Dating again!

Do you feel strong enough to deal with this guy without you feeling dragged by deeper feelings?
I think this is a thing to consider since you already noticed, by knowing him, that there are things you won’t ever take in well and that he doesn’t want a serious relationship as a couple.

P.S.: You’ve already learnt a lot from this relation and about you. Maybe, he’s a a stone where laying on in the middle of the river to cross it and find the right person.

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Originally Posted by bpforever1 I don't know if I should slowly let go by tapering off my text messages? We text morning and night. What does everyone suggest? Stop texting since there is no future? Or, be polite and continue texting since we get along for now. I know he is not interested in anything serious and neither am I But, we are friendly with each other. I don't mind texting for now until he returns home. I'm not really that involved with him. I know how he feels about me so am not worried about his feelings. I'm definitely not too into him as a person. But, he is my lover for now. And, he probably will remain my lover until he leaves. So, I answered my question, I guess. We will remain polite and that is it.

Be straightforward and don’t drag it out. Tell him it’s not working out you just aren’t into it. And let it go. If it continues to text you ask him not to. If it goes any further tell him you’re gonna have to block his number. Also if he’s friends with you on any social media remove him.

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Thank you for the advice. I'm thinking about it whether to let him go. Truthfully, he is not that bad. Nobody's perfect. So, I'm also not seeking anything serious so I think I he is ok by me. I was going to break it off twice but decided after thinking about the times we had together that he is not that bad as a person. He is not abusive and this is a godsend for me. Yes, he is cheap and sometimes insensitive but he is taking me out next time and although I don't expect much from him, it is nice he offered. I will be ok. I can't emotionally invest myself in anybody due to my illness. We get along well and are affectionate with each other. So, once in awhile being with a man who is affectionate and gives me advice is not that bad for me. He is ok by me. My parents characters are worse so anybody who is half-decent and nice is ok for me. He does not hit me nor say anything too critical to me. He is being himself and this is ok. I like him in some ways but am not too emotionally involved with him or anybody. Our relationship for now works out fine for both of us. I will be fine.

What did you mean when you said he wasn't a good person? The only downside to continuing a relationship that is going nowhere is it might prevent you from finding a better relationship (even if you aren't looking for one). I hope you go to a good restaurant the next time you see him!

No need to break it off if you are enjoying his company for now. Not every dating has to be forever or serious. It’s fine to just have fun

But at the very least I’d stop grocery shopping and cooking. I make decent money but shopping and cooking for people outside of my family isn’t in my budget. Even a family wouldn’t come over and eat for free all the time, they’d take turn and bring stuff. I’d cook for a granddaughter coming over but she is a little girl. Not a grown ***** man, pretty much a stranger. You aren’t a soup kitchen to feed the hungry

Go on dates and adventures and since he makes so much more it should be his treat.

So, he also makes callous comments about others.. Charming.

Yet, he has no problem taking your food, your cooking and your hospitality for granted.

Herein lies the problem, This is something we ought to do for (and by) ourselves before getting into any relationship. Plus, expecting someone else to 'fill our void', which you also commented on is not the mark of a healthy relationship.

Flattery does not mean someone appreciates and/or respects us. Reciprocal actions do. Words are cheap otherwise.

He is an ok person with some flaws. He is not that bad as a person. He is not abusive nor critical. He says some things that are insensitive and is cheap. Yes, I always could look for a better relationship somewhere else, but the reality of finding one better than this is nil. I say this because I have been on dating apps and there are not many good people on them for me since I am older and have a disability although I work and am doing ok. He is not ideal but he fills my time and makes me happy at times. I have met other men but all of them have been worse than him. So, in reality, he is ok for now. I'm not really looking for a serious relationship given my situation. I need my space and don't want anything too serious.

I actually like cooking so it is not a problem for me. It is fun to cook for others. So, I don't see it as a problem,. And, he likes my cooking.

I'm not looking for a serious relationship so he bides my time and makes me happy for now.

