[Ladyzero]

I would greatly appreciate your advice, and the male p.o.v. as well as the female's.
This will be a long post, but it's all relevant. I need advice as to what to do.

I have been seeing this guy for 10 years, yes 10 and yet we are not living together or engaged. He is a confirmed typical batchelor, good job, nice car and flat. I want commitment and marriage and I've waited. He is a guy who puts his life in compartments. His job, his kids, his family, then there's me. I don't get to be included in the other parts of his life e.g. His grown up kids. I met them years ago but if he sees them, goes out with them I'm excluded. Same with family. I doubt his family know I'm still around ( I met them once or twice, again years ago ) but he is not close to his family and wouldn't discuss a gf. I've never heard him call me his gf.

He says he loves me on the phone but never to my face. We never speak of a future or where we're going. Ten years we have drifted along. He's not romantic, and it's hard to admit but he doesn't even buy me a birthday card ! Or christmas, and valentine's day, is a non event.

This last year I have not seen him at all. I have literally not left my bed all year. Not once due to my crippling unmedicated depression.
He has asked to see me over and over, every week, and I've made excuses. I am so glad he has never given up on me, he quite easily could have, or found someone else.

I have finally agreed to see him friday this week, and can't let him down again. However I need to know if there is a future with him. I'd marry him tomorrow, and have hinted for a proposal. Funny thing is, after 2 years of dating he did propose to me twice. I said yes, but nothing ever materialised, it was never mentioned again ! Odd or what ?

When I see him again this week, how do I play it ? We were very sexual together, and as he's not had sex in a year, he's highly frustrated ! Do I fall back into his arms/bed. I know he won't be able to keep his hands off me.
Would reunion sex be a bad thing ? Would it be natural to want to be in his bed, after so long, although my self esteem and confidence is low.

Do I press him and have the 'where we're going' chat, seems a joke after 10 years ?

Pls don't say I should propose to him, that's not me, and I want it to come from him.

Do I give him an ultimatum and be prepared to walk away ?

I don't want to be his ***** buddy, or FWB. I just want commitment, damn it, I want to be his wife. We're not kids, he's 53, I'm 52. Surely he must know what he wants.

It can't be said I'm too available, and conveniant for him, as I've hidden away all year, and he still phones and texts every day.

Please give me your advice as to what I do.

I don't want to walk away, but this relationship
is not normal.

Because I've not seen him in almost a year, it's hard to know how things will be when we resume seeing each other.

I can't spend another 10 years waiting for what I want. Am I mad for wanting him ? I can't explain why I love him, he works too hard, is totally unromantic and doesn't make me feel special at all !

Thank you for reading this, please advise me, I will answer any questions to clarify the situation.

Your advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[Leed]

Bless your heart. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. But I do have to wonder why you've stayed around this long for this kind of treatment. It's darn close to abuse, but not quite.

I mean,, gosh -- he doesn't acknowledge your birthday, valentines' day, Christmas -- anything! That's gotta hurt! And no one is getting any younger!

I know you don't want to give an ultimatum, but you're going to HAVE to move on. I certainly would NOT waste another 10 years on this guy. I wouldn't waste another MINUTE on him. He's not going to change -- and to bed down with him would certainly be a no-no. That would just make him call you over and over for a quickie.

Tell this guy you've had enough -- that you've wasted enough of your life already, and you need someone who will commit - and he's just not ready. Even if he proposed today, you'll know it's just because you told him it was over. If he does propose, I'd tell him NO. He hasn't introduced you to his family or anyone in 10 years -- that would tell me that he doesn't think enough of me to "allow" me to meet them! You need someone who treats you with RESPECT and he DOESN'T! YOu need someone who truly LOVES you and shows you that he does. HE DOESN'T. You need someone who really TRUSTS you, and he DOESN'T. Sorry, but I don't think this guy is for you. You deserve better than this. God bless you and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Ladyzero]

Wow Lee, thank you. Your honesty is appreciated but I didn't see that coming ! I will certainly think about what you've said. I know there's a lot to take in. I feel torn.
He's already talking about how much he's going to make up for lost time, in the bedroom and I'm almost certain I'll give in. I need to feel him close again, would that be so wrong. He has never just used me for sex, but when I see him, I always stay the night.

