I can't do anything, can i?

I'm actually not sure if this has to do with ADD, but i was diagnosed when i was in 3rd grade, and i feel it could be a contributing factor. i can't seem to accomplish anything in life. normal things, too. i think maybe its because i can't seem to focus on any goal for longer than a day or so. i know i could write them down, but i'm lazy and there's something else that holds me back from doing things which might help. its like some sort of mental or emotional block. i say "emotional" because the feeling i get when i think about helping myself is negative. i don't know what's wrong with me. i know i'm smart and its not like i'm any less capable than anyone else. i was horrible at school, but if i'm interested in something, learning about it is no problem. i do sense that i'm not normal in terms of thought process, but its hard to explain. i don't mean that in either a good or bad way; just different. anyhow, it seems like i have everything i need to be successful, but despite that, i'm totally not and i think its more than just lack of motivation. at the same time, i don't think its due to being incapable. its like there's something blocking me from making any progress in life. i feel more like a spectator than an active participant. i want to feel involved, and i'm scared that the issue is too deeply a part of me to do anything about.

Sounds like depression. The depression could be a chemical imbalance or situational. It would be best if you sought help from a licensed mental health professional. And consider going to behavioral therapy.

This could totally be related to ADD. Completely misnamed, there is not a Deficit of Attention, in fact our attention can be extraordinary. ADD is really Inconsistent Attention. ADDer's have poor executive function because of low dopamine levels in the brain our short term memory is really poor, so later when we recall something there are often holes in the memory that we try to fill in, often wrong. People can accuse us of lying because we remember differently or not at all.

The ADD brain works extremely fast, but wears down quickly and by the end of the day it is hard to find the drive to do anything. Being called lazy is common and we end up believing it. ADD symptoms wreck the self esteem as the years go on. I did not get diagnosed until I was 43, about 4 years ago. It is incredible how much better I feel after learning what was throwing me off all those years. Adderall and a lot of reading have improved my symptoms a bunch.

If you were diagnosed with ADD as a child, it is highly likely that you still have it. ADD does not go away as often as people used to think. You should talk to your doctor about how you feel.

why behavioral therapy?

thanks for sharing that info. despite having been diagnosed so long ago, i've never really bothered to research ADD. i hardly know anything about it. maybe i should look into it.

also, i just got off adderall about 2 months ago. i'd been taking it for about 3-4 years, but felt like it was too easy to abuse. now i take strattera.

The meds work differently in a lot of people. I was worried, at first, when Adderall was suggested by my pdoc, but I've been taking it for four years and my dosage is the same and just as effective. I also find that I rarely want to drink alcohol, which is a pretty good side effect.

You should definitely pickup a book about ADD, I believe the knowledge I gained from reading up on the disorder helped as much as the meds. I found that what I believed was my own lazy, selfish and odd way of thinking were very common in ADDer's.

I hope you feel a little better about yourself soon

In recent times, certain types of behavioral therapy have grown in popularity. Methods like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) are all part of this emerging group that are called third wave behavioral therapies. Each has different emphases, but all work on teaching clients how to handle difficult emotions, how to think about what they’re experiencing and how to learn ways of changing actions in response to difficult thoughts. CBT does this by getting people to identify hot thoughts that represent core beliefs that aren’t true, DBT works on getting people to change their perceptions of situations by reframing, and ACT, which leans heavily on Buddhism, trains people to accept negative thinking without acting.

My son was in behavioral therapy (ADHD/ADD). He had classic symptoms of both conditions and which caused problems at school. He also had problems socially. Therapy taught him alternatives to the behaviors that caused the most problems.

Work towards that. Find what you want to do and do it. Yes, you have to pursue it, even when it is not "fun" or interesting; everything worth doing has some aspect that one doesn't necessarily like. Everyone has that problem, you are not strange or different in that way.

But we are largely made up of habits and you are getting in the habit of not working on things, of making excuses, and that will only get stronger the more you indulge in it. Break down goals into smaller pieces, as small as you need to and get things you want to do done that way.

There's no magic answer or good enough excuse for not doing what we want to do. If you decide you are no longer interested, finish it anyway, just to get in the habit of finishing what you start. I did not figure out how to do that with homework in school until I was 41! It's just you dealing with yourself, no one else can do anything about that.

