gotten out of a broken relationship where I found out the girl was cheating on me with a married guy. I was heartbroken and frankly talking to a few girls on facebook, but wen't out on a date with my wife Ashley. We loved eachother right from the start. We were both church kids and she was saving herself, I wasn't. The girl who was cheating on me was my first. Awesome sex, a lot of adventurous stuff, I really liked it. I talked about it with my wife (girlfried) a lot but she wanted to wait. I liked her enough where I complied. I don't think I really wanted sex all that much, I kept that in check myself. I think I wanted to feel attractive and loved in that way again. Even when we broke up, my previous girlfriend still admitted that the sex was great. Lies or not I believed it.

So my wife and I were engaged 1 year after we started dating. I kept pushing for something to happen. There was a lot of intense making out on the couch but nothing big. I keep mentioning the sex because that has been a big point in our arguments since we were married. But i'll get to that in a minute.

In june I actually started talking to a girl on the side, and had a routine of picking her up occasionally and getting road head. It was wrong, i felt guilty, but I kept doing it and I shouldn't have. But something in me needed it. Me and the "mistress" would talk dirty on facebook and in texts too.

She moved back home and her parents found our facebook convos on the laptop. Printed out a bunch of copies and took it to my employer (who laughed about it more than anything) my parents (I was 22 so their opinion still mattered) and took a copy to my wife who is a school teacher, while she was at work. She was devestated.

Well, I basically thought my life was over. I spent several days drunk out of my mind on a friends couch, not able to deal with the reality that she wouldn't talk to me. But eventually we talked, and decided to proceed with the marriage a few months later.

Several months after we were married it would come up if we had arguments, and she kept a close eye on my text messages. All of which I deserved. But there was just one problem. There was sex, but getting BJs and stuff was off the table. We had talked about it before and she was down with it supposedly, and it had happened a few times but she just wasn't willing.

Now, the real question is, was it the BJ, or was it the feeling of someone doing something purely for my pleasure. Feeling loved and attractive, wanted. Like I was worth something to her sexually. I'm not sure, but whatever it was I wanted I wasn't getting it.

Nearly two years after we were married (and i'm almost done) things are still the same as of tonight. We get along pretty well but just the occasional sex. We had our first child, a boy named Owen on June 11th of this year. During the entire pregnancy, I got one BJ. Which was my only orgasm that wasn't self induced. Since we had our son, once we settled down and got back on a sleeping schedule the regular sex returned. But I made a mistake.

I'm self employed, and I do a lot of work on my computer for my clients. One night about a month ago i was working late, and had a few drinks earlier in the night. A lapse of judgement caused me to start flirting with a woman on facebook. She's single, and didn't really flirt back because she's considerably older, but I did it none the less. I paid her compliments and told her she was beautiful, hoping I suppose for some sort of flattering reply but even tho she said thank you she wouldn't play along. I realized how stupid I was being and deleted the conversation, I thought.

Fast forward to this weekend, i had bought my wife tickets to go see a concert in a city 4 hours away. It was on friday evening and I had to work early, but she wanted me to drive her and so I did. I had been up until 3:30 AM the night before working and I didn't get in the bed until 4:20 saturday morning. I know because I had to set an alarm to get up the next day. I didn't get to catch up on sleep until sunday evening. I was exhausted.

Last night, after working late, I came home worn completely out, and announced to her that I wanted her to start giving me backrubs and bj's. I've asked her for this on a regular basis since our engagement, getting more serious in the last few months. She cried and said she didn't know why I needed that and told me she never thought she'd be good enough for me. i told her that she was all I wanted, but I felt like after killing myself to keep her happy and get all my work done, that I deserved it. A few minutes later we went to bed, and she started rubbing my back. And I said "Honey, i'm not trying to be mean, but if you're doing this just because I told you to then it's meaningless" She gave a harsh sigh and rolled over.

Finally we arrive at tonight. I came home in between jobs to ask her if she was over being mad at me, and she said I don't think I'll ever be over this. That pissed me off. I had tried to be very civil the night before. She said again that she didn't understand what she could do different. I said "If you don't understand whenever i give you very specific instruction as to what I want from you, then you're problem isn't being inadequate, you must have a learning disability or something." and I left and wen't to my next job at a photographer friend's house. She tried calling but I was upset and turned my phone off. 30 minutes later she shows up at the photographers house, tells me that I need to come home NOW. We walk outside, and she asks me "Why don't you tell me about so-and-so". evidently, she had logged into my facebook and those messages to the woman were only archived, not deleted.

