Wanting to tell T about daily life

I have a lot going on now, which is making me stressed. Truth is, I usually want talk about everything going on in my life because I'm usually stress about it all. I wanted to tell everything I'm doing this week. I've always wanted to tell my Ts everything. She asked why I want to tell her all that. I don't know! I want her to know what is bothering me and go on and on. She wanted me to close my eyes so she could help me settle. That was helpful, but I still have this strong need to ramble on and on about things. Can anyone relate? I want to know why I do it.

My t and i spend a good deal of time talking about daily life. She always asks me questions about work/ family/ pets/ etc.

I don't get why you wouldn't. Therapy should help with daily life. If you're having trouble coping with situations in your life, I don't really see what would be more immediately important.

I find myself wanting to tell my t everything but I never have the courage to do it. I recently realized it's because I have been silenced my whole life -- first by my csa abuser, and then by my parents (wasn't allowed to talk about anything really). So since early childhood I've been forced to be secretive. Not in a sneaky sense, just unable to talk about anything to do with me. Now that I have someone who actually gives a s**t about me and wants to listen to me (my t), I want to tell her things that go on during the week. Just haven't figured a way how to do that.

Is the problem that you want to talk about everyday life and worry there isn't enough time/you worry you should be working on something else/you worry T is not interested OR that you are chattering about random stresses to avoid talking about something else?

I feel like that every single week and I've been seeing my T for a year. For the past few months though I've been way more stressed and last week I was able to tell my T a bit of it because I was having anxiety attacks almost everyday and at one point it got extremely bad. I haven't really told T other things that I want to talk about and theres like a list of 10 things. It feels horrible to keep them all in but I've been like that my entire life.
I think it's good to talk to T about daily life because it helps you out with releasing the stress and getting the help you need.
I just have to learn how to take my own advice :P

I always want to tell my T about my daily life. During my sessions I talk about whatever is going on that I am struggling with or having a hard time coping with. I feel like I never have enough time to tell my T all the stuff I want to. There are times I do tell her about my daily life, especially when I am really struggling.

I also think its really good to tell your T about your daily life that way they can see how things are for you on a daily basis and might be able to help identify the stress and what triggers it.

I tend to have the opposite problem of not knowing what to talk about and clamming up. We've talked about it though and she's patient, but I always feel bad like I'm making her job difficult, but my mind really just goes blank and I don't know what to say unless she asks me a direct question. So goes the journey...

I can relate!!! With CBT T he tends to like to get to the point and he cuts of any rants and rambles of mine but sometimes I need to just get it out. He is trying to be flexible but I can tell it is hard for him.

Can you ask your T to let you get it out for the first 10 minutes of your session? That keeps it contained and gives her time to respond?

This is me, too.

Hi Rainbow, does this relate to your post last week? I didn't reply to your post last week but part of it really chimed with me as I had just realised that sometimes when I talk to my T I talk in a way to her that is quite cut off from her (because I'm afraid of judgement). This means that she can't soothe me or help me with her responses as I'm not totally present with her. Is this what your T is talking about? Is she trying to encourage you to be more present with her so she can support you?

I write long letters to my T about my daily life.

It's just that I never really had someone who seemed interested, who seems to care.

If I ramble in session, she cuts me off. And she took pains to say that we only talked about one thing but it was "enough". But I never feel I've enough time to talk about all the things I want to process which occur in my daily life.

For now, she still allows me to write my insanely long letters.

Thanks, Starry.

The problem is that I don't discuss these things; I just want her to know about them. I talk without letting her sag anything. I don't feel connected to her when I give her my "report" and soon the session is half over but I feel like we haven't even started.

I'm sorry. AllHeart. Did you try writing things down and giving her the paper?

There's never enough time!! There used to be when I saw her for 90 minutes. I could see her every 2 weeks for 90 minutes but I like weekly sessions. But it's also that I ramble on and don't stop so it's not really helpful. Her stopping me and asking me to "settle in" is more useful and that's what she wants me to do at the beginning of each session.
Thank you, AnxiousGirl. I hope you can learn to confide in your T.

I agree. I think it's just that I don't connect with my T when I talk so much.

I hope it gets better for you.

That's a good idea but I just keep talking even when she tries to stop me. Usually, not always.
Thanks, growly.

Than you, Suraya. I'm sorry you find it difficult.

