[honeybee777]

I think we as HPD, don't necessary PURSUE desires, but we allow ourselves to be caught up in desires in which are set before us. As we have many admirers, those that are willing to do anything to perhaps make us belong to them, by saying what we want to hear or doing things to make us feel wanted, desired, and loved, we....for the moment...will allow ourselves to picture our life with that person and feel that we "love" them and that IF ONLY we could be with that person instead of the one we are with that we would be finally truly happy.

But when we get that other person, we find that we see their faults we could not see before, therfore we allow ourselves to start fantasizing about yet another admirer and the cycle continues....

[Grace Claire]

Hi honeybee, I am just now stuck in a crazy vicious cycle. That is why I have not been here today. I have been at work for hours on getting undying love from my husband and another man. I am happiest in the world when I am hearing "I love you." I play so many games, my own head is spinning from it. I am completely inappropriate with this guy who is not my husband. He was my first love, so this leaves wide open the opportunities to talk about sex. I have been talking to him for over a month via text, email, phone. He has pushed to come here and visit and I have pulled back each time just enough so he does not go away but he stops asking temporarily. I cannot quit. I mean I have, but then he texts me, and I am sexually aroused by the thought of him and I am talking to him again. If he were here, I would have had sex w/him by now.

I read your posts and I see you are having tough times being on your own right now. Sorry I am so self involved right now or I would have come and chatted w/you. I just waste my time on this guy. Really, I have no intention of getting together and need to end it. Tell me more about you! That will help both of us!. -GC

[honeybee777]

well theres alot to tell, I have been HPd all of my life, and i got marredi like 10 years ago and my hubby wasnmt showing me affection, so i was using facebook as an outlet for some communication from old friends of my past, not a good thig lol, so i neded up talking to an old freind, one of my brother bff when we were kids and I ended up having an online affair and left my husband for a month, this man and i had so many problems becuase he has BPD, and a wife of his own, with us both being married and having kids it didnt end well it lasted for about 1 month and we both went back hom to our spouses, he has tried to contact me various times, but for some reason i feel bored with him, and dont feel the ame way about him, I have worked most of the problems out with my husaband, and things seem OK, but since my hubby started his new job, old behaviors seem to arise, like being mean to me.... thats the short version lol

[Grace Claire]

Originally Posted by honeybee777

well theres alot to tell, I have been HPd all of my life, and i got marredi like 10 years ago and my hubby wasnmt showing me affection, so i was using facebook as an outlet for some communication from old friends of my past, not a good thig lol, so i neded up talking to an old freind, one of my brother bff when we were kids and I ended up having an online affair and left my husband for a month, this man and i had so many problems becuase he has BPD, and a wife of his own, with us both being married and having kids it didnt end well it lasted for about 1 month and we both went back hom to our spouses, he has tried to contact me various times, but for some reason i feel bored with him, and dont feel the ame way about him, I have worked most of the problems out with my husaband, and things seem OK, but since my hubby started his new job, old behaviors seem to arise, like being mean to me.... thats the short version lol

I have to have affection too and constant reassurance. Do you love your husband? Did you say he is driving a truck? How much is he gone?

So, you actually left your husband. Has he gotten over it completely? Does he trust you now? Could that be why he gets mean? Maybe he does not like to leave you on your own. You have kids too? (I read your posts but I'm so tired, I hoped we could get to know each other on this thread?)

I am trying to figure out a way to avoid temptation. FB is not a good friend to HPDs. I just removed my maiden name.

I am mood happy because I just got ultimate reassurance from husband. I just left a text for other man too.

More background: was married 3 times ending in divorce, one husband committed suicide. Attempted suicide myself once. (All in my twenties) Have been really happy for 20 yrs w/4th and close to perfect husband. Have had lots of therapy. I get real depressed, but not too much anymore. I wish I could attribute my successes to me, but I believe it is my husband that makes it all work and therapy. Are you in therapy? Take care honeybee! Thinking of you. -GC

[Grace Claire]

__________________
'A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left.' Marylin Monroe

That is perfect honeybee. I live it too. But I test my husband and I do believe he loves me. Just need to get rid of this guy and my need for his attention must stop. -GC

[honeybee777]

My husband is a narcisist, so he has a hard tome sowing or expressing love or kindness to me, that why he is mean, yes he does trust me, whn i left him he knew why i left, so i wasnt lying to him or anything to him,he knew I was a very good and faithful wife i did everything for him, so when i left him i told him why i was leaving, we weere seperated , yes he does trust me very much, i never lird to hom about anything so he knows i will be upfront, and yes i love him very much, but i deserve better than to be treated with dmotional abuse , he has NPD, so he can be very crude, but with me leaving and such were completly over that part of our lives, but when he acts me it makes me want to eacape you know? I need his approval and attantion constantly! I closed all my facebook account everything that could tie me in to old friends, and weve repaired our marriage pretty well, I think his NPD striked when i dont do things his way, like cleaning homework and paying bills, but were doing our best. The good hing about all this ais that he changed for a breif moment, which was like heaven to me, but now that he is gone alot, and then wehn he comes homes he can be very mean, and so i just deal with it knowing that he has NPD like I have HPD, soooo were trying, thats all we can do right? yes we have two girls, and they are our lives. yeah my signature is how i live, lol