So i don't know what to say, and i follow her to the house where her mom is. She has packed a bag, and proceeds to take my son and our dog to her parents house. So here I sit, at home, trying to figure out what to do. She hasn't tried to call or text, and I thought she would have by now. She has to be at work by 7:30 in the morning and it's 9:41 as i'm typing this, but knowing her IDK if she can sleep or not.

Part of me wants to text her and apologize and say whatever I need to say for her to come home. You know, give in like I always do. But I explained last night that I need to feel like she loves me, not like her employee whos only job is to make money and sex is my monthly bonus.

One other thing, when I got here her mom was telling me "You don't need to be rude or hateful toward her, she's having a hard time at work and you need to try to help her, not be hateful" so idk what she's told her. I suppose that's her mom tho so no matter what If she doesn't want to be here they'll take her in.

Thoughts on how to get the rest of my work done and go to sleep? or should I give in and call her and try to get her to come home? I'm at a loss, and full of anxiety, heart racing. My impulse is to drink but I'll just pass out and I feel like I need my wits about me or at least I should get some work done.

[Anika.]

Wow, sorry man, I hope she doesn't ever come back.

If you cannot see what is wrong with what you wrote here...

No one Deserves sex. Period.

You give her instruction....?!?

Tell her she has a learning disability?

Your wife sounds smart, she left.

You seem to have the learning disability. Cause you try to recreate the same terrible hurtful mistake.

Nice way to make up for YOUR crappy treatment of her tho, the mother of your child. Sure sound sorry, patient, and caring to me.... You sound abusive actually.

Are you really surprised she hasn't called? Should you be?

It must be a full moon or something.

Give in... Oh bwaahahaha, what exactly have you given?

Some people do not like oral sex, deal with it. Maybe just maybe because you were getting bj's in a car with some strange women, just maybe it's a terrible reminder for her of when you were cheating and betraying all her trust in you? Did you even think about that? Maybe that is why she feels inadequate, because you look elsewhere. Plus she doesn't have a lot of experience. You may have caused a lot of this problem, but don't sound willing to lend her compassion about it.

Like a lesson in action and reaction, say that you didn't cheat and get bj's in the car from some other women and hide it and lie about it, maybe your wife would have turned out to love giving them.

You knew she took sex seriously and she was saving it for you, you didn't not know that. You didn't treat her like she was anything special tho...but let's just call it a lapse in judgment.

Leave her alone for a bit. Let her have time to think. Respect her choice to leave. Maybe use this time to really look at how you are acting and ask yourself is the man.you want to be, husband you want to be, father you want to be?

You said you were a church kid, do you still consider your self to be?

Do you even love her? You know how it feels to be cheated on... where is your empathy for your wife?

This might seem harsh, but there isn't much here I can empathize or sympathize with you on. You don't even really seem to give off the vibe that you care at all.

You sound like you have a bad case of MeMeMe syndrome, good news is that it is curable. With time, lots of effort, willingness to change, love, real caring and compassion for others.

A therapist wouldn't hurt either.

[Yoda]

I agree with Anika. You have well defined expectations of how she should act and please you but what are you doing for her? When was the last time you did something romantic and unexpected? It doesn't need to be expensive but it should be genuine. My exBF picked wildflowers for me. I loved them because they were for me.

You don't sound like much fun to be around, to be honest.

[taylorball]

I suppose when you're sitting in an empty house trying to type everything out while frustrated then that attitude passes through. I do love her very much, and I do a lot for her but I didn't want to sound like i was "bragging" or whatever. I do the things I do for her because I love her, and I want to do those things to make her happy. Not so that I can get sex in return. And i'll continue to do all of the things I do even if I never get oral sex.

I didn't intend to come off like I don't care, I just suppose I wanted to give you the facts and explain exactly what had happened before I started belly aching.

Maybe I need to sit down and make a list of the unexpected things I do for her like taking her lunch or sneaking out of bed early to get the baby so she can sleep in on saturday mornings. She didn't have to change a single diaper (except the first one in the hospital) for the first 4 weeks after he was born. Breast feeding was difficult for her so I would get up with her every time he fed and help her hold his head so he could get a good latch and tell her what a good job she was doing. I had surprised her with the concert tickets early in the summer, so that she and her best friend could go. I'm sure I could go on and on but I don't really keep a list of things I do for her, it's not fair to try to decide who gives the most in the relationship.