Is normal to want to be known. Also by telling T all the details it puts them there with you.
In my type of therapy. 'Rambling' is perfect. It leads deeper into the unconscious. If a T isn't trained in the unconscious than they would want to 'sit' in the 'details'.
Your T is missing an opportunity.

Yes, you got it, Brown Owl. Exactly! I'm not present with her. I'm just talking and telling her things without feeling like I'm there. I'm going too
fast because I want her to hear it all, but then I can't remember feeling connected to her because I wasn't!

If I don't have time for everything, I email my T, so I understand about the long letters.

My point is that I don't feel present when I tell her so much. It's too fast and I don't SEE my T which is very important to me. I need to feel connected to her. She wants me to slow down but I'm conflicted because of my strong need to tell her the details. I like when you said the details "puts then there with you.". I want my T to know. I think it has to do with feeling cared about. My Mom was the only one who wanted to hear all the details. I miss her.

Maybe you don't feel present, because it's at this 'fast rambling' moment when it's coming from the unconscious. Which is coming from the past. You are bringing the past into the present. That's what I mean by unless a T is trained in this way, they dismiss it rather than engage with you just where your are, just as you are.

I wrote T a long email because I realized my mother was the only one who truly cared to hear all the details. I miss her so much but I don't usually acknowledge that. I have a longing to tell someone the details but my T can't replace my mother. No one can. So I feel a longing and a despair. People here may wonder about my not apparently grieving for my H. I'm sad for him but feel a freedom I never had. It is what it is. Just don't want comments about him as I feel guilty about my feelings.

It is quite the opposite for me. Remembering things you have shared about him over the years, your sense of freedom makes a lot of sense to me. Feeling sad for him while also feeling a bit of relief at being a bit unburdened seems quite logical. I can also understand how you could feel guilty about that reaction, although I do not think you need feel guilt about it.

I also do the reporting thing in therapy. Not so much about daily details, but I blather on about whatever I have already figured out, and give him no time to respond. For me, I need to find a way to share my current problems and shut the hell up and connect with him and let him add input. That is a work in progress for me, so I am finding this thread helpful.

T and I have sessions all the time where I just talk about the little details of my day about everything, meaningless or not. She listens, comments, shares and sometimes shares her own. I don't think it's abnormal or odd to want to share everything, especially with someone that listens. One thing T said to me that has really always stood out to me and I hold it dear:

"I'm always happy to listen, about anything and everything. You need someone who can show you how much they care by just listening."

I think you hit the nail on the head for me. I've brought dream material to CBT T and he looked at me like I was a puppy fetching him a rock.

My T is much more like the second T mentioned here and not the first. He SAYS he wants to focus on actual issues. He does not think therapy should be about "chit chat." When I tried to discuss a dream with him, he told me he thought dreams were just dreams unless they became repetitive.

After saying that however, he has complained when I did not tell him things about my life that I considered not relevant to therapy. I tend not to tell him much at all about my daily life except to the extent it impacts some therapeutic issue we are working on. I did not tell him when my kids received some prestigious scholarships and both times he found out about it from others in the community (we know a lot of the same people). He actually seemed a little hurt about that. I had some exciting things happen from a career perspective, but again did not mention them. He found out later and wanted to hear about it.

Therapy is very hard for me to figure out. I think there must be some sort of happy medium between not relating any every day stuff, and relating all of your daily stuff. We all just need to keep working toward it, maybe.

I love what your t said. This is what i think of when stopdog says she did not give them permission to mess with her mind. this is EXACTLY what i gave my t permission to do - to change my brain by caring and listening.

The opposite of this is what i started with - i shared some very mundane steel cut oats with my t, he said they changed his life (perhaps we are both somewhat given to hyperbole) and i thought it meant we should get married - that the oatmeal connection was that strong! Or oatmeal effect. Because when nobody listens to you, then when somebody listens just a little bit - its overwhelmingly important. We shouldnt be let loose on adult society in that needy condition!

The only reason a T should ever object to that (IMHO) is if she thinks you're doing it to avoid something more important.

It seems to me that if you want to figure out why you need to do it then you could see what comes up when you don't allow yourself to do it. If you go into your session and don't let yourself tell her about your week or ramble on and on what happens? What do you feel? Just pay attention to what feelings come up for you when you deny yourself the opportunity.