[minefield]

Hi guys,

It has been a while since I have been online, things have been improving and moving forward-ish in my treatment and recovery. I can actually think of the term recovery which speaks volumes as to how far I have come.

I have come across a upcoming storm which I know is going to rock the boat and I am so nervous and scared.

I have damaged a gum at the front of my mouth, the pointy one. Brushing too hard has receded the gum. I am 31 and I have never had a filling or work done and have nice, straight teeth a little staining my biggest problem. They can fix it with a gum graph but they will only do it if I quit smoking.

This is not to scary in itself but it will also mean giving up weed.

I depend on weed to keep me calm, quiet and still my mind and protect me from the crazy thoughts. If I quit then there will be nothing to slow me down. I already had to stop drinking because it ended up being drunk is a trigger so I have nothing to turn to that will alter and quiet my mind.

I am booked in to see the nurse at my GP's for smoking cessation on Thursday so I have not started yet, in panic I bought three bags so I can splurge until then, I am so scared. What if this makes me tumble out of control again I can't go to that place, I might not survive it always leads to an overdose and hospitalisation.

Your advice, guidance and experiences would be so much appreciated.

[layla11]

Hi Minfield, I take medication for anxiety, over time its decreased. I would talk to your doctor about feeling anxious. Things will get better, come here and alot of people will give the support you need.

[madisgram]

under the gun timewise but for now layall has a good suggestion by talking with your gp re your anxiety and weed smoking. hope you will keep us posted. we"re here for you.

[minefield]

Originally Posted by layla11

Hi Minfield, I take medication for anxiety, over time its decreased. I would talk to your doctor about feeling anxious. Things will get better, come here and alot of people will give the support you need.

Hi, thank you for your reply.

I am very lucky with my GP she is there every time I need her without fail but because of my history of taking overdoses she will not prescribe me anything that would help like diazepam. It am terrified that I am not strong enough to live in my mind, fully aware and at full speed, my brain turns into a weapon against me. I have so many things wrong with me mentally and physically and there is nothing I can do about it but learn how to live with it all. I do have the power to stop smoking at last an ailment that can actually be healed, but the consequences if this goes wrong will be extreme. I know it's coming if I attempt it but I feel I have to do this I can't explain it properly but it feels important, a significant decision. It means I am looking to the future, it is strange having been stuck in the past for so long.

Does anyone else feel so utterly dependant on weed to keep them sane and in control?
Has anyone else tried to quit?
How did it effect your mental health when you did?
Or did you have to return to weed?

The unknown in all this I think is what's unsettling me.

Thank you xxx

[layla11]

Hi Minefield, it is rough and learning to deal with it is something that others can help with. Keep posting. You aren't alone. Your friend Layla

[minefield]

Originally Posted by layla11

Hi Minefield, it is rough and learning to deal with it is something that others can help with. Keep posting. You aren't alone. Your friend Layla

Thank you, layla11.

I went to see the nurse at the GP's, she was new to the practice so knew nothing about me or my history. I told her I was worried about giving up the weed and then she gave me suggestions on alternative ways of taking cannabis. Lol I was not expecting that. Do any of you guys got ideas other than naughty treats so I don't put on weight? I was thinking as a tea but would not know how to begin to make an good one.

She suggested these amazing new tablets that you take whilst smoking and eventually makes a cigarette unwanted by the body and cancels the effect of a cigarette if you have one. This was only available on prescription so she went to my GP.

My GP then asked to see me, she did not want to give me pills, they cause nightmares and have a number of clashes with mood and could potentially in itself push me into a depressive episode. All Nicotine replacement therapies have this same potential to cause problems for people with mental health issues.

I have been put on a lower dose patch of 15mg instead of the 25, it is also only for day time use to stop it messing with my brain chemistry in my sleep. I have also been given a quick mist spray to use to beat the cravings. This low dose means its also not going to make me ill if I give into a craving.

I am starting today, I had two spiffs this morning to start stoned then added the patch, I am now sat waiting for the first craving. This is silly why am I scared, my stomach is feeling all knotted do you know what I mean?

I will need you guys over the next couple of days I think, I get the impression from my GP that this is going to be one major emotional roller coaster. I didn't get the impression that she was especially keen for me to attempt this.

