i so want to just lose my virginity to whoever the **** will take it. i’m done. i'm sick of this game. people keep telling me to wait and the right person will come along. but they don’t get it. they all found their person already. it’s like being the last one picked in gym class, only more painful. they don’t understand. i’m past the point of wanting it to be special, or magical, or to even feel good for that matter. i’m smart enough to know those things can’t reasonably be expected of one’s first time. i just want to be able to say that i’ve had sex, so i won’t have this ******* inferiority complex hanging over me wherever the **** i go. and being a virgin at 19 does make me inferior. that’s saying men don’t want me, that my looks, my body, my genitals are not good enough to make men hard and want to **** me. i mean, i’m a young virgin girl - apparently very desired porn trope, right? well not in my case. because i’m also fat. and ugly. and no one ****s a fat and ugly girl, except for as 'practice'. oh, but looks don't matter?? ********!

the only way i'd be ****able to someone is if they were drunk. maybe when i'm old enough i'll just go to a bar and try my luck. seems like the only place i'd pick up anyone. that is, if i'm lucky! might have to pay them first, but oh well!

[NewCommer]

Easy there, c'mon, you're younger than i am and i even haven't had my first kiss.
Don't talk that way, it will only hurt you more. Having sex won't make any better of you, in fact, if you just pick the first ********* you encounter, he might end up hurting you.

You're asking if "this is dumb", well, i always say that no one should underestimate other people's problems, so no, if it makes you feel bad, is not dumb, but i'm telling you, sex is not something that makes you any more valuable or desireable, and don't feel bad about it. As a guy i must tell you, i prefer personallity over looks: i've met beautifull girls but with a bi#$% personallity, that i don't even want to befriend them. ANd the other way around, i also have liked women that no one understands why (for example, one was like 20 cm taller than me haha).

Sweetie, you're a really valuable person and you don't have to talk you down that way nor asking for random strangers to get something that, even if you don't think is something THAT special, it has a some of special.

Please, take care and be safe

Ennui, I am sorry you feel inferior for being a virgin. I am sorry you feel like crap because you are not taken. My best friend he is 64 and a virgin. I know a lot of older people who are and their happiness is in themselves not for what they can give or do for others. Sex is not going to make you feel any better about yourself, it has to be from within. If it is that important and you want to throw it away with anyone then you are telling me you think you are trash and needed to be treated as such. I choose not to believe that. tc

[Focus62]

I know a lot of people who haven't lost their virginity or lost their virginity later than the age of 19. I lost my virginity at 19 (I'm 23 now). I'm a reserved person, I think reserved/quiet people have it a lot harder because we don't come off as naturally "friendly" and outgoing. Perhaps you're a bit like this?

Anyway, my point is you're not the black sheep you think you are. Think about it too...a lot of people lie about their sexual habits just so they can "fit in" because everyone has a similar thought process you have going on...

You're not unlovable or unattractive to all men (or women if that's the case). Have some compassion for yourself. And most of all...be smart. Don't go hooking up with some random dude from the bar that you don't know very well. Like the first poster said, he could hurt you or have an STD or whatever... I know it seems like the end of the world now, but let the frustration pass and you'll find yourself with more patience than you thought you had

[YMIHere]

I hear your pain Girlfriend. I really do, but let me give you MY story and then you do with it what you like.

In Freshman year in high school I slept with this kid. Why? Because he was the FIRST guy to ever show an interest in me and probably because I was as desperate as you feel now. He didn't give a ***** about me though I had convinced myself that he had.

With that out of the way, it took about a year for me to get rolling again, but I slept with a NUMBER of guys who didn't give a ***** about me and doing so, only made me feel worse. When I felt worse, I tried to convince myself that I wasn't a slut that I did what I wanted and I was using THEM. This did not work.

I have a son who is 23 now. When he was younger I told him I did not expect him to wait until he got married to have sex. But I did tell him to make sure that it was something that he could look back on fondly. Let there be SOMETHING there so that he could at least remember her name.

