[Only_Human1983]

A few of you probably know me on here by now and know that I've struggled with getting over my on and off relationship with my (possibly narcissistic) ex boyfriend (see my other posts) I hate to keep going on about it, but I have reached an all time low and I just can't seem to get over him. For those of you that don't know, he recently got engaged to someone that lives 3000 miles away and he met her a year ago when he was on holiday in Florida (he lives in the UK) she will be coming to live in the UK once they get married next summer.

We still keep contact (as we both wanted to remain friends) and I've had a few unsuccessful "relationships" since and he's helped me by giving advice from a guys point of view, but now and then we get chatting and he tells me how much he will always love me and that we will always have a special connection, that he unfortunately he will never be able to give his heart 100% to his fiancé because of me. Obviously this is nice for me to hear but I guess it's only words.

I guess I always thought he'd come back and tell me how miserable he was without me and now he seems so happy with his new partner and im so lonely. I have told him that I'm happy that he is happy and I do wish him all the best, but a small part of me just wishes it doesn't last with this girl and he realises my worth. I feel horrible for thinking that, but I guess that's just because I feel like I need the validation that I'm ok and i wasn't the problem. I literally dread their wedding day and all the big milestones ahead, such as them having a baby etc. It feels me with pain and I just wish it was me.

I really am convinced that nobody will feel I'm special enough to spend their life with. I am always the one that's left for someone better. I frequently feel such a strong urge to give up on life because I can't bear for my nightmare of ending up alone becoming reality and I wish I knew what to do and how to get out of this hell. I just want to see a future for me and feel happy

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[Rose76]

Stop all contact with this guy. He's not "helping" you by giving you advise from a man's point of view. He's using this contact with you as a source of diversion and to reinforce his ego that you still care. This is not a friendship. This is you refusing to accept reality. And he kind of gets a kick out of that.

Until you let go and put this guy in the past, you will continue to be miserable.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Only_Human1983

I frequently feel such a strong urge to give up on life because I can't bear for my nightmare of ending up alone becoming reality and I wish I knew what to do and how to get out of this hell. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Be careful of self-fulfilling prophecies...

The main reason your worst nightmare will become reality, is because you're hung up on your ex.

You said it yourself, you keep waiting for him to change his mind and come back to you. So no wonder your attempts at dating were feeble at best, you're simply not available to other men, and will remain alone until you are.

What to do?

Get in touch with reality (I mean that nicely, however blunt it may come across) accept that your relationship is over, remind yourself that there are many good reasons its over, and make a conscious decision to move forward.

Being "friends" with him is doing you no favours. He occasionally whispers sweet nothings in your ear, knowing it keeps you hooked, just in case he's tempted to stray from his marital bed, that way you're ready, and waiting. (Hoping it means he's leaving his wife).

You, you're not much better at this "friendship", you're pretending to be his friend, waiting for any signs that his relationship is on the rocks and that he's changed his mind.

There's a reason people take a "no contact" break after a relationship ends and they both wish to remain friends.

Its for an adjustment period, to grieve the romance, and adjust to seeing that person as a platonic friend who has a SO.

If the two of you really want to be friends, you need to break up properly first.

(Personally, I seriously doubt that's possible under these circumstances, a clean break is in your best interest)

I know I'm very direct and I mostly suck at sugarcoating, but I'm posting out of concern. You've suffered enough, its time to put an end to this, but only YOU can end your suffering.

[Only_Human1983]

Thank you both and you are so right. I guess I just don't want him to forget me and as bad as this sounds, I wanted to be the one that came out on top and got the happy ever after. I know that sounds so wrong and I hate myself for feeling that way but I just want to be loved like he loves her, I wanted that to be me.

We shared so much that I would hate us to lose touch completely forever. But perhaps we can only be friends once I've fully moved on.

I must sound so terrible and I really do wish him happiness, I just don't want to be the one left behind

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[Only_Human1983]

I've done loads of research online and tried to self help and i think what I'm feeling is totally normal when someone finds out there ex is engaged, especially when they tell you they still love you. I know he obviously doesn't otherwise he'd be with me.