I might do a drawing today to try and keep myself distracted, ooh I think the first craving is brewing. Arrrggghh

[layla11]

Hi Minefield, keep posting and try to tell me what you are feeling. I was addicted to weed smokimg years ago. With me, I was seriously depresssedl Just take one day at a time and when you have a feeling that you need to smoke, ask youself, why am I feeling this way? please keep posting, with support from other people you can get through this. You will get through this!

[minefield]

I am starting well, I went onto all the web sites and have made up a plan, started on the patch on friday, I only had 5 spiffs and no cigs, and so far today 1 cig which when finished felt I didn't need it and 2 spiffs. So far all going in the right direction seeing as up until thurs I was on 20 spliffs a day.

Thank you for your support Lila11, I will keep you posted. It is reassuring to hear that it can be done even when low in mood.

I am worried about next week, I have nothing to do, no one to see now until next Friday I have nothing to do but obsess over this but I hope I can give you good news.

[layla11]

Hi Minefield, glad to hear you are doing well so far. One day at a time. Sometimes one hour, and if need be one minute. Hang in there, its going to get better. Woke up this morning and I was thinking how much things have changed in my life since I gave up drugs and alcohol. It feels so much better. You can do it! Anytime your lonely hang out hear, theres other lonely people who would love to hear from you. I will check in on you. Keep up the good work and post your feeling.

[thickntired]

Hi MF,

FYI I had a dental implant fall out due to smoking.

Weed was the hardest thing I have ever quit. It is SO STRONG now - pharmacutical with very high THC - nothing like the pot in the 1970-90's. And I've smoked it for 20+ years.

I had to join a 12 step program and get a sponsor. It was harder to quit weed than cigs and alcohol combined, so I totally get what you're dealing with.

Today I have 30 days clean & sober. My meds work better, my marriage & quality of life has improved, and the fog is lifting. Please PM me anytime, and maybe look up Marijuana Anonymous online or in oerson if you live in a bigger city. The worst side effect was about 2 weeks of insomnia. I believe the physical addiction is out of your system in 3 days, but the psych addiction took me longer. Also, when I quit long enough smoking makes me anxious, paranoid & uncomfortable.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

[minefield]

Thanks guys,

A big fat congratulations to thickntired for reaching the 30 day mile stone that is massive! Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

It's funny you know I have utterly convinced myself that I am the odd one out and only got good things from weed but smoking that amount must be playing with my head even if it feels like it also helps me to control it. There are so many contradicting thoughts racing through my mind. I am expecting to be shocked and least I hope to find that it may be the cause of some of my issues it would be nice if my mate is right but I would be happy with even just a little improvement.

I told my mate yesterday about having been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder ontop of ptsd (and for you guys as still my secret as told no one: borderline) his response shocked me, he seems to think the docs have mistaken for me being stoned and now they will discover there is nothing wrong. This pissed me off a lot actually as it felt like he was mocking the mental illness in dismissing it as stoned like that. Never mind, I just ignored it and let it go.

I'm already feeling more touchy and sensitive, I asked a neighbour to be quiet as well today. I hope I don't take this out on the world, no one likes a bitter angry woman.

I'm trying not to be hard on myself today as I had planned to have nothing today but it has not quite worked out. I thought if I quit whilst I still had some left it meant I could have an accident without having to buy a whole bag but after I woke I panicked and had a spliff. Then I decided I had to get out the flat so I went to the hair dressers for cut and full head of high lights. It took over 3 hour and £90 quid later which ended up being a waste of a great feel good distraction. That was my week smoking pennies gone but when I came home all I could think about was what was left. So I decided to finish it stalks and all. I'm smoking the last one now in bed as I type. It was only 5 spliffs and 1 fag which is still much better but I feel so angry at myself. This has however prompted me to throw away my ash trays and my weed box along with any filters and rizzla so tomorrow there is nothing left to tempt me but also no money left to distract myself. I'm going to listen to some quitting meditations tonight I hope that will calm me to sleep.

Thanks again for your support guys, your really helping me xxx

[thickntired]

MF,

I also got rid of all my pipes, bongs etc. that is a great first step!! It was very hard for me to admit I can't keep a pipe for future use. I had to change people, places, and things. I've lost friends but made new, sober contacts. I know in my heart that I've an addictive personality and can not in anyway moderate my use. One hit, drink, etc will never be enough!! It's all or nothing. Keep up the good work!