Oh dear, I just want this time to be different.

But you're right about a lot, me and his family not meeting. The matter of the birthday cards is an odd one, I've never really seen him on those occasions, so he doesn't bother.

Why, oh why, could I have a straight forward relationship ?

Thanks again. No one seems to want to advise me !

I can't wait for him forever, although you say he doesn't love me, I think he does in his compartmental way.
Does his waiting round for a year count towards anything ?

All advice welcome

I am afraid I tend to lean the same way as Leed.

I know if this guy loved you, a healthy love, then you'd be part of his life properly. Including his family. He'd be proud to show you off, and not have his family not even know if you're still on the scene.

Ten years is a long time to be with someone and not make steps forward. Even if he isn't the marrying kind, why are you not living together? Would that have been the middle ground for you both? Did you discuss it?

Yes, he waited a year for you which is lovely. But I do think you need a straight answer from him about what he wants for the future and at least then you can decide what to do with your life. Can you sit down and talk soon, and be honest?

Big hugs..

[Anika.]

I would walk too Lady Zero, I am sorry.

He doesn't seem to want more than this. My bf and I have been together 6 years, we don't live together either. But we spend so much time together, are part of each others families, and a big part of each others lives. We don't live together because of financial restrictions on my end of things. But we progress in other ways. So that is how it is for now, not how we wish it.

You said you don't want to be a friends with benefits, but it kinda sounds like you have been for the last 10 years. I can't really see what other relationship stuff there is shared between the two of you from what you have posted here.

His waiting around for a year doesn't count for much. You are friends right.. and you talk here and there, and he lets you know he still want to have sex and see you. From your other thread it didn't sound like he was intending on really waiting around, but stopped short for his own reasons. And I know maybe you don't want to hear that. That is just my opinion. For all I can see.. is he might just be waiting and no one else showed up and he is too lazy to really look. Honestly I don't mean it rudely he just doesn't show much initiative for anything. I am not saying that to be hurtful at all, just there doesn't seem to be much commitment here in the first place. Maybe HE is stuck, just not moving in any direction? Is he like that with the rest of his life?

I really wonder about the crippling depression you are facing and how much of it has to do with being to unsatisfied with this relationship and not getting your needs met for so long?

I think staying any longer might just prolong or stop you from meeting someone who can provide you with what you need and accept what you have to offer. I hope you will be able to find that tho.

[princecharming]

Many of the points that you bring up beg the question “Why?”
Why are you not living together?
Why has he not introduced you to his children?
Why does he not at least get you a birthday or valentine’s gift?
All we can do from the other side of the computer is guess.
So here goes:
If he enjoyed being with you he would want to live with you.
If he loved you he would want his children to know you.
If he proposed, you said yes, and nothing ever materialized, then he changed his mind or is totally ineffectual when it comes to accomplishing things.
Why are you depressed? Why is the depression “unmedicated?” Is the depression clinical or situational?
Here is a tough one:
How do you expect to be able to love someone else if you can’t take care of yourself?
Both of you need to introspect, seek professional counseling (therapist, couples, marriage) and decide to build a successful committed relationship, if that is what you want.
I don’t perceive this stalemate as entirely his fault. It could be that he works too hard and has difficulty with intimacy (emotional intimacy, not sexual). It could also be that he doesn’t want anything from this relationship except sex.
Men commit to things when they believe that they have found what they want. When they don’t, they don’t.

