Meditation anyone? 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks... you in?

I love what you write here ((((((SunSun)))) And I loved what you wrote earlier about finding the candle and realizing it was close to your Dad's Birthday

I totally agree that there is a big difference between consciously resisting and blindly resisting. Especially if the conscious resistance gives way to a positive choice in the end. Which is what happened with ss and it was wonderful to read.

It reminds me of something I read in a book called Buddha's Brain by Rick Hanson (which I recommend to anyone who is interested) The book is about neuroscience and specifically how certain practices - including meditation - can alter our brain structure.

Anyhow, somewhere in the book the author talks about 4 stages of healing or personal growth when it comes to inner conflict and wanting to make the wrong choices.

The first stage is is what the author calls "Unconscious Incompetence". This is where you don't even realize you're making the wrong choice. In other words, it's the opposite of mindfulness.

The second stage is what the author "Conscious Incompetence". This is where you're still stuck in the pattern of making the wrong choice, but at least you realize it.

Stage 3 is what he calls "Conscious Competence". That's where you're still struggling, but you manage to utilize certain skills, for example mindfulness, and that pulls you back from making the wrong choice.

And, finally, stage 4 is "Unconscious Competence". This is where it comes naturally to you to do the right thing for yourself, without even having to think about it.

I'm still in stage 2......It's time for me to kick it up a notch! What ss described tonight was definitely Stage 3! Yay!!

Love to all!

I never thought of it that way Sun but you are right we are creating a level of intimacy.... and hey!! I am not panicked about it either. I have a really problem with intimacy. The vulnerability scares me. So this is healing for me to have a kind of intimacy and feel safe with it. Nice.

I am glad you were moved by my celebration of my mum's life. My ex is a very traditional man. Many traditional and sacred teachings have been passed down to him and he does carry the responsibility of those teachings on behalf of his family. He has always been a source of strength for me. We remain best friends to this day.

I am sorry for your loss Sun. I hope as time passes you are able to work through the pain and find the cause of celebration. I believe it will come to you when you are ready to receive. I pray you find some healing and the peace that it brings.

You have to remember Sun that I have been on this merry go round for 10 without any significant outside treatment until just recently when I finally gave in and took the help that was offered to me. I had so many bad experiences with doctors and meds that to even consider going that route caused so much anxiety I ran in the other direction.

I have been very much alone in my recovery. I disconnected from my family, my friends, my community. I could not be around people without it triggering a meltdown. I was dying a slow death. I lost my partner, my 6 figure income, my reason for living. I was either racing in circle or a walking vegetable. I thought there was no hope and I just wanted it all to end. If not for my son my life may very well have ended.

Consequently I did have many many years of the kind of reactive, automatic panic response you describe. I got sicker and sicker until my symptoms had totally incapacitated me. I was stuck in my house for almost 2 years. Couldn’t drive, couldn’t have anyone in my house, talk on the phone, watch tv or do much of anything but lay in bed and avoid life. My poor son was so neglected but somehow we have survived. He has had a good education about mental illness for whatever that may be worth to him going forward. It has to have value or it would not have come into his live to experience. Isn’t that how it works Sunset? Choosing the learning to strengthen your spirit.

I was total bound by my symptoms Sun and all I had was me and my faith in a higher power and understanding of the spirit world from which to buld an understanding to be able to figure out how to cope and how to get loose from the chains. I thought I would never see the light of day again. Somedays all I had was prayer and a sliver of hope for what seemed impossible.

I have a background in teaching personal wellness and importance of balance and harmony. Looking back I see parallels to cognitive behaviour therapy. (One of those do as I say and not as I do kinds of situation) because I couldn’t sustain my walk to match my talk. Though in fairness my symptoms were so acute even then that no matter what I tried I couldn’t hold on to the lesson. I couldn’t sustain the balance to achieve any consistent harmony because there was no consistancy to my moods, my brain activity. I was all over the place. I had a good foundation from which to work with because of what I had been given to teach in terms of knowledge and understanding but it never was enough. It did eventually serve to help me to learn how to apply the principals to the uniqueness of my real situation.

