Manic husband is shutting me out

I am new here so please bear with me. My story is long and complicated, but I need some help. First let me preface by saying, I am in counseling...have been for the past year and so has my husband.

I am married to a bi-polar alcoholic who has been in recovery for the past year. He was diagnosed with bi-polar during a hospital stay one year ago which resulted from what he thought was a nervous breakdown. My husband had been seeing a psychiatrist for approximately one year prior to his hospital stay and the doctor had him on every imaginable medication available. The doctor never gave him an actual diagnosis, just kept throwing pills at him. Eventually, my husband got tired of the meds and quit taking them. After about 3 months of being off of the meds he literally brokedown. He admitted himself to the hospital and took his diagnosis well. He found an excellent therapist and another psychiatrist who has had been treating him since September 2006.

Along with the bi-polar diagnosis my husband admitted to alcoholism. I was very aware of his drinking problem, but he would never listen to anything I had to say about it. He only went to AA after his counselor in the hospital recommended he attend and made him promise to attend 3 meetings and then report back to her. Sure enough, my husband realized he was indeed an alcoholic and has been sober since Sept. 2006.

This summer (June 2007) my husband came home from church and told me he wanted a divorce. No explanation other than, 'I don't love you and I want out'. I was shocked. We had been having problems because of the mental illness and all that goes along with it, but I never would have imagined a divorce in our future. My husband had been attending a local church for approximately 8 months and had become a born-again Christian. He was attending this new church and even playing in the worship band every Sunday. I was not a regular attendee and this upset him. Because of the bi-polar and the mania that I have witnessed throughout the years I simply thought of the church thing to be just a phase and probably woudn't last long.

So, I was told by my husband that he didn't love me anymore. He wanted me and my son (not his biological child) to move out of our home, he wanted to keep the house. I was told I could walk away from the home with anything I wanted just as long as I moved out and agreed to an amicable divorce. I refused to agree to the divorce and my husband was livid.

The day after the announcement, I found out my husband was having an affair with a woman 12 years his junior who just happened to attend the church. My husband denied this affair, but I knew it to be true because I found emails he had saved that had been exchanged between the two.

For a month and a half my husband continued to deny his affair, as did she, and continued to tell me he wanted out of our marraige.

Finally, toward the end of July I moved out of our house. I completely cleaned it out. I knew for a fact that he was having his affair and I was done with our marriage. I retained an attorney and started the divorce proceeding. I found an apartment and made plans to move the second week of August.

Two days before I was to move into my apartement my husband came to me and begged me to stay with him. He admitted to his affair and the fact that he had been irrational. He begged me to not go through with the divorce and promised he would prove to me what a good man he really is and that he was trustworthy. Basically, he claimed he had a lapse in judgement and it after I had cleaned out the house and supposedly given him what he thought he wanted that he realized he had made a horrible mistake.

So, here I am living in my apartment with my son and I have literally been dealing with a rollercoaster of a storm that is ripping me apart. I agreed to give my husband another chance back in August. I called my attorney and told him to hold off on the divorce. My husband and I had been "dating" and working on our problems off and on for the past 3 months.

Now my husband is completely shutting me out. Two weeks ago he told me he took out a girl who he works with to dinner. He claimed it was just a friendly dinner and that she is in a committed relationship and would never cheat on her boyfriend. I found this to be extremely inappropriate especially considering our circumstances and I told him I did not want him doing "dinners" with female friends anymore. I also emailed the girl in question and told her the same thing. The girl then called my husband crying because her boyfriend was telling her to cut all ties with my husband. The boyfriend even emailed my husband and told him to stay away from his girlfriend. Now my husband is angry with me for 'ruining their friendship'. He was so upset with me last week for this that he has stopped talking to me. I could only assume that he had 'a thing' for this girl and because she has supposedly cut ties with him, he is now hurt.

This past week, even though I knew my husband was angry with me we continued to spend time together. We had dinner two nights in a row and enjoyed each others company. In the middle of the week he told me he needs his space. When I contact him, he screams at me. He has told me to leave him alone and that he will do whatever he wants. He will not return my phone calls or text messages, etc. I finally told him the other day that if he is back to wanting the divorce that I would appreciate him telling me before having me served divorce papers out of the blue. He responded by saying, "why do you always go straight for the divorce thing?". He tells me he is not ready to make a decision about our marriage and that I just need to leave him alone.

