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#1
Jan 04, 2009, 03:57 AM
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hey guys im back for awhile at least....been talking with the wife and shes says her T told her the reason she always wanted to go out with guys/friends and she protected them so much was bc they were her stress relief...they made her forget about her problems. Well it makes sense in a way....bc of my drunken calls/yelling at her before i left for iraq put her under alot of stress, she sought out a new friend to hang out with...her neighbor...
ive been given it thoght and sometimes i think maybe i should see what else the therapy turns up and the results...bc hoenstly, sometimes i ask myself "What if you come home to divorce her and she has made big improvements...and you can continue on with her?" |
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#2
Jan 04, 2009, 08:36 AM
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I believe you have to do what you feel is everything possible...one thing, though, is to be wary of taking her word for what the therapist has said. it's great that you still want to work on it...marriage does take a lot of work, a lot of forgiveness. i'm so glad to see you posting again...i've wondered how you've been.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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#3
Jan 04, 2009, 02:31 PM
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It can be so extremely difficult...moving past what we fear we won't be able to move past. It can and does happen, though, even if it can be massively difficult.
I heard something a long time ago that really helped me in my marriage back then... If we put one-tenth work, care and tenderness into nurturing the relationship we already have as it would take to establishing a good new relationship, we'd succeed. I've found that true on my part, while realizing it takes two and that the other must be on board with the same. My hubby was on board and we made it work...married now 22 years the end of this month. I think if I were you I'd have to know, and see results, that my partner was committed to restructuring and maintaining the current, as well as certain they won't do more harm in it, to move forward. I wish you more than well. KD
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#4
Jan 04, 2009, 02:41 PM
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Quote:
I agree with CSC about being cautious taking her word for what her T says...it's protecting yourself. Any chance of couples counseling? Perhaps with a different counselor? ...an objective person can be of great help in clarifying so many things. I salute you for wanting to give it every chance to work, but it's good to have a solid basis of trust...jmo. My own experience is that it is very hard to give up hope that there's been some weird misunderstanding, and if I gave it enough time and effort that it would change things. It didn't; I had to accept that it was gone. Something else had taken its' place... Best wishes on whatever you decide... please remember you have the right to be respected and shown courtesy Cap
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The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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#5
Jan 05, 2009, 02:01 PM
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Thanks guys....There are a couple worries though that I still have (of course). One- She is just saying these things so I do not divorce her and she has money coming from me. Two- If I do go home and see her and try to reconcile, then it starts the seperation ALL over again. I tried that before in Aug and I remember her saying that she needed the divorce my last full day with her before I came to Iraq.
I told her that I am afraid of her using me for just money and she said that after we get divorced, she will start her career and show that she WANTS me and doesn't NEED me. I was happy about that because it shows that she (at least says) that she wants to get rid of my fears. The other night (during our two hour phone conversation and no yelling this time! Yay!), she said that I said I wanted the divorce on my final day there. If said that, then why would I have wasted all that time on leave with her and going to theray? Granted sometimes my memory isnt 100% accurate, but I think I would remember that. The senior people above me know of the situation and they have expressed their concearn that if I were to continue the marriage, I would only end up getting hurt again and go and drink my career away in the military, which they have seen too many times with other men. They haven't told me what to do, only what the safe be would be. On a side note, I started talking to another girl online and she reminds me SO much of my wife that it is scarey. Both the bad and good. The new girl Jennifer, is really wanting to be with somebody, and has told me that if I wasn't married when I came home and I told her I wanted to get married, she would! I was like WHOA!!!.....This new girl is great (from what I can tell), but it feels alot like my wife (minus the infedelity part). Both have "emotional baggage", new girl was a rape victim, has been cheated on by a serious bf/fiance, who was in the military. I like the new girl, but its scarey how fast she wants to move. BTW, the wife does not know I have been talking to this new girl. I feel bad for doing it too....I wasn't even looking for somebody....she just messaged me outta the blue one day...apparantly we used to talk years ago..i dont remember her tho 
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#6
Jan 05, 2009, 02:33 PM
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Whew...sounds like you need some R&R from all of this!
