Dating again!

It’s like the Sheryl Crow song, “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad”
So, enjoy your time and good for you!

I just thought I’d throw in my two cents regarding him possibly being dangerous with connections to shady stuff. IME, men in that ‘connected’ position are all about spending money, not being cheap. So, my gut feeling is your new guy is telling tales that he thinks impresses you rather than the truth that his station in life is something he is not proud of.

My sister was once on a date with a young guy who was spending like crazy in a club. She commented to him, jokingly, that he was throwing money around like he was a coke dealer, and he told her that, indeed, he was!

You need to know.. Don’t deny you that possibility. You need to have things clearer the more you have contact with him.
If you don’t see he’s open enough with his things, put distance. Unless you are looking for an adventure, with not feelings involved. It depend on what you are looking for and need.

I meant read READ. So it’s not a stupid question. You do really enjoying putting labels, don’t you?

I think looking back, I have had no luck with men. This is partially because of my behavior. I seemed to be attracted to abusive men. Men who put me down; men who are controlling; men who don't care about me. I think this current man is much better than the others because he gives me my space. He lifts my spirits. He never criticizes me. He accepts my flaws. So, he does not overwhelm me. He is an ordinary kind man. Yes, he could be more generous, may be. The stalker before him was generous to me and paid for everything. However, when the situation went sour, he showed his true colors and started stalking me. So, I really don't care if a man pays for everything or does not. The stalker was mean in a way buying me fatty foods to eat when he knew I had a weight problem. So, I really don't care if a man pays for things. He also was mal-adjusted although he is in his 70s. This current man is confident and nice to me. He says take action and don't worry about matters that you don't have control over. Of course, this is common sense. But, he boosts my confidence and makes me happy.

So, I know what his job is now. But, I don't think it is central to our relationship except that he goes on business trips on some weekends. He knows what I do too. But, we don't really talk about each other's work. We talk about our childhood and past. He seems to have had a happy upbringing unlike mine. He also was married and divorced his wife. They had an amicable divorce since they both grew apart. I think he was too busy with his career and away on trips. So, in my opinion, she felt neglected. I, on the other hand, enjoy my time alone. So, if he goes away, which he is now, I like my time alone. I really need my space. Also, I need to be on my own at times to feel like myself. So, I'm glad he goes away sometimes. He writes me while on his trips.

My previous marriage ended traumatically. The ex asked for alimony. Like, WTF? He just wanted money from me from the time we met until the time we parted. Now, I am earning a pittance so hopefully I won't be in the same predicament again.

I am happy with the current man so far. He is not perfect and neither am I. But, he is far much better than any other man I've dated before. So, I am grateful for this. I really don't know if we will last though. I'm just taking it one day at a time. I don't think we are in love. But, we like each other a lot for now. I don't know where our relationship is going since I have never had a good relationship with any man or may be a person. I will just take it one day at a time for now.

I do sometimes feel as if may be I am a type of person who is better off alone. So, why do I even try to be with anybody? Loneliness? I don't know. Anyways, so far, it is going well. Do I expect a commitment or something serious from him? I don't know. Like I said, I've never had a good relationship so however, it turns out between us will be fine with me. I am not demanding anything from him and he has not demanded anything from me.

We shall see how this continues. We are seeing each other again next week. I am glad we only met once last week since I was tired and still am tired. But, now I feel better. Hopefully, my fatigue will improve with time.

I feel happy with him!!

Not everyone has to have a certain ideal. Maybe all you need is companionship from time to time with a man who isn’t demanding or controlling. And maybe he wants a partner that isn’t needy and demanding but instead a person he too can experience companionship with.

So far he sounds nice and respectful.

He and I met again. We had a great time. I like him much. We get along well. We talked a lot, ate dinner, went for a walk, etc. He is still good to me. He still offers to pay and I let him pay for some minor items. I made him tomato basil penne pasta, Italian chicken, and a salad. It was delicious. I am happy with him. We enjoy each other's company and are doing well. He will be gone this weekend again. He is getting busier and is complaining about it. I understand.