TnT

[avlady]

I'm glad to hear you are ok. my husband smoked weed consistantly for years and just this year quit. he quit drinking too, i didn't notice it at first, but now i can see a big difference, we also smoke e-ciggs is about all we do now, i'm trying to cut down slowly 24 mg then 16 then none. iam in here for you too and hope you can conquere you problems good goin"

[minefield]

Hi everyone, sorry I have not updated in a while I have been all over the shop with this, I did end up in hospital following an OD of diazepam I bought off my now deceased ex dealer - died in a drink driving accident a couple of months ago. So I can't get them anymore but man I so desperately needed to get mashed and knock myself out my brain has been working over time.

Stupid I know, it was not to kill myself and they got that so just sent me on my way a couple of days later. I still refrained from smoking though, they let me out last Thursday. On the Friday I went away for a choir residential and still stayed away from the cigs and weed. It took everything out of me though not for quitting just the experience of being with people and socialising so on Monday I gave in and bought a bag of weed and spent the next couple of days stoned which I am so frustrated and angry about because it was blissful to be out of it. On Wednesday I stopped again and so far not given into my cravings since so I have not given up giving up and only two days ops so far out of 13.

I am however at the point of crazies again, my back hurts, I'm constantly clammy with sweat even though I'm cold, I'm unsettled, can't concentrate my thoughts travelling faster than I can make sense of it. My dreams when I can sleep are utterly extreme and vivid I'm waking up shattered and frankly freaked out by the dreams contents. I don't understand because there is not meant to be any physical dependence on weed only psychological but my body it freaking out, I'm freaking out.

All I can think about is what other way I could mess myself up but the only other drug my new dealer offers is coke and I'm not that fussed about that as that's a party drug and need other people to feel the full effects and that would not slow me down. Seeing as I now live the life of a hermit that is no use to me.

I have looked up herbal remedies but the Internet does not give you real knock out herbal cures only stuff like bach's remedy or calamine which lets face it is useless. How is it on tv they can knock people out with plants but nothing I could find comes anything close to it.

I wish my update was better, I'm staying away from booze as is dangerous to me in this mood. Im proper struggling though.

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by minefield

Hi everyone, sorry I have not updated in a while I have been all over the shop with this, I did end up in hospital following an OD of diazepam I bought off my now deceased ex dealer - died in a drink driving accident a couple of months ago. So I can't get them anymore but man I so desperately needed to get mashed and knock myself out my brain has been working over time.

*****************I took valium - as perscribed - when I quit smoking cigarettes to deal with the anxiety. They (diazepan) are very adictive so my pdoc gives me .5 mg only 4x's a day. Now I only take them a few times a week if needed. My biggest problem was learning to take meds as needed! I was taking over the prescribed amout when I felt uncomfortable or just wanted to numb myself. You're very lucky you were not in the car with your ex-dealer!

Stupid I know, it was not to kill myself and they got that so just sent me on my way a couple of days later. I still refrained from smoking though, they let me out last Thursday. On the Friday I went away for a choir residential and still stayed away from the cigs and weed. It took everything out of me though not for quitting just the experience of being with people and socialising so on Monday I gave in and bought a bag of weed and spent the next couple of days stoned which I am so frustrated and angry about because it was blissful to be out of it.

***************I have a ton of social anxiety - which is common with addicts. I have not been out to a club or social event in 3 months. I am giving myself time to get used to being sober. I only am around people when I go to AA meetings or my bipolar support group. It's ok to stay away from people for a while if they trigger you to use.

On Wednesday I stopped again and so far not given into my cravings since so I have not given up giving up and only two days ops so far out of 13.

***********WAY TO GO

I am however at the point of crazies again, my back hurts, I'm constantly clammy with sweat even though I'm cold, I'm unsettled, can't concentrate my thoughts travelling faster than I can make sense of it. My dreams when I can sleep are utterly extreme and vivid I'm waking up shattered and frankly freaked out by the dreams contents. I don't understand because there is not meant to be any physical dependence on weed only psychological but my body it freaking out, I'm freaking out.