He does not flatter anybody. He is just telling me how he feels, He does not flatter people, not his style. He is blunt and is honest about his feelings.

He is not bad as a person. He is only seeing me for now. How do I know? I know this because he seems to see me every time he has a chance. He likes me and I like him. So, he does not like my low salary and wants me to be more ambitious. I understand this. Many people say this to me. But, I do what I like and am happy anyways.

I don;t mind cooking for him since he likes my cooking. I actually offered to cook for him, he did not ask me. Also, I like cooking and trying new recipes. He is the only person I can try these new recipes with so I guess he is my lucky guest.

I am not seeking a serious relationship. I'm not interested in marriage nor commitment given my need for space and my unwillingness to accommodate others. I am happy being alone and once in awhile being with a man. This is enough for me. Who needs a serious relationship, spending much time with someone else? I am happier alone most of the time and just seek companionship once in awhile, that is all.

I've met and dated a few men and believe it or not, he has been the best out of all of them. Some were abusive, some were alcoholics, some were not interested in me as a person, some were married, etc. So, he is single and flawed but he is available and likes me for now. I like him for now too and that is it.

Yes, he is cheap and at times insensitive. But, I'm disabled and not interested in getting involved too emotionally myself. So, he is good enough for me. He is well-educated, nice at times, a gentleman at times, and not interested in hurting me but wants me to be happy too and is supportive of me although I'm a broken person. He is an executive manager, is not ill, has a good education, is fairly good looking and in decent shape. He just shakes unintentionally due to a hereditary condition and is healthy. If he spent more money on dates, he probably can get other women to be interested in him. But, he has so far been just seeing me. I am not seeing anybody else either. So, although we are not serious with each other, we like each other. He texts me morning and night. When I forget, he texts me still. He is not that bad as a person. I know he likes me. He is very affectionate with me and nice to me while we are together. He is not perfect but neither am I.

It is interesting to read everybody's comments but I wonder what they are based on. If you all have decent partners who are perfect in every way, then great. But, I don't think anybody is perfect. Also, like I said, I'm just interested in a casual relationship, nothing too serious. So, he is ideal for me. He is a great lover also, So, I don't have much complaints about him. He is sticking around too which is a miracle for me. Most of the men I dated, never stuck around or dated other women or were married. I don't know where you all met your partners but I must say the dating pool on dating apps is slim pickings. There are not many good men on them so I am happy with him so far. He does not abuse me, is not a scammer, is real, and is so far not dating others. He got off the dating app before I did and asked me if I was on any of them still, I said no. We are good to each other. He is my lover for now. That is all I wanted for now. I have not heard yet if he is leaving. If he does, I will let him go. And, if he stays, we will continue as lovers.

Some of you said he may be married etc. Well, so far, I really doubt he is married given his character. He is so cheap. The crickets chirp when he goes by. I am cheap too but need to be given my earnings. So, we are both cheap for different reasons. I would rather have a responsible financially independent man than one who is riddled in debt does not know how to save his money. The previous stalker used credit cards to pay for everything and did not have a good job but was spending money all over the place. Does this impress me? No, it does not. I don't need others to spend money on me. I make enough to survive, Yes, it is nice for others to spend money on me but I come from a background where my mother told me nothing is free and the most expensive thing is when one does not pay with money. So, I don't know where people get the concept that others should pay for their meals or whatever, are you a prostitute or destitute? So, I pay when I am expected but don't need other people's handouts. And, if someone pays for my meals, I know they are expecting something. I pay for other's meals, as a repayment for their kindness or something they have done for me. I also don't like accepting free meals or gifts since the other party is expecting something in return- as I said, nothing is free in this world. As for him accepting my home-cooked meals, like I said, I like cooking and trying new recipes with others. He likes my cooking. So, I find him charming and sweet. I don't cook that well! He told me he does not cook nor do housework. He has a maid at home and also does not know how to cook. Yes, I should ask him to pay for some items, I do. And, he plans to take me out so it is not like he is taking advantage of me. He is not, and I offered to cook for him.