He lives in a company apartment building, I found out. He says it is spacious and he has his own room. He just shares the bathroom with his apartment mate and colleague. This makes sense. He is waiting for his mate to move out soon hopefully so he can have the place to himself again.

He talks more about himself now. He had a nice life and is always upbeat. He is a happy person though he puts in a lot of hours at work. He is doing well. I am doing fine too. I like listening to his stories.

I sense he likes me a lot. He is very affectionate to me. He offers to help in the kitchen too but I don't need his help. He likes visiting me. I am happy for both of us. For me, this is new territory since I've never had a good relationship with a man. He is decent to me. We have not argued nor gotten into fights yet. I like listening to him and he listens to me also. My stories are sad though so he is very supportive of me.

I feel very happy about him! He is a nice man. He is also charming and handsome. I appreciate his kindness. I am good to him because I do like him. At times, I am tired but being with him makes me happy.

So, far it is going well. I have no complaints. I know he is not perfect and neither am I. I come from a dysfunctional family and have an illness. I also am not wealthy and just live within my means. But, he likes me despite this or tolerates me. He says I am sweet, beautiful, and sexy. Lol, I just take it with a grain of salt since I think I am just average.

Thank you for reading!!

@bpforever1, if it is of any help, in my opinion, the picture seems pretty good.

Said that, and I don’t want you to interpret as if I were pouring water in the wine. Only a little thing to consider. I’m sure you are more experienced than me at dating because of my social anxiety, but nonetheless, I wanted to make you consider a little thing.
It’s only my opinion, ok. Your guy doesn’t seem to have any problem of money. He has a job. He’s not unemployed or comes from a country where he’s finding difficulties to win a living.
He should paid something. Even when you insist on him not doing it. At least, at the beginning of the relation. I say it, only for your be more at ease. The details are important.
I’m not gonna let you pay for all, as much as you insist.
You indeed, told in a recent post that you have your economic difficulties.

I’m only saying it for your safety. Let him pay sometimes.

Yes, he paid for some items again this last time we met. He insists on paying for some stuff. I do appreciate his offer. So, I'm having him pay for some stuff.

Thank you for your concern!!

Again, he is going on a trip this weekend. Since I am tired, I am for some reason relieved about this. I miss him but at the same time am relieved I can be on my own. I like him a lot but don't want to be with him all of the time. I need my space. So, I am looking forward to spending time alone again. I have much to do- housework, some work for my job, and shopping for food. I am really tired since I take my med in the morning to take a nap. Then, I am sleepy the whole day. These days, I am very stable although tired. So, it is a trade off to be stable than energized and unstable. I wish In could be energized though. I will try to build my stamina by walking more. The weather here is horrible- rainy and windy. So, I will just walk up the stairs, I guess.

He is doing well and is happy. I am happy for him. He is always upbeat.

I am trying to take care of myself first though while I am alone. I need to do more self-care. I want to lose some weight and be in better shape for myself and my health.

My job is going well too. I am able to focus better now. But, it is like a hobby, not a career. So, I like earning money but am not too focused on earning more but just surviving and enjoying life.

Overall, I am doing well. Thank goodness!! I am grateful for my current life and health although I wish I could feel more peppier. Life is not bad. Having a nice man in my life now has improved my lifestyle. I cook now and keep my apartment cleaner. I also am trying to be healthier. So, some good is coming out of having a man in my life.

I feel blessed overall. My parents are still alive but in another country far away. However, they are having physical problems but are surviving. I know they can no longer care for me. So, I must take it upon myself to take care of myself.

My brother tells me it is dirty to be with another person. He is nuttier than I am. So, I just take what he says lightly. He has obsessive compulsive personality disorder that is leaning towards excessive worry about germs. He wears a double mask although working outside and washes himself excessively. I feel bad about him. He is single and has no kids. He is older than I am. He has never been married. He keeps losing his jobs also since he is a perfectionist and can't keep time and make deadlines. Working with him drives everybody nuts. I don't know what I can do to help him. But, he is a loner and does not talk to people. So, he tells me I am dirty for being with another person. The nonsense I have to listen to when I talk to him is sad. It could be funny at times but for him he is serious about being clean.