I know it shouldn't make a difference to me how his marriage turns out, but I just wanted to be the one that ends up happier, especially after how much he hurt me and treated me badly at times. I forgave him for that and know he didn't mean to hurt me and I'm trying to be mature about it, but it hurts so much. My friends and family don't think he will even get as far as getting married and even if he does that it won't last. I feel like such a bad person for a small part of me hoping they're right. I guess then it will prove to me that it wasn't me that was at fault for it ending. I really feel he is a narcissist, I've done so much research and even his friends said he's got known issues and done the same with woman after woman.

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What you feel about your ex BF and his partner is normal, but it won't serve you any good. Personally, I believe a friendship can evolve to love, but I don't believe love can de-evolve to a friendship. You just feel lonely now that these thoughts and emotions are taking over. A time will come when you will be ready to move on. It's just not yet. You need to process some emotions and thoughts. The faster the better.

[Rose76]

You're also staying in contact because you are curious to know how his life turns out. That is very understandable, but you are paying way, way too high a price to keep yourself "in the loop" of communication to know how his life develops.

How his life turns out is really none of your business. Keep your mind all engaged in what is not your business and you won't properly take care of what is your business.

The harm he has done to you is smaller than the harm you are choosing to do to yourself. But keep rationalizing how this is what you need to do for this reason and that reason, and you will get exactly what you deserve - making no progress in life. The choice is yours.

[Only_Human1983]

I have been trying to move on and seen people since, but they haven't worked out. I feel it's because of me and my insecurities, I'm no good at making relationships work. I feel I'm damaged and will never be worthy of love.

It's just hard when he messes with my head and tells me he will always love me and has feelings for me. I'm not delusional and I know he clearly doesn't love me, but it's cruel to say those things. I do believe he still has feelings for me and he's just using me as an ego stroke.

Rose76, you make it sound so clear cut and easy, but trust me it's easier said than done and I am trying, even if you guys don't think I am. Trust me, I don't want to feel like this, I want to feel like a person that deserves a loving relationship as much as the next person and is worthy of that and capable of doing so

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[Rose76]

Letting go of the past can be awfully difficult. What you need to do is very, very clear . . . . but, no, it is not easy. I never said it was. It may take an enormous effort on your part. But there is nothing confusing about this, so - yes - it is very clear cut. You are deliberately making this complicated to give yourself an excuse to stay psychologically mired in this connection to this man. You look forward to your next conversation with him because that seems to make life more interesting for you.

If you are willing to hang around, still participating in what you know very well is a sick relationship, then that is exactly what you do deserve. And it's what you'll get. Stop blaming him for messing with your head, when you give him complete access to your head. There are rules to how life works. I didn't make up those rules, and I'm not being mean by telling you about the rules. The rule is that, if you waste your time and attention on something that is foolish, then that is what you will get - something that is foolish.

We try and preserve what we value. You value your connection with this man, so you are preserving it. Your life is simply reflecting your values, and it always will.

I can't promise you that life gives us what we deserve. I won't guarantee that love and happiness come to us, if we do such and such. But we can sure sabotage the opportunities that might come our way, if we keep ourselves busy with what we know is crap. Life can be pretty generous about offering second chances. But we have to be alert and available when opportunity knocks. You may think there is no longterm cost to investing more of your time and attention in going down this dead end road. I promise you there is a cost to doing that. And it's higher than you realize.

Here's a truth that is not easy to accept. Life does not reward with good things those who waste their time and energies. Breaking a bad habit that has become an obsession and a compulsion is truly not easy. I totally get that. But failing to make that break has consequences. They are hard consequences. You will be the one who has to live with them.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I'm worried that this may of turned into an obsession for you. You said yourself that you've already made other posts about this? Yes I think I remember one and I'm probably going to give you the same advice I gave before. I admit I've been in this situation. Not exactly the same story, but I've felt like this, probably a few times over an ex. I actually read a self help book before and I think it was plainly called "obsessed with love". Oddly I left it in the ambulance on the way to IP lol. Not that funny but it's the truth. I would take whatever healthy steps you need to get you through this, including talking to a therapist about it. Have you ever thought about the fact that he's saying "I love you" and he's about to be married? You don't need a guy like that in your life. Think about if you guys did get back together and you find out he's telling an ex the same thing behind your back? There's a trashy red flag on his part right there. Look out for yourself and get some help moving forward. Best wishes to you.

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[Bill3]

It's just hard when he messes with my head and tells me he will always love me and has feelings for me.