**usual disclaimer of jmo** It sounds like there are serious trust issues that need to be addressed by you. Having so little faith in her honesty might be a signal you need to do some soul searching... She may have to earn your trust back. Is a legal separation possible? You've got to have some way of protecting yourself while this mess is untangled...well, as much as it can be at this point. The couples counseling? If both of you are committed to staying together then seek someone who can guide you. Not her therapist, either. A therapist who won't be favoring either one of you. Someone like that is more likely to be of help. Please re the other girl...don't. You have enough on your plate right now without adding this to it. Before you get involved with another woman on any level, you've got to be on level ground within yourself. I sincerely hope you are also being debriefed before you come home...you are going to have some strong things to work through from being in a war zone. Please don't belittle the affect it has had on you. My best wishes for you, Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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#7
Jan 05, 2009, 03:20 PM
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Wow, that is a lot of tangles in your life right now, ncguyinva. What a challenge to try to solve all of that when you and your W live in different countries. You have so much on your plate right now, and so much to straighten out, I wonder if you shouldn't drop Jennifer (and any other potential new girls) until you get things figured out? That would simplify things a little.
When is your tour over in Iraq? Why doesn't your W have a job? Do you have kids and she stays home with them? If there are no under school age kids to take care of, I think she could show her dedication to the relationship and not just taking advantage of you financially by getting a job right now. She doesn't need to wait for a divorce for that. If there are school age kids, she could at least get a part-time job while they are at school. Maybe she won't find her ideal job, but just something to bring in some money would go a long way toward showing you she is not just staying married to take of advantage of your salary. Do you and your W consider yourselves separated? I know when I separated from my H (he is the primary breadwinner and I work part-time and we have 2 kids), I needed some way to keep income from him coming to me to help support the kids. The legal way to get this is for the wife to file a petition/order for temporary support. The judge looks at this and says OK, husband, you need to pay wife X number of dollars a month for the kids (and her own support) until you are legally separated or divorced. Then that is how much you have to pay, but it probably wouldn't be your entire salary, which is what it sounds like you are probably sending her now. So if you are separated, you could still send her some money, but put the rest in the bank until the legal separation or divorce. The other way to work it out is to agree between yourselves how much money you will send her, and bypass the courts. If you don't want to send her any money, and there are kids, she will probably file the temporary order of support so she can get some money from you until the divorce. (My H and I agreed between ourselves that he would continue to provide some support for me and the kids until we worked out the divorce. So I didn't have to file a temporary order, which saved attorney fees.) Was the issue with your wife that there was infidelity or that she just went out with friends too much (and you didn't like that)? In my opinion, there are lots of ways to relieve stress other than infidelity. I hope she's not using that as an excuse for her behavior (if infidelity occurred). So while it may be good she realizes she was stressed out due to her problems and this precipitated her behavior, the key question is, what is she doing about her problems? What problems does she have? Is she working on them with the therapist? Quote:
Why did she need the divorce the last day before you went to Iraq? It is not so easy to time your divorce exactly. I don't get why she needed it on a certain day.  And she said you wanted it on your last day in Iraq. I'm confused. Why are you guys so concerned with when the exact last day will be? You two have a lot to work out before fixating on a date. And it sounds like communications are not working well between the two of you (lots of confusion).If you do not have too much longer in Iraq, can you wait until you return and then go to couples counseling together? When you return, you would not have to live together if that was the best solution, but you could still go to counseling. A big question for me, is whether there are kids. If no kids, she should go to work right away. This would be a good faith effort on her part to reassure you she is just not hanging on to you for your paycheck. Do you want to stay with her? What further information do you need to make that decision? Does she want to stay with you? Hope you can get some clarity on this, but it may be hard to figure everything out exactly as long as you are in Iraq. Good luck.
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"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
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#8
Jan 05, 2009, 04:32 PM
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Quote:
I hope I can figure this out |
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#9
Jan 07, 2009, 03:44 PM
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nobody else?
