Mother will not speak to me

I'm so sorry. Both your mother and your husband are being childish right now. Your husband had his little rant, and now he won't talk to you. How childish is that? Good grief.

You have always been the "nurturer." You've always been the "keep peace at all costs" type -- that was me with my ex. I did everything for everyone, to keep everyone happy so there wouldn't be any chaos. I couldn't STAND chaos!! Ii couldn't STAND raised voices! It took me back to my childhood when there was violence, and it drove me crazy! So I kept the peace, at all costs. It sounds like that's what you've done too. Even if you had to sacrifice your peace of mind. But now, no one is willing to help YOU. No one will even LISTEN to you when you want to talk -- to vent a bit about what's bothering you. And that's pretty darn selfish of them.

And his KIDS? No way would I put up with that "stuff" they toss at you! I don't care WHO'S kids they are -- they'd get a bit of an "education" from ME. If their own mother doesn't want to discipline them, then I'd be more than happy to do it!

Sweetie, if your husband is going to use "emotional blackmail" then let him just stew in his own juices. Do NOT go crawling back to him. He owes YOU an apology!!! He SHOULD have told you about the money he gave his son. I thought the finances were a partnership! Since when is it all HIS money? Just because you don't work??? Well, if that's the case, then maybe you should just MOVE OUT!!! How DARE HE make such a statement that HE makes the money and HE can spend it any way he likes or some such nonsense. Where does that leave YOU. So please do NOT go crawling back to him. Let HIM apologize to you!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!!

And I know your mother won't apologize. But sweetie, your mom is quite toxic to you -- and sometimes we have to accept that with our families. Sometimes we have to limit the time we spend with them to a bare minimum for our own mental health. You have a lot of thinking to do. We're with you 100%. Take care dearheart. Hugs, Lee

Well I found out at the doctors office today that so far the baby is ok, even with the medication I have to be on and the screening tests. Thank god. I feel like me and this baby are going through so much together. So that's the good news. I have to have an EKG right away to monitor my heart and what the next course of action we will take. The other Heath issues I have I can't do anything about right now until after the baby is born because the corse of action would harm it if I chose to get treatment. I'm trying to stay positive. It's hard because I'm so scared. I'm scared that I may have cancer but I have to think that this baby has saved my life. I never would have known about these things because I usually never go to the doctor. It's funny, I can remember my mom saying to me after her heart surgery how important it is to take a moment to take care of ourselves because we worry so much about other people we forget about us. That is so true.
So that's the good news of the day. I feel slightly better about that. I have been praying this child would be ok. Still not completely out of the woods just yet, but were getting there.
So I got ready this morning, took my younger stepson to the bus stop and when I came back my husband had our daughter dressed and eating breakfast. I didn't say anything to him at all when I got up because I just don't want to be bothered anymore fixing everything.
He said that he would take me to the dr. I didn't say anything. I really wanted to go by myself today but you know I just didn't have the fight in me to say anything. So I went in the car with my daughter and waited. Drove over not saying a thing. Got in the dr office not saying a thing. We see the dr, he explains everything to me. It went well, then the dr says that I should do a little walking so I can get some more oxygen. And I should go with my husband in case I feel dizzy. I said "yeah sure. I don't even want to look at him." I couldn't believe that came out. The dr. Laughed. I then said "all he likes to do is argue with me and make me upset, he wouldn't walk to help me." Omg, how embarrassing, It just all came out. My husband said that's not true i would walk with you. The dr said to him, you need to have understanding, he said its very difficult to go through, have some compassion. Of course my husband played it off and was being the comedian he normally is, but I felt so happy. I know i probably acted lie a child saying that, but It was nice to see someone put him in his place for once. On the way home he tried to talk to me about the visit saying it was good news and I shouldn't worry. Ha! I'm a nervous wreck about everything.
I know he rarely apologizes. He hasn't yet. He just said to me later on that he didn't know about his sons camp cost because his son just mentioned it to him, and that he wasn't keeping anything from me.
I have two people in my life who I love dearly and at the same time can't stand at the moment.
Bonnie, I wish I had other people I could talk to. I really don't have friends. It's actually pathetic. I have a girlfriend who lives in my neighborhood who I talk to every now and then. She is the one who is married for two years. She's very sweet but I'm afraid I'm not a very trusting person. I don't know if I could confide in her and trust her to not spread my business around. God knows, this neighborhood would eat it up. I tend to stay to myself here. I am friendly but that's really it. I do wish I had girlfriends I can have lunch with or have some girl talk but I haven't found anyone that sticks around for awhile.
Lee, I wish I had your courage. I wish I had in my mind when my husband was talking about money what you responded to me with. If that at all makes sense. It's like these are the times I feel worthless.
I just want to say again, how relieved I am to have a place to come and let it all out. And to have people read everything I say and try and help. It means the world to me. My husband hates when I tell a story because he says I use too many details and I should just get to the point. But thank you for taking the time for me.

((((Baker)))) I was soo relieved to know that you and baby are ok! and I am so proud of you for taking such good care of yourself. We are here, we care and support you. You are not alone.

And wow! Look at you for speaking up at the doctor's. Good for you, Sweetie

I also understand, but don't let her "get" to you. You should be happy she isn't talking yet, take the break from it, she'll almost certainly be in touch, it's only been a few weeks, maybe you will get used to it, you might have to when your baby is born, and she will maybe want to see the baby too much!!! I also agree with Leed, she'll see the world doesn't revolve around her, give it time and continue to try to not talk to her if you can.

Very good knews about you and your baby! So happy about it

Good again that you let some of the truth out to your husband and the fact that he didn't retort sounds like he recognized your truths. Maybe not with words, but he did not act astounded and asked you why on earth were you saying those words.
Maybe the time has come to speak the truth. More and more each day.