[Grace Claire]

Hi honeybee, I was married to a narcissistic guy (jmo, but definitely so), 3rd marriage. That can be tough! I hope your guy doesn't make you feel too bad. Mine did. It drove me to flirt like crazy with other men. It drove me to my next husband. I worry about you now, because I think that being criticized a lot is one of the worst things for HPDs. But then, I suppose if he makes up for it w/other things like compliments, kindness, great sex, maybe that works out for you. I know the attraction of the narcissist though, so self-assured and confident. Do you think your husband thinks so highly of himself that it helps him trust you. Like he can't imagine you would seriously leave him for good.

That was a good idea to close down your FB. Mine is just family & a couple of friends now. -GC

[honeybee777]

he knows i left becuase he was mean to me, so as long as he is kind we dont have a problem, but i think he knows he can trust me as long as he is nice, other wise its his fault, but he struggled for a while he couldnt beleive i left him, hard knock to his slef image i guess, then he realised that other men wouldnt mind taking me either, lol, and that if he wasnt cool i would have no problem leaving but i think we tried to make it work for the kids, you know? And it seemed to be better then all of a sudden he started being s jerk again, idk, well see

[Grace Claire]

Hi honeybee! Sorry he is being a jerk again. Have you tried to discuss it w/him?

My ex-bf got mad at me and said some really mean stuff to me. "Wh#re, Sl#t, etc." Sounds like a bad thing, but I think I can ignore him now which is good. Men are a trip. He's trying to get something going w/me although I am married, talking about sex again and again, then resents or despises me for talking about sex I just had w/my husband. I told him that he was making me crazy w/desire and that he was improving my sex life. Well? What did he think I was doing? Saving myself for him?! Tell me the truth, honeybee, was that mean? Seriously, I did not think so. But I do know sometimes HPDs don't empathize very well. -GC.

[Grace Claire]

So, I guess I was successful. I wrote ex-bf a good bye letter to end it and emailed it. He did not respond. So I sent it to his other email address. He wrote back that he had already gotten it. I asked him where my response was. Nothing since then. I was really glad for a couple of hours, then I started feeling anxious. Now I am thinking he has left me and am feeling bad as though he rejected me. The more time that passes, I feel more rejected and dejected. Even I see that this makes no sense. Yet, I think I kinda miss him. Of course he should apologize for the name calling. So what do you think? I should end this since I love my husband but I do look forward to talking to him every day. He has improved my sex life if I am honest. I'm sure his has probably improved too. He is separated and getting a divorce. Well, I should definitely just let this go, but I already feel a sense of loss. He sent me music so I am listening to it. My husband will be home soon and I miss him so I will feel better. He tells me every day that he loves me several times and that helps. Yep, I'll go get busy until he is home. TTYL, honeybee. Let me know what's going on w/you. -GC

[honeybee777]

Ok about the thing about being mean and lacking empathy, LOL, you asking the wrong person LMFAO, I lack empathy hard core!!! But to tell him you had sex with your husband and he is desiring you the alerts me with red flags and I will tell you why, are you trying to make him jealous? That would be the only reason I would ever say something like that to an ex, LOL, idk i could be reading into it wrong ? tell me more

[honeybee777]

OMG girl you sounf just like me this about the secong post im reading, when I left my ex bf becuase i thought i had found out he went back to his wife, I flipped out, I mean I just left my husband for us to live happily ever after!!! Right? So i bloaacke dhim freaked out knew i was doing the right thing, then flet rejected when he didnt respond to my beck and call! I worte him a letter telling him it was over blah blah, but i never meant it I just wanted to hurt him the way he ahd hurt me, then on top of that I called his wife, YEP I GOT SOME BALLS, and i went off on her *** and told her she was lucky that i wasnt close or i would harm her, and she has known me since i was 12 so she knew i wasnt messing, but of course me and my hubby worked it all out, GUESS WHO didn mek it work, YEP you guessed it and guess who came crawling back to me YEP my ex BF, I played with him a little mroe, just to find out the truth, then dumped and I have absoulutly no feeling for him at all, pretty cool huh? BTW your ex sounds exaclty like mine would send me music and such

[Grace Claire]

Ex-bf is being obnoxious! He is sending these really sexually graphic emails w/no apology at all. I think he is drunk. He is making it easy to say good bye.