It's something you can only give away once. Make someone spend the time to earn it. My advice anyway.

[divine1966]

You feel inferior because you didn't have sex at 19? Inferior to whom?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[marmaduke]

Nothing wrong with being a Virgin you are only 19!
Sex is way over rated any way.
I think if you go with just anyone you will feel worse not better.
Sex won't make you value yorself.
Only you can truly value yourself.
You should be proud of yourself

Sent from my SM-N910F using Tapatalk

[nicoleflynn]

Yes,I agree with the above poster. You have to value yourself first, and if you do not, you will allow other people to use you. If you feel you are overweight, you can begin to lose the weight. I doubt you are ugly! I f elt ugly as a teen.....skinny as a rail, bump in nose, frizzy hair and growing up in poverty and abuse. Guess what....that all changed as I grew up. What about yourself do you feel that is ugly? If you decide to have sex with just anyone.....you probably will not feel better. Sex should be shared between people who love one another; I lost my virginity at 19, and wish I had waited. Getting into counseling might help you.

If you like and respect yourself, you won't allow yourself to hook up with just anyone. If you choose to work on your self-esteem, and get to a place where you have good boundaries, you will learn to make good choices. I hope you will do that.

[JustJenny]

Do you see a pattern in all of there replies? All of them advise you not to do anything silly and wait or the right person. And so do I. I met the one when I was 25 and I am very glad that I waited.

[IrisBloom]

I think you are about to further lower your self esteem. Please, believe all of us women who have allowed ourselves to be used for that purpose. You will feel worse, not better. Just because everyone else seems to "have someone", that does not mean they are in healthy, happy relationships. You shouldn't feel left out because you haven't done what everyone else is doing. You are still pure and clean. Your adult life is just beginning and you have endless possibilities. I've seen your picture and you are far from ugly. Besides, looks don't mean all that much. Of course one is at first attracted by looks, but to have a real harmonious relationship you need to have many things that have nothing to do with looks. I promise you will find one special guy one day. I know you don't believe me now, but please don't rush into anything you will regret

[OneInBillions]

Wow, 19? That's really not too old at all; in fact you're positively young. FFS I'm 31 and still a virgin!

I don't know about waiting for "the right one" because that implies perfectionism to me; you might never find a "perfect" match for you. But don't just throw it away to the first guy who comes around! You deserve better than that. It does sound "dumb" to me to be completely honest.

Just my 2 cents. Please consider this more extensively before you do anything rash.

[Secretum]

24 and a virgin here...I know about feeling inferior, but there are so many reasons why you may be a virgin other than that you are somehow defective as a person. Maybe you're shy and don't have a lot of connections to guys that might be interested in you. Maybe you suffer from a condition like depression or anxiety, that both mucks with your self-esteem and libido, making finding a partner very difficult. Maybe you're so attractive that guys are intimidated by you!

And 19 is really not that old. That is like a freshman/sophomore in college. Just out of high school. And only something like 60% of recent high school grads have had sex.

it's just... how am i supposed to feel desired and sexy, if nobody desires me, nobody thinks i'm sexy.

i am definitely not so attractive that guys are intimidated by me. in school they'd dare each other to ask me out so that when i said yes they'd laugh the other table over, as if to say "How funny, you think anyone would actually want to go out with you?" it's been that way forever.

nobody's ever admitted to a crush on me. i never had a secret admirer. i didn't get valentines.

what else am i supposed to think, except that there is something wrong with me that repulses guys? that i am ugly, fat, stupid, smelly, something?

yes, i am shy, but i was under the impression that guys think shy girls are cute. i guess that's only true if the girl is also pretty.

i do have low confidence, but that is because nobody ever liked me, not the other way around. how am i supposed to believe that i am likable if no one has ever liked me?

i guess my point here is that i do have needs, and they are not being met. but the male population would rather just go on thinking i'm asexual, apparently.

i'm honestly so desperate. i've resolved that if i do not lose it by my 20th i will pay someone. then i can worry about finding the 'right' person, if such a thing does exist (although i doubt it - seems like bs to me).

i feel like i'm not good enough to even be a 'fling', and THAT is why i haven't 'done it' yet.