Because of his bi-polar I can only assume that he is being manic. One day he is screaming at me and the next he calls and acts as if nothing has happened. Then the next day it is back to him acting crazy.

This is driving me crazy. I love my husband, but I am having a very hard time keeping up with his mood swings. As soon as I make a decision he comes running at me with something different. I can't help myself from being vulnerable with him and it is causing me to be severly depressed. I never wanted a divorce and honestly believed that I could make my marriage work and deal with his illness. Sometimes I still believe this, but I am now starting to doubt my own judgements on the smallest of issues in my own personal life.

I am afraid that one day soon I will just get served divorce papers. I am also afraid that one day soon my husband will call me and want me back in his arms and he will act as if nothing has happened. I can't talk to him about this. He will not hear of it. I am completely lost.

Welcome to PC. I wish I had answers for you but it is of such a personal nature. It sounds like you are going through such a hard time with him. You are definitely being very patient with him. You seem ambivalent to what you really want. To me that is what is important; what you want. Remember he comes with everything; the good and the bad. That you will have to contend with. Would he consider having his meds checked? Bipolar can be such a devastating illness in regards to relationships.

I guess I can only tell you to listen to yourself. It is hard when such strong feelings are involved. I am sorry that you so devastated with his behavior. I wish there were a clear cut answer other than is this how you would like to spend the rest of your life.

I hope that he will have his meds checked again as this may be the crux of the situation. I am sorry you have such a hard decision to make. Please take care of you.

BB

Thank you for your response.....
Unfortunately, my husband will not listen to me at all right now. I have mentioned the meds to him in the past, but he won't even consider the idea of a problem there. In fact, he has said over the past 3 to 4 months that he feels better than ever. He is happy with his therapist and psychiatrist and only sees himself as getting better. I get the feeling that he is not being honest with his therapist or psychiatrist and just doesnt want to deal with the meds. I do know that he is definitely talking them, but he doesn't think there is a problem. Medication management is out of the question to him.

Another problem with him is that he has a horrible caffeine problem which his doctor has told him he needs to watch. He literally drinks 4 to 5 of those large coffees from Quik Trip every day. I think they are 32 oz each! He has been aware of the way the caffeine affects him in the past and has tried to cut down, but always goes back to his normal heavy intake. The doctor has warned him in the past that the caffeine mixed with the meds can affect him negatively, but I think he is so manic that he can't see this in himself.

msinfiniti, I'm sorry for all you are going through right now. So many hurtful things for you and your son.

Can you and your husband go to a family therapist together for some marriage counseling? Maybe this would help the two of you decide on whether you want to stay together and work on your marriage or to proceed with divorce. Counseling can also help you and your husband improve your communication. That will help no matter if you decide to stay together or not.

It is possible your husband will serve you with divorce papers. You have your own attorney. Discuss this possiblity with your attorney and make sure you are prepared to be served. There really is not a huge disadvantage to being served if you are prepared for it. The shock is hard to take, but you already know it is a strong possibility.

Is the marriage with your husband and his affairs and moods the best environment to raise your son in? Remember, it is not just you who has to tolerate his instability. How is this affecting your son and is it worth it to stay if the situation does not improve? Does your husband feel any ties to your son? Does he visit now that you are separated? Is he a father in any way to your son?

Best of luck to you, msinfiniti.

Thank you for you reply....

My husband and I have tried marital therapy, but never stuck with it long enough due to the conflicts we were having. We just stopped going because we were at each others throats all the time.

I understand what you mean when you ask about my son. My husband is not his father and unfortunately they had a very strained relationship in the past. My husband was always very hard on him and expected perfection most of the time. I ended up putting my son in counseling because his self-esteem was so low due to the badgering he was getting at home. So, no, it's probably not the best environment for my son and our family. My husband did get a lot better with my son once he got himself in therapy and on the right meds their relationship did improve over time. They have seen each other since our seperation because we have spent time together, but they do not speak on a regular basis. I have tried to talk to my eleven year old about the situation, but he is not real open with his opinion on the matter.

Thank you.

You're situation is almost like mine except for the alcoholism. I don't have all the answers but I know what has worked for me. I have been dealing with my wife's depression and bipolar disorder for the last 4 years. My wife is on meds which don't work all the time but refuses counseling. She will tell you there is nothing wrong with her and holds a job in customer service so she can function. Only those close to her know the real person. To best explain it, at home she is like I'm raising a lazy, belligerent 18 year old. We have a 12 year-old daughter that she has not so much as made her a peanut butter sandwich in the past four years. I could go on an on but you want answers.

