Should I tell my picky friends that I’m upset with them or not?

I would go with their choices regarding everything except for sitting outside. it is impossibly hot now. You should sit inside. It would be reasonable to me to insist on one thing going your way but yielding to them concerning all the rest.

Agree. If you live in a hot area or have other health conditions, sitting outside is a bad idea. But then again I have immunocompromised friend. Until recently she wouldn’t eat inside out of fear of covid. I had no problem to accommodate and sit outside until winter hits. I think again it depends what matters most. She is important to me. What and where to eat is not.

Accessibility matters are important.

Of course. But it all depends on the situation. And good friend wouldn’t ask anyone to eat in 100 degrees heat. It just seems that emphasis is on mundane things like restaurants or movies. But it’s just not that important. You can be good friends and never eat out or see movies

I’ll try. My point is that I shouldn’t have had to go through so much trouble to choose a restaurant to begin with.

And to not even want to drive half an hour away to the restaurant of my choice isn’t good either. As I said, every single thing HAS to be on THEIR terms which isn’t fair. Especially for MY birthday. They are all able to drive. They’re not disabled.

I’d personally suck it up for their birthday. I would not complain & insist that we go to dinner if they wanted to meet for brunch for example. I wouldn’t be like, no, I
don’t like .getting up early, do I can only meet you for dinner as that is more convenient for ME.

Does that makes sense now? It’s not fair to how they make everything about them & their needs.

And I wouldn’t complain about the restaurant & insisting that we need to go somewhere else because Ithe food didn’t look appealing to me. I’m not talking about dietary restrictions or not being able to eat anything there period.

That one lady who didn’t want to go to a Japanese place thought that only raw food would be available there. I told her thats not the case. She still insisted on going elsewhere.

They should compromise a little bit. I don’t think they’d like it if I gave them a hard time about things.

I think I’m the case of the Japanese restaurant it’s a shame the lady didn’t give it a try, she might have liked it, and I say that as a person who is stuck in their ways myself.

That said, I wonder if this is really at its core about you realising you’re incompatible with these women?

How do you really feel about them other than this issue about venue and time? Do you feel happy in their company and have positive feelings about them?

Thanks. I appreciate you understanding my POV. Yes, my husband is sexist. I don’t understand why most people think that I’m the problem.

IF I did this to them & insisted on going to dinner instead of brunch for example because it’s more convenient for me, I don’t think they’d appreciate that, lol.

I think I’ll be a pain in the butt for their birthday next time to all if them & be picky about the restaurant they choose to see how they like it. I’m not a passive aggressive person usually, but they need to see what it feels like.

Since I can’t be direct without offending thrm it seems like, what choice do I have? My attempts to communicate with them openly was seen as ‘scolding’ by one poster on here. Apparently a lot of people have a problem with honesty, ugh!

It’s like everyone expects me to be a doormat, that everything I say & do is wrong almost & that I should be grateful that anyone would even talk to me at all, ugh!

Yeah, she shouldn’t have been so rigid. Unfortunately she is set in her ways. She doesn’t like change. She’d be content with going to the same places all the time. She likes her routines.

They’re OK aside from being rigid & unwilling to yry nee places & things.

They also always want to do everything in a grouo & not one on one. One thing that really bugs me too is that they are extremely pushy & disrespectful of my boundaries when it comes to literally begging me to be in group pics. I have said no to them a million times put they push & push.

I regret letting them get sway with harassing me into takimg grouo pics. I HATE having my oic tsken. I always look horrible in pics. I’m fat & I don’t know how to pose,

I don’t understand why they want me to ne in their stupid pics all the time. It’s excessive. They’d take pics of us everytime we meet if I didn’t say no. They usually try to harass me for pics each time. It’s not as nad as it used to ne. They’re like annoying teenagers that way, ugh.

I sm kind of incompatible with themx We do like some of the same things, but I’m to different from all of them to ever be good friends with any of them.

They’re all to rigid & unadventurous for me. And theyreway to obsessed with calories & fitness. I amways glfeel judged for being the only person in the group who orders a hearty dish or finishing everything on my plate m. They pick at their food & take home half of what they eat.

I’m sick of hearing them talk about calories m, fat, how they ate ‘to much’, how they shouldn’t eat dessert m, even on their birthday. Ugh! To much! Major buzzkill vibes!

Sadly, it’s extremely difficult for me to make friends, so I’m stuck. I tend to attract flakes & people who ate bery self absorbed.

I did meet dome nee people yesterday when a long time friend introduced me to some of her friends. I met her ex who is cool, a couple friend & an older lady at a picnic. We thrn went to sn art & eine festivsl then out to dinner. I’m seeing a movie eith her & her ex later. It’s movie discount day here for $4.