He is no friend to tell you these things.

Of course they are hard to hear.

Therefore: stop listening to them.

His cruelty in these comments is just one more reason to cut off all contact with him.

[Only_Human1983]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Letting go of the past can be awfully difficult. What you need to do is very, very clear . . . . but, no, it is not easy. I never said it was. It may take an enormous effort on your part. But there is nothing confusing about this, so - yes - it is very clear cut. You are deliberately making this complicated to give yourself an excuse to stay psychologically mired in this connection to this man. You look forward to your next conversation with him because that seems to make life more interesting for you.

I get what you're saying and yeah I guess I do look forward to the next time I hear from him, because it makes me feel wanted and that I'm not forgotten. I hope and pray that things aren't going so well in his new relationship and that I'll come out on top and if that makes me a bad person then I'm guilty.

Originally Posted by Rose76

If you are willing to hang around, still participating in what you know very well is a sick relationship, then that is exactly what you do deserve. And it's what you'll get. Stop blaming him for messing with your head, when you give him complete access to your head. There are rules to how life works. I didn't make up those rules, and I'm not being mean by telling you about the rules. The rule is that, if you waste your time and attention on something that is foolish, then that is what you will get - something that is foolish.

We try and preserve what we value. You value your connection with this man, so you are preserving it. Your life is simply reflecting your values, and it always will.

I can't promise you that life gives us what we deserve. I won't guarantee that love and happiness come to us, if we do such and such. But we can sure sabotage the opportunities that might come our way, if we keep ourselves busy with what we know is crap. Life can be pretty generous about offering second chances. But we have to be alert and available when opportunity knocks. You may think there is no longterm cost to investing more of your time and attention in going down this dead end road. I promise you there is a cost to doing that. And it's higher than you realize.

Here's a truth that is not easy to accept. Life does not reward with good things those who waste their time and energies. Breaking a bad habit that has become an obsession and a compulsion is truly not easy. I totally get that. But failing to make that break has consequences. They are hard consequences. You will be the one who has to live with them.

You are totally right and it is hard to hear and I must sound pathetic - the truth hurts I guess. I don't even think that it's him that I want anymore, as I've seen other guys since, but I think it's more what he represented; a chance to live the dream of a loving relationship and evidence that I'm "normal" I've always felt (mainly due to childhood issues, which is another topic entirely) that I'm not "normal" (my family labelled me with having Aspergers and doctors said I was mildly autistic as a child) and therefore, that I'm not capable of withstanding a loving relationship. I've put up with stuff from this ex in the past that I shouldn't have done, but it was because I was so scared that I couldn't do any better and this was my last chance of love. Seeing him getting married, just proves to me that it was me all along - I was the problem.

I do really feel that he is a narcissist and many of his friends and even family have told me in the past that they've seen him do the same thing to woman after woman. That due to deep routed issues that stem from his childhood meant he could never get close and when he does, he runs. He lost his license due to drink driving and subsequently his job when he was with me and that sent him into a very low point and he shut me off as a result. I knew when he told me that he had lost his job that it would be over for us - I didn't stand a chance. He has never been able to hold down a job, a compulsive liar, cheat and drinks way too much (his mum and dad were both alcoholics and he lost his mum at 12 years old) and I guess I always hoped I would be the one to change him and be enough to want him to change for himself. However, now it looks like he has changed and his fiancé was obviously the better one to do it.

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[divine1966]

First of all why are you friends with a man whom you still want romantically? Bad idea.

Second of all he isn't a nice person and friendship with him is bad news. Him telling you all these things is mean and selfish on his part. He knows you still want him and he enjoys playing with you. Plus I am sorry but he is a liar and a cheat and has issues like drunk driving etc and you want him as a friend. ???

Third of all your relationship wasn't good while it lasted so why do you think it will be good now. It ended long time ago and it was on and off. Were you officially a couple like everyone knew you two are together?i doubt judging by what u said. That's not a good relationship.

Fourth of all its probably normal to feel something when ones ex got engaged. It's ok to grieve and be sad. But it's not useful or helpful though trying to get him back and continue with contact that causes that much pain.

And lastly it is not a good idea to try to change other people. It's a waste of your emery. There are people who don't need to be changed.