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#10
Jan 07, 2009, 04:43 PM
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Quote:
I believe it was mentioned about talking to the chaplain of your unit. Honestly? I think it's great that you are here and sharing with us. I'm glad you are getting these things out and seeking direction. In real life, though, it is so much different and better in many ways. It's easier to help you to work through these levels of emotions and events when you are face to face... Re-reading some of the posts; "She told me that me opting to go to Japan was the "final straw" and "made her cheat." No one makes another person cheat and dishonor their vows. Sorry, but that is my opinion. It may have caused her to get angry, but using that as an excuse perhaps means there have been issues for awhile. Perhaps you still have feelings for her and do want to try and work things out...it will be tough but it can be done. You have to decide if you do love her enough to forgive the infidelity and the lies, and learn to trust her again. No decision has to be made yet, ncguynva. There is no reason to rush into anything before you are DEROSd and talk face to face. Eye contact and body language show many things... Jmo, but it will give you a clearer idea of many things. Don't get down on yourself, speak with the chaplain or other available counselor, and be honest with yourself about the anger you are most likely feeling... I mentioned the anger because of my daughter's (boy)friend. They are taking things very slow because; His wife cheated on him with his best friend when he was serving his second tour in Iraq. He was devastated first and then very angry. He did seek counseling because of his 7yo daughter. His life is calmer now. He left the Army so he could be close to his daughter and be part of her growing up. Basically, he had to start a new life--he was in the Army for 13 years. He has shared with me some of what he went through... I do salute your willingness to look at as many angles as you can...but...you still need to protect yourself while things are getting settled jmo Cap
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The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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#11
Jan 12, 2009, 03:52 PM
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Well my parents sent me a video of a Tyler Perry play and i had not seen it before (a few scenes on Youtube and it was funny as hell haha). Well I got it a few weeks ago and i finally got some time to watch it earlier today. It was "Madea Goes to Jail" First I want to recommend this to anybody who wants a good laugh and some some good morals in there too. But Madea aka Tyler Perrym, said some stuff to one of the other characters that just hit home really hard. I found the exact quote online and thought I would share.
It’s ok to cry, be depressed or upset about it for a minute but don’t stay there too long. Get up and go on with your life. This is what I’ve learned in all these years I’ve been on this earth: if somebody wants to get up and walk out of your life, Let. Them. Go. Especially if you know you’ve done everything you could do. You’ve done sat around and been the best man or the best woman you could be, and they still wanna go? Let. Them. Go. Whatever they’re runnin’ after, they’ll see what they had in a minute, but by then it’s gonna be too late. ‘Cause you’ll sit there and you’ll go…’cause half these ppl you’ve been sittin around cryin about, in 2-3 years from now you won’t even remember their last name. How many times you seen folk somewhere and you go, “what the hell was I THINKING?!” I’ve been there, thought, “What was I going through? I must’ve been lonely as hell to hook up with you!” Let folks go honey. Some people come into your life for a lifetime, and some come for a season. You got to know which is which. And you’re gonna always mess up when you mix them Seasonal People up with Lifetime expectations. There are people that went and got married to someone they were only supposed to be with for a season. And they wonder why they have so much hell in they’re life. That was a person who was supposed to come and teach them one thing, they didn’t know so they fell in ‘love’ and now they wonder why they have no peace nowhere they go. Listen, I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people, are like leaves on a tree: the wind blow, they’re over here. They’re unstable. The wind blow, they over there. The weather changes, they wither up and die – they’re gone. And that’s alright. That’s some people; most people in the world are like that, they’re just there to take from the tree. That’s all they do, take from the tree and give shade now and again. That’s all they can do. But don’t get mad at people like that, that’s who they are, they’ll never be anything but a leaf. That’s what they were put on this earth to be – a leaf. Some people, are like a branch on that tree. You gotta be careful with them branches too, because they’ll fool you. They’ll get there and make you think they’re a good friend and that they’re strong, but the minute you step out there on them? They’ll break and leave you high and dry. But if you find you two or three people in your life that are like the roots at the bottom of that tree? You are truly blessed ‘cause