So, he is ok by me. I do like him to some extent. And, he likes me. I like the fact he is honest with me and tells me how he feels. This is better than people who put up a false front and never tell their true feelings. So, we like each other for now. I don't expect anything serious from him and vice versa. We have a mutual understanding. And, if he decides to leave while he is here, I will let him go too. We are not bound to each other. I am happy and hopefully so is he.

I see you are partly right. Sometimes, we are assuming things but most of comments, in my opinion, are based on the things we read here (of course, always a partial view and without a whole picture or context and also based on people’s own experiences and knowledge).

You, yourself, are giving a little of contradictory messages about how you feel with this relation.
On one hand, you have said that you are very proud of sharing your cooking with the guy and that you insisted him to not help you to do the any washing our tidying but then, you have also complained about him not lifting a finger.

Another example is you said he wasn’t a good person, and then, you said he’s not that bad.

It seems to me to have read that you don’t expect a long-term or serious relationship with him but in your last post, you added a nuance by saying that you didn’t expected such a thing FOR NOW. What makes me think that you are still hopeful.

In my personal opinion is not a good signal when someone have these contradictory thoughts about a relationship with someone, not in all cases, each case is different, but in cases as yours or mine, when I think you share this with me, you tend to lay on too much on the validation from the outside because we don’t easily find it in ourselves for several reasons...I think we have to be more cautious because we maybe end up too much emotionally engaged in the relation.

This is what I can see at this moment. Maybe, I’m wrong and you have your things very clear and we don’t have to get worried.

People who are here in your thread, me included, I think that I don’t get wrong, are not gonna put up with less than a guy who treats you like a princess.
I think it replies to your concern about some comments you weren’t agree with.

I agree that some contradictory things have been said about this man. But I think overall that you seem comfortable and happy with him for now. If there’s no desire for anything serious or too committed, then he seems good for you and he cures your desire and need for periodic companionship. Nothing wrong with that.

BPforever- “It is interesting to read everybody's comments but I wonder what they are based on. If you all have decent partners who are perfect in every way, then great.”

^This is a great observation. I would think that nobody’s partners are ‘perfect in every way’. Also, we are far from perfect, too.

Azul- “People who are here in your thread, me included, I think that I don’t get wrong, are not gonna put up with less than a guy who treats you like a princess.”

^This is a great point. Speaking for myself, I AM going to put up with a whole lot less than always being treated like a princess. I’ve generally had relationships where they have treated me very well, like I want to be treated. But… each one did things that sure was not princely. I sometimes did put up with it. I have been putting up with more than most anyone else would ever. It caused me intense anger and frustration, depression, anxiety, and a diagnosis. Still, the treatment is mostly very good, as I want to be treated. So, I have continued the relationship feeling like no one else would treat me better, like being alone is not something I really want.

I’m not sure what kind of support you are looking for from us, BPforever. You haven’t asked us anything, really. Your posts are more like you are putting your thoughts out there and reassuring yourself, and that’s fine. I am glad for you that you have felt good about this bf and have a healthy attitude about whatever you choose to happen with him or him leaving.

I agree, when you say you feel somewhat bad about him not doing something fair, people will chime in that you should stand up for yourself. It’s a natural reaction from us to try to help you make things right, the way you want them.

My fatigue is overbearing these days so I broke up with him. I feel so drained. Thank you all for your comments!!

I finally am on a dating app again and met online another man who says he will pay for our dates. He is also interested in friendship and long-term relationship. So, this is quite a change!! Also, he is American!! He also teaches cooking classes and is an executive director of a company. This is a whole lot better!! I will write him online until we meet next week. Thank you so much everybody for your comments. I listened and am relieved to have gotten rid of the other man who did not offer to pay that much for his end of the deal. Also, he told me he was not interested in being in contact with me when he went back home. So, he was just using me!! Lol, so, I live and learn. I am looking forward to meeting this new man. Hopefully, it turns out better than this last situation!!