I asked her to make the introduction to her friends. She’s the nicest most normsl friend I’ve had in years. We’re not close though. So maybe that’s why she never introduced me to more than teo people before.

She did tell me that most of her friends are particular.

The time isn’t the issue, it’s the pickiness & the selfishness that is bothering me. As I stated earlier, if it was their birthday & they wanted to go to brunch at a diner, I wouldn’t say, oh, I hate diners & I don’t like getting up early, so let’s go to dinner instead. That would be rude of me to do that.

And driving half an hour sway to a place ONCE a year shouldn’t be a big deal to these women. They’re not didabled & they all can drive.

I’d suck it up. And I did once. This place one lady chose sucked. I didn’t complain & I went thete early anyways. It was HER birthday after all. See what I’m getting at here? They should make compromises for MY birthday too. Especially since I did it for them.

As for expenses, I see your point. I’m not going to stsy home & not spend anything though ad that’d make me to depressed.

I don’t go to crazy. I’m not going to 5 star restaurants every weekend, lol. I go to matinees to where the price of a ticket is $7.50 once a month. Saving that much a month isn’t going to get us out of debt btw.

I think of it as ‘cheap therapy’, lol

The restaurant that I chose wasn’t that expensive. And it wasn’t that far away. And it’s not noisy.

I compromised with the time. I didn’t appreciate having to choose 3 or 4 restaurants before they agreed to go to one.

I almost gave up on celebrating my birthday because I was annoyed at how picky everyone was being. Everything HAD to be done to THEIR liking. Right down to sitting outside when they lnow I hate sitting outside when it’s hot. This is why I’m upset. They did NOT take MY needs into consideration at all.

The problem is that I have to say yes or I’ll look bad due to a health issue with one lady. Honestly, I think she’s exaggerating things to get her way though. I can’t prove anything.

I’ll definitely insist on sitting on the shade today & if they ***** about things, I’ll remind them that I already did enough for them maybe. I definitely will not sit in the hot sun today, lol 😆 I will not let them dictate everything, lol 😆

I’d feel hurt, too, if my friends didn’t want to do anything I wanted on my birthday. I agree with you that they should compromise some things because you are good friends. IME, though, I don’t think anyone ever was willing to do much of that. I don’t have much luck with changing anyone’s mind once they say they don’t want to do something. The confrontation just causes bad feelings and a worse relationship or no more relationship.

I’m sorry you feel you are stuck with these friends who you don’t like much. I hope the new ones are better. Maybe you will see them on your birthday instead.

I do agree with some things you said but eating in certain restaurants or going out late or drive farther or explore new meals or even celebrate birthdays are NOT needs. These are WANTS.

How did it go, Jesyka? were you able to find shade?

You are correct in thinking that if you were this picky for their birthday's, they would not appreciate it.

On the flip side, yes it's thoughtful to change the restaurant once because the chosen one is too above someone's budget. And that's where you can accommodate.

But to have to accommodate and bend to every wish of each person in the group? It is too much, and I agree with you, @jesyka.

Then I think you said one or two women cancelled because they did not like the choice, is that correct? And then once you changed the restaurant,. they said they could join again? Is that right?

I would be super annoyed with this group if it were me.

Do you enjoy their friendship otherwise?

I once had a girlfriend who was ten years older than me. Then, more recently, in 2016, I became friends with a girlfriend who is 15 years younger than me and it was just perfect. Unfortunately for me, she left the area and relocated to Pennsylvania. We still keep in touch, but it is not the same as seeing each other and visiting each other. But I cherish her friendship.

Maybe you will do better with girlfriends considerably younger than you. And they won't be set in their ways and will be flexible and fun to have around.

Thanks. If this isn’t bad enough, they won’t respect my boundaries when it comes to me not wanting to be in group pics. I tell them no repeatedly & they harass me to death until I say yes.

They did that to me again at my birthday lunch. One lady guilt tripped me with this spiel about memories. She pulled out old pics. I’m mad at myself for caving in once again. I resent them for this.

I did text them afterwards & told them that I felt my boundaries were disrespected & that I can’t be friends with them anymore if they continue to pressure me to be in their pics.

Only the pushiest lady who guilt tripped me said sorry. The other two ignored me. I’m very upset. Obviously thet don’t care about my feelings & they’ll probably try peer pressure & guilt tactics to get their way again. My days with them are probably numbered.

They are selfish & disrespectful. Everything is about what they need & want.

Thanks for understanding things. They are the ones who are being unreasonable & annoying, not me. I did bend over backwards to accommodate them. What is worse is that a wise new aquaintence pointed out something disturbing to me. He thinks that these women are playing sick mind games with me to dee me squirm for their amusement.