*******************I think it is all kinds of addictive. I had insomnia & nightmares about using drugs. BUT it does get better with time. Drink lots of water to flush toxins out of your system. If it's ok with your Dr. try to substitute the addiction with exercise. Meditate, use deep breathing techniques, pray and read/read/read about addiction. The 12 step literature and bible worked for me although I no longer attend church due to anxiety. But you can read anything that may help you to become a more spiritual person - Buddism/Hindu/Tao/Self-improvment literature.

All I can think about is what other way I could mess myself up but the only other drug my new dealer offers is coke and I'm not that fussed about that as that's a party drug and need other people to feel the full effects and that would not slow me down. Seeing as I now live the life of a hermit that is no use to me.

************** Coke almost killed me it is 100x's more addictive and more expensive than pot. Please DO NOT TRY COKE. It also messes up all the dopamine in your brain when you come down. I was suicidally depressed when we ran out of coke.

I have looked up herbal remedies but the Internet does not give you real knock out herbal cures only stuff like bach's remedy or calamine which lets face it is useless. How is it on tv they can knock people out with plants but nothing I could find comes anything close to it.

*************************Try Kava Kava powder from Hawaii, melatonin to sleep, and SamE or St John's Wort for depression.

I wish my update was better, I'm staying away from booze as is dangerous to me in this mood. Im proper struggling though.

*********************Message me anytime. I'm going on 9 months cigarette free and 2 months sobriety from pot & alcohol.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

[thickntired]

Also, I have 3 ruptured discs in my back and had to get a handle on my pain meds. Some addicts CAN NOT take pain meds. I just know if I abuse them they will not work when I am in pain!! And I don't want to be in pain with my back out. I also rely on over the counter meds, heating pads,bio freeze numbing lotion, and trying to get more exercise.

I just added that bc I read on your profile that you have chronic pain.

TnT

[minefield]

Hello,

Thank you for your message, we have a lot in common as my chronic pain is also a slipped disk. I use a BuTrans patch ( 7 day morphine patch ) which is physically impossible to overdose on and works miracles with chronic pain although useless for break through pain though.

Luckily I found booze fairly simple to cut right back, I have had a box of san migel beers in my flat for over a month now and not been tempted at all to drink alone. When I had drunk it reached about 1 to 2 bottles of wine a night at its peak. However the back pain intensified when I drank, I got mega restless legs and the hangovers were real punishment due to my medications and pain relief. So that all helped to make it a no brainier. Not everyone has there own body repelling it and it is so easy to slip into the habit and is one of the most difficult things to leave behind.

You have done very well yourself and can reassure yourself you have made past the most difficult period in terms of addictions. Has the demon drink been more challenging for you?

Leaving weed has been a very different experience, for me this is the hardest thing I have ever had to leave behind.

My gums and teeth is the most recent problem I can't believe the physical responses that body has had, now my jaw is in constant ache my toothbrush feels like it has daggers not bristles. My dentist has agreed to see me on Wednesday to try and help me.

I am finding myself being unstable without my fags and weed, a lot more sensitive and getting triggered by events that typically wouldn't. I went to see my GP today, rough as hell coz I have not been sleeping, teeth hurt, head ache, weakness and dizziness. But I drove down in my car i was not that out of it but by the time I got to my GP's office I was acting very strangely. I think the group of loud active children in the waiting room triggered me. I felt so bad, she came across as quite upset that I taken an OD especially as she had taken extra time to talk to me a few weeks ago. She said she was going to increase my medications until I had done that I could have really done with some proper pain relief, I messed up there. I am going to have to give her a call tomorrow I think great another night of worrying ahead of me. I had to sit my my car for an hour before I dared drive anywhere afterwards. It was dangerous I should not have been on the road.

It is times like this that I crave a spliff to turn my brain off this over active worry. I am going to take your advise and look for a distraction that will calm me like meditation. I'm not a big fan of spirituality and religion at all but certainly can't ignore how people get so much from it. I was really sad my GP did not say well done or made any comment about me having done well in not smoking. I guess the OD and my strange behaviour out staged my success.