And like i said in the beginning, I don't think it's so much the sex or whatever, that's what I blame it on. I know that I'm just as happy when I get home from a long day and she's ready to meet me with arms open wide and a big kiss and we can sit down and talk about our day. But that doesn't happen often either.

But yes, i've been a complete and total but hole to her throughout this argument for sure, if i were going to try and defend myself or come up with excuses then you wouldn't have gotten the whole story. Just wanted to let you know that I do realize that, and I do feel horrible about it.

[Anika.]

More concerned about how you talk to her, because it sounds emotionally abusive. You already like put a massive dent in her self esteem with your cheating. Any reason to tell her she has a learning disability? Is this how you communicate, with someone you love no less?

[FrayedEnds]

You weren't satisfied by the fact that you pressured her into giving you sexual favors because she wasn't acting thrilled enough while doing it??? seriously?
You cheated on her and then insult her intelligence for not dealing with it the way you think she should? You have proven to her that you are untrustworthy and no matter how many diapers you change, lunches you bring or presents you buy - the fact remains that you are pretty damn emotionally abusive. I wouldn't be waiting at the door to shower you with attention either.

[taylorball]

Originally Posted by FrayedEnds

You weren't satisfied by the fact that you pressured her into giving you sexual favors because she wasn't acting thrilled enough while doing it??? seriously?
You cheated on her and then insult her intelligence for not dealing with it the way you think she should? You have proven to her that you are untrustworthy and no matter how many diapers you change, lunches you bring or presents you buy - the fact remains that you are pretty damn emotionally abusive. I wouldn't be waiting at the door to shower you with attention either.

Do you think i'm always emotionally abusive? Or do you think it's just from this argument? What should I do about it? I'd like to say that I'm always a great husband and friend to her except when we fight, but maybe that's something an abuser says?

You know all the ugly facts, I won't blame you for anything that may hurt my feelings. If you all on here who read these posts and help eachother all the time think that i'm an emotional abuser, then this is a lot worse than I thought. Steps moving forward? What do I say?

Someone asked earlier if i still considered myself to be a church kid, and altho you're really gonna laugh at this i guess, my wife and i are both very active in our church. Her uncle is the pastor or I would talk to him.

There's a christian counseling place in a nearby town that accepts my insurance, I had checked on it when I got caught cheating on her. Should I go to them and tell them the whole story and figure out what I need to do?

And BTW, I'm sorry about the duplicate posts. I can't delete them or edit them and I did the "quick reply" and it looked like it just disappeared so i retyped everything and kept submitting until i realized it still has to be approved firstlol.

[wife22]

She cried and said she didn't know why I needed that and told me she never thought she'd be good enough for me.

THis line above is what she said?. It speaks volumes about her insecurities. She is a church girl who had never been intimate before you,who was probably brought up strict,and no matter how well read she is or aware of sexual possibilities,that is a foreign terrain for her. And the fact that you did seek satisfaction somewhere else and expressed your disapproval ,or, say,frustration about her inability to provide full blown sexual feast is putting too much pressure on her,remember that is NEW to her and she needs your trust and slow guidance,not demand. She is like late blooming flower,dont let the frost set in,otherwise it will never bloom,but if you are patient and continue to be caring and understanding(emotionally,physically and verbally), she will bloom into beautiful flower one of a kind and make you the happiest man. Remember ,some of big wars were started with simple word,that is how potent word can be,and also love is patient,forgiving, giving and accepting
good luck

[hannabee]

The posts all speak truths that you probably don't want to HEAR! But you had better, else you will never have a successful and happy relationship with anyone.

[taylorball]

Ok, so I still haven't heard from her. I called the counseling place and they take my insurance so I have an appointment tomorrow at 3. The whole idea is really intimidating but I can't just let myself try to forget it and move forward, if there's a problem (and i'm learning quickly there is) then I have to do something.

My question is this, should I go by myself first? I still haven't heard from her. Do you think she'd even be willing to go with me? Do i let her see any of the stuff from this thread?

I almost just wanna go tell everything to the therapist and let her tell me how to move forward. After all, i'm the one who needs fixing evidently.

[taylorball]

I've printed this out and i'm taking it with me tomorrow. My wife sent me the first text she's sent me since she left yesterday, it said "I will go."