First realize that your husband has a mental illness and that rationalism and logic don't apply. I'm not saying that in a negative way, that's just a reality. They are good at manipulating us by playing on our sympathies. If we were cold hearted people neither of us would be here. Even though my wife won't go to counseling, my daughter and I have. What opened my eyes was when I was asked if I had heard of enabling. I had not. When I thought I was being a good husband I was just promoting her lifestyle. If she was having a depression episode she could lay in bed all weekend and I would wait on her hand and foot. Why should she change when she can get that kind of service? When she spent too much money and put us in the red, I just juggled finances and went on. A year ago after counseling I drew the line, get help or I'm done. When I stopped being the butler she got off her butt and at least started taking care of herself. With her I can't push her or she vapor locks, so for the past year I have been getting her used to the idea of separation. And here's the interesting part, as long as she only has to take care of herself she does ok. On the rare occasion when she tries to take care of our daughter she has an anger episode. So to be honest I think she will be better off by herself.

So this week she is going to move out. I think she's really going to do it. On my part I would rather go ahead and file for divorce but for some reason that really stresses her out. She wants to move out and be on her own but I think she wants to keep the safety net. I got news for her, I'm done.

The most important thing you have to realize is that they have to admit they have a problem. You would think he would know that from admitting to alcoholism but that's something that any more is sociably acceptable. Admitting to bipolar disorder, not so much. There is nothing you can do to force them to change. And as the councilor pointed out to me, if you separate or divorce you can always change your mind if he gets lined out. And think on this, is this what you want for the rest of your life. Bipolar disorder will not go away and will not get better by itself. It will get worse without treatment.

This next part is hard to do, it was for me. Disassociate yourself from this for a minute. Pretend you are a happily married woman with a wonderful life. Now go back and read your first post. What would you advise this woman to do? Are you asking, "why is she doing this to herself"? "Does she love this guy of does she just feel obligated?" I have friends that are helping me through this and we email back and forth. One day I was on a rant, went back through what I had written and thought good Lord why am I doing this to myself and my daughter? I came up with a exit strategy and just having a plan made me feel better.

I repeat this is what works for me, I'm not a therapist and don't claim to be. I knew if I didn't do something I was going to go down with the ship, like it or not. I gave it my best shot and now it's up to her to do something for herself.

Dear msinfiniti:
Let me start out by saying how "sorry" I am to hear about your dilemma with your husband. I can tell you first hand what it's like to live in that situation, as I, myself, and stricken with Bi-polar 1 Disorder. I know only too well what your husband's going through, and the many episodic fits he is having in regards to making decisions. Any of those is certainly going to "trigger" him in ways you can't believe exist. My husband has been living with it for over 30 some odd years, and he's still here!! I don't know why he has bothered with me this long, but I guess he really does love me and doesn't feel sorry for me????
I've been through nearly every raw emotion there is and I have never been able to cope with much of anything in life.
It started to roar it's ugly head in the mid 70's, although some of my doctors feel I have always had manic/depression. There was no proof of it back then. I too
suffered a "nervous" breakdown in '78 and willing went to a hospitals' locked ward for nearly 2 and a 1/2 months. I have
spent time in therapy over the past 17 years BEFORE someone finally gave me the right DIAGNOSIS. That's been
30 years in the making, though. Not very good for such an up and coming medical break through, is it???? However
they tell me that it takes approx. 10 years to pinpoint the disorder. Hah! poppy-%#@&#!. They just like to use humans as guieny pigs, I think!!! Anyway, I was officially diagnosed last Dec. with Bi-polar 1, and been on a regimen of Luvox, for depression, and Lamictal for mania. I'm telling you, the quality of my life hasn't been the same since. It's like night
and day now. I can see the dominoes falling into place now for me, and I can see why I drove everyone else around me nuts all the time. It isn't SIMPLE anything.....this
is a DEVASTATING illness that can wrap the whole family up in knots trying to deal with it. The meds. will not CURE
the disorder, but rather help the individual MANAGE it. YOu still go thru those "dark" days, but the manic med. makes it
a hell of alot easier to do. It's better than the alternative.
One just has to be willing to stick their toes back into uncharted waters. There are lots of new combo drugs out there that won't have those nasty side affects like you have with psychiatopic drug therapies. If you do, then the drug has to be changed.
Your husband will ultimately have to decide what the QUALITY of his life is going to be.............but I can honestly
tell you he's losing out on a good thing if he doesn't.
Like the old saying goes......." you can lead a horse to the troth, but you can't make him drink the water"!!!!!