them the kind of people that ain’t going NO WHERE. They ain’t worried about being seen, don’t nobody have to know that they know you, they ain’t got to know what they’re doing for you, but if those roots weren’t there that tree couldn’t live. You understand? A tree can have a hundred million branches, but only a few roots down at the bottom to make sure it gets everything it needs. I’m telling you honey, when you get you some roots, hold on to them. The rest of ‘em? Just let them go. Let folks go. *but, it’s not always that easy…* Nobody said it was gonna be easy! But it’ll get easier when you learn how to love yourself. When you get to a point in your life when you look at people and go: “okay, wait a minute. You? Or me?” You will make a decision. Look, I’ve never just thrown nobody away. I’ve never in my life just thrown somebody away, just say: “don’t bother me. Don’t talk to me no more.” I have never done that. What I do is, I tell them: “look here, this thing you’re doing right here? That’s gonna cause a problem – you need to fix that. ‘Cause if we gonna be friends, you gotta fix it. If you don’t, we gonna have an issue.” Now, if you see someone fix it, or they even trying to fix it, that’s someone that cares. Keep them around. That’s a leaf that’s trying to grow up and be something else. You understand? But if you tell somebody that what they’re doing is hurting and they need to stop it, and they keep doing it? They don’t care – move on. Let them go. No matter how much it hurts, let them go. And it’ll get easier, I promise you . Everyday it will get easier and easier and easier. You just got to make it through. You hear me honey? |
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#12
Jan 12, 2009, 04:04 PM
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I've stayed away from your posts because you and I have talked how close to home this hits for me. I just wanted to say that, coming from a movie, that's pretty powerful words! Thanks for sharing. Sorry I can't say any more on your situation--I did read capp's reply, listen to her, she's very very very smart.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#13
Jan 12, 2009, 04:32 PM
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Quote:
she claims that her condition makes it so her memory on what she has said/done is now jumbled and chopped up. i dont deny that is is but if that is the case, then she defiantley is not fit to be a wife....and defiantley not a military wife! |
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#14
Jan 13, 2009, 11:03 AM
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Powerful words, ncguynva.
Some of which I can relate to...for me, I have to recognize there are things that cannot be covered by them. I needed to morph them into what is pertinent in my own life. The sadness and disappointment are so very hard to work through, but I have faith in you, ncguynva. Jmo, don't rush through them. You don't want to wallow/chew on them but please don't deny them...men will sometimes devalue these feelings and think they should buckle up. Grieving over a lost loved one, no matter the way it happened, is a powerful and draining journey. It does get easier and we learn as we go, but it never truly leaves us. We adapt, we do our best to move forward, sometimes we fall flat on our butts, but we can't ignore our sorrow... It's tremendously difficult to understand that a relationship is toxic to us. Perhaps it wasn't always that way and so we keep trying to "make it all better." It does not get better; it gets the best of us. We become so entangled in what ifs that we can no longer see the truth. ncguynva, you are right about military wives. It takes a special woman to be one. That too is a journey for them. It's usually a shocker when the realization hits home that the military career comes first...it does not mean the wife is not important...she is but in a different way. Acceptance of this and embracing it are grow-up time. The majority do it... It's not a reflection on the worthiness of any woman who cannot accept it; it's just part of their personality that they need something else. All married couples have things to work through; trusting their faithfulness is usually not one of them. ncguynva, I'm not preaching...I'm speaking from experience and sharing with you. Peace, my friend, peace. It's elusive now, but it will come to you...be as patient with yourself as you can. Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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#15
Jan 13, 2009, 07:25 PM
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It's funny....I was remembering some of the good times that we had. One that just came to mind was when we went to Olive Garden one time for dinner and I remember that we had a good time. But more often than not I can remember if the good times/memories happened when she was seeing other guys or before hand. But I cannot remember if this memory (and others) occured before, or during the times she was doing dishonest stuff.
She keeps telling me that none of this would've happened if I would've brought her to Japan with me and I can't help but agree soemtimes with her. But then I remember that she was seeing her guy friends and saying she wasn't months before I learned about her "2nd life" sorta speak. It's depressing whenever I think about it. 
