Why do guys keep doing this?

It's not "what can I do for a guy" but "what can a guy do for me". I'm not ever going to be relegated to cooking and cleaning for some guy. I'm not a maid service. If he wants something to eat, he can get it himself. I'm a strong and empowered woman who has better things to do than be some stupid domestic maid for a guy. I'm also not going to have kids. I'm not some baby factory.

I absolutely refuse to be subservient and oppressed by a man like that.

So what do you have to offer a man ? What type of relationship are you looking for ?

What type of man are you wanting to date ?

I have not read all the responses as I'm starting to lose my grip on some of the things I want to say while I take in more information.

My wife is about thirty pounds overweight according to her self-analysis. She's weighed as much as forty pounds more than she does now at one or two points in our marriage. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really care - or even notice her weight. She is and remains the woman I love regardless of the size of the 'Michelle suit' she is wearing at the time is. If, prior to meeting her, she had misrepresented herself to me regarding her size via a personal ad, e-mail, text or misleading photo - that would have been a problem to me. Not because of her size, but because of the deception.

I care a whole lot more about the weight of her word than I do the weight of her body.

There's something else I've seen in this post that I think needs mentioning. I researched and wrote a paper on personal ads many moons ago for a sociology class. One of the things I found was that women and men wrote very different types of ads (at least at the time - perhaps things have changed). I noticed that men tend to list what they bring to the table while women tend to list what men better bring to the table. So let's take a look:

You don't drive, don't have your own place and don't work full time. Cool. Relationships are give and take. You'll take his rides, take him paying for the dates - and if the relationships progresses, you'll probably allow him to maintain a place to live that you can spend some alone time at. I think it's fair to ask what you'll be bringing to the table.

I mean, if my wife is working and commuting 60-80 hours a week and I am not working (or even working part time), then I assure you that the house will be impeccable when she gets home, dinner will be on the table when she gets home and her dresser and closet will never run out of clean clothes. It's not about me being subservient, it's about being a partner.

Sold. When do you want to move in?

ROTFL - thanks for that.

I'm serious, I buy that deal.

Artchic I don't think Tisha or anyone else meant that you need to be doing all the work and he would just sit on his butt. I think she meant that it has to be give and take.

One of you (if not both) would have to work full time to pay the bills. If it is going to be him, what are you going to do all day? You don't want to work much, you don't want children (that's ok) but you apparently do not want to do house chores either? So what is that you plan on doing while he works all day and pays bills?

Helping each other is not being subservient, it's being partners. I don't think you understand how good relationship works at all.

Also if you don't want to do anything for "some guy" then why would he want to do anything for "some woman"?

I think you have wrong understanding of women "empowerement".

Empowered women are independent, educated (or have trade training), they have ambissions and they support themselves, they do not need someone else to support them.

Relying on others for your daily bread, not working and apparently not wanting to do much around the house is hardly an empowerment. If you want to become empowered you need to thrive for self-reliance.

He is married lol for a long time

Also honestly referring to women who have children as "baby factory" is deeply offensive

Sorry Art, but if my man is slaving his assume off 40+ hours a week I am proud to have kept the home, paid the bills and taken care of the kids. I absolutely do not think this is demeaning, I would expect exactly the same for him were the roles reversed.
I think your mis-understanding, what's being asked.
Your expectations of this guy are high, list what your bringing to the table to each of his qualities.
So, if he works full-time, you work ....
He looks like a)b)c), you are....
He has is own house, you.....
Own car, you....
Good sense of humour , you....
And so and on and so forth.

Maybe you could see where the imbalance is.
Also I am guessing you have preference when it comes to how a guy looks and presents himself.
Everyone does its almost instinctual, outside our conscious thoughts, this isn't shallow it just is.
However it's possible for instant perceptions to be changed through meeting people.

We all want for you to find your 'one' Art. I wish you much happiness.

I know. Just being humorous. But seriously if there are any at least average looking guys out there willing to keep my house for me, etc, and I'll pay the bills, I'm available.

Great words!

Yes, and that's how the men feel, too.

My h works long hours. He comes home exhausted. Who is going to put dinner on the table? Me. That's one of the many things I do for him that makes him want to have a wife. That's not subservience. It's reality. The man has to eat.