Good luck.

Wow. I was just going through some of my posts and came across your reply, Dealmeout.

I read your reply before, but for some reason it is really hitting a nerve with me tonight. I have been dealing with my husband continuing to shut me out and it is seriously affecting me in a negative way. I simply cannot take it anymore. We spoke tonight via IM on the computer for the first time since last Sunday and it was maddening.

He didn't have much to say at all which hurt me so much. I cannot believe I am putting myself through this.

I am starting to do some real soul searching and contemplate my options. I think its time I give him an ultimatum......although those never work. Maybe its what we both need.

I thought that "dealmeout's" council was very appropriate. I found myself wondering about your husbands age in order to attempt to evaluate his maturity level or lack of it. charity/love does begin at home, and thinking about whats best for you and your son is where thats at. I could suggest organizations like al-anon where people who are affected by alchoholic's support each other...I do understand that you love your husband, but does he really love you? love is an action word so watch his actions...your husband has some serious issues to work out, unfortunatly for him, it's just not right for you and your son to have to be put through it too.heres my advice, I'd stay right where you're at, and I'd give him about 6 months to straighten up...on his own, keep him no closer than arms length and see what happens. he'll act like he's doing what you want but don't believe it. make him prove it,if he does'nt understand his need to do that you'll know that he just does'nt "get it" and you should move on. my guess is that it won't take the full 6 months to figure this out, you're hoping for a miracle,so I'll hope with you.

So sorry to hear about your situation, Msinfiniti. Manic episodes really make everyone's lives difficult and leaves many people what is happening. Too bad that the manic one is always a little behind...

Can you talk to your husband's therapist/psychiatrist about his condition and what he has done? And maybe have them suggest him a change of medication or starting of one, in case he isn't taking any right now?

My husband is on medication, but I personally don't think its the right kind for him or at least its not enough. He takes Lexapro for depression and Lamictal for mania.

I have thought about contacting his therapist or psychiatrist but legally they have to tell him that I contacted them and my husband would flip his lid if I did that. A few months ago I asked if I could join him in a therapy session and he said, "NO, its my therapy, not yours!". So, theres no way thats going to happen.

He is so fragile right now that I am afraid of rocking the boat in any way. I am desperately trying to save our marriage and it looks like the only way I am going to have any chance at doing that is to just leave him alone. I simply don't know what else to do.

Hi Alton!!!
Long time no see on the boards. I still love your Philosophy about life, and the wonders that God bestows on us. I just have one question about that, though............if
he IS such a LOVING God, how come he puts us through all these trials and tribulations? Are we to pass some sort of arbitrary tests to get into the gates of HEAVEN??? Why then, do some of us have more pains and mental disabilities than others? Why do some of us never get better than it is???? I don't know that I doubt his love, but I
guess I'm expecting more from his LOVE than anyone else.
I leaned on him several years ago when my brother was dying from AIDS, and he still died. Why would he not save his life?
I wanted a miracle then, but I didn't get one! He took him anyway. He's not in any pain anymore and he's in a better place I understand that, but every Christmas I still get lonesome and sad.

Post deleted by DocJohn

While I am very pleased to see supportive replies from everyone here, I'd like for us to stay on topic, and also not bring in religion or religious topics here,for that is something that is of one's own personal belief,not everyone is of the same religion or follow a religion. If anyone wishes to discuss that topic, please check out our "spiritual" forum.

Thank you, so much.

Were I you, at the moment I would protect yourself and child first and worry about your husband second. If he files for divorce first, it will not go well for you. I would file for divorce and use that and your lawyer to help you "communicate" with him. If he truly wants to make things work he has to start working on them, illness or no, good or bad meds, good or bad church and people he's meeting, etc. You see he is being "unreasonable" and I would stick with that knowledge you have and see at the moment. I would get the divorce and then see where things go from there. If he truly wants it and things even out then you can remarry but you can't protect yourself well if his actions are in charge; I'd "flip" them so you are in charge. He's not thinking of you so you must. You only have yourself and your life to live so do that first and then worry about those around you.