I would like more knowledge and control with meditation and relaxation but without all the hard work and dedication for being a follower of anything. I'm more of a highlights and sky + fast forward, rewind, pause and play sort of gal :0). Don't worry I won't turn to coke, I have partied with it before and know it will not have the effect I crave. Sounds like that has been a battle for you at one point.

Thanks for Your input, I'm still feeling very out of it so I hope my response is not too much of a ramble, I struggling to convert thoughts to words.

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by minefield

Hello,

Thank you for your message, we have a lot in common as my chronic pain is also a slipped disk. I use a BuTrans patch ( 7 day morphine patch ) which is physically impossible to overdose on and works miracles with chronic pain although useless for break through pain though.

*********I don't understand "break through pain." Does that mean you are always in discomfort?

Luckily I found booze fairly simple to cut right back, I have had a box of san migel beers in my flat for over a month now and not been tempted at all to drink alone. When I had drunk it reached about 1 to 2 bottles of wine a night at its peak. However the back pain intensified when I drank, I got mega restless legs and the hangovers were real punishment due to my medications and pain relief. So that all helped to make it a no brainier. Not everyone has there own body repelling it and it is so easy to slip into the habit and is one of the most difficult things to leave behind.

************* Yes, Alcohol was easy peasy compared to pot. Although I thought the UK was more innudated with hash? I guess that was before hydroponic's. I'm a blackout drunk, and my pdoc said DO NOT DRINK on my medication - very dangerous. I also have on occasion restless leg syndrome. It wakes my husband up it is so bad and it hurts my back in the morning! They make medication for it in US, but I quit because I'm on enough meds. Alcohol made me break out in hives or a red rash on my neck & chest as does anxiety/panic. So, my body was totally rejecting it as a poision. Alcohol is a depressant which stops my medication from working, so yeah no-brainer

You have done very well yourself and can reassure yourself you have made past the most difficult period in terms of addictions. Has the demon drink been more challenging for you?

***********Not by a long shot. I was an obsessive pot smoker, but the obsession is gone today. Also, when I go for a long enough period sober pot makes me paranoid & anxious - no fun. I had 4 years sober and had to get drunk to smoke pot so I didn't have a panic attack. That is so stupid. I basically weaned myself back on pot!

Leaving weed has been a very different experience, for me this is the hardest thing I have ever had to leave behind.

***********YES YES YES!! But it is so worth it to get that damn monkey off your back. I was in total bondage to weed. It dictated where I went, who I befriended, how I spent loads of money . . . I was always afraid to run out of my stash. I hated that feeling!


I am finding myself being unstable without my fags and weed, a lot more sensitive and getting triggered by events that typically wouldn't.

************* That is normal I believe because we have to relearn how to be ok in our own skin. We are so used to immediate gratification and relief from any discomfort or anxiety. It's like having to learn how to work through problems for the first time.



I went to see my GP today, rough as hell coz I have not been sleeping, teeth hurt, head ache, weakness and dizziness. But I drove down in my car i was not that out of it but by the time I got to my GP's office I was acting very strangely. I think the group of loud active children in the waiting room triggered me. I felt so bad, she came across as quite upset that I taken an OD especially as she had taken extra time to talk to me a few weeks ago. She said she was going to increase my medications until I had done that I could have really done with some proper pain relief, I messed up there. I am going to have to give her a call tomorrow I think great another night of worrying ahead of me. I had to sit my my car for an hour before I dared drive anywhere afterwards. It was dangerous I should not have been on the road.

************* She probably doesn't want to give you pain relief if she feels you are unstable or an addict. BUT you did the right thing - you told her the truth!! I had to reevaluate my pain because I was over medicating to feel numb or escape. Yes, I agree about driving. Maybe next time a friend or cab could take you?

It is times like this that I crave a spliff to turn my brain off this over active worry. I am going to take your advise and look for a distraction that will calm me like meditation. I'm not a big fan of spirituality and religion at all but certainly can't ignore how people get so much from it. I was really sad my GP did not say well done or made any comment about me having done well in not smoking. I guess the OD and my strange behaviour out staged my success.

*********** Try exercise & diet. My husband and parents did not give me much praise at all for sobering up and it really pissed me off. I think they may be afraid it's a temporary thing.

I would like more knowledge and control with meditation and relaxation but without all the hard work and dedication for being a follower of anything. I'm more of a highlights and sky + fast forward, rewind, pause and play sort of gal :0).