[shezbut]

Have you ever asked friends how you come across to them? A lot of times, what really attracts a person to you is personality. A nice smile, friendly (but not too friendly, if that makes any sense) attitude, easygoing, etc. Those are the types of characteristics that really grab a person's interest. Of course, other than physical attributes.

Try not to worry so much about being too ugly. Sometimes, a girl can be too pretty too! It's true ~ a lot of guys become overwhelmed and choose not to push themselves, with what they perceive to be a larger chance of being pushed away. When guys are older and more experienced, they become a lot more open with a wide range of women. The fact that girls typically mature more quickly than boys (at first) also goes along with girls seeing guys that are older.

This message is to give you a little better understanding of how a guy's mind typically works in the late teens. So, please don't worry that you're simply not good enough! There are so many possible reasons why the guys haven't yet spoken up to you. I know that you're anxious.... I have felt lonely and desperate for a man's love before. But sex does NOT lead to love. It took me a *very long time* to finally understand those words and accept them to be true. It is painfully true!

While you have specifically stated that you aren't looking for love, you're merely looking for sex, have you asked yourself "why"? Why are you looking for sex? Because young men typically don't have very much experience ~ and they tend not to last very long. They also aren't very good at picking up on what a girl likes/dislikes or wants/needs. I would seriously advise you to take that into account as well. So, if you're just wanting a guy to bring you to orgasm, I hate to tell you this, but, it's going to be a while. You may want to consider buying a vibrator, if you haven't already.

Anyone care to back me up or disagree with me on what I've stated? I'm just sharing the things that I've learned in my life. I didn't have my first orgasm until I was around 23 or so (even though I'd been active since 16). Something worth thinking about. Many men and women use vibrators to bring her to completely to orgasm. I think that this topic is one that a lot of people like to avoid, in regular life. They still want to act as though you meet your true love in High School, go to college and get a career then get married & live happily ever after. Unfortunately, that's just not our reality. I wonder if it ever really was?

Hope that I've given you some things to think about, in a positive and realistic way. You do deserve a good man. And he will come around one of these days, try not to push yourself in a dangerous way. okay? ((((hugs))))) to you!

hi shezbut, thank you for replying. sorry if i don't address everything in your post. i'm tired and in a slightly dark place, but i want to let you know that i appreciate you taking the time to write that out.

i really don't have any friends to talk about this with, unfortunately. i do consider myself to have a nice personality. i'm not the funniest or most entertaining person, but i'm friendly. i mainly have trouble starting conversations, but not carrying them, as long as the other person is as engaged as i am (not bored/half-listening/looking at their phone/etc.)

one thing about me that i seem to run into trouble with is that my interests are not like those of other people my age. i'm not very mainstream. i don't like a lot of what's on tv. i hate modern music, especially pop - i prefer old school rock/metal/punk to anything that's out there today. i do not care for celebrities and am not interested in their lives. on top of this i'm not excessively feminine or at all pretty; i wear minimal makeup on a good day (though i do have a penchant for nail polish/perfume/jewelry), and i feel like because of this men will never see me as a potential partner, sexual or otherwise.

overall, i find it hard to relate with people my age. i cannot seem to find anyone of my own age range who likes the same things that i do, or who is even slightly like me. this, coupled with my mild social anxiety/introverted personality make it almost impossible for me to even get beyond the conversational stuff to ever know someone. plus i have a history of low self-esteem and bullying. i feel like i have nothing to offer anyone. clearly my good personality is not enough.

i would like to be loved romantically someday, in fact, it's one of my big goals in life, and i am not even a goal-oriented person. it's just that love is something i don't think that i can reasonably expect to happen to me. and if my chances of having real love are slim to none, then i am going to settle for the next best thing, which is sex, sex. and more sex. unfortunately i am not good enough for this either.

i just want my sexuality to be validated. i don't feel that i can do that for myself, it has to be from someone else, or it doesn't count. i feel like people see me as this innocent little girl whose never thought of doing anything with anyone. i feel that being a virgin doesn't suit me, it is not who i am, it doesn't reflect the person i am inside or the sexual being that i am, and i would rather not exist that way anymore. i couldn't care less about orgasm, i can easily give myself one of those and have, but i just want to be wanted sexually by someone else. i want my body to be useful to someone else. i want someone else to desire me as i have never been desired once in my life, and it leaves me feeling not good enough.

i hope i explained this well.

[CeCe333]

Oh my god, PLEASE don't do this
This single event snowballed and ruined my life

I felt the same way from when I first got to college until I was about 22. I felt kind of like a loser and a little rejected because of the fact that I hadn't had sex, but when I finally had it at the right time, it ruined my life. And every day I wish it never happened that way.

What you're experiencing is probably an issue in self confidence. You want to be accepted in a certain way. Please talk to a professional and don't make the same mistake I made. He/she can help you feel better about yourself so you won't feel the need to make such a big mistake anymore.

And then I got what I wanted at 22
I even lied to the guy and claimed that I wasn't a virgin because I was ashamed that I was at 22

To make a long story short, after I had sex with him, I ended up "trapped" in an abusive relationship. By "trapped" I meant that I could have left, but I stayed even though I didn't like him or having sex with him, and he always pressured me.

I recognize that most cases like this won't be as extreme as mine was, but it will forever scar you.

I will reiterate:
See a therapist for self-confidence issues

[CeCe333]

MOST importantly, you won't feel any better about yourself after losing your virginity, despite what you think now. It'll be a waste and no reward.

You want somebody to want to have sex with you so you can feel worthy or attractive. It doesn't work that way.
I truly believed I would feel accepted or that someone would want me and that would help my self-confidence issues. But I got none of that.

[BlueCrustacean]

Great responses here. I'm a 25 year old virgin, and I used to think a lot like you sometimes. I used to think the fact that I haven't had sex yet CLEARLY meant that I was undesirable and a failure, but that implies that sex is more important than anything else, which it really isn't. Even if you're really attractive, your energy and attitude, if it's cold and distant, can repels guys who fear getting rejected. Self-confidence is a huge part of what makes people attractive, not just their physical appearance.

But the base of this problem is not sex, believe it or not. It's about YOUR self-esteem. It's about a fundamentally flawed mental belief that what OTHERS think of you is more valid than what YOU think of yourself.

I'm sorry that you've been bullied a lot by others. That's hard to deal with, and it can be tough to get over. Just remember, though, that they only treated you that way because they were insecure and foolish, and why would you take THEIR opinions of you seriously anyway? Who are some dumb bullies to be the objective judges of your worth?

Only you can be the judge of your own worth.

You deserve to experience sex the RIGHT way, with the RIGHT kind of person. Have you ever sought out the more shy, nerdy kinds of guys? They might have a lot more in common with you than the average guys.

I have a video in my signature that's perfect for helping with low self-esteem issues. It's really helped me out a ton, and I hope it helps you out to. Just listen to even the first minute, it's great stuff.

[wiretwister]

my wife was a small town girl , she was shy , backwards , "not pretty by most standards" , skinney , not well educated , mousey ... those were her good qualities ... my voc ed teacher set us up because he knew in her small town she had no chance to meet anyone ... it was arranged for us to meet with out it being a date so no pressure if we did not click ... I fell in love the second I saw her ... we dated six months then married .. we were both virgins on our wedding night ... her 21, me 25 ... we have been married 33 years ... it can happen ... be yourself ... that is what is attractive ...

everyone telling me it's attractive to be myself but every time i was 'myself' it blew up in my face and i got bullied mercilessly. obviously myself is not and will never be good enough. i should just accept that i will always be lonely and undersexed no matter what.