No edit has been made by darkeyes to Perna's reply, just note that this reply is directed to original poster and not darkeyes.
Thanks.

hello drummergirl, why should we even have to experience life at all...could'nt he just give us a free pass? if he really loved us you'd think he'd spare us all this...that was his original plan,but we screwed it up...everything that has happened since is a consequence of that...sickness, death,war, etc...all of these things were brought on by us! God knows that we CAN'T pass any test so he sent his son Jesus to die as our atonement (an incomprehensible act of love). God is our heavenly father,and we're his rebellious children whom he'd like to help if we'd only let him. As long as we want to try to be God he will let us! At some point we should come to an understanding about who he is and what we are and realize that he has his own plans and freewill too! I'm really glad that he's in control and I for sure don't understand his ways but I trust in his promise to work all things out for the benifit of his children of which I am one! I truly understand you're pain of loss,my father died recently...I have to tell myself "Lord,not my will but yours be done on earth as it is in heaven" and then I can have his peace about it...I pray the same thing for you and that somehow I've answered your questions...so, to summarize..he's God,he loves you, trust in him he's smarter than us, need his love/healing? make some room in your heart for it and ask him in.

** Thanks for your replies, please see my note above Perna's.**

Hello Everyone.

First, I'd like to say ,"thank you" to all who have been so nice to me during this horrible time. I really appreciate all of your kind words.

Unfortunately, my husband told me Tuesday night that he is filing for divorce. Basically he emailed me and asked me when a good time to talk would be. I sent him a text message asking him what he wanted to talk about and he replied by saying, 'about our situation and where I'm going with it'. I called him immediately and he said, 'I'm filing for divorce'. He would not give me an explanation. He would not go into detail about his feelings. I got nothing from him. He was at his second job and was waiting for one of his guitar students to show up so he said he couldn't talk. He just cut me off and hung up on me.

Later that night I drove to our house where he is living. He barely opened the door and said, 'what do you want'? He said, 'you've got 5 minutes and then you need to get out'. He was very mean and cold hearted. He wanted nothing to do with me. He laughed at me when I cried and told him how much I love him and want our marriage to work. He would not let me hug him. He would not talk to me. He only told me to get out and that we were through. I was devastated.

I mentioned the fact that I think he is manic and depressed and he got mad and gave his usual response, "I've never felt better".

I feel horrible. My husband spent 3 months begging me to take him back after his affair. He was obsessed with me and as soon as I call off our divorce and recommitt myself to him he backs off and no longer wants me. My therapist says because he is bi-polar I cannot trust anything he says or does. My T says I should not believe anything until we are standing in front of a judge and signing the divorce papers. I don't know what to think. I love my husband so much and I want to be with him. I know I must be crazy for still wanting a life with him because of the hell he has put me through but we do have a spiritual connection that cannot be denied.

At this point I don't know what is going to happen. I called my attorney and told him the divorce is back on. I won't be contacting my husband anymore. I don't expect him to contact me. I assume I will see him when it is time to get together with our attorneys. I am supposed to go to a concert with him and his mother and a couple friends on December 9th, but obviously thats not going to happen now. I am so sad and overwhelmed. I miss my husband and my family. I cannot believe he has done this to me again.

Hi Msi,

I read your post, of course, and learned some background that I didn't know. You have certainly been on an emotional roller coaster.

I will get in touch with you, I promise, to check to see how you are doing.

Be Blessed,
Peacemaker

Post deleted by DocJohn

Hi august242!!!
I'm afraid I came down with that virus that's been going around. My husband's been sick for over a week now, and just last evening I felt it coming on myself. Boy, am I pissed or what? I told him not to make " dr. mom" sick, as I
can't throw it off like I use to!!! He just went to the dr. himself after alot of nagging from me. It's hard to feel sorry for him sometimes as he tends to let himself go. I am NOT
his MOTHER!!!! I do not want that job. I have two children,
both girls, and tha'ts it. His parents are gone, and so are mine..............I don't call him " dad" like some folks do that have been married a long time.........that turns my stomach!!
Anyway, I'm not feeling all that chipper right now, sorry......
I will be back when I'm feeling better.

drmr

Hey everyone...

I was wondering what everyones opinion is on me possibly contacting my husband's therapist or psychiatrist. I am seriously considering it because of the way he has completely shut me out. I spoke to his best friend last Sunday and again today and he tells me that my husband is not returning any of his phone calls and they usually speak everyday. His friend is concerned, but doesn't want to say too much because when they do talk my husband immediately says, "I don't want to talk about my marriage or anything regarding Laura".