And I just realized this post posted without approval! lol.

I tried a post earlier that hasn't shown up yet asking you all what I should say to my wife and letting you know I got an appointment at the christian counseling place with a marriage and relationships counselor tomorrow at 3. And I asked if i should take her with me or not. But I sent her texts saying I had the appointment and she could go if she wanted or if she didn't want to it would be fine. And that's when she said "I will go."

Half of me is thrilled, because instead of me just spilling my guts to a therapist and trying to figure out what to say to my wife, we'll both be there together so if she has something to add she can. But, at the same time, it terrifies me because if i tell the story the way i told you guys at the beginning of this thread i'm afraid i'll piss my wife off even further. Advice? maybe just say a prayer?

One last note on this post, I'm appreciative of your perspectives. I'm hoping to build some friendships here where I can keep you all updated and you can call my *** out if i'm out of line.

[taylorball]

And another thing. Doing my best not to sound like a verbal abuser.

Is there nothing to be said about my unhappiness? Should me, my wife, and the therapist be talking about why i got pissed off in the first place? Or do I need to come to terms with the fact that I have unrealistic demeaning expectations and deal with whatever "disappointment" i may have and just be happy that i'm still married to a beautiful woman and the mother of my child without ever addressing the fact that i feel unappreciated? Idk if i'm using the right vocabulary but i'm hoping you can figure out what i'm trying to say without thinking i'm an ***.

[Yoda]

I don't really know you so it is hard to say if you have serious anger issues or you are manipulative or perhaps have borderline personality disorder. Perhaps you should see a T alone to work on your own issues as well as you and wife see a T together.

Good luck.

[FrayedEnds]

Originally Posted by taylorball

And another thing. Doing my best not to sound like a verbal abuser.

I think it's important to be honest if you're serious about fixing your marriage.
Some of the language you use is disturbing to me.
for example -
you give specific instructions about what you want
and announced that you'd like to recieve bj's and backrubs

do you see how that sounds? can you imagine what that makes your wife feel like? You cheated on her once, and then tried to again. If you "thought your life was over" the first time you got caught cheating, why would you send inapproriate messeges to another woman after your wife took you back?

Originally Posted by taylorball

Is there nothing to be said about my unhappiness? Should me, my wife, and the therapist be talking about why i got pissed off in the first place?

originally, you were unhappy because your wife wasn't exciting enough sexually, right? that's why you needed all that "road head"?
now you're still unhappy because your wife found out and is struggling to be intimate with you, and trust you (as would most women!!). You need to try to repair the dammage you did to your wife. an affair isn't over and in the past just because you stop screwing around. I'm sure she thinks about your betrayal every single day. How can you expect sunshine and rainbows especially since you tried to cheat again? why in the world should she trust you?

Originally Posted by taylorball

Or do I need to come to terms with the fact that I have unrealistic demeaning expectations and deal with whatever "disappointment" i may have and just be happy that i'm still married to a beautiful woman and the mother of my child without ever addressing the fact that i feel unappreciated? Idk if i'm using the right vocabulary but i'm hoping you can figure out what i'm trying to say without thinking i'm an ***.

yes. absolutely, yes. You DO have unrealistic demeaning expectations right now. Honestly, are you the man she thought she was marrying? What about her expectations? Talk to the counselor with your wife and try to find out what she needs to move past this. I understand you feel unappreciated, but your wife IS unappreciated.

[hannabee]

your unhappiness about not getting regular oral sex is just immature and ridiculous. Since when does that show a man he is appreciated? Usually it's reciprocal and had you nurtured the relationship, that may have become so. If you felt you were making the wrong choice in this marriage then the right thing to have done was to NOT to have married her, don't you think? Now you have a child involved! Grow up and be a man and go into therapy trying to figure out how you can rectify this situation. It's really not all about you, unless, of course, you are a narcissist? Maybe that is what you can tell her to save your marriage and your family.

[taylorball]

She came home yesterday, crying and apologizing for not coming home sooner. You all have to know that when we're not in a fight like this, life is fantastic. I was going thru texts to see how I talk to her while keeping the right perspective, and just a week and a half ago we were talking about how we're the "dream team" in life and as parents. We don't always have these arguments, but i'm realizing that when they happen it's my fault, not because of something she's doing or not doing.

From what I can figure out on my own, I have a tendency to become full of self pity, and then turn into a narcissistic ***** about every couple of months. I think that's the root of my problem.

When I was giving you all the story, I was trying to give you the facts pertaining to the situation, but I was also drinking.

I've come to realize that I most likely have a drinking problem. And I should mention that when I was a freshmen in college I failed all of my classes but 1 so my mom took me to a therapist to did a bunch of tests over a couple of days and I was diagnosed with severe adult ADD. I wasn't interested in the treatment and basically told my parents goodbye and took off on my own. I got maybe 25 credits under my belt somehow over 5 years but never graduated.

I don't think i've revealed this yet because i'm trying to maintain anonymity, but my wife is a school teacher. Between her and my mom they convinced me to go see a therapist for treatment of adult ADD. So I did and they put me on Bupropion for ADD. I know that's not typical but they did. I mentioned I'm self employed and I do IT work, and since I went on the bupropion (450mg) my business has thrived which actually really helped the marriage with the extra money.

That being said, I know i'm not supposed to drink on the bupropion, but I would anyway. My wife and I had a few arguments based on the fact that I would get absolutely ***** faced after just a couple of drinks and be an *****. So I minimized my drinking but never stopped, but never ended up being that drunk again until the night i joined this forum when she left.

So today my plan is to go in, and use the first several minutes telling the therapist the same story I told you all while explaining my medication and my drinking problem, and then talk with her and my wife to figure out how I can get help with my attitude, abusiveness, and alcohol abuse. And maybe figure out how to at least keep the 10% of our bad times to a minimal and not be such a ridiculous individual. Is that a good plan?

Since my wife is going with me, should I let her and the therapist do most of the talking? should I jump right in to all my problems or should i focus on the issues at hand and how to help my wife feel better today, and then have a session where I go into all of my issues with the therapist by myself? There's so much to talk about and so much to figure out and i'm not sure how i'll handle it. Will the therapist know how to handle it and ask the right questions? How does this work?

[taylorball]

I'm going to have to refrain from using profanity so you all can actually read my sentences lol.

[ToeJam]

Originally Posted by taylorball

Since my wife is going with me, should I let her and the therapist do most of the talking? should I jump right in to all my problems or should i focus on the issues at hand and how to help my wife feel better today, and then have a session where I go into all of my issues with the therapist by myself? There's so much to talk about and so much to figure out and i'm not sure how i'll handle it. Will the therapist know how to handle it and ask the right questions? How does this work?

As a guy myself and acknowledging that our 'pride' can be easily hurt if we let it, I would say that yes - let your wife do a lot of the talking... and this is the biggie - "don't interrupt her or argue with what she is saying"... it might even be helpful to suggest yourself stepping out while she talks so that she can give her side of things without feeling pressured or afraid.

Personally, I'd like to commend you for being completely frank with us and not pulling the punches with what you've said and done. It is easy to give half of the story for the sympathy vote... and you didn't do that, so good for you. In this regard you have identified what you've done and despite others saying the contrary, it's evident that you know you were being very unfair to your other half... now you have to face the hard steps of rectifying that.

I wish you the best of luck... life and attitude is not set in stone and there is always room for change if you allow it.

[FrayedEnds]

I agree with everything ToeJam said.
especially the part about not interrupting your wife. You need to really hear what she's feeling. She's already expressed to you that she feels inadequate and you've gotten angry when she admitted that she feels she'll never be over it.
Cheating is a deal breaker for many people. Luckily for you, your wife is not one of them. Please don't make her regret it.
I DO commend the way you've handled yourself in this thread. I know it's not easy to be ganged up on. I half expected you to fire back with defensiveness and ugliness, but you've taken it in. You've identified some problems and seem willing to work on them.
Maybe there's hope for you yet

[hannabee]

I agree! Good for you and I really hope this works out for you. Please keep us posted.

Originally Posted by taylorball

Maybe I need to sit down and make a list of the unexpected things I do for her like taking her lunch or sneaking out of bed early to get the baby so she can sleep in on saturday mornings. She didn't have to change a single diaper (except the first one in the hospital) for the first 4 weeks after he was born. Breast feeding was difficult for her so I would get up with her every time he fed and help her hold his head so he could get a good latch and tell her what a good job she was doing. I had surprised her with the concert tickets early in the summer, so that she and her best friend could go. I'm sure I could go on and on but I don't really keep a list of things I do for her, it's not fair to try to decide who gives the most in the relationship.