Can't he just hug you, and help you through your depression. Why does he have to have sex with you? It's seems like he'll be getting the benefit, and I can almost guarantee that you will be left feeling even lower than you do now. From my experience, when I've "given in," I ended up feeling even more powerless, hopeless, and then angry followed by depression. Please don't think you have to give him anything for "his patience." What has he really done for you? He's just left you laying in your bed all year. What kind of a man does this someone he loves? Even if you told him to not come over, that's no excuse. He should be overwhelmed with concern for your mental and emotional well being. Instead, it sounds like his focus is purely on the sex. I also wonder if he has caused you to slip into your depressive state, and perhaps it's a subconscious defense on your part that you have stayed away from him. It sounds like he's toxic, and has made you sick. I know that might sound a bit extreme, but you've had 10 years to become habituated to this pseudo relationship, so it doesn't seem that bad. I hope you cut him loose.

[Ladyzero]

Thank you for your reply. I hid my dep. from him for ages, not letting on how bad it really is. I know I need help, it's not going to come knocking. I just can't make that step to get it. To not have left my bed, dressed or showered ( rarely bother) or spoke to a single person other than my son who lives at home is scary.

I don't think this guy makes me dep. Whatever happens I've agreed to see him fri ( 14th ). I think I'll just have to ' have it out ' with him, although he is rubbish at talking about feelings. I need to get help for my dep. and be strong.

The reunion sex issue, has me pulled both ways. I know he will try to get me to succumb, and a cuddle would just I know lead to sex. Part of me wants that, I miss sex, but part of me wants to hold back until we establish some sort of 'plan'.
Afterall this time, I feel in need of a plan now.

I desperately need to try to get help for my dep. I want a life again. Without this place here (PC) , the friends I've made on here, I would connect with no one.

I want a life back, and one that includes this guy, although you all think I should walk away.

I do take all your views and advice onboard.
Thank you.

[Open Eyes]

Being in bed for a year is a long time. Have you seen a doctor about this? Could you be going through menopause? I think you need to take care of you "first".

Some older men fear marriage because if it doesn't work out they could stand to lose alot. He is older now and will have less time to rebuild his financial worth. He may not want his family to know about you because he may not want to hear, "watch out dad don't get too commited or married because she may take advantage of you etc"

Maybe he got hurt by his previous wife somehow?

There are so many reasons he stays somewhat detached. He could just be "using" you too. Why buy something if you can get it for free? kinda deal.

It is hard to really know by just what you have here IMO.

Open Eyes

[Ladyzero]

Yes, the 'why buy the cow when the milk is free' scenario. I've joked with him about this.
His kids are now almost 22 and 19 but when they were young, I can quite easily see that his daughter then 9, would not be happy with me on the scene. She was daddy's princess and in my view spoilt rotten. Her wish was/is his command. She'd wrap him round her finger, still does. I can imagine very easily her thoughts on me, at the time, no way would she want to share him. Now grown up tho, wouldn't she want her dad to have a mate ? He knows financially I woukdn't ruin him, just not in me to.

I've passed the menapause, had quite an easy ride luckily, no symptoms, few hot flushes, all quite stress free.

I don't want to get heavy after not seeing him in so long, God, he hates heavy ! But wouldn't the best bet be to ask him direct ?

Not sure how I do that without being seen as spoiling the evening, which I don't want to do. I'd love him to suggest spending christmas day together, but don't want to ask him for an invite.

This is such a strange relationship. Yes the ex wife screwed him over but that's history.

Why is my life so s h i t. Why couldn't my relationship be normal, go through normal stages of devolpment.

I don't want to be used !

I want commitment !

And yes, I want marriage !

[jlm13]

Sounds very similar to a relationship that I had. I met this guy, good job, lived near the beach, handsome, fun, great in bed, etc... In the beginning we kept it to once a week seeing each other. Of course I hoped it would change, it did in some ways, but not as I liked. Never met his family, met a few friends, but never really included in anything. We had the same routine, dinner, drinks, sex, acted like he cared when he really didn't. I did ask him what we were, and he would make some BS and try to sweet talk me. I was glad to break free from that, lasted 7 months. I know how you feel, you're consistently hoping for something to change, but it doesn't happen. In my opinion, don't waste your time, it is hard to break from this, don't let anyone string you along.
I think you should talk to him about how you feel, ask him the questions that you post on this thread, 10 years is a long time, don't waste another 10. Good Luck.

[hamster-bamster]

Ladyzero, you need two things 1) another man 2) an effective treatment for your depression. Both are equally important to your happiness and wellness.

[Ladyzero]

Thank you, H.B. Your opinion is appreciated.
You make it sound so easy !
Where at 52 with no friends at all to socialise with, or otherwise, do I find a decent man ? I suppose nowadays it's online dating, that's the way to meet people.

Are you truly saying to end this now and not see if anything has changed in him in the year since we were last together ?
Give up hope ?
Shouldn't I give him the chance to tell me if he wants a future ?
It would be hard to walk away, but I always say, a bad relationship is not better than no relationship at all. Why settle for less than what makes us happy ?

Of course you're right about my depression, I need help.
I look dreadful, my long hair needs colouring, I've put on weight, I'm a mess.
I've agreed to see him tomorrow, getting showered, dressed and looking half way decent will take me all day.
I've promised him I won't let him down as I have done so many times in the past months.

After that, I need the strength to get help.

You know I wonder why God has abandoned me so in this pit of dep.
Why after my husbands suicide could I not find happiness again ? I feel lost, friendless and incredibly lonely.
My grown up kids are disgusted at me and how I live, my house is a filthy pit, I've not lifted a dishcloth in a year ! I disgust myself, alas not enough or I'd do something about it. I do absolutely nothing ! Literally !

I used to be a homemaker, with pride and self esteem. Why has life turned out like this ?
Now I'm way off thread here in my self pity soup, but thinking about my life, I've been in various degrees of dep. for the last 5 years. I wasn't this low, even when my husband died. I don't suffer with the various illness' many on here list, so should be grateful, and I am, but this dep. has truly taken my spirit.

I wonder why God doesn't hear my prayers.

I'm sorry, I went way off topic here in my self pity, but it's all true, and not exagerated for effect.

Thank you for listening.

[Anika.]

Lady Zero, I really feel for you, I also wish to call you something other than zero, your are not a zero at all.

You have to do what you feel is best. If that is talking to him to see what he says that's ok, 10 years is a lot of emotional investment. If you have to walk away that's ok too. Whatever you do decide keep your needs and wants in mind, that they deserve to be met.

I don't think anyone is really wrong in this but two people wanting different things perhaps.

Be gentle with yourself. Everyone is allowed to vent and wonder why and what went wrong, or how. No ones trials and tribulations are comparable to anothers. Pain is pain. You have certainly had your share, and I am really sorry for your losses and new struggles. So please feel free to let it all out. We come here to support each other, so don't feel bad at all.

I am not religious, but I am spiritual. I can't really answer on the god part. But we all have suffering as it is part of life, and acceptance of all life offers seems to bring more peace from what I have experienced. I have found it very helpful to try to gain knowledge, wisdom, and grow from my pains. Somehow that has made it worth while to me and easier to accept what comes.

Hmm I met my mate on the internet. He only lived 2 doors down from my sister, but I guess that is what it took. I was a single mom, going to college and not any friends or social life. I can tell from posts I have read that when you are in a good spot in life I bet you are a true shining star. I can't help but feel you probably have a very attractive personality.. I think you would find someone again if you choose.

[Anika.]

Oh I also wanted to wish you luck and strength for tomorrow Lady Zero. I imagine that is going to be quite challenging and maybe nerve wracking for you. I will be thinking of you and sending you lots of positive thoughts. I can't help but say I feel proud of you, I think that's a big step tomorrow, the getting showered and dressed, and following through on you commitment to meet with him. It's a big deal!

And sorry for all the typos earlier.. using my phone, my eyes are not so good.

[Ladyzero]

Anika, Bless you for your kind words. They almost made tears well up in my eyes, emotion, I haven't felt emotion in months, just numb.

The Ladyzero name, well not sure where I got it, but call me Ladywhatever I don't mind. Howzabout :
Ladygetthefeckoutofthatbed ?
Ladymiserysoup ?
Ladylazylayinginpitypitpis- sedoff ?

Yes, maybe I'll just have to ask him outright tomorrow. It is possible that even now we both want different things. His twin married his gf recently at 53, I kind of hoped that would stir something in him.

In my old days, I was quite a bubbly happy person. Fairly attractive and slim, Jeez, I've got clothes in size 6 & 8, I was wearing maybe 18 months ago.
Now I'd scare old ladies and small children, I need my hair colouring, it's dark and grey is showing. WTF ? Grey hair ? I was always highlighted blonde.

Well after tomorrow night hopefully I'll be nearer knowing the fate of the bizare relationship.

LORD HEAR MY PRAYERS ! !

[Ladyzero]

Anika, Taking time out to reach a complete stranger with such kind words and positivity is so touching. You are so generous in your thoughts and I thank you so much. You don't know how those minutes spent replying and thinking of me, in your busy day means to me. That you would be so kind, so thoughtful, to me, a stranger, in this sea of people, also is just so very touching.

Every one here has been so lovely, and I hope I can give something back to you all in some way.

Reading all your kind words, especially from those I have not 'met' on here before, is without a doubt the nicest thing for me, in a long long time.
Thank you all for bothering, listening, and taking the time. Your words are greatly appreciated, and made me smile, and that means so much to one very sad lady x

As I a guy, referring to your compartmentalization, guys do that but NOT on this level. That is just strange. If I am with a girl that I take the time enough to text and/or call everyday, surely she deserves to be included in my life in every way. I'm sorry you're right, that's just not normal. Thing is, if it were the first few months, it might be understandable and I'd say just wait for him to come around but there comes a time in a relationship where we must put our childish games away and do what adults do and that is be responsible. He wants his cake and eat it too. What I mean is, he separates you from everything so that he can keep you for when he wants to have the romantic and probably sexual fun but wants to keep that separate from the other parts of his life. It makes me think that he plays with you like you're a toy, the toy in the closet he pulls out when he happens to be lonely at the time. In every way, it seems like behavior of a man that would keep many toys in his proverbial closet and I know you feel like he has been all for you all these years but how can you know when you're not included in all parts of his life like a normal SO would be? Even if it's not another woman or women, it still seems like behavior that is keeping you in the dark. Its behavior that tells me that for some reason he wants to hide you from sight as if your relationship has some sort of taboo attached to it and it's just not the way for you to live and frankly you need to find a man that will really truly be yours and he'll be proud to have you in his life and all parts of it.

Don't waste any more time! 10 years is long enough to wait for him to grow up.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, my heart goes out to you. *hugs*

[hamster-bamster]

So I do not think that you have wasted the whole 10 years but you have wasted the time since he proposed and then flaked till now - that time you have wasted (I have wasted 15 years on my ex H so I get to tell other people that they are wasting their time ). He is not a little boy. He is 53 - set in his ways. I know this age - my ex H just turned 54. What he has been doing he will continue to be doing. Extrapolate from the past experience with him. There is not point in prolonging this experiment - you have already obtained all the (negative) results.

Yes, I think it would need to be online for your socialization because where else these days?

As to what comes first - finding a man or finding a depression treatment, I first found a depression treatment, and started seeing people only when all depression was gone. But it was a very brutal road for me, and one I would not have been able to travel completely alone - my online friends (Anika, for one ) have been there for me. So - not entirely alone. Socialization itself is important to counteract depression. For bipolar, there is even a therapy called "social rhythm (or rhythms - unsure) therapy". So maybe you do not have to first deal with the depression and then with socialization - maybe you can deal with both at the same time.

[hamster-bamster]

Another idea I give people is a book club. This is not something I personally can do because I cannot focus enough on the plot, but if you can, it would put you in touch with people in RL. And maybe there will be single/divorced men among them - who known? At any rate, it will be socialization.

I have recently taken a hobby class and it helped alleviate anxiety. It does not help with the r/s with the opposite sex because in this hobby - beading - everyone is a woman. Still, you get to do something useful alongside others and chat with other living breathing human beings. Maybe meet ups, hiking trips (good for your cardio exercise, too), something along these lines - just to meet other people, not necessarily with romantic intentions.

[hamster-bamster]

Ladyzero, you need to color your hair. Weight is not going to come off easily - let us be realistic. I am overweight even with bike commuting and even with Topamax, THE weight loss medication. I eat very little yet I am still overweight - it is not horrible, I am not obese, but I am overweight. It is hard. So you will have to live with that. But your hair, please, go see your hairdresser - that would be an instant pick-me-up, please! And not just for color - trim a bit of your outgrown length, too.

[eskielover]

Lady.....worthalot......

When I was reading through your thread.....I had lots of thoughts about it......& in lots of agreement with what you have been told here.

One comment I want to start off making is about:

I wonder why God doesn't hear my prayers.

Most of the time I have experienced when I ask God for something that isn't right for me & I feel my prayer isn't being answered, it's because it is being answered with the answer "no.....this person (or thing)isn't good for you or right for you". God knows the situation or the person we are wanting to be involved with better than we do & he knows if something would be really a bad thing for us......& sometimes that "NO" answer is much better than if the answer were to be YES.....we just don't understand that at the time.

Another thought was about your comment:

I wasn't this low, even when my husband died.

I know when my mother died....it wasn't suicide, but it was cancer that she stupidly ignored.....& yes, she ignored it sure it was a cyst & nothing more.....& it was a very slow growing cancer that her death could have been avoided because it was obvious from almost the very start but she blew it off for years.....then because of her unwise choices that she made, I ended up going through a horrible trauma with the home care person who manipulated her way into caring for my mother the last month of her life until I finally got her OUT OF THE HOUSE.....I'm still dealing with the anger that I felt toward my mother for handling her life the way she did.......PTSD....yes, depression increased.....not so much.....but anger for what she did....yes. I never did go through the grief process because of all the other issues I was dealing with.....maybe your husband's death left you in a similar state....sometimes when we are in a state of shock.....we aren't able to even feel.

I'm going to ask another question that hasn't really been asked......but I have heard of people who live 2 completely different lives at the same time & since you have absolutely NO contact with anything that's going on in his life other than the fact that he text's you every day, calls, & sex with him is good when you were together before your depression for this whole last year......the question is....how do you know that he doesn't have someone else other than you?......or doesn't have another life going on that you don't have the possibility to know about because you never see him other than when he sees you?.......just a weird thought that hit me when reading about your situation.

Also, after being away from him for this year, how do you know that if he does a proposal that it's not going to be just like the last ones where he never follows through & isn't just doing that to make you feel ok about having sex with him again?

I was married & had a horrible marriage for 33 years......I can tell you about wasting time in a relationship......I never should have married this guy because the things that I am finally getting a divorce because of were the same things that I told my mother I didn't like about him right before the wedding was planned.....my mother talked me into going through with the wedding because he was a nice guy & he would grow up when life forced him to.......WRONG. We fought constantly for all those 33 years. After my mother died & I sold her house....I took the money & finally was able to escape the marriage. I had been a firmware design engineer for 15 years & escaped my bad marriage in my career until the aerospace industry collapsed in California around 1994.....major depression hit because I lost my career, but also because I felt completely trapped by then in a marriage that I couldn't get out of by that time because of financial issues. The smartest thing I ever did in my life was take MY MONEY & move 2100 miles away from him......that was 5 years ago.....now I am finally able to get the divorce.....& it's such a freeing feeling to not be stuck in a bad relationship/marriage, I have no desire to get involved with anyone ever again....(but that's just me).

You said that your depression started 5 years ago.....but your go nowhere relationship with him has been going on for 10 years....5 years of that kind of relationship where it was going nowhere & you were wanting it to.....would be enough to push anyone into depression especially if you hadn't really processed the grief from the death of your husband on top of that......it's no wonder you are feeling the way you are.

I can also guarantee you that at his age, he's not about to change....& probably doesn't WANT to.....my stbxh had no desire to change the things that were destroying our marriage......he is now 60 & I'm 59.......he was what he was before we got married in the first place & that was definitely what destroyed the marriage even before it started.....so for you to assume.....& it is a complete assumption on your part not based on any facts or reality at all.......that this guy will ever make good on the proposal that he ask.....it absolutely as far from REALITY as you can possibly get.

It's important for you to be the one in control of your relationships since you are the one who is wanting marriage & stability with another man. I have learned that one has to be completely aware of all aspects of the relationship & if it's not going in the direction that you want.....then GET OUT.....don't wait around for wishful thinking to make something happen because it won't especially with all the red flags this relationship has had for you over all these 10 years.....it will only land you waiting longer than the 10 years you have already wasted.

You say you don't want FWB.....but that's exactly what you have had for the last 10 years....that's what he wanted & you let him be in control.

JMO, but if you are hoping that he's going to magically make the relationship into what you want tomorrow night, you are going to be sadly dissappointed.

If his daughter is as spoiled as you said she was & has her daddy wrapped around her finger.....you can be glad that he didn't follow through on the proposal because you would have probably had a very miserable marriage that wouldn't have been what you dreamed for either.

I have found in my many years of life, that most things end up turning out for the good when I let God be in control.....but when I start forcing things to be MY WAY....that's usually when things end up getting really messed up.

I am sure that your life is worth more than wasting it on waiting for something that isn't good for you in the first place & something that is only your own wishful thinking because this guy doesn't wish to have any relationship with you other than the sex that you have been having together before this last year. YEP, he can get it for free.....who knows what he's really been doing to satisfy himself this last year????? You really don't know the truth or the reality of his life, other than what he says....& how can you tell that is the truth either????

Just some questions as food for thought before you get together with him Fri night....who knows, maybe before you get together you will realize that you don't want to waste any more time with him & you will be in control of your get together by telling him to "GET LOST" rather than allowing yourself to feel the horrible disappointment of him letting you know that he really doesn't want to.

Wishing you the strength to do what you know you really need to do tomorrow night so that you can stop living in your wishful thinking world & find a real person who really cares about you & also the strength to get the help with your Depression that you desperately need so that you can feel the self value that you have & then others will see it also & get your life turned around & in a positive direction.
& a lot of positive thoughts for your strength to get out of this mess & onto a better life where you can really get what you want from it.

[Ladyzero]

Wow, Eskie, thank you, a lot to think about.
Well, I didn't go, I couldn't drag myself out of bed. Just couldn't. I slept all day,and am now here alone, freezing cold as I've run out of gas curled up in bed, sad I couldn't make the effort, hating myself.
The funny thing is he didn't bother to contact me all day except a good morning text, and didn't turn up to pick me up.
I just text him at 8pm and he just said he knew I wouldn't come, so he didn't turn up. I have let him down loads of times.

The question about him seeing someone else is way off. He is in contact with me, talks to me most evenings, if he was entertaining someone else, he wouldn't do that. There'd be gaps in communication and I know him. He'd be honest with me.

With what's happened with tonights date , who knows what'll happen now.
Maybe God doesn't think it's right we are together, but why did he put us together ?

I don't know how many, if any , more chances this guy will give me to see him. But I'm afraid I'll never get out of this bed again and get help.

Alone here in a cold, dark house feeling very lonely right now.
I'd like to have seen him, to maybe talk honestly.
Maybe he will give up this time. Who would blame him ?

[hamster-bamster]

Ladyzero, you are currently feeling awfully lonely. I might have missed something important in this thread or in the other one, so forgive me please for asking - why are you not getting help for your depression? What's the reason?

[Ladyzero]

H.B. Simply because I can't find the strength to get help. No motivation to do a single thing. It's easier to do nothing.
I don't even have the strength to get out of bed, ever !
I know only I can do it, but I can't find the strength. I'm not living, I'm existing.