Once I came out of denial about what was really going on with me and was able to put names to what was happening to me, able to put my extreme reactions into the context of mental illness it put me on a new path. The attention turned to coping and recovery. Taking baby steps towards my desired destination of recovery and wellness. I digested every bit of information, every coping skill, every wellness strategy I could find to reinforce and add to what I already understood in principle. I was so desperate to find relieve, to reclaim my life without the aid of doctors and meds that because of that my arsenal of coping mechanism had to grow. I had nothing else to lean on but myself.

So while I share in your celebration of my progress I just want to encourage you that your time will come. You will reach that place of greater understanding of your own mind. An understanding that puts you back in the driver’s seat and no longer a passenger on the crazy bus to nowhere. I think it is important to keep the focus on one step at a time. Baby steps. I used to use that as an avatar name. Baby steps. It served to remind me to be patient and kind with myself and to just keep making one baby step at a time. With each step you gain new understanding and with every new understanding you reclaim your personal power.

Another key lesson I have learned along the way, that really helped me find a perspective was when my symptoms were really acting up and I was in real distress I would remind myself of two things.... my brain is playing tricks on me.... and it’s the symptom it’s not you.... with practice you can learn to become the master of your own life again. Your symptoms can be tamed.

I know I have made great progress and it is beginning to show more and more. I compare now to even 6 months ago and it is like night and day. I will reluctantly give some credit to the med treatment. I don’t rely on it to sustain me. I know I have to do most of the work but the meds really have made it easier for me to do that work without symptoms flaring up and messing with my brain, which mess with my body, my emotions and my spirit.

I held on if just barely to the hope that I would some how find my way back to my life. Then it become clearer and clearer to me that ‘back’ may not be as I perceived it to be. What is now and what is yet to come is not to reclaim what was but rather to be open to what is yet to be.

So believe in your own recovery Sun. Acknowledge the gains no matter how small, how seemingly insignificant. There is no such thing as small or insignificant when it comes to walking towards recovery. You are on that road and while it is really hard where you are right now it will get better. I promise you if I can get better you can too. We all can find our peace and keep it again.

Okay.... I guess I have written another novella again. I really need to write a book.

Sweet dreams and everlasting hope.

Dang it... I lost my post!! I will try again.... geesh..

Thanks Sun for the book recommendation. It sounds very intriguing. I have watch a few programs on tv and read a few articles about changing brain structure so I am interested in learning more.

I really like how he lays it out in stages. It is cool how a new understanding that started for my by want Sunset shared is now built on by you. I think I am feeling a little overwhelmed by all the blessing being showered upon me these days.

Before I read your words I had also determined I was in Stage 3. Its encouraging. I say YIPPEE back at you. Stage 2 is one big step from Stage 1. We are heading in the right direction. I find this encouraging and a nice way to frame the progress our determinations make. I believe everything happens in is right time for each person individually. No two people will every walk the same path in the same way as another.

How about that.... I should loose my posts more often. My second hit is much more consise. lol.

I still have another story to tell about my day but I will leave that for another time.

Peaceful dreams everyone. I look forward to being here with you again tomorrow. Someone needs to bring tea and biscuits next time. lol

It is a lot to keep up with. I agree, SS. At least I'm with you all in spirit, even if I can't digest and respond to as much as I'd like. The stages that Sundog recounted remind me of Portia Nelson's poem, Autobiography in Six Chapters. Despite the title, it's a very short read (six sentences). A similar idea, that becoming conscious of our actions and choices is a gradual process, that comes with repetition. I became aware this week of my "inner brat" (as I lovingly call her), really resisting taking any action or doing any practice that might bring relief. I wanted relief easily, with no effort on my part. Finally, a moment arrived of feeling the pain I was causing myself by resisting. Something broke open a little. I've been able to pop into the present moment more often today, and, at least for today, avoid the usual mental traps of "awfulizing" every task in front of me. It's so easy to get caught again and again by the tricks and delusions of the mind. I think of Pema Chodron's advice on meditation practice, "And don't believe your thoughts, and don't believe your thoughts, and don't believe your thoughts".

(((((Sundog)))))), I'm sorry for the loss of your father.

Thank you so much for your wonderful post (((((((((((ss)))))))))))))) Wow. It's a real treasure. I've just printed out this page. Actually, I think I may have printed out the entire thread. If so, so much the better! There is such a wealth of shared knowledge and insight and support here. I think I will start a binder. Because there are lots of valuable links in this thread too. I am not very organized and I get overwhelmed easily so I think storing printed copies of important information in a binder would help me. Especially if I highlight the really important bits.