My mother is also paranoid about people. She says I should trust no one. So, my life was a living hell since she was not a parent to me but a very scared individual who always said bad things about others.

My father is a workaholic. He is still working. He will drop dead at work, I believe.

So, my family is very dysfunctional. I am working and doing ok. I am trying to make friends even at my age. And, I am trying to take care of myself and not blame anybody for my problems. I think I am doing pretty well despite my sad and horrible upbringing. I love life. My new man is also an added blessing. He is really nice and good to me still. I am happy about him. I am also happy and grateful for what I have. Life could have been worse. I was on the streets once and am now doing well. Time and perseverance can drastically improve a person's life. I sometimes think I could be still homeless and psychotic. But, I chose to be stable and live life fully.

I feel that sometimes instead of blaming others for my failures to try and analyze my failures and take responsibility for them. It is hard for me to do. But, I feel to make progress and survive, I had to stop blaming my family for my life's problems and realize I am an adult now that I must carry on with what God gave me and do the best I can. I learned this from watching others. Yes, I did things that caused me much sadness in my life. But, I take responsibility for these mistakes and tried to learn from them. So, I hope that I don't fall into the trap of being abused again by others. I have had enough abuse. Now, is the time to enjoy my life, cherish my blessings, and be happy.

I am happy now! I think I was happy without a man too. So, I believe that my new man is added happiness. He gives me meaning to share my life with others. Since I have been stable for awhile now, I am ready to make more friendships and relationships with others. Truthfully, I am happy alone too. So, my new man is fun to be with when I seek companionship. I am happy that he likes me as well. Life does get better with time. For me, as I age, I am happier.

This is great. Remember not to force yourself too much, keep it safe and cool. Don't go all in this relationship and you should be fine, enjoying life, BIG TIME. Best of luck.

Thank you for the replies!! Yes, I'm doing well and so is he. I got a lot done this weekend. So, we are seeing each other again this week. We are doing well. I will ask him to pay for some stuff again like ice cream. He and I are happy so far. We have no drama with each other and respect each other. We don't argue nor fight. I guess, we are boring? I am ok with boring for now. So, thank you all for your replies!

He's getting busier with work but is making time to see me still. I am tired again. There is a part of me that wants to end this relationship since I am so tired. But, I do enjoy his companionship. He is sweet and kind to me. I can' say I am in love. I don't like it when I feel tired and overwhelmed. But, that is my problem, not his. I do like him much. He used to overwhelm me with love messages so I returned the favor. Now, we are becoming used to each other and he still says he wants me and misses me. I have been abused in the past and am scared of being in a relationship. I sometimes want to run away and end it, not because he is bad to me, but because I've been abused and don't know anything good about being with others. He is not abusive and is very good to me. I am like an abused puppy and wonder if when he does not text right away, if I am bad or he dislikes me. But, he always texts me. He is so sweet that it makes me wonder if I am worth it? So, I am exploring new territory. I have not told him about my illness and have not asked him about his illnesses. He has a physical flaw so he has some kind of illness, I believe. He has a tic or shaking disorder. It is very noticeable. I don't ask questions about it and when he does tic, I act like it is ok. So, I will wait until he tells me about it when he wants. I never asked him point blank about it. He sometimes spills things and makes a mess. But, I just say don't worry about it and smile. I adore him!! So, we both are flawed but we are flawless with each other. I do feel overwhelmed by his kindness and affection. I can't say I am in love yet but am feeling much positive energy from him. I don't know where we are heading. But, so far, our situation is great! I am happy for the most part. I wish I would not get scared and feel happier.