Get busy so you don't have time to look him up or talk to him. Get s second job. Be busy. Make your goal to stop obsessing over him. You deserve much better . Continue seeing your therapist

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[Only_Human1983]

Originally Posted by divine1966

First of all why are you friends with a man whom you still want romantically? Bad idea.k

I guess I just never want to lose that connection with him as we did share a lot and it's so sad to think that someone that was once such a huge part of your life, is now just a stranger.

Originally Posted by divine1966

Second of all he isn't a nice person and friendship with him is bad news. Him telling you all these things is mean and selfish on his part. He knows you still want him and he enjoys playing with you. Plus I am sorry but he is a liar and a cheat and has issues like drunk driving etc and you want him as a friend. ???

Third of all your relationship wasn't good while it lasted so why do you think it will be good now. It ended long time ago and it was on and off. Were you officially a couple like everyone knew you two are together?i doubt judging by what u said. That's not a good relationship

Yes, we were very much a 'couple' to all our friends and family, but they know what he is like.

Originally Posted by divine1966

Fourth of all its probably normal to feel something when ones ex got engaged. It's ok to grieve and be sad. But it's not useful or helpful though trying to get him back and continue with contact that causes that much pain

I'm not trying to get him back, but I just don't want him to forget me.

Originally Posted by divine1966

And lastly it is not a good idea to try to change other people. It's a waste of your emery. There are people who don't need to be changed.

Do you not think he needs to change then? Surely if he's going to make a marriage work then he can't continue being like he is...?? However that's my biggest fear, that he wasn't the problem and is a totally different person with her.

Originally Posted by divine1966

Get busy so you don't have time to look him up or talk to him. Get s second job. Be busy. Make your goal to stop obsessing over him. You deserve much better . Continue seeing your therapist

Thank you, I am trying. I do have a second job already and I'm still seeing my therapist. I know you must all think I'm crazy and a b***h for not wanting him to be any different with his fiancé. I'm not a bad person and I'm very caring. It just hurts like hell seeing him so happy and that I never made him that happy.


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[eskielover]

Asperger's unfortunately explains your reactions.

I was married 33 years to a guy who I realized had Aspergers after a T suggested it as a possibility when I described the problems over the years & I researched it thoroughly to see if that might be what I had been living & fighting with all those years. He has never been formally diagnosed even though his (our) pdoc told him he needed to see a neurologist as he knew there was more causing problems than just the adult ADD.

I'm sure if he had married someone without my personality & someone whose patience & tolerance for the behaviors I encountered hadn't already been on overload growing up with dysfunctional parents, he could have had a successful marriage.

Don't give up hope of finding someone you are truly compatible with even if it takes years to find. Don't settle for anything less. Being alone is a lot better than living in a miserable marriage with someone who fights the behaviors & lack of emotional connection that can be sensed in a marriage like that.

Asperger's wasn't even known about in the US back in 1975 when we got married. Looking back I had seen the red flags & even told my mom I didn't want to get married to him but got talked out of my concerns because there was no understanding of them at that time.

He hates/hated change & couldn't figure out how to deal so goes into total shut down mode & it got worse the older he gets. Sadly, for me I realize that the lack of respect the marriage started with gave no environment for any love to grow.

That isn't what you want for your life. Be glad he left or you could have ended up in a seriously miserable relationship/marriage.

Like I said...be patient & really look for the patient, easy going person who is able to handle some of the difficult aspects & challenges that Aspergers can introduce into relationships...it's so important to find the compatible personalities from the beginning because if someone comes into the relationship expecting you to change & adapt, that is not something someone with Asperger's is able to do very easily, if at all....it's ok...we are all created in our own way & we need to find the person who is compatible with us so we can enjoy our life rather than spending it fighting & miserable....it's worth the wait.

I have never been happier in my life than I am now 8 1/2 years after leaving him & living alone. I am finally able to be myself rather than reacting to what I was experiencing....

It wasn't that you didn't make him happy it was that you were both incompatible for each other

[Only_Human1983]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Asperger's unfortunately explains your reactions.

I was married 33 years to a guy who I realized had Aspergers after a T suggested it as a possibility when I described the problems over the years & I researched it thoroughly to see if that might be what I had been living & fighting with all those years. He has never been formally diagnosed even though his (our) pdoc told him he needed to see a neurologist as he knew there was more causing problems than just the adult ADD.