Anyhow, THANK YOU so much for this post here in which you write so beautifully about your journey during these past 10 years. I am awed by how far you have come. And it makes me feel hopeful. Thank you for this inspiration! And thank you also for your encouraging words.

I'm so happy for you that you are now in a much better place. And though it must have been incredibly hard to do the bulk of the recovery work on your own, how wonderful to know that you and you alone had the strength and power to bring yourself back from the edge and to the point you're at today. At the root of all my fears and anxieties is a fundamental lack of faith in myself. It's also why I spend so much time seeking answers externally. Because I literally don't believe that I "have it in me". And yet, I am well aware that within me is the ONLY place the answer can ever lie......And your own recovery is such a striking example of that. At the end of the day, you now know that you are strong enough to handle "it", whatever "it" may be. Adversity, pain, suffering.....Life. You can handle it. And I believe that once you know you can handle it, THAT is what disarms fear. And that is what I'm lacking. The belief that I can handle it.

Not that you never feel afraid again. But you no longer have this awful self-doubt that eats away at you constantly and which keeps you on a state of high alert as you await the next emotional emergency, fearing it will be the one that pushes you over the edge because you have no faith that you can handle it.

Thank you so much for giving me hope that it might yet be possible for me to find some faith in myself after all

Wow! Another wonderful post!!!! ((((((((((lavie))))))))))) Thank you!!!!!! I'm so glad that something broke open a little today and that you've been able to avoid some of those mental traps (which I too know so well!) and remain, instead, in the present. Yay!!!

Thank you also for the insightful reminder courtesy of Pema Chodron not to believe our thoughts!

Talking of Pema Chodron, I bought a CD of hers today!!!!! I love it!!! I find it hard to concentrate on books (other than novels which I read in bed before I go to sleep) and I have a bunch of wonderful books on meditation and other such things which I have never read more than a few pages of I do a fair bit of reading online, but not books, mainly articles or excerpts. So, it occurred to me that buying some CDs of these books might be the way to go! That way I can listen to them in the car and even when I'm out hiking with my dogs!! So today I bought Pema Chodron's CD on "Unconditional Confidence. Instructions For Meeting Any Experience With Trust and Courage". And I've listened to some of it and it's wonderful!!

I'm excited about listening to more and to "reading" other such books in this way!!

I did buy one other book while I was at the book store (got to support my local Barnes and Noble!!! It's Thich Nhat Hanh's Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions. This looks like the kind of book that I will be able to read because it's a series of short meditations, rather than pages and pages of small type (which I typically find hard to focus on).

I will look forward to sharing with you!!

Chodron is wonderful. I've checked out 3 or 4 audio DVD's of hers from the library. Sundog, I so thoroughly relate to the feelings you describe, the lack of faith and belief that the ability and power is within, to handle life's problems, and the belief that I cannot truly, deeply change, that I'm too broken, it's gone on too long, etc. I get so hooked by these thoughts. But every now and then, they fall away, like the Wizard of Oz being revealed behind the curtain. I hope for us that we come to see our true shining natures, claim our strength, and dwell there, not so tossed about by the emotional waves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sundog At the root of all my fears and anxieties is a fundamental lack of faith in myself. It's also why I spend so much time seeking answers externally. Because I literally don't believe that I "have it in me". And yet, I am well aware that within me is the ONLY place the answer can ever lie.......

Very insightful Sun. So true. It speaks to the heart of so much as to why we often spin in place trying to get a glimpse of something outside of ourselves to fix us. Well said Sun.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sundog And your own recovery is such a striking example of that. At the end of the day, you now know that you are strong enough to handle "it", whatever "it" may be. Adversity, pain, suffering.....Life. You can handle it. And I believe that once you know you can handle it, THAT is what disarms fear. And that is what I'm lacking. The belief that I can handle it.

I feel pretty lacking today myself Sun. It is good to hear you say back to me the evidence of growth and the evidence of my capacity to 'handle it'. It is easy to forget how far along on the journey one is when circumstances and limitations cause you to think no real gains have been achieve. When even with the gains they seem insignificant because the pit is still their trying to suck me it. Even with the arsenal of coping skills I still have so many hurdle to jump to sustain any real peace and I get so weary of handling things. The temptation to give up handling things is so present all the time.... some days I really would just like to go back to huddling in the corner and give up the work.

It is more difficult to keep the faith when I get too tired to change the warped assessments ready to seize the moment, to activate the trickster in my head and take advantage of the crack in the armour.

I am so weary today... but you are right I am ahead of where I was and that is a good thing. I thank you for pulling my gains forward for me to acknowledge for myself again. I need to be more grateful and be content with where I am, appreciative of how far I have come and no matter what to keep alive the faith that I WILL arrive at my destination in time, in the perfect time already determined. Otherwise I know I will not be allowed to move past this place. I need to be willing to receive the lesson and not grumble so much.

There are no short cuts. I know that. And as disappointing as that might be sometimes I needs to be mature enough to quit undermining the journey and get on with running the full circle. I know I am especially weary today. In the spirit of wellness I am consciously accepted that to be true so that I can better resist the escalation of negativity, the sense of hopeless and self pity that is dogging at me. Once again meditating and mindlessness have come to my rescue to help me stop wishing what is was something else. Acknowledgement of my resistance to choosing wellness puts a truer light on reality. Turning to my spiritual understanding to let go and feel the embrace of the spirits that will guide me.

I am not in a very good place right now. I think I said that already lol.....Though the circumstance were different the events of the day have taken a toll on me again like yesterday. I am soooo sooooo weary of the constant tug and pull. I just want one day of peace uninterrupted. I want a rest from coping no matter how increasingly effective. I want a rest from needing to ask for help from the spirit world to hold me up. I am tired of the the attack and counter-attack game. I want it to end or at least call a time out for a while. And of course when this kind of angry, defeated thinking is give room to grow I have no recollection of the days when in fact I did enjoy relative calm. The weariness can pull down all my defences.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sundog Not that you never feel afraid again. But you no longer have this awful self-doubt that eats away at you constantly and which keeps you on a state of high alert as you await the next emotional emergency, fearing it will be the one that pushes you over the edge because you have no faith that you can handle it.

I wish that were true. I understand why you see that but while it is true in terms of constancy I can still get caught up feeling all of those things you describe.

I don't mean to undervalue the growth you see and the growth I know is real. I do acknowledge how much my hard work has and continues to pay off but I still know all to well the view from the edge of the pit.

Still I do remain optimistic when my brain is clear of the trickster. I am glad I can come here where I am not alone and where I can take in the love and hope and promise and sit in that beauty.

Speaking of 'sit' it is time for me to stop this pity party and give it over and let it go. Tomorrow is a sleep in day and the sun will come up again.

Blessing to all of you for allowing me to ramble without reservation, fear or shame. Love you guys. Be well.

I hardly know what to say. SS I so deeply am grateful for that amazing post you wrote. what a journey. Thank you so much for writing about it. In doing so you inspire and also give permission to be open and honest. What a thread !!!!

Sun, the stages you talked about in the book "Buddha's Brain by Rick Hanson" sound excatly correct to me. I think that in a way the stage we are at is not as important as the fact that we are willing to walk through this journey. thank you for posting the stages and the name of the book. How amazing this thread is. How wonderful you are !!!

Laviee, I too have an inner brat. Okay, many years ago I named her the "wild child". And she is replete with tremendous amounts of resistance. And lots of strength.... well fear. I guess fear is not true strength at all. But rather absence of it.

Today I have been trying to be more present. Of course in trying, I do so. Also I have tried something different for the panic attacks. I am putting a gold bubble around me. Anchored into the ground. And of course breathing.

I wish I could respond to much more that was written. Suffice to say, I am grateful for all your words. Everyone !!! This thread is a treasure for me. Thank you, all.

Late addition to this post, I had to laugh at the oddity of sitting there on facebook waiting for someone to post an interesting tree in farmville ( yes, I do play farmville ) and seeing, interspersed on my feed, posts from Thch Nhat Hahs people. I had to laugh. Farmville posts and Thch Nhat Hanh. I suppose thats the ultimate in contradition

((((((((ss)))))))))) I'm sorry that yesterday was a difficult day and that you felt so weary. Tiredness can really do a number on us. I hope you had a restful night last night and that today will be a better one

I too am always surprised how quickly I forget the good days as soon as I start slipping backwards again. It's great that you are reminding yourself that your recovery is real, even if the journey is not linear, but rather has some peaks and valleys. The main thing is that you're moving forwards. I guess we all are really. It's just hard to be mindful of that on the bad days. I know the "trickster" well.......But I think that just knowing the trickster exists is a step forward in itself. And it's my hope that regular meditation will help keep my mind - and all our minds - clearer, so that we can see things as they really are, rather than seeing things through the filter of a particular mood we may be having.

I really hope today is a good day for you ((((((((((((ss))))))))))))))) Wishing you calm and clarity.

(((((((SunSun))))))) Many hugs to you I love the vision of you surrounded by a gold bubble anchored firmly into the ground.

I also love what you say here about it not being important what stage we are at, but rather, the important thing being that we are willing to undertake this journey. That's beautiful.

I am fascinated by the Pema Chodron/Chogyam Trungpa view of fear and fearlessness and I've just ordered another book! "Smile At Fear: Awakening the True Heart of Bravery". Pema Chodron references this book a lot (since the author was her teacher). In any case, I am excited about studying this (I just have to make sure I actually read this book!!!!!!!)

Sorry, I think I'm just rambling now, so I'll end here. I did laugh at what you said about Farmville and Thich Nhat Hanh!! I used to play Farmville all the time too!

Much love to you and to all!

Thanks for the kindness and well wishes. Just a quick check in. I am limiting my time on line. Spending as much time as I can outside in the sunshine and practicing mindlessness.

Forgive me for being rather self consumed right now. I will get back to responding to posts again soon. For now I need to limit my thinking and avoid anything that might overstimulate.

I didn't sleep very long last night but it was solid so I am thankful. It is funny because I was so looking forward to a sleep in day. I delayed going to bed. I was getting a lot of spasms and didn't think I would be able to sleep and I didn't want to set my self off with the struggle. I finally collapse into bed around 2:30am. I was looking forward to sleepping until 9 or 10 this morning. As it happened I woke up 10 minutes before the alarm would go off on a weekday. I have been running on 3-5 hours sleep all week, coped with a lot of stressors and thought for sure I was destined for at least 7 or 8 hours. Nope, just under 5 hours again but I felt like I'd had that 8 hour sleep.

I don't think there is much question I am experiencing mixed episodes, rapid cycling... which ever... so all the more reason to ramp up the mindlessness. To keep myself in the quietness as much as possible. To try to moderate the extremes. We will see how well I do when my son comes home from a sleep over. It is always easier to manage my mood swings when I am left alone.

I hope you are all well. I will be back again when I can. Its all good. I am heading outside again before the sun is overtaken by the clouds moving in.

Thank you! ((((((((((lavie))))))))) Wishing that for you too. And for everyone

((((((((ss))))))))) I hope you are spending a peaceful afternoon in the sunshine. I know exactly what you mean about the internet being too stimulating sometimes. It's great you are stepping back a little today to take care of yourself.

I'm sorry you're experiencing some rapid cycling. I'm glad your sleep was a little more restful last night and I'm wishing you much peace

I was so struck yesterday by a lift in my mood, just one day past the anniversaries, and also having benefitted from listening to a teacher talk. It was a reminder (again) of the illusory nature of my moods. They seem so set in granite in the moment. It also reminds me that happiness isn't a continuous state, but exists in moments.

Thanks sun... I am back from a long walk in the sunshine.... In the interested in demonstrating the effectiveness of mindlessness... thankfulness…. focused breathing…. singing... laughter…. in the stabilizing process let me share some of the highlights/anxiety busting these techniques blessed me with on my walk. I will trrrryyyy my best to be concise. Good luck with that hey

Okay... here I go....
Heading in my usual direction towards the river I enjoyed the mindlessly of observing the water trickling down the street; glistening under the sun. A victory for mindlessness.

I continued walking towards the river knowing I would not get there today because it was already in the shade. I walked on until the sun was hidden behind a mountain and then turning around again to remain under its healing glow. I came upon another walker who was pointing to bush without saying a word. I looked to see a couple of blue jays. No robins yet but it is a start. We shared the joy of knowing spring was on its way. A victory for thankfulness.

I continued on. I arrived at a busy road that I had to walk along for no more then half a block to get to the park at the elementary school. A ½ ton truck passed by and I cringed from the instant surge of anxiety the noise triggered. Then another, and the anxiety went up another notch. Then another and another. What the $%#... it was like a parade! I was near panic by then and not even sure I was going to make it to the corner without falling to my knees. My heart was pounding, my breath was racing… I was loosing it fast. I counted my steps to the corner.

Relieved to finally be off the street I told myself it is ‘just’ anxiety while I focused on leveling my breath; In to claim peace and out to release the anxiety. Soon enough I had found my centre again. This time the victory goes to breathing.

I walked around the quiet road towards the school and the hopscotch caught my attention. When I used to do lunch hour ‘duty’ supervising the kids, I used to love teaching the kids and playing hopscotch with them. It has been years since then. The hopscotch was calling my name so I found something to use and then I did a couple of passes before someone came by and I was too self conscious to continue. It was fun while it lasted.

I then sat down at a bench in the sunshine, looking up at my power rocks. I began conversing with those who were revealing themselves to me; Lots of them today. It is sort of like a hide and seek game. Each time I would come upon a fresh face I would acknowledge it, thank it for coming and sometimes comment on their expressions or the sneakiness of their hiding place. I came upon one that appeared to be very sad. His mouth was turned down and there were bags under his eyes. I tried to comfort him and encourage him to smile and get this…. the shadowed began to gradually reveal to me other lines, other shadows that reshaped the mouth into a smile. Even the eyes seemed to narrow as they do when we smile. I couldn’t but say, ‘That a boy… doesn’t that feel better?’ I then sang to them. And the victory goes to singing.

Before heading back I enjoyed a few minutes of meditation. I soaked in the sun and focused on how it felt and felt the rest from everything else around me to just be with my breath. Victory this time for focused meditation.
As I started walking towards home it stuck me just how precious those cliffs have become to me. I have tried to move away for one reason or another but it never seemed to work out. I had the thought that they had brought me here and it was not my time to go away from them. Another victory for thankfulness.

As I turned into my drive way this thought struck me…. You are right sun…. I have come a long way in reaping the benefits of my persistence and my determination to become a better warrior; to have what it takes to stand up to defeat those symptoms that once owned me.

Reflecting on my need to minimize your observation of my progress I recognized that I responded to you as I did because of fear. Fear of jinxing… someone mentioned that being their fear of acknowledging a resurgence of personal power. That is certainly a big part of it but even more then that there is a resistance to self congratulations. Part of it is cultural but mostly it is self doubt that anything I am doing is really of any significance. Something else is to be crediting.

So I am say balderdash to that idea and giving thanks to my guides while recognizing that it took my own strength of character of their guidance to be heard.

Well… didn’t we just know it…. Another novella. I need an editor. Lol

Happy day everyone. Mixed episode or not I can handle it and significantly reduce the negative effects. I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR

OH.... I missed something... how could that be possible... lol.

When I got home I turned on the tv and mythbusters was on. They were testing sobering up techniques. It had me in stiches I laughed so hard. What a hoot.

Here is the link to the first part... the others can be found... to get to the really funny stuff... treadmill.... face slap... too too funny!!

So glad you're feeling better ((((((((lavie))))))). What you say about needing to remind ourselves that our moods are ever-changing is so true. Whenever I'm feeling bad I always seem to forget that I ever felt any other way......

I'm happy that your mood has lifted!

Love your post (((((((ss))))))) Victorious indeed!!! I remember hopscotch! Wow, that was a long time ago!!! Well done for celebrating your progress and for declaring it balderdash to have to hide your achievements under a bushel!!! I love how you sing it loud and proud here! Quite right too.

The relationship you have with the cliffs is awesome. It's wonderful to have a special place near your home which makes your heart sing and where you frequently experience a deep spiritual connection.

So glad you had such an empowering day!

Found a new website... I think you guys might like. There is a link there to soundtracks for meditation. Very beautiful and relaxing. Hope you enjoy.

http://www.sweetmangodesigns.com/

Looks like a great resource!! Thanks ((((((((((((ss)))))))))))))))))))

thanks all for your words. I posted something and it dissapeared. How odd is that? Thanks again for all your words <3

It is nice to hear that your mood lifted yesterday and the benefit you are experiencing from the talks. You make a really important point about happiness not being a continuous state. Perhaps if it was it wouldn't be as special when we do have those happy moments.

Hello all I've had a nice, quiet day today and I've felt relaxed for a lot of it. It's hard for me to relax, so I've really appreciated it.

Sending out loving thoughts to you guys and wishing you a good start to the week