Does he have Tourette’s? It’s not really physical flaw though. Or he shakes as a response to some meds or maybe has Parkinson’s? I’d say if you two have no future plans and it’s jusf casual, it’s ok to not share. If there’s some future plans you both would have to disclose your conditions

I don't know what he has. I don't know if I should ask or not. I will ask further down the road though. Right now, I just want to enjoy his company. I don't know if I'm ready for anything serious yet although I'm no spring chicken. He is so nice and kind that I'm just in a dream that I'm hoping will turn into something real. I do like him for now. May be one day, we will both confide our secrets to each other. For now, it may be too soon? I am not trying to plan for anything long-term or anything serious but just taking it one day at a time. Who knows? He may be gone in a second if he gets tired of me. So, only time will tell. I don't know if I will live long either. So, I will just enjoy the present. I am not going to worry about the future until reality settles in and have to really think about the future. Truthfully, I don't know where I'll be in a few years so I will just live one day at a time. Thank you for your concern though!

Pick all I say with a grain of salt. I’m not very advance in what relationships have to do. I think that I already told you.

But, again, I see as positive the presence of this man in your life. I think that knowing him is giving you a little push. You even talked about understanding more your family and things that happened in your past and hurt you.

I know...some people are gonna think that you have to find this strength by yourself but I think that some people can make us good and give us a excitement and encouragement that is very welcome.

Could I ask you what your main flaw is? Have you been diagnosed with something? Since I read your nickname here, I thought about borderline personality disorder but I’m not sure.
I’m a little familiarised with it so that’s why I ask you. To have a better picture when trying to understand what you are dealing with.

Don’t feel force to reply though. You will be always more than your issues or some disorder. That’s sure.

So, we disclosed our illnesses. Unfortunately, he did not understand mine. Also, he is having trouble at work and would like to go home. So, it is ok. He does not like the work culture here- all work and no play. So, I understand. For a short while, it was nice. But, I don't see anything long-term. I'm not interested in a long-distance relationship and neither is he. We got along for awhile. But, he never lifted a finger in the kitchen nor anything else so I see potential issues. He's taking me out next time to a nice restaurant - a sort of farewell meeting? I don't know since he is not sure he will stay or not. I will remember his advice and support. He was ok to me. I was nice to him and our time together is memorable. But, truthfully, I'm better off alone because I need my space. It is ok to have a boyfriend but nothing too serious for me. I realized with him, I need to be alone for long periods of time and need to just do my own thing. He was nice to me but I realize he does not think my education matches my salary. He point blank told me I earn little. Lol, so he is snobby! Yes, he earns a lot but is cheap. So, I don't know who would want to go out with him honestly. I knew he is rich and cheap but wanted his companionship which he offered. The best thing is that I learned from him-he offered me good advice about my job so all is not lost. I realized he does not think of me in his league. So, I don't need that attitude. I have met many people like this. They don't understand my illness and understand the necessity for me to take a less stressful job. But, that is not their problem, it is mine. I need to survive on my own and be healthy. I don't think I will date for awhile after he leaves. If he stays, I will still date him but nothing serious. He seems to be happy being single too. I understand his situation. Who needs a long-term partner when one can find many sexual partners and have a bit of fun? We are both getting old. For me, I just want to enjoy life and so does he. We don't need to complicate matters with commitment. So, it was nice to know him for awhile. If he stays, I will just play it cool, meaning not take him too seriously. I really need to be alone for my mental stability. I was getting stressed out thinking of all the things I need to do to entertain him. So, I don't need to do this anymore. I think he was the first man who did not abuse me though which is a good sign on my part. I am maturing rather late but realize that relationships are hard for me and take energy and time. I like being alone but not so alone. I had a great time with him despite his snobbiness and cheapness. So, I have no complaints. It is good that I found out that I need to be alone most of the time. I am happy since I am doing relatively well and am on my own without much problems. So, my wish is to just be mostly alone and once in awhile have some fun but nothing serious. I really need to focus on my well-being, instead of on others.

I think this man has helped you to grow in some important ways. You've matured and you've learned. You've kept your head about you with this man over the last several weeks, and you were aware of things as they came up for you. I think this will help you in going forward, if you choose to date again down the road. I am glad you had this experience, as it has been a positive one for you. Perhaps it won't end just yet, but it sounds like you know what you need more of now. And you need some alone time, even if you're dating. You've been saying how tired you are while dating this man, so I think time to yourself is very important, even when you're dating someone. I am proud of you. You've made great strides! And it's wonderful that you finally met someone who treated you better than the others have.