I'm sure if he had married someone without my personality & someone whose patience & tolerance for the behaviors I encountered hadn't already been on overload growing up with dysfunctional parents, he could have had a successful marriage.

Don't give up hope of finding someone you are truly compatible with even if it takes years to find. Don't settle for anything less. Being alone is a lot better than living in a miserable marriage with someone who fights the behaviors & lack of emotional connection that can be sensed in a marriage like that.

Asperger's wasn't even known about in the US back in 1975 when we got married. Looking back I had seen the red flags & even told my mom I didn't want to get married to him but got talked out of my concerns because there was no understanding of them at that time.

He hates/hated change & couldn't figure out how to deal so goes into total shut down mode & it got worse the older he gets. Sadly, for me I realize that the lack of respect the marriage started with gave no environment for any love to grow.

That isn't what you want for your life. Be glad he left or you could have ended up in a seriously miserable relationship/marriage.

Like I said...be patient & really look for the patient, easy going person who is able to handle some of the difficult aspects & challenges that Aspergers can introduce into relationships...it's so important to find the compatible personalities from the beginning because if someone comes into the relationship expecting you to change & adapt, that is not something someone with Asperger's is able to do very easily, if at all....it's ok...we are all created in our own way & we need to find the person who is compatible with us so we can enjoy our life rather than spending it fighting & miserable....it's worth the wait.

I have never been happier in my life than I am now 8 1/2 years after leaving him & living alone. I am finally able to be myself rather than reacting to what I was experiencing....

It wasn't that you didn't make him happy it was that you were both incompatible for each other

Thank you, but this was my biggest fear. I don't want to feel like the damaged one and the one that he is better off without. All my life I just wanted to feel normal and that I had as much chance as anyone else of successful and loving relationship.

Surely he has his own issues too though? And I wasn't totally to blame?? Narcissism must be just as damaging/if not more so than Aspergers....??

I feel so unwanted and I'm really not that bad. I don't know if Aspergers has a spectrum, but I wouldn't say I have it badly, maybe just some tendencies. Sometimes I have seen people on tv with autism and Aspergers and I would say they are a lot worse than me and this sounds horrible but you can obviously tell. I seem pretty "normal"when you meet me and I can hold conversations very well, I'm good at small talk, I can read people's facial expressions, I take a lot of pride in my appearance (very interested in clothes and make up) which I've been told people with Aspergers struggle with. I've also been told numerous times that I'm very quick witted and great to be around and I don't struggle to make friends...so I don't know...maybe I should visit my GP and get a formal diagnosis...



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[TishaBuv]

I think you should tell him that you are very much in love with him and don't want him to marry the other woman, but want him to marry you.

Now, that probably won't make him break up with his fiancé and run into your arms.

What it will do is bring the truth to a head.

Then you can tell him that you don't want to pretend to be his friend and hang on, waiting in the wings, watching him get married, hoping that will fail and he will run back to you.

He is toying with you by telling you he still loves you. He also want you waiting in the wings. Maybe he'll get a little action on the side. You deserve better than that and you ARE worthy of love for real.

[Only_Human1983]

I guess I just can't face the fact that I could be the problem all along and that if I wasn't good enough for my ex, then I won't be for anyone. Possibly having Aspergers just makes me feel totally unlovable and even more reason to end up alone.

I am pretty sure my ex is a narcissist and all of his friends, family and my friends and family have pretty much confirmed it. I just feel that if things work out for him then it will show that he's not and its me with the problem.

It's just making me incredibly anxious and making me ill. I have no interest in doing anything and I can't relax until I feel that I have hope. I just want to feel hope and that I will get my chance of a loving relationship, not that I'm flawed and incapable

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[divine1966]

People do change of course but it has to be their decision. Yea it happens. I am just saying it's pointless to waste your time on changing people while there are people who don't need to be changed.

I don't think you are crazy.

Sometimes things just don't work out and sometimes people just don't match well. My ex husband is happily remarried and his new wife is much better match for him than me. We were a bad match. It's not like there is something wrong with me or him. Just wrong match.

But in his case he is just isn't a very good person. So why continue. Also I understand it is hard to never keep in touch but if it causes you that much pain seeing him happy it is better not to keep in touch. It's been long enough and time to move on. You can go better than this dude

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[divine1966]

Were you officially diagnosed with ASD? We don't use Aspergers anymore ( in my state) but go by "autism spectrum disorder" ( that's what I do for a living). Are you saying you are or just exhibit signs? Don't diagnose yourself

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[Only_Human1983]

Thank tiu so much Divine1966, your words are always comforting.