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#16
Jan 13, 2009, 07:47 PM
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Oh, one more thing Capp, when i mentioned the "final straw" and such, you said something about made her angry and there were problems before that. There were, I tried to address them. Her issue with me was that we were no longer intimate (not just sex, but no more cuddle, when we watched tv i was sitting on the couch, she was on the loveseat and such). I told her that my "drive" was down maybe due to the fact that she wasn't being a good housewife (I didnt know and mentioned it bc i knew at the time i was avoiding to come home bc of that....i was coming home late from work....drinking a beer or two after work talking with the guys). I told her to try to tighten up on that, and see what happens. She told me to initiate sex more and maybe that would motivate her to do more housework. After weeks of her and i repeating those statements to each other, for about two weeks straight i came home immediately from work and initiated sex with her. She made no changes in her housewife activities. It was around that time that I discovered her 2nd life in our hometown. She also stopped complaining/asking what was wrong with our marriage, ect. I then knew that she was getting attention somewhere else.
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#17
Jan 14, 2009, 12:13 PM
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ncguynva,
So many things for you to face with honesty... I believe in you Jmo, and feel free to tell me to FO. It's been said to me before...many times. I can be blunt and I do not intend to hurt anyone, but it does sometimes. What I'm "reading" within your words, and again it is just my opinion. "Good housewife/housewife activities" might just be a euphemism that you were already aware, but had not admitted it, that she was being unfaithful. It's much easier to place blame on it than to admit you were betrayed... The other side of the coin is that many women are not the housewife type--I'm one of them. No one can can eat off my floor, but ya won't get a dreaded disease. A reaction to my mother's style of housekeeping that you could eat out of her toilet! That is not a joke... Many times compromises can ease things, sometimes it won't. It honestly doesn't sound like housework was the ongoing issue...perhaps mistrust and having a need to feel some control were/are part of the discord. ncguynva, it's good that you are reflecting on these things. It's painful, it can cause anger, and it can make you doubt yourself. It's also worth every bit of it. If I can make a suggestion, journal some of these things. It can be as short and simple as you like, or you may cut loose and let it all out. This is not a simplistic suggestion. From my own journaling, I was able to see a continuing "thread" of action, mine and others, that helped me separate and disentangle what had become one big freaking mess. Saying that I was overwhelmed did not come near describing my state of mind. Writing things down--or in my case typing--made me focus and forced me to be honest. I absolutely hated it whenever I saw that I was the main contributer to a painful situation. **I'm not implying this is what is true of you** But, yes, we all contribute to situations... Grief is apparent in your posts, jmo. The currently recognized stages of grief apply to the end of marriages, too, ncguynva. You've lost a loved one and it hurts. When you sift through all the details, the loss is apparent. It leaves you feeling raw and empty and WTF... Please, if you have access to counseling then go for it. Not comfortable with it being connected to the military? Yeah, I understand that one... Seek it locally. Either a private therapist (see if you qualify for a sliding scale on the fee) or an agency through United Way--a community based resource. Your confidentiality is respected. At least keep posting and let us know how you are doing...posting is actually journaling but in a smaller way. It's my belief that you already know what you need to do, but you haven't reached the point of doing it. Make progress at your own pace and don't let anyone tell you differently. You are a good and worthwhile human being. Asking for respect and to be shown dignity is not an outrageous request. It's a healthy one, and a necessary one if you are to have self esteem. Defining yourself and not allowing others to do it... Peace and Power to you, Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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#18
Jan 14, 2009, 12:35 PM
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Unless, I missed it which could very well be. The title of your entry does not match you comments or replies. If you are asking if understanding equals forgiveness the answer is an emphatic "no!" It helps lead to forgiveness, but forgiveness is quite painful and requires feeling all of the rage and pain so that you can own it. You can't forgive what you can't identify and own.
I know for me that I try to use "but I understand," as a defense. To me if I understand, that lets the other person off the hook and then I am the "all bad guy." Then, I don't see that the other person is responsible for their own behavior because "I understand it." |
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#19
Jan 14, 2009, 01:05 PM
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Quote:
we morphed into this because of previous postings and PMs. I agree with you about the, "I understand it." For me, though, I had to let go of understanding anything about my abuser. My education and career gave me some insight about him, but I learned more from a few of his actions after a session of abuse... Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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#20
Jan 14, 2009, 01:28 PM
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For me,,among many other deeply personal acts of providence, forgiveness is the "act' of letting go of the need to punish...