He has the cheek to tell you you earn little, yet he had no problem letting you pay for most things? Charming.

He could probably suspect you aren’t rich yet he was ok eating for free. And then commenting how you don’t get paid as much. What’s the deal with some people

I think the important thing with this experience is what you learned about yourself. Maybe you are your happiest having lots of space to yourself. In that case it doesn’t matter how the guy is at this point.

I forgot to send him my evening message of good evening last night. And, he wrote me saying he missed me. He is sweet at times. Oh well. So, I am so tired today that I'm happy to be alone again. I have not heard yet if he is staying here or not. I wish him well in any case. We will still be seeing each other if he stays. I like him although he is flawed in character.

Sometimes, he says things that are insensitive about others. So, the more I spend time with him, I am realizing his insensitive comments. I don't know why he says them. I try not to be as callous. He may have had an easy life where he has not suffered at all. I think this may be the case. However, my brother is also insensitive and had a hard life. May be some people can't see themselves in other people's situations. I don't know. I was miffed about his comment about my low income. But, it is true sadly. I want to earn more but have not put the time into doing so. I will try to do so. I will never make as much as he does but should be motivated to earn more than I do now. I will try. Also, he says he is treating me out to dinner next time. This is nice of him. I did not ask him but he offered. So, I'm hoping we still see each other. I am learning from him about how he sees things. I think he likes me despite his insensitive comments. I like him to some extent.

He is not bad looking and in relatively good shape. So, this helps. He says I am sweet, nice, giving, and sexy. Whatever! He told me to not allow others to abuse me anymore which is easier said than done. So, we are waiting on whether he will stay or not. If he stays, we will still see each other. If not, I will wish him well. For me, I don't want to date another person for awhile. I had good times with him so want to cherish these memories for awhile. Also, I am not sure I will find someone who does not abuse me again. So, I have to be careful. He was not that bad so I'm happy to some extent.

I wish I had more energy. I did make him dinner this week and breakfast again. It was wonderful. He likes my cooking. Lol, at least someone likes my cooking! I don't know if he likes me because I cook or because I'm nice to him. May be, he likes me because I'm sweet, nice, giving, and sexy. What a laugh!! He does say things that boost my ego. Very smart of him!

I think I do like him to some extent so hope he can stay. It is nice to spend some time with another. Being all alone is not healthy for me. I now am cooking, cleaning, and caring about my appearance more while making sure I take my medication and am healthy. Also, he is busy as a manager so seeing him once a week is sufficient. Before, he was seeing me twice a week. He may request this again. I will have to think about it if he does.

So, I do like him somewhat. He is much better than any other man I have dated which may not mean much since most men were abusive to me. He is not perfect and neither am I. I am not expecting him to change his ways for me and don't expect myself to change for him. I accept him as he is- flaws and all. I feel more focused now because of him. I am focused on my work and life now. So, some good has come out of being with him.

Life is not bad. And, it is improving with time. No matter what happens between him and me, I will be ok. I have not seen my family in two years though. I don't know when I will see them again given the situation. I have to admit I do get lonely at times. I think this man fills my void of being lonely for now. I don't see other people. It is quite isolating for me. I have work but it is remote. I will be ok if I don't see people but it gets lonely. I am happy to some extent that I can be with this man and entertain him for now. I am hoping when the situation improves, I will go out more on my own. I want to do meet ups and other social activities hopefully.