I'm sorry man, but dude, you need to get a clue yourself. the fact that you're "chalking up" all that you did for her is as if you're keeping some g*d* score as if there is some game to win or that it works even remotely that way. Screw that. You are busying pointing out to us all that you've done and crap and the truth is, when you keep score all merit for things that you do for anything is lost. Why? because when you do things for soemone you truly love, there is no score, Love keeps no record of things. You have a very misguided concept of love.

That's all without speaking to the disingenuine way you are with her. You're one that is selfish and thinks of your needs underlying all of your beating around the bush, tryijng to talk out of both sides of your mouth, the truth is you don't feel anything but "ripped off". Ripped off she didn't do her apparent "chores" of rubbing your dang back and giving you fellatio. WTF dude? you don't make rules and tell someone what they need to do for you sexually like a boss. And that because she didn't "obey" your commands, she deserves to be called stupid? Wow, if you can't see just how condescending and arrogant you are.. there is no hope until you do.

And like i said in the beginning, I don't think it's so much the sex or whatever, that's what I blame it on.

what is it with you men that are so untruthful? it's not so much the sex, but yet you mention bjs and being serviced in one way or another in multiple points in the OP. Sorry but yes a lot of it has to do with that. Whether you want to be in denial or not.

I know that I'm just as happy when I get home from a long day and she's ready to meet me with arms open wide and a big kiss and we can sit down and talk about our day. But that doesn't happen often either.

Resolution? give her something to be happy about when you come home. Instead of thinking of what you want when you come home, think about all the things you could do for her NOT by the way, to get anything but those things you are compelled to do for her because you love her, without strings. If you don't understand what I mean, and you're at a loss here, that's your biggest problem.

But yes, i've been a complete and total but hole to her throughout this
argument for sure,

correction:
"But yes, i've been a complete and total but hole to her throughout this argument relationship for r sure..."

[middie]

I hope she stays away......really you need to read your posts and get some help......however its one thing to admit you need help an another to actually to go see the therapist and actually put in the work you need to.......you need to recognise that you have a problem and be prepared to put the work in order to be the man your wife deserves...........I have yet to read anything as awful as I have just read in your postings.

[middie]

I have reread your postings and you appear to try and put your behaviour down to every other thing that you possibly can........cheating on your wife as it was her fault she was not servicing your needs.........your postings and then blaming ADD and alcohol for them......really you not accept any of your behaviour as being YOUR OWN....you continue to try to either make someone else responsible for it or alcohol or ADD........really you need to work on yourself with the therapist........sadly your wife needs the therapist to work on the fallout from your behaviour.......if your are damn lucky she may continue a relationship with you as co-parent of your child......as for continue to have a marriage and a loving relationship.....I think you will just have to wait for her to work out if you are worth that kind of investment.

[ToeJam]

Ok this is getting silly now.

We’ve all done and/or said things we regret in life. This guy has given us a snap shot in time of a situation he’s had and is acknowledging that he needs to do something about it. Yes, he’s trying to pin point what may or may not have been the cause but as all of us face, what our overactive minds might be saying is not always the case (as in cause and symptoms).

This defamation and attacks on his character do not appear helpful to me and seem to stem if anything from other members frustration and anger at situations they’ve faced or witnessed in life.

Surely this is a help site and community… not a lynch mob.

The fact that he hasn’t lowered himself to posts of anger and rage at some of the hurtful comments here speaks sheds loads.

Constructive criticism is one thing… repetitive bashing is something else.

Originally Posted by ToeJam

Ok this is getting silly now.

We’ve all done and/or said things we regret in life. This guy has given us a snap shot in time of a situation he’s had and is acknowledging that he needs to do something about it. Yes, he’s trying to pin point what may or may not have been the cause but as all of us face, what our overactive minds might be saying is not always the case (as in cause and symptoms).

This defamation and attacks on his character do not appear helpful to me and seem to stem if anything from other members frustration and anger at situations they’ve faced or witnessed in life.

Surely this is a help site and community… not a lynch mob.

The fact that he hasn’t lowered himself to posts of anger and rage at some of the hurtful comments here speaks sheds loads.

Constructive criticism is one thing… repetitive bashing is something else.

it's not that someone came here for help that is bad it's that the way that he stated things are contrary to the idea that he actually feels he did anything wrong in the first place. Look at how he words things and read it a little better and you'd understand.