I'm on a dating site. I'm what's considered bbw. I have a couple full body pics up. It's just fair to show them what I look like. I still get messages. I'm actually seeing someone right now. We talk on the phone a lot and have went out on one date. I really like him. He's successful, intelligent, kind.

I'm not working right now bc of my back and my bp. I've been honest with him about it. He likes me bc of my intelligence, kindness and honesty. We've been talking for about 3 weeks. We texted at first, but I think it's better to talk to get a feel for someone.

Imo, you should put up a couple full body pics and keep the face pics up too. Be completely honest from the get go. I'm a feminist too but not all men like women with extra weight on them. You'll find men that do tho. Or are more interested in other traits. But they need to know what you look like.

Out of curiosity, why aren't you working full time or going to college? Once I get some things settled I plan to go back to college. Have to work on my back issues too. But I have plans on how to get my back stronger.

I just think it's attractive to always be learning and growing. I wasn't really worried about finding someone. Then this man came around. But it's still the beginning. Still might not work out. But I try and always focus on my life, my son, my family, my goals and learning and growing. Having a man is just a bonus.

Also, most men either want children or already have children. At your age, you may find men who have kids or don't want kids anymore. If you don't want kids, you are limited to men who don't want/don't have kids.

If I hadn't wanted kids, my h wouldn't have married me. He wanted them. So did I.

I loved being a baby-making machine. I was nursing and always dressed up. He used to call me 'meals on heels'! I even had designer maternity clothes. I was really cute when pregnant. Looked like I swallowed a huge beach ball, otherwise normal.

And what did the guys I dated and married do for me? They took me places and paid, they shared experiences with me, they listened and cared, they bought me gifts, took me on trips, brought me into their lives introducing me to their family and friends.

And when dating, what did I do for them? I gave them companionship, listened and cared, gave them gifts, meals. Brought them into my life, etc...

There are people who don't want children. Some have exciting careers traveling around the world etc a colleague of mine is in his 30s and they dont plan on having children. My daughter has a good friend who is married and they don't want kids. My husbands cousin is married and they don't plan on having kids. It's a choice. But they are all busy with other things.

You have to have something else that you devote your life to.

If I had told my h "get it your damned self", I think I'd have been out the door pronto. Just saying...

It does work sometimes, though. My cousin and her h are both professors. She doesn't cook for him, he probably cooks for her. He does most everything taking care of their two kids. She just published a book.

I just asked my h, if I said I wouldn''t cook for you, would you have married me and he said 'no way'. Because it is selfish.

I need equality in a relationship. I've usually been working when I've been in one. I understand where artchick is coming from, but I think she really needs to look at what she has to offer. Relationships are give and take after all. But I couldn't see myself catering to a man. That's just me tho...

We split household tasks depends who is busier that week. My husband had s very tough week and I did must chores. Next week he has lighter schedule so he'll do must things around the house.

I can't imagine not working much (not temporary but in general) and not go to school AND refuse to help with anything. That's beyond ridiculous. No self respecting men or women would put up with this. I know I'd kick a man out if he didn't work and didn't help out. Men would do the same

I prefer equality and taking turns. We both work and both do chores. But I believe if one partner works much more, the other one would have to help more at home.

I agree about not catering to a man, I am not a maid either.
But why would he be expected catering to her?

He'd be expected to provide/cater by paying all bills and being sole provider, yet a woman would be free of any responsibilities? What would she be doing?

That's bizarre and no one would agree to it

I just know that I'd be bored as heck of I wasn't working full time. I suppose splitting the chores would work for me, I mean, at this rate, I work 60 hours a week and maintain my home by myself...so it couldn't hurt to have a partner.

I spoil my husband to be honest lol !

Why ? Because I want too.

He spoils me too.

I'm not talking gifts and physical stuff. I'm talking in time , in listening , caring and just being kind.

Everyone has to have something to offer another person.

But there has to be common ground and a mutual attraction.

If I'm making coffee for myself, I'll bring a cup for him, too, even making it with creamer how he likes it. It's things like that. And he'll do that for me, too.

Artchic, think about your expectations. What do you think your daily life would be like with a man in a committed relationship? He's going to work, supporting you, coming home, and you are going to be there, having hardly worked, and tell him to make his own dinner and do his own laundry, etc? How is that going to work?

I don't think anyone should cater to anyone. I support myself. I don't need a man to support me. But yeah if you're relying on a man, I can see being expected to do more at home. I personally could never put myself in that position...