I agree with this. But my issue comes in where I have realized my own shortfall because of ADD. How do you explain to someone to who does not other understand and wants an explanation. I had this situation with my father a couple weeks ago. My mother is easy going and will accept things. But my father wants hardcore reasons why, some I just cannot validate or answer.

One of the issues with our loved ones is "Perception". With ADD we have years of repeat behaviors that are filed as Automatic and Expected. Even after understanding why these things happened and medications beginning to change the behaviors it takes a long time for the new better behaviors to displace the Automated Perception that is in place.

Many don't really want an explanation, because if it is not a point blank "Why" they just think we are making excuses. Save your energy... It is better just to say "Sorry I mess up" and move on. ADD behaviors can be pretty frustrating to those without ADD, so we cannot expect automatic acknowledgment of every improved reaction or behavior.

It takes time to create a new "Perception"

I am still pretty flawed. We had family member pass away recently. I did not react I guess as you should. Needless to say I did not notice it but my response was pretty cold. Not trying to justify it. But i did not notice it was not the proper response, I felt bad after but what do I say after, I dunno how to make it right. I have almost forgotten how to feel sadness. But then again I use to cry a lot so I have done away with that pretty much, since I got made fun of for it a lot. I have no use for it so I have learned to do away with it. My mom then told me she does not understand how I am so cold or don't show emotion, since I was loved as a child and use to show it to people. Who knows. It is almost like I have learned to shove my emotions down or get rid of them since they cause me so much trouble in the past.

thanks for the advice. if learning more about ADD will help me understand myself better, it is certainly worth it. maybe it will help put things into perspective for me. is there any material you would suggest?

Ah! thanks for explaining that! all 3 of those seem like they would be really helpful. especially the first two. CBT seems like something i could use not only to analyze myself, but also others much in the same way that i use symbolic logic to analyze arguments. seems like it would be a very effective tool.

the way you explain DBT sounds like something i have only been able to catch glimpses of. basically, a different perspective. if i could learn to apply that perspective on command, i could also learn to make the best out of any situation that life gives me. truly invaluable.

i'm still a little uncertain how i could use ACT beyond keeping me from making impulsive decisions. maybe it has to do with accepting negative situations with a serene mind, however if i learned DBT, i wouldn't need ACT.

Thanks

Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey are the two books YYZ recommended I Read. They were definitely worth it. Full of good info. I am reading them over again.

I also just bought another book today my psychiatrist recommended I read, 4 weeks to an organized life with adhd, by Jeffrey Freed and Joan Shapiro. I have not read this yet so no opinion on it yet. Just throwing it out there

Advice which verges on wisdom. you're right and i think i truly needed to hear that . i wanted to say something cheesy like "it really speaks to me", but for the sake of not being cheesy, i'll try not to. still, it does resonate with me. the most important thing though, is that i take it to heart. i will try to do that.

as far as "getting in the habit" goes, i'm a little worried. you see, i've been in that habit for most of my life. my parents were pretty weak and life was always easy. i'm already the sort of person who finishes what i start, but that fact keeps me from starting many things for fear of not being able to finish them. this way of being keeps me inactive, and that's not good. also, i tend to be indecisive. once you choose one path, you turn your back on all the others. "if nothing is decided, anything is possible." too bad the reality of it isn't as good as the saying is, itself.

Try and give proof. give real world examples, if possible. even if they don't apply directly, connections can still be made. either overwhelm him with large amounts of proof until he can no longer argue back or find proof from someone he "trusts".

hope that helps

We might be brothers from another mother or something...
I was an emotional kid, I cried, got upset easily and got made fun of because of it. Around age 13 the switch flipped and I buried my emotions. I forgot how to release or show emotion, especially sadness or grief. I suppress anger pretty well too. I still can feel emotions but just cannot show them well, so I don't show much of them at all.

I have that issue too, but probably much worse. i'm not bragging by any means. i do feel bad about it, but i can be extremely cold to people who i'm close to. its like being emotional with them just feels gross or awkward. i'm not entirely sure why that is, but it makes it hard to connect with people. i wish i could give advice on how to handle it, but i can't give advice that i'm not willing to follow, myself.

as far as grieving goes, everyone does it differently. both on an individual level and also on a cultural level. no one else can tell you how to react in those situations as long as you're not being outright disrespectful or callous. sometimes other people are actually the ones who are wrong, and its important to know when. defiance isn't always appropriate though. sometimes just knowing you're not at fault is enough.

I would try this if I could, But the thing is that by the time I realize a reason I could use, as fast as it came it is gone like a fart in the wind. It is almost like I would have have a notebook with me at all times so I can compile a list of things i can use. I did have my father come into one appointment with me so he could talk to the psychiatrist I have. She asked me what I wanted have her tell him. I was kinda vague and general though. I just wanted her to give a general overview and try to make it seem valid seeing how I do not know enough to explain it and if I tried he may think of it as an excuse. which I do not want him to think. he really does want the best for me. It is just hard though since he had no idea and I am sure the guilt is enormous. He was hard to talk to as well because when I would talk to him in the past about things he would just say he does not understand. He even told the psychiatrist lady his childhood was more of the suck it up and drive forward, he tried not to do that with me like he grew up with. I really appreciate the environment but I dunno maybe such a regimented and drive forward attitude might have helped me. But ya know, hind sight is always 20/20 and who knows. I feel bad I cannot show more appreciation, I had a wonderful household growing up. I just cannot change how things have gone or are.

That is pretty much me in a nutshell. Maybe we were brothers in a past life o.O. I did shed a tear when a friend of mine had passed away. But I was close to him. I just feel it is wrong I can feel a tiny fraction of sadness for a friend but not a family member, I dunno. Maybe it was fake sadness that I had put on. I am not sure. But really that is the only time I have felt an emotion and showed it but I do not the rest of the time. I am good at suppressing anger for the most part. But I am Hitting my limit. I just wish I wasn't because I only take it out on my dad for the most part. But then again his personality and the way he holds himself is totally incompatible with me. Sometimes he says why are you mad when I am talking. But most of the time I am not. I am just excited. I am yelling or raising my voice to remain intact to what is going on. If I do not. I will lose interest or give up and walk away then he really thinks I was mad. But mostly I am frustrated. He is hard for me to talk to or get what I think or want to say across. So most of the time I say nothing or hold it in since they never can get what I say to him or my grandfather. What I say makes perfect sense to me but no one else apparently.

I am not a fan of showing emotion anymore. Not that I really can anymore. I feel emotion but I do not know how to display it. When I talked to my mom about what I said to my dad when he told my uncle had died. I really did not respond to him appropriately. My mom said that my response was indifferent. Whatever the heck that means. It them all hard but it made it hard for me because I really did not feel sad. Although for me the environment he was living in seemed miserable to me, so the thing I thought was logical is that I was glad/happy for him that it was finally over. I did not display joy he was dead, I was just glad it was over for him. He had tried committing suicide in 1989 or so. The only result is he became blind. But the life he lived from that point on was really sad and miserable to me and the only emotion I felt is that I am glad it is over for him so he does not have to be miserable and suffer anymore. I almost envied him even since he was finally able to escape. It was almost like I had no other room for the emotion of feeling sad. I see how it impacted all my family members I could see it in the room and when I talked to them. But I just could not feel it or relate. I dunno. I guess it may have been one of those inappropriate responses........ugh.

I am not a fan of emotion either though or public displays of affection. It makes me disgusted to see it. I left a mexican food place I go to alot. And these two people were kissing and **** next to my car. Then when I went they couldn't move so I would touch the girl while she was kissing. So needless to say I gave her a little nudge with my mirror. Then rolled my window down and was like o sorry, didn't mean to disturb you, but I want to go eat and maybe you should just get a room to do that crap instead of sharing it with the world. Needless to say they were not happy and I left a sour taste in there mouth I think lol. But I left and so did they lol. My food was extra tasty .

The real point I was trying to make thous is that showing any emotion, either from me or from other people, makes me want to take a acid bath and make my skin come off. It makes me feel so grotesque and that I need to take 5 showers to try and wash the feeling away. It just grosses me out so much. I wish I could just shed my skin like a reptile after witnessing things like that.

yeah, that is pretty sad. even though i didn't know him, i can't help but feel sorry for him. if you don't mind, how did he try to kill himself that would have left him blind?

wow lol, that is pretty hardcore. i would just be annoyed that they were in my way. i mean, they probably knew you were there, so its just inconsiderate. i have no patients for crap like that. especially when some other guy is getting action and not me. its just not right!

He shot himself in the temple. But all did was take out his optic nerves. No other damage really.