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Originally Posted by bpforever1 I forgot to send him my evening message of good evening last night. And, he wrote me saying he missed me. He is sweet at times. Oh well. So, I am so tired today that I'm happy to be alone again. I have not heard yet if he is staying here or not. I wish him well in any case. We will still be seeing each other if he stays. I like him although he is flawed in character. Sometimes, he says things that are insensitive about others. So, the more I spend time with him, I am realizing his insensitive comments. I don't know why he says them. I try not to be as callous. He may have had an easy life where he has not suffered at all. I think this may be the case. However, my brother is also insensitive and had a hard life. May be some people can't see themselves in other people's situations. I don't know. I was miffed about his comment about my low income. But, it is true sadly. I want to earn more but have not put the time into doing so. I will try to do so. I will never make as much as he does but should be motivated to earn more than I do now. I will try. Also, he says he is treating me out to dinner next time. This is nice of him. I did not ask him but he offered. So, I'm hoping we still see each other. I am learning from him about how he sees things. I think he likes me despite his insensitive comments. I like him to some extent. He is not bad looking and in relatively good shape. So, this helps. He says I am sweet, nice, giving, and sexy. Whatever! He told me to not allow others to abuse me anymore which is easier said than done. So, we are waiting on whether he will stay or not. If he stays, we will still see each other. If not, I will wish him well. For me, I don't want to date another person for awhile. I had good times with him so want to cherish these memories for awhile. Also, I am not sure I will find someone who does not abuse me again. So, I have to be careful. He was not that bad so I'm happy to some extent. I wish I had more energy. I did make him dinner this week and breakfast again. It was wonderful. He likes my cooking. Lol, at least someone likes my cooking! I don't know if he likes me because I cook or because I'm nice to him. May be, he likes me because I'm sweet, nice, giving, and sexy. What a laugh!! He does say things that boost my ego. Very smart of him! I think I do like him to some extent so hope he can stay. It is nice to spend some time with another. Being all alone is not healthy for me. I now am cooking, cleaning, and caring about my appearance more while making sure I take my medication and am healthy. Also, he is busy as a manager so seeing him once a week is sufficient. Before, he was seeing me twice a week. He may request this again. I will have to think about it if he does. So, I do like him somewhat. He is much better than any other man I have dated which may not mean much since most men were abusive to me. He is not perfect and neither am I. I am not expecting him to change his ways for me and don't expect myself to change for him. I accept him as he is- flaws and all. I feel more focused now because of him. I am focused on my work and life now. So, some good has come out of being with him. Life is not bad. And, it is improving with time. No matter what happens between him and me, I will be ok. I have not seen my family in two years though. I don't know when I will see them again given the situation. I have to admit I do get lonely at times. I think this man fills my void of being lonely for now. I don't see other people. It is quite isolating for me. I have work but it is remote. I will be ok if I don't see people but it gets lonely. I am happy to some extent that I can be with this man and entertain him for now. I am hoping when the situation improves, I will go out more on my own. I want to do meet ups and other social activities hopefully.

Lack of suffering it one’s life is no excuse for being an insensitive jerk.

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Yes, I understand. I admit he is not a good person. I do want to distance myself from him a bit. In my heart and mind, I know we don't have a future so I'm just taking it one day at a time. I am so tired that I can't see straight at times. We are just casual lovers and not anything else. He point blank told me he if he goes back home that he did not want me to wait for him. So, I understand. Thank you for your insight. I am not too emotionally attached to him because of my fatigue. I guess I am lonely and just wanted companionship and nothing more. I'm better off being alone but at times crave for someone to be with. So, he came around for now, but there is nothing to keep us together. I do like entertaining him because it is fun for me. But, that is about it. I am doing my best to remain emotionally unattached. It was fun but nothing more. He feels the same way, I believe.

I don't know if I should slowly let go by tapering off my text messages? We text morning and night. What does everyone suggest? Stop texting since there is no future? Or, be polite and continue texting since we get along for now. I know he is not interested in anything serious and neither am I But, we are friendly with each other. I don't mind texting for now until he returns home. I'm not really that involved with him. I know how he feels about me so am not worried about his feelings. I'm definitely not too into him as a person. But, he is my lover for now. And, he probably will remain my lover until he leaves. So, I answered my question, I guess. We will remain polite and that is it.

Do whatever you think is best for you. Please do not ghost him though. It's childish and st**id... if you want to cut him out, do it slowly, text less, but do it with respect. Best of luck to you