@bpforever1, you don't want or need a break from dating after just ending things with the other man? I know you're trying to fill the loneliness you feel at times, but a break from dating gives you time to yourself and allows breathing room in between men. Going from one man to the next is done by people who are seeking to fill a void in one's life. Perhaps a hobby or pursuing an interest would be more fulfilling for you? Or, do you have friends you can hang out with?

I understand. Well, I think it is ok I meet this new man next week. I feel ok and much better realizing I got rid of a user. I have not met many men yet and only started dating a few months before. This will be my fourth man for this year. I know of others who serial date. I don't do this. I did take a few days off and was a month off the dating app. This man is busy though so we will see if our schedules align. At least, I'm getting better at honing in on men who I am really interested in rather than just hear from. I will take a break from this new man if it does not work out. I was feeling rather tired and now am feeling better. I feel a bit intimidated by this new man since he is very successful and nice. So, we shall see. I will be myself and not be insecure about myself.

So, I did not go out with this supposedly successful man. He never wanted to meet- a scammer? So, I got rid of him.

I met some other men. I met one whom I like but don't know if it will work out. He is a former soccer player- nice build and tall. So, I am attracted to him. But, he is busy with work. He has to support his child from a previous marriage. So, I am going to wait to see what happens by taking it one day at a time.

Otherwise, I have stopped dating others. I met a few men and this last one is the former soccer player. I don't like the dating scene. It seems to be rife with men who want sex upfront. Yes, they may take me out for dinner but they want dessert.

I will be alright I believe. At least, one of the men wants to be chat friends. He wants sex too but likes to talk. We never had sex and met just once.

I am not going to push it with the former soccer player. He is busy so I don't need to pressure him in seeing me with his busy schedule if he does not want to. But, we are texting and getting along fine.

I must have liked the supposed executive manager man since I had mixed emotions about him. But, now, I am doing fine without him.

I have heard this from many women on the dating sites. It seems the atmosphere is like that. There must be plenty of women willing to have sex up front, otherwise the men wouldn’t think that’s going to happen. It’s very unfortunate. I feel for you.

The former soccer player just sends me texts about how he is doing which is nice. I am extremely attracted to him since he has not only a nice build but also is very polite. He is sweet. He said he would see me again when I met him. So, with his words, I am waiting for him.

I'm hoping for the best.

The other chat buddy is nice too. He gives me dating advice.

I met some frogs too but got rid of them.

So, everything is going ok for now.

I really hope I meet the former soccer player again. He says he is not married. He has his own online store so is quite busy. I will just send him greetings each morning and that is it. No need to push it.

Otherwise, I am doing fine. I am so relieved to have gotten off the dating app. I had a few more men lined up after the soccer player but they were not my type and so I turned them down politely. I just told them I found someone I liked. They took it well.

So, hopefully, this time I and the former soccer players get along and don't use each other. We shall see.

Greeting mornings? You don’t need to send him greeting mornings. Why for? You first have to establish a communication with him and he with you. And let’s see what happens.
If you send him greeting mornings, he’s gonna think that you are over heels for him.

A funny site note: A soccer player!!! Have you seen his pic, yet? My imagination is taking me now to Paolo Sousa, lol, old capitan of Portuguese soccer team. 😍

I already met him in person and we are on social media. He is 182 cm and has a nice build. I like him much. He is polite too. He now owns his own online store.

In person? I didn’t know it. I thought it was all online so far.
Cool!

He only looks good though. As of this moment he's the worst coach in Polish football history

We met again. He told me about himself. He is nice and sweet. He said he would return to meet me again. So far, it is going well. He has a kid and is working hard to pay for his upkeep. He also has his own store which keeps him busy. I think we are heading in the right direction. I will take it one day at a time. I am in no rush to do anything. I was happy he decided to meet me again. All smiles!

Have just seen him on TV because his team is gonna play again my team tomorrow and I must say he lost a lot with his hair cut. This is ageing has but he’s still hot and this Portuguese accent while speaking Spanish is irresistible.

Who cares about football (soccer) in front of this product of gods.