Its as if he is just pretending that none of this is even happening and he is just going on with his life without any regard for anything or anyone close to him. I'm to the point where I can't figure out if he is manic or depressed. For the past few weeks I've been saying I think he's manic, but now he is just acting so out of sorts that I am just down right confused. He says his therapist told him last week to take some space from me and my T says that is probably the truth. The problem is that he got one, maybe two weeks of space and he decided to cut me off. I'm not getting anything out of him and when I went to our house the other night when he told me about wanting the divorce he was just plain mean. He wasn't even going to let me in the house and then when he did let me in he said, "you've got 5 minutes and then you need to go". I find this very odd considering just 2 weeks ago we were hanging out, interacting intimately, and talking about what both of us could do to make our marriage better for both of us.

Anyway, let me know what you guys think. My T says I should just let it go and that calling my husbands T or pdoc would only cause more problems, but I'm concerned that he is not being honest with them.

yes without his (your husbands ) ok talking to his T would couse more trouble- do u have kids?????????? to consider if not maybe it is best for u 2 take care of u at this time-
Just a thought

Hey infinity!!

I'm almost sorry for giving him the benefit of the doubt!! I do not think you should try to see his T or pdoc, as they won't tell you anything due to patient/ dr. privilege. They can't as a rule unless your hubby tells them they can. It sounds to me like he's having one episode after another, only instead of confronting the situation, it's easier on him to bow out. He may be thinking he doesn't "deserve" you in the back of his mind. He's mean because he can't justify wanting to leave you, so he figures if he sabotages your relationship you'll leave him!!! Maybe he really DOES want a divorce, but nine times out of ten, that's the Bipolar talking.
Half that house is yours, too, ya know. Tell him you want him to buy you out then, and give him what he wants. Later
he may change his mind, but it will be too late for that. Call
his bluff, see what he says. I'm grasping at straws here as
when I'm in an episode, I say the same thing to my husband at times!!! He knows now though, that it's the disability trying to take control.

Unfortunately, this illness does cause a breakdown in marriages, depending on the degree of the relationship. If
he has said " I don't love you anymore".....he doesn't know what he wants. He thinks he does. He is in denial big time
and sometimes that's the straw that breaks the camels back. You have that young boy to think about and protect.
That should be your main priority right now. Give him his space, and move along with your life. It's been too hard and you've tried everything you could. YOu may have to bail out to save yourself.......and that's okay. He has to know what's right and wrong, and you can't always appease him.
Don't let him use this condition to control YOU!!! At some point he has to take responsibility for his actions!!!

I called my husband today and he actually answered the phone. We had not spoken since last Tuesday when he was so mean to me and told me he wants the divorce.

I asked how he was doing, he asked how I was doing, he asked me how I am doing in school. He told me how tired he is from all the driving he's had to do this week with work. We casually talked for a few minutes and then the divorce talk started. He told me his attorney filed the papers on Monday. I immediately started crying. I told him I still love him so much and he said the same. He told me this is not easy for him despite what I may think. I asked if he is dating and he said, "absolutely not" and I believe him. I asked him if I should just start dating and he said, "if thats what you want to do, then yes". I was devastated. I knew he would answer that way though. It was just a morbid curiousity I had. I was hoping that he would say he didnt want me to or that he would mention the fact that we had both agreed that we would not date until our divorce was final. Again, he told me how much he loves me and misses me. He told me that all he does in sit in front of the television every night with the dog and how lonely it is. But, he said he has no interest in being with anyone and that he is enjoying himself alone.

He was actually pretty nice during our conversation. I was pleasantly surprised. I cried and it was very hard, but I am glad I got to talk to him even if he is still insisting on the divorce.

Two hours later I called him back and asked him if he would be willing to go to a counseling session with me. As soon as he answered the phone this time he was very harsh. I heard a different man on the line than earlier. I asked about the counseling and he said, "NO". His tone of voice was mean and sarcastic. This was not my husband. I had just talked to him a few hours earlier and he was nice to me. Nice for the first time in weeks. And now, only a short two hours later, he is back to being the other husband. The mean husband.

I swear my husband had BPD.....or MPD. Whatever. I don't even know. I called his mother. I gave her his pdocs phone number and she is going to call him. Something else is going on with him besides the bi-polar. Definitely something else. He needs an intervention. Not just because of his decision to divorce me. Thats small compared to whats going on in his head. I am honestly worried about my husband.

God help him.