No, I haven't been officially diagnosed, but my GP says I do show some signs of autism. My mum has been convinced that I have Autism since I was young and doctors said I was mildly autistic, but I only show some signs, not all. For instance, I can hold conversations, good at small talk, can read people's facial expressions and body language etc, have a lot of friends and make friends easily. However, I can relate to some symptoms as I can be quite an introvert and loner at times, known to collect things and have phases on food, hate change, very defensive and can get angry with myself as a result. I would never harm others and never have done, but when I was a child I would get very angry quickly if people laughed when I was trying to tell a story and perhaps I would take longer than most, stuff like that. This is quite embarrassing to admit, but I also used to rock to music, as I found it comforting, but I've grown out of most the above.

It's difficult to know whether it's just my personality that makes me sensitive, defensive and hard on myself etc or that it's something more than that...

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[Rose76]

You have two separate problems. One is getting over your obsession with this guy. The other is finding a way to have hope that life holds the possibility of love and happiness for you. You are relating these two issues in a way that is not real logical.

Based on the added information you have given above about this guy, it sounds like he is a real loser. He's lost his driver's license due to drinking. This guy is not on the path to a great, successful, happy life. It is totally normal to want to see someone who has hurt you "get theirs." I'm the same way. But think about it, for a moment. This guy has control over what you know about him. You think he's going to tell you when his life hits the skids? No he's going to paint this grandiose picture of how hunky-dorey his life is, and you're not going to know that it isn't. So you'll be basing your understanding of how his life turns out on false information.

You think he has changed and that this new woman has changed him? That's actually pretty unlikely. But, again, he's painting this rosy picture about how great his life is going, and you're buying it wholesale. This new girlfriend has major problems, herself, or she wouldn't be hooked up with a loser like him.

Here's another thing you don't realize. Even if his life goes great - which it won't - he's going to have his ups and downs in any relationships he has in the future. Every couple has their spats and he and this new girlfriend will have theirs. But when she is ticked off at him, he is going to hop on the phone to you to hear about how wanted he is. You are his "fix." If Tom Cruise can get rejected, I'm sure this guy is going to have times of feeling rejected. But when someone makes him feel unwanted, he has you as his emotional safety net. He knows you're out there, pining away for him and he gets a certain amount of security from that. You will always be his proof that he is desirable. So he's not letting that go. He doesn't want you, but he wants to keep knowing that you want him. And you are giving him this gift of perpetual acceptance. So, in a way, you are preventing him from ever knowing the full pain of feeling unwanted. That's you really playing into his hands, and he is never going to let go of you. I guess I'm a lot nastier than you. If I were you, I would tell him that my life is going great and that I've been dating and having a wonderful time. There is an old saying: "Living well is the best revenge."

[Only_Human1983]

Thank you Rose76, that made me laugh in parts and so thank you for making me smile.

He's got his license back now and in a wonderful job in the city (or so he says) but it's when and if that comes crashing down or he has a blip that I worry about, but I guess that's not my concern anymore. He's great when he's up and this new girl has only seen this side to him, but when he's down he shuts everyone out. She doesn't really know him tbh and they are very much in the honeymoon stage. They've never lived together and she's marrying him next year and moving straight over to the uk without really giving it time to get to know him.

I really will try and block him out of my life from now on and you guys have helped me see that I really need to do that. I just hope that I don't have something really wrong with me and I am capable of having a loving relationship.

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I just wanted to jump in here and tell you to stay strong on keeping him out of your life.

This guy is not good for you. He has control over you, even when he is not saying anything...

It sucks being vulnerable to this kind of control, but I really feel that if you are aware, then you have some defense. Knowledge is power. And everyone here is on your side.

As an aside, I am not a fan of anyone diagnosing themselves (or anyone else, for that matter). If you need a diagnosis for treatment's sake, see someone who knows. But that's just my opinion, fwiw.

[Trippin2.0]

What does your T say about all this?


I ask because I am quite surprised that after all this time, therapy has not seemed to assist you with this break up and your subsequently negative view of yourself.