Well honeybee, I will drop in and see if you post tomorrow. If you don't, I hope it is because all is well w/you. I'll talk to you again when you are back. Take care. -GC

[Grace Claire]

Hey, I told you I was new!! I did not see your replies because they had moved to the 2nd page. Glad you are (were) back! I am so sleepy now. I will be back tomorrow. Take care and good night honeybee. -GC

[honeybee777]

see you tomorrow

[Grace Claire]

Originally Posted by honeybee777

Ok about the thing about being mean and lacking empathy, LOL, you asking the wrong person LMFAO, I lack empathy hard core!!! But to tell him you had sex with your husband and he is desiring you the alerts me with red flags and I will tell you why, are you trying to make him jealous? That would be the only reason I would ever say something like that to an ex, LOL, idk i could be reading into it wrong ? tell me more

Hi honeybee! You are cheerful today! Yay!

I am serious. I was not trying to make my ex-bf jealous. I asked him if talking about my husband and me would make him jealous at some earlier time and he said no, but I was still cautious about it. It also made me doubt that he cared about me much because I was jealous thinking of him w/others. But I am married, so I figured okay. I did steer clear when it came to our sex life. Then one day he was talking in such a way that I was really lusting for him and I just said what I was thinking - that he was improving my sex life. Well, maybe he felt it was more of an insult to him to say it, since he does not really care that I am having sex w/my husband every night.

He would not apologize last night for the name calling so I do not forgive him. I am ambivalent about all of it. He has not called or anything else this morning. He is working and probably has a hangover, so I am thinking we are done. He continued on last night w/the offensive emails, but I have to admit that they were pretty sexy too in a base kind of way.

So what's up w/you and your husband? Is he still criticizing you? Did you sit him down and talk to him about it? -GC

[Grace Claire]

Originally Posted by honeybee777

OMG girl you sounf just like me this about the secong post im reading, when I left my ex bf becuase i thought i had found out he went back to his wife, I flipped out, I mean I just left my husband for us to live happily ever after!!! Right? So i bloaacke dhim freaked out knew i was doing the right thing, then flet rejected when he didnt respond to my beck and call! I worte him a letter telling him it was over blah blah, but i never meant it I just wanted to hurt him the way he ahd hurt me, then on top of that I called his wife, YEP I GOT SOME BALLS, and i went off on her *** and told her she was lucky that i wasnt close or i would harm her, and she has known me since i was 12 so she knew i wasnt messing, but of course me and my hubby worked it all out, GUESS WHO didn mek it work, YEP you guessed it and guess who came crawling back to me YEP my ex BF, I played with him a little mroe, just to find out the truth, then dumped and I have absoulutly no feeling for him at all, pretty cool huh? BTW your ex sounds exaclty like mine would send me music and such

Yep, we may think in a similar way, but honeybee, you are much more a girl of action!! -GC

[Grace Claire]

Here's one of the songs, ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ 'Kandi' by One EskimO ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ It's on youtbe. See if you like it. TTYL! -GC

[honeybee777]

Me and my hubby are doing well he appologized for his actions, I love him very much, if i didnt I wouldnt be with him, he has been with me threw the thick and thin times were perfect for one another were opposites, he is a very good man, and freaking hot!!!!! Very good in bed as well , a hard worker and a very good father!!! He grew up in a very unstable envoriment, but so did I, LOL, who didnt? But he has worked on his NPD as I have my HPD, for some reason i have dound that HPD attract to NPD's alot. But he will be home this friday for our daughter b-day party....rock on LOL! So what did you mean Im a girl in action ?

[Grace Claire]

"for some reason i have dound that HPD attract to NPD's alot"

As I mentioned, I married a narcissistic guy (3rd husband) and I do get the attraction. He always knew what to do and never had doubts about it either. At least with a narcissist, you are never caught up in indecision and frozen in doubt. Your husband sounds like a great guy. As you say, none of us are perfect. As long as he is working on the NPD and how it effects you, that sounds great.

"So what did you mean Im a girl in action ?"

I just meant that you take action when you need to instead of putting up w/a bad situation. I think I linger too long. Actually I did leave my 1st & 3rd husbands pretty quickly once I realized I had made mistakes, so maybe we are both ladies of action after all. My shortest marriage (2nd) was three months but that ended very sadly and badly w/the suicide. I lost heart after that for a long time. I could not live w/myself. Husband 3, the narcissist, rescued me. He had enough confidence and courage for the both of us.

Ex-bf never called but he is sending me stuff in email, links to something. Who knows what? I'm still holding out for the apology he owes me. Why can't he just say sorry? He is the opposite of my husband. White collar/blue collar, refined/rugged, etc. Well, they are alike about apologies. Tick tock on that apology. Not that it matters. It's over. I feel guilty today. My head must be clearing.

Take care honeybee. I admire your positive outlook, always cheerful!! TTYL -GC

[Grace Claire]

Hi honeybee, if you are around. I am depressed. Ex-bf is gone and so is my erotic euphoria. Maybe I was wrong, intentionally or not, saying what I did to him. Still, I must show mind over matter to end this silliness as it would definitely really upset my husband. I really can't think straight in that euphoric state of mind but it is a difficult withdrawal to lose it. It is hard not to contact him. I wish he were here. I can't imagine what it is like to have a real affair. It must be really hot - in a constant euphoric state.

I don't know if I told you that I confessed to my husband without details. He said he could understand but it had to stop. That was awhile back, weeks ago. This is what he gets for trusting me.

Hope all is well. -GC

PS-Sorry to be such a downer.

Originally Posted by honeybee777

I think we as HPD, don't necessary PURSUE desires, but we allow ourselves to be caught up in desires in which are set before us. As we have many admirers, those that are willing to do anything to perhaps make us belong to them, by saying what we want to hear or doing things to make us feel wanted, desired, and loved, we....for the moment...will allow ourselves to picture our life with that person and feel that we "love" them and that IF ONLY we could be with that person instead of the one we are with that we would be finally truly happy.

But when we get that other person, we find that we see their faults we could not see before, therfore we allow ourselves to start fantasizing about yet another admirer and the cycle continues....

Being an outside observer, I can say that this is very true and a very accurate statement about the cycles you go through, at least you personally I don't know about the rest of the HPD people. Another thing that I note about you is that you have a hard time making a clean break from people, even the ones that have wronged you. This is just my analysis but I feel like it's because you like to keep your prospects alive regardless of whether they are good for you or not. If at any point they've been one to give you the attention, admiration and focus that you so crave, they will forever remain on your "prospects list". amirite? It's aggravating sometimes to see this, being a person that can actually cut off people at some point and, being bpd, you expect your friends to "cut off" the ones you choose to but then I'm digressing about myself here Kind of leads into a bit of tension

Anyway. dunno if this helps but there it is.

Originally Posted by Grace Claire

Ex-bf is being obnoxious! He is sending these really sexually graphic emails w/no apology at all. I think he is drunk. He is making it easy to say good bye.

Well honeybee, I will drop in and see if you post tomorrow. If you don't, I hope it is because all is well w/you. I'll talk to you again when you are back. Take care. -GC

Sounds like he's being passive aggressive.

[Grace Claire]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Sounds like he's being passive aggressive.

Hi s4ndm4n2006, thanks for your response. I think you are right about him being passive-aggressive. Did you read any earlier posts? I am just curious as to whether you, as a non-HPD, think I was being thoughtless and, well, mean to my ex-bf w/what I said.

Here is the earlier post. I am wondering if you think that I lack empathy. I am constantly having trouble with determining whether I have been unkind, even cruel at times. I would appreciate your thoughts. Thanks. -GC

"My ex-bf got mad at me and said some really mean stuff to me. "Wh#re, Sl#t, etc." Sounds like a bad thing, but I think I can ignore him now which is good. Men are a trip. He's trying to get something going w/me although I am married, talking about sex again and again, then resents or despises me for talking about sex I just had w/my husband. I told him that he was making me crazy w/desire and that he was improving my sex life. Well? What did he think I was doing? Saving myself for him?! Tell me the truth, honeybee, was that mean? Seriously, I did not think so. But I do know sometimes HPDs don't empathize very well. -GC. "

Sorry for the slight on men. I did not mean all men. -GC

Originally Posted by Grace Claire

Hi s4ndm4n2006, thanks for your response. I think you are right about him being passive-aggressive. Did you read any earlier posts? I am just curious as to whether you, as a non-HPD, think I was being thoughtless and, well, mean to my ex-bf w/what I said.

I'll do my best

Originally Posted by Grace Claire

"My ex-bf got mad at me and said some really mean stuff to me. "Wh#re, Sl#t, etc." Sounds like a bad thing, but I think I can ignore him now which is good. Men are a trip. He's trying to get something going w/me although I am married, talking about sex again and again, then resents or despises me for talking about sex I just had w/my husband. I told him that he was making me crazy w/desire and that he was improving my sex life. Well? What did he think I was doing? Saving myself for him?! Tell me the truth, honeybee, was that mean? Seriously, I did not think so. But I do know sometimes HPDs don't empathize very well. -GC. "

It's going to be an issue when you talk to a man about sex period. He's going to be aroused and want to talk about it more but .. I might add, he won't want to hear about sex other than with him which is natural. The thing is, if there is an empathy issue, it's his empathy, not yours. If he's going to get upset about you talking about sex with your husband, then he's holding a double standard. In other words it's ok for him to do it but not you (talk about sex with others)