*************Yes, most addicts want to fast forward. I know I do!


Don't worry I won't turn to coke, I have partied with it before and know it will not have the effect I crave. Sounds like that has been a battle for you at one point.

*************Good Deal. It was hell to get off that crap.

Thanks for Your input, I'm still feeling very out of it so I hope my response is not too much of a ramble, I struggling to convert thoughts to words.

***************I'm ADHD so I constantly ramble lol. And no - you make perfect sense to me because we are probably both still in a bit of limbo. The fog does lift in time.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

[minefield]

Hiya, I'm giving you a lot to read today lol... Hope you have a cup of tea ready :0)

With my back I have two types of pain, the constant dull ache and discomfort that never lifted until I got the patch that is. Then there is break through pain, this is when I'm hit with a sharp, more heightened pain, or sciatica it is much more intense but will fade eventually. Tramadol and liquid morphine were the only meds that touched that. I had a couple of very bad ODs on them though where I went into respiratory arrest so doc had them stopped. If I had not been in hospital so they could give me the antidote I would be dead now.

I smoke the green weed, hash I think, I'm not very good with weed terminology. You can get squidgy solid but it hot rocks everything and is bad in terms of effecting my breathing although a lot cheaper I have not had that since uni. What did you use to smoke?

Wow you went 4 years without fair do's, your right it is such a shame you committed to going back on it... What lead to the relapse? I think I will always love weed and wish it didn't have to be all or nothing but I can't smoke weed and not smoke fags and I can't keep spending £60 a week it's stupid, it just keeps me stable and really helps with my back... I like you would plan my whole life around the plant and would pick it over food, that is so unhealthy i know. I just wish I was feeling some benefit other than a nice hair cut to keep me motivated though rather than the mess I'm in, Day 15 free today :0)

I have bought a cookie mix in case I relapse myself, which was naughty I know it feels like I'm trying to work out when I can relapse. I have been thinking about it lots yesterday and today because I feel so unstable but I booked in to see the dentist about my gums tomorrow so need to be showing them I'm determined to save my smile.

I like what you say about needing to learn how to live with the mental illness with a sober mind. I relate a lot with that and has helped to rationalise this madness some, I was not expecting it to be this difficult.

[avlady]

hi i am addicted to eciggs 24 milligrams going down to 16 next week. i got off regular ciggs for over a year now. i also tried coke- not for me- and i drank until 2000.hav'nt had a drink since-it was very hard to get rid of that addiction.you are addicted to pot? my husband also was but he did quit and it took him over 10 years to do it completely, even though he smoked his whole life.the e ciggs are about as expensive as regulars, but there is no other chemicals but nicoteine. i like them and i figure even if i cant quit completely its safer than regular ciggs.

[minefield]

Hiya,

Wow 13 years is impressive, do you still battle urges or does it not come into your mind any more?

You have raised a really interesting point I had never thought of before, getting addicted to NRT. A year is a long time, what has given you the urge to cut that down now?

I know and understand that cigs cause illness like heart disease and cancer but my understanding is that is down to all the rubbish that is in them.
Apart from being addictive does nicotine actually cause any health problems? I really never thought of that before.

Have you thought about trying Champix? Or something similar to that so you can loose the comfort of holding the ecig?... You smoke whilst taking these tablets then it causes your body to reject it. I was not allowed it because I'm high risk but the cessation nurse ranted about it being amasing. You have to get it on prescription.

I am seriously addicted to weed, it has felt like a best friend for so long and been my source of comfort throughout my mental health journey. I honestly was not expecting a physical response but I'm a mess.

I thought it was not meant to be addictive... But I'm sweating, shaking, head aches, dizzy, mind racing, dissociating worse than usual and loosing time, jittery, really sore teeth and gums. I think I have started to grind my teeth. I'm using the patches and quick mist spray (although still on my first spray not needed that much, I use it when I really can't cope with the craving.) as the spray is not that nice it is like a negative association for giving into the craving, like snapping an elastic band on your wrist. I wonder how much is down to weed and how much is down to tobacco???