He said that they enjoy seeing my reaction as it gives them a sense of power. He was like, they wanted to see how many times I’d csnge the restaurant for them & how far I’d go to accommodate them. He is probably on to something.

They never did this with each other. And two of the women in the group bailed on me during our second get together at the last minute. It’s possibly that they got sicj, but one lady actually conothings that day then bailed right after the first lady canceled m. Weird!

He said they didn’t want to attend my birthday lunch & only went to see me the other day put of guilt. Hopefully that’s not the case.

Anyways, yes, the restaurant was changed three times. .Actually, four times. The third place I chose I changed the location to a nicer place a little further sway. Then one lady didn’t want to go thete as driving half an hour away was to far for her. The funny thing is all of them have driven half an hour to places before with no complaints.

And this lady recently drove to an event an hour away to see a free concert! Wth? Obviously distance isn’t an issue with her.

She couldn’t do this for me one time a year. She lives in the area btw. It was a lame excuse.

So this other lady couldn’t make it on Sunday to go to the new place all of a sudden became available when I switched back to the old place. In the text she said, is that the place on X ave which was telling.

She really hates to drive. She actually pays $75 for a mani instad of $35 to avoid driving further away because she hates driving that much, lol. She said a bad driver.

Weird! On topof that, they harassed me to desth for a pic again! They are onsessed with their stupid group pics! I resent them for that! Tgey have no respect for my boundaries!

I said no many times! They use peer pressure & guilt & they beg me to desth until I say yes. I’m so uoset that I texted them & tild them that I’m upset & to stop disrespecting my boundaries or I’ll stop being friends with them.

Only one lady said sorry. The other teo women ignored me. Rude! I’m afraid that they’ll still harass me for pic’s despite thus warning.

Why would they disrespect my boundaries? My days with them are probably numbered now. I can’t take much more of this crap.

On the positive side, I got a visa gift card for $50 & a Sephora one for $25 & another one for $40. It doesn’t make up for the disrespect & inconsiderate behavior though.

That’s good. Idk. Some younger women might be to immature or to busy with their family for me. I have noticed that older women tend to have more health issues & they tend to be more set in their ways too.

I’ll try to meet women who are around my age next time who don’t have a lot of issues.

I do not want young women to be immature. In fact I learned a lot (in terms of practical knowledge) from my younger girlfriends.

Being busy with their family life: yes.

You’re lucky then. I’m not.

Why would they be immature? Unless you befriend 16-year olds, grown women wouldn’t be immature just because they are younger. My daughter is in mid 30s. Not immature.

As about busy with families. Many women don’t have children or welcome an opportunity of taking time off family and going out. Also some older women are even more busy. A friend of mine has 5 grandkids, she’s in her 60s but is busier than anyone because she has something going on every weekend. Even exponentially speaking, one might have 2 kids but 6 grandkids and if they all live close by, forget it. You’ll be busy.

Generally speaking younger women might have more desire to drive further snd in the dark and party more and possibly do more adventurous things (unless they have toddlers at home).

You also might want to look for single women. It doesn’t mean they are free 24/7 as they likely work snd have obligations and hobbies etc but they still might have a bit more free time. You want to see friends more often. So that’s might be the answer

Single women & I often don’t get along as they’re often not happy that they’re single. And for some reason I tebd to attract women who’ll ditch me for a guy every time.

They’d rather wait around for a guy to contact them than make definite plans with me.

They obviously don’t value friendships.

Well you want friends who’ll see you very often and it seems like most adult women have other obligations and cannot dedicate that much time to you. You also want the ones with no health concerns or financial or family obligations. So I am trying to figure out what type of women would fit your expectations. I thought younger and single. You don’t want those either. They just don’t seem to exist.

Don’t know where you find these women. Coincidentally majority of my friends are single. Widowed, divorced or never married. No they don’t ditch me for random men and not everyone is even dating. Yes I’ve met some ridiculous women who choose men every time. But they were a few. Not massive number.

It sounds like women you want just don’t exist.

Not single but also not in a good marriage because they might want to spend time with their husbands and not see you as often. No kids or at least no kids who require any of their time. Extremely flexible time wise- so either don’t work or work very little. Not frugal so must be either wealthy or financially irresponsible. Not young but also not old. Zero health concerns, so nothing prevents them from doing things you want. Adventurous but shouldn’t be young. Like to sleep late and go out late.

Who are these women? Just not a realistic expectation.

They don’t have to be like that exactly. I just don’t want friends who are rigid, stubborn, set in their ways, fkaky, self absorbed, will ditch me for a guy, always to sick to go out, always broke, homebody type.

I don’t like extremes. Someone who is flexible without avlot of baggage is someone I can work with. I can live with someone who is willing to go out in the afternoons. They don’t need to be rich or always available every week. lol. I don’t think things would work out with someone who is only available to go out once a year.