Understanding begins with the self and moves outward... IMHO. Lenny
__________________
I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
 Capp
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#21
Jan 14, 2009, 04:54 PM
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"Good housewife/housewife activities" might just be a euphemism that you were already aware, but had not admitted it, that she was being unfaithful. It's much easier to place blame on it than to admit you were betrayed... Actually no, it was she said she was going to be a housewife and when we were engaged she said she wanted to go to college before we had kids. I am not trying to hide anything when I said "housewife" or "housewife activitives". I was referring to picking up around the home and I was not expecing a shiny palace, just a place I would'nt be embarassed of if we had company come by unexpectantly.
The other side of the coin is that many women are not the housewife type--I'm one of them. No one can can eat off my floor, but ya won't get a dreaded disease. And that is what I was wanted....if i brought home the bacon, and she REALLY wanted to be a housewife in order to become a mother, the least she could do is be a decent housewife. Many times my buddies came over and they asked me if the apartment was always lke this. I told them it was and they responded with "Well what does she do all day?" A reaction to my mother's style of housekeeping that you could eat out of her toilet! That is not a joke... Many times compromises can ease things, sometimes it won't. Yes, that is something that we were trying to comprimise on, but after it was brought up to her, I discovered that she had been seeing guy friends and lying about it. So needless to say, it was disappointment after disappointment. It honestly doesn't sound like housework was the ongoing issue...perhaps mistrust and having a need to feel some control were/are part of the discord. Control over who or what? I do not like where this is going Capp. You are making me out to be a controlling, abusive, psycho husband. A controlling, abusive husband wouldnt be depressed/saddened/slightly angry that his wife was not starting college or even looking at college. An abusive husband would want to have all the control over his wife that he could, and i do not want control over her. |
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#22
Jan 14, 2009, 05:03 PM
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and Lenny....
For me,,among many other deeply personal acts of providence, forgiveness is the "act' of letting go of the need to punish... Who said I was punishing her? How am I punishing her? Understanding begins with the self and moves outward...I am learning about myself more. IMHO. Lenny I am getting very tired of repeating myself. I am NOT punishing her. I refuse to support the lifestyle that brought the marriage to an end. I was used before when she had the affairs, and she used me again when she went out with her neighbor. I would rather die over here in Iraq, have a bomb blow up in my face and burn in hell than to support that habit/lifestyle. |
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#23
Jan 14, 2009, 05:06 PM
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I'm sorry that you see accusations of abuse in Capp's replies. Do you think maybe that triggered you a little because your wifes therapist I think it was said that you were abusive? I loathe cleaning too, but it's something I have to do, and especially when I didn't work, there's no reason I couldn't pick up the house--you're right, when people stop over or you bring the guys home, you don't want to be embarrassed. No one does. Obviously housework wasn't the issue with you guys, but being upset about not having control that the house wasn't clean isn't neccessarily a bad thing, and I don't think capp was saying it is. I don't want to speak for her, but maybe it's something to look at. If she didn't work all day and you come home to a messy house, you are right--what did she do all day? It's out of your hands and that's frustrating. I know you're ultimate issue is trust and the lying and cheating. There's so much to get to the why of it, though. And you know what I found? There was no why with mine. It's just the way he was. I wasn't deficient, there wasn't things lacking in our marriage--except for his inability to tell the truth and stay true. Anyway, just try not to take offense at the things that are said--use what you can and throw the rest away. From what I've heard, you are not abusive and not controlling. Only you know the real you and if it doesn't apply to you, throw it away. I know this is a God-awful hard time for you and emotions are raw, just remember that you don't have to take all or any of the advice here.
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#24
Jan 14, 2009, 05:13 PM
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Quote:
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#25
Jan 14, 2009, 05:33 PM
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It would be one thing, if she admitted to me that she was seeing guys when I was in Richmond. She said she wanted to tell me that she had either cheated or was seeing guys when she said she was visiting family (which i define as cheating, but not on the same level as actual sleeping with somebody else), but she was afraid I was going to do what I have done now (which is pull the money away). And I will admit, a part of me would have wanted to.
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