You sound nervous about your planned cut back... I'm here for you xxxx

[minefield]

Ops a daisy... I'm sat with a spliff in hand smoking away

I went to the dentist today and in the 17 days I have gone without weed or fags I have it seems started to grind my teeth, so badly I have actually worn down a few of my teeth. Ops!!

He then took a mould, I didn't like that at all... the dentist had to stand over me, and hold down this plastic bace with a putty clamping down hard on my bottom teeth whilst forcing my tongue to the back of my throat. I felt very unsettled with this as I'm sure you guys understand... Very triggering.

I stayed in the present though and didn't feel like I was going to loose it either, I detached the situation I think I was out side of myself. Not literally as thats happened to me before do you get what I mean by that?
I caught his eye for a moment and I caught him looking at me with this expression that made my stomach crunch with sadness. It was the strangest experience and typing now I can't find the words to describe it to give you an image.

When he finished he showed me an example of what I will need to ware to stop more damage. I noticed he was talking differently, soft and slowly rather than the quick, abrupt polite when we started. He told me that I will need to ware one forever from now on as once you start grinding in your sleep you can't unlearn it.

So explaining why my mouth has been hurting so badly and the head aches have been so bad. So if I come across anyone planning to quit I'm gonna suggest they get themselves to the dentist first get a guard and save themselves this pain. I have to only eat soft food until it gets better which might be weeks. Grrrrr.

So I went straight to my dealer and got a bag... I didn't just make cookies as I had bought a mix just in case I needed weed so I didn't gave to smoke coz I was doing so well. I needed a hit now I didn't have time to wait to make the cookies. (Plus I'm not suppose to eat solids. Grrrrr)

I lasted 16 days, had saved £192, not smoke 320 doobies according Nicorette tracker. I was doing well even though physically and mentally I have been having a fight but my resolve was holding out. But I've tipped over the edge today.

This quitting is no game it is something you have to let take over your life I knew I depended on weed mentally but the physical reaction has also been way more than I ever expected. My PTSD and borderline are really kicking up a notch without weed.

I am worried now and not sure how to proceed and really need your advice:

1. Should I carry on smoking until I get my guard to try and minimise the grinding until I can protect my teeth?
2. If quitting is going to make things more difficult, should I wait until I'm in DBT when I will have my own life coach on call.
3. If I give up quitting, I will never get the procedure to save my smile
4. I mentally had got myself into the place where I really thought I was going to do it, when in those moments I felt that I felt empowered and that the dependence had lifted and I liked that, I liked that very much. There were a load of emotions I had not experienced for quite some time now.

I am in quite a bad way though, physically and emotionally I am trashed... This has been a crazy 17 days.

[layla11]

Hi Minefield, I cant tell you what to do, I can only share my experience, strength and hope. After I stopped drinking, I had the jaw problem, It didn't get to the point where I couldn't eat. But, I had all kinds of problems, another being headaches. I found out I had sleep Apnea, where I stoped breathing around 235 time in a 5 hour periond and restless leg syndrome. My doctors have helped alot. Things have turned around now and I feel soooo much better.!!! Its was hard to make the right decisions; even after I stopped drinking, but with help of other people I am getting better at it. In answer to your question my advise would be to not smoke the weed and take one day at a time.

[minefield]

Ops lol, I just said to Thickntired that it couldn't be sleep apnea because she was having the same problem with the gums and needing a guard as me.

How did they work out it was sleep apnea! Did you go to a sleep clinic? How was that bothering your gums?
Do you have to ware that face mask? They look so uncomfortable, I feel for ya!

Well I smoked for 4 days and my gums settled down so not having any pain now. I have however got back on the quit wagon and didn't have anything yesterday and going strong again today. My dreams were messed up again last night through so it's starting exactly as it did last time. I'm really nervous about getting bad again, I might call my pdoc.

[thickntired]

Hiya Minefield,

See your pdoc and be honest about self-medicating. I was and she gave me trazadone which treats depression, anxiety & insomnia. I also believe it is not near as addictive as valium. Ambien & Lunesta wore off in 4 hours and I was wide awake! I was afraid all the bad effects from quitting would lead me to relapse, but I'm in a much better place now. On cigs check out the CDC Tobacco Free page, it's very, very scary. Also you can like them on facebook and get daily posts. Byt for sure watch the videos of smokers.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT