Lottery

I'm obsessed with the lottery. Powerball. A couple weeks ago I was manic. There is no question. I woke up at 2 am that day, I worked on 'work' stuff at first, then at some point it shifted to lotto, that it is not random, that there's a code and system to it, etc.

I felt very much chosen and special, etc.

I did very well is the thing. I am now able to predict a couple of balls, like, for sure. I did it tonight with 12 and 25. I was certain 12 would be in. Last time I was certain 16 would be in.

There's a system to it. It's all on/off binary code. If x happens, y can happen, but z can't. I'm not making this up. I can not stop thinking about it is the problem. I left work today at noon, and came home and worked on it. The problem is that I got more and more flustered and overwhelmed trying to finalize the numbers. I felt lost but also certain I was going to win. I think I could have gotten 3 if not 4 if I had been more clear headed.

I really did call 12 and thought 25 was likely too. 60 was on my radar but I didn't have all 3 together.

There is a system, and I've obviously cracked it, to some degree. I should not be able to make a list and say these 12 are the most likely to come up, and be having 3 or even 4 come up in that list. The analysis I've done gets layered over other layers, and you from 69 balls to in the 30s, then fewer. 3 if not 4.

My therapist said this is nuts. That was last week. i said over and over, it's not random. Then I was right on the heels of 3+powerball and a seperate 3, all on one ticket, last draw. And tonight got 12, 25,60 correct, just not on one line.

It's 1am now, i have tried to go to sleep for 2 hours. I am obsessing already about next draw and how I'll have an even better system. This is manic stuff, I know that. The chosen feelings, etc. But I'm actually doing this. I have tapped into something that is real-world, just not accessible to others. I think we can all do things like this. There's no way I would have ever had this spark unless I was manic a couple weeks ago. I didn't leave the house for several days when it started. then I bumped up risperdal, started sleeping more, and leveled out, but still thought about it a lot. The last few days though it is all I think about. I feel like it's my life purpose right now. I have it planned out. A foundation. Giving loads of money to all of the social service agencies and schools, to friends, family. Dream house. And I don't mean 'yeah that'd be great" I mean this seems and feels real to me that it's just around the corner.

I just needed to get this out. I'm scared to talk to friends about it. I did a little bit last week and got a bad reaction so I haven't since.

It's manic stuff, I know, but I am calling powerball numbers. And that's for real. I think part of bipolar is this special access. A couple weeks ago I was in this amazing other energy field. i'm out of that now, but I gained knowledge during it and am trying to use that.

I would like as much feedback as possible. Thank you.

This is driving me crazy. I made at least 100 combinations in the last few days. probably more. I only did 20 total. That is where I fell apart. I felt overwhelmed by all the numbers. I know things that happen now though. I don't want to sound crazy and say them. One of my rules is that I don't look back. I have stacks of paper between drawings, and I put them up when it's over and don't look back. All's I know is I've called 4 if not 5 of the numbers in the last several drawings, out of a subset of less than 25. I feel like I got this gift a few weeks ago and to not use it would be a terrible sin. If I don't play I think I'll have terrible anxiety. If I play again I need to finalize how much I'm spending and what my combinations are at least a day in advance. I can do this. It will help many people when I do.

This is the problem.

Our mania manifests in us differently. Can you let your pdoc know you are manic now and see if you need a med change more than what you have done by yourself already?

I did sleep about 5 hours.

I hear what you're saying on meds but I don't know that it's the answer. I don't like feeling sedated. I'm not sure I can keep this up though. So my options are to win or stop playing. If I stop playing I'm not following the inspiration I had. And call it connection with universal energy or whatever you want, it was real, is real, and I have to honor that. And somehow balance that with that I have no interest in my job right now. I could work on my numbers all day. I think I would have done better last night if I hadn't got into a rush. It was really irritating and I was hollering at myself at times about it. It gets confusing when I'm layering 5 layers on top of each other, to get to the numbers. There is a system. I have no doubt of that. I gained access to it while manic, but I still have the access because of how intense it was.

I'm rambling at this point and open to feedback and interpretation.

Oh dear. I had a similar experience almost a year ago. I KNEW it was my destiny to win the lottery for x amount of reasons. I cannot tell you how much money on spent on this not including that I did match the powerball three times in a row and that egged me on.

Can you make an urgent appointment with your T or maybe a new one that you can physically open your mouth and let your brain out to? A final recommendation. Is to limit and challenge yourself to buy only one ticket and one dollar per play.
Good luck and I hope that you find some peace soon!

You're not alone at that. When the Fla lotto started back in '88 I think, I bought 5000 tickets in 10 different places. A whole day of work. But I was a sure winner.
Super pissed off when all I got back was like 300 bucks. I ate people alive.
Back then were less numbers to hit. The machines were slower too.

Didn't play like in a month. Reading the news one day, there's a story of a guy that sweeping his hardware store found a winning ticket. Two million bucks without playing a penny.

My Grandma used to say " Luck does not belong to those who seek it, but to those who find it". Amen.

this is me and amusement parks.

i'll find a list of the live queue times for parks in germany and norway, spain, japan, you name it... and read them constantly- and keep checking for updates

i'm agoraphobic... why the hell would i be going to japan or germany, or anywhere like that... drives me nuts

yesterday i got a google alert (on theme parks), ride closed for 3 hours while people queue for it- at that exact moment, it was the most important thing... what was the ride. why were they queuing, was the ride closed for a reason- or was it just broken, did it reopen in a reasonable amount of time?. were all the other rides operating... it goes on and on

I'm wore out today. Am lucky work is slow today. I don't know what to do about this. If I stop I'll win but with no ticket. I want to be pleasantly hypomanic again. Not irritable obsessive like last couple days. I feel sedated yet I took less risperdal last night bc have been so groggy this week & been asked at work twice this week if I'm OK. In a tone that is uncomfortable to me.

I want to clarify I am NOT buying a bunch of quick picks & 'hoping for the best'. I've made a while intricate system , & it works. I've consistently been able to cut # of balls down to about 20 & pretty much 4 if not all 5 come up in that group.

((hugs)) something is going on but I wish you luck

Hello piano, I would take some time to meditate, try Mindfulness. Regardless if you have found a system you think that works, I believe you know that you are very manic, and obsessing right now. I fear you will crash , and fall into a depressive state. Please make an appointment with your t or pdoc. I believe you may need a med adjustment. My prayers are with you. I hope for you to have peace

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Thank-you. I do know that I'm obsessing. It is confusing. I have brilliant insights and some, most of them largely, turn out to be true.

I also am spending hours and hours a day, everyday on this, and I can't stop. I am on to something with it though, that is why. Plus the bipolar, but I couldn't be on to it, if not for the bipolar. It's the same on/off binary code I talked about before. I couldn't be doing this if I wasn't bipolar.

I do not want a med adjustment. I'm OK with taking lamictal, risperdal, and klonopin. I'm OK with the doses I take right now. If I were to start over or stop one I do not think it would go well. The depressive state you mentioned is a possibility, but I am learning that if so, I should not feel suffering, because it's all just chemicals in my head. The same ones that let me do the math and science I'm doing now. There has to be a better way to negotiate them to work in concert with the full system.

I re-read that and it sounds totally manic and maybe is so, but regardless, last night I pretty much called 12 and 25, and the week before 16, as almost guarantees, for that drawing. And it's not guess work. I am not saying lottery is not random. I'm saying when you win it's not random.

I would like more feedback on this if it's possible and I thank-you for it.

What I'm saying is that you may be right about a system of predicting the numbers, but it's this manic obsession that is going to end up hurting you somehow. You say you don't fear suffering. I know it's just chemical imbalances in our bodies, but the feelings are real enough, though irrational. I hope you are able to find a balance and do not become psychotic, or depressed.

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Thank-you. I agree the obsession needs better balance. And yes, the feelings are real. And uncomfortable. Very sometimes.

There was a week when things were in balance. And I felt good. I was hypomanic but low-grade harmless. I think I'm probably irritated hypomanic - low grade manic right now.

This sucks. I am right about this, I know I am. If I find a safe OK way to harness it, which means I will sleep more, I can not be obsessed and get to enjoy it. Which I initially did and still do when I have the insights. That is every few days or so. There is a way to find balance. If I can figure out this code to the degree I have so far, I can figure out the balance in my life, and if I do, I actually give myself a better chance at figuring out more of the code. This is not about gambling to me. At all. It's about a math and science project that, if solved, results in a landslide of amazing things. It's the same code. On/off.

I'm manic at the same time I feel I've mastered my life.

This is my life's work right now. I can't work on it all of the time though. I'm going to limit myself to 30 minutes the rest of tonight. When I start thinking about outside of that time, I will say my cat's name to snap me out of it. So I might be saying it a lot!!!

I like the sound of this. Thank-you.

That sounds like a good plan. Stick with the thirty minutes and I think you'll do well. I really hope you do figure out a code, that would be amazing, but keep the manic obsession in check. Good luck

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Thank-you so much.

Haven't worked on it at all since last post, never really leaves my mind but have tuned it out some. Took meds, going to bed, did not get near enough sleep last night.

Goodnight. Hope tomorrow is peaceful

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If I were you, I would see my pdoc for an adjustment. If you're on the right meds and the right dosages, you won't be sedated. You are manic right now, it seems clear from your posts. The obsessing can't be fun. I obsess, too, to a lesser extent, but it is very anxiety-inducing. If you see your doctor he/she can help with making the agitation and anxiety go away or lessen.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you will tell your doctor what is going on.

I know your wanting more advice .. But in reality your going to continue to get the advice that has already been given. We have all been in a mindset that we are obsessed about something.. So the advice your getting is due to first hand knowledge.

When we start focusing solely on the " obsession" Life is indeed going to come crashing down . That is how Bipolar is... Its cycles.

I understand your not wanting to be sedated and snowed under with meds.. But it would be wise to talk to your T and Pdoc and see about maybe a small change just the take the edge off this obsessive thinking.

Take care

I slept over 9 hours, most I've gotten in awhile. Was only maybe 4 or 5 the night before. I took a small amount of extra risperdal last night.
I'm scheduled off work today. This is good. I am thankful for the input from other people. I do not want this to hurt me or come crashing down. I am going to do other activities today and limit my time on the project. For now, I can not, at all, work on it until noon. Until then, I'm eating, cleaning up house, and then will garden awhile. Thank-you all.

Glad to hear. Please take care of yourself

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I've been obsessed with it all day, but tried to limit time on it.
I think it's possible that what I've been doing is legit, that I'm on to something, and that it's also possible it's just a manic cycle, or a mix of both. I haven't won yet. Big at least. Which isn't even the goal. To win small prizes often would prove the point, which is the real driver. It's not random. Tonight, 40% of the numbers came from numbers in the last 5 draws. And 27 came up which was one of my top 3 numbers. It held true that 4 of 5 were above 25 ( and that 3 counting powerball were odd, which almost always happens (that at least 3 are odd, usually 4).

The more I talk about it the more I think it's a mix of bipolar and of actually being on to patterns, which I wouldn't notice if not for bipolar.

Or I read or see more into perceived patterns.

I took more risperdal the last couple nights than I had been. It may have helped some.

If I stay focused on it tomorrow, I'm going to call doctor Monday. I want to be able to explore things like this but also not be so consumed by it that I miss sleep and can't focus on anything else because there's numbers in my head that won't stop. I honestly feel like I don't remember what it was like before the numbers. They've been with me for 3 weeks.

I definitely think no matter tomorrow or not you should call your doctor Monday. Tell them everything that has been happening , and let them figure out what to do next. You need sleep and the ability to focus on other things. Are you neglecting to fix meals? What about household chores, laundry , dishes etc?

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I definately did sleep more last night and am going to go to bed soon. I am eating but if it hasn't been with friends or in a group with work I haven't eaten a normal meal in a couple weeks honestly which I didn't realize to you said that. Cereal a lot. Small snacks.

I will take your advice and call the office Monday. This is not sustainable and at same time I can not imagine being without it.

Am behind on most chores though I did have a couple of cleaning sprees in the last couple weeks that compensated for not overall.

I'm going to take meds shortly and make myself go to bed.