You are wrong: you have plenty of friends in here! If you don't feel like telling all of your problems to a woman that you know superficially it is correct. But having lunch with somebody else than your family is like a breath of fresh air. If you cannot open your heart, you will have time for relaxing and some easy talk, just for yourself.

This is a point you should work on, with time and patience: making friends outside the family. You won't feel the same familiarity and deep bond with new friends, but they will be a comparison, a different perspective and someone different to lean upon.

I bet you feel so lonely and depressed if your only friends are in your family are they both are letting you down!

We don't know the future, do we? What we know is that some part of you reached the 'I've had enough' point. It's very healthy. Little by little you will build your own way.
We will always be here for you.

If you happen to write some other post that I may miss, would please send a message so that I will read it?
I'd love to know how are you doing.

Much love

Today i feel a little better than yesterday. I just have this lingering guilt that just wont leave me. My husband has been talking but nothing really substantial. Last night I watched a basketball game with my son, which i never do, and had some popcorn with him. My daughter fell asleep on my lap and that was it for the night. It was nice to have that time. Since I have been sick, I havent been able to spend a lot of time with them. I missed several months being involved in their lives. I was always the one to do everything for them, then I was bed ridden. But things are turning up.
I have some guilt from that as well. Mostly now I have guilt that I am being a horrible person by not contacting my mother. I keep thinking about how depressed she normally is because she too is alone. I was the only one there for her. I know she is in her early seventies but she has health issues as well and the thought of something happening to her and us not speaking makes me feel terrible. I mean, I would have regret forever i imagine. I might be overreacting a bit. I dont know.
I saw my dad earlier, and he was very concerned about what was going on with the last doctor visits. I explained everything to him. I actually emailed him last evening and he mentioned he told my mom this morning about it all. I didnt even ask how she is or anything. I guess for now Im leaving everything in her court. Hopefully, she will come to my daughters recital this weekend. At least that would show me she actually has a caring bone in her body. I just dont know how to behave with her anymore. This is so foreign to me by not calling or stopping at her house to fix things. I have never done this. I hope it works.
It's very depressing that my only friends are in my family. I just want a healthy relationship with them. I havent met anyone that I can relate to. I mean, I have kids, and a husband, and an ex wife and stepkids I deal with. A lot of times the people I talk to have no understanding about any of it. They have been more into themselves and where their next vacation will be.
Bonnie, I am not sure how to send messages. I will try and figure it out now.

Please do stay in touch and let us know how you are doing (another DoNMs survivor )

I am sure your mother is well aware that you must be feeling guilty now, and her control of you is bolstered and perpetuated by your propensity to feeling guilt.

Since the guilt is yours, you have some control of it.

You cannot control your mother's behavior, but you can at least try to let go of guilt.

You talk about her age and frailty by way of making excuses for her.

But you are not well, either - you are pregnant and with heart problems. So hopefully you will excuse yourself, first.

Here is a possibility regarding your stepchildren and your husband's anger/rage:

He is fully aware that they are out of line. However, for whatever reason he feels helpless to do anything about it. The helplessness and shame he feels is exceedingly painful. His anger helps him avoid feeling some of that pain, and also helps keep you away so he doesn't have to feel ashamed in front of you for what he so far has been unable to control.

It's true, I have always made excuses for her. All my life. even when i was younger and i was embarrassed by something she did or said, i always came up with why.
Had such a bad day. Had car trouble and was stuck waiting for a tow in the rain for six hours, with my husband and daughter. Horrible. The car is probably not fixable. I'm hoping for the best. My husband thankfully took charge. He said not to worry about it, but I worry about everything. We got home I put my daughter in a hot tub and just want to collapse. My feet are still ice cold.
I found out that my mother went to lunch today with my brother. Here I was so concerned about her and she is going about her life. Yeah sure she cares about me. What a joke. I'm probably not even a thought. I have to stop making excuses for her. I doubt she will ever make contact with us.
I'm just more upset with her behavior. Even my brother. To me they are a lot alike. Both users. I had a bad day and I guess I'm being nasty about everything, but they both don't give a damn about anything but themselves. It's very hurtful. I'm so overwhelmed with so much I feel like my head is going to explode.

The wait today must have been excruciating. I am so sorry. It was good that your husband stepped up to handle things.

Sounds good!

Bill, I must admit I have never looked at it that way before. There are times when I feel just so sorry and plain awful for him. I see the way the children treat him and it hurts me because he really is a good father. He is always trying, always. They just walk all over him.
I know it must be horribly painful. I can't imagine my children who I love with my life treating me that way. I guess sometimes its hard putting yourself in others shoes but I see it from every angle and I just wish sometimes my husband would stop being so good and show them that how they treat us is wrong. I don't know if things would change now but it would be worth a try.
Thanks for giving me another perspective. I will be thinking about this more.

I spent a couple years, in therapy, dealing with learning how to cut the metaphorical apron strings.
My mom was kind and caring, but there was a covert controlling side to herself.
There were times, especially after my oldest was born, that I felt she wasn't there for me, the way she said she was going to be there.
All that, underlying angst and anger, that I felt through growing up, needed to be worked out and sorted through.
Glad, I did that work-through when I did it. Anger can be a gift, but not when it's unresolved.

Something, to consider.

I have a lot of anger towards my mom and brother. It's really sad actually because I've just denied it for so long, or rather knew about it but disciplined myself not to effect the relationships I had with them. I was treated like crap but turned the other cheek so to speak. I mean I wasn't treated horribly, but I was left out, and forgotten when my brother was around. Sort of what is happening now. When he wasn't around I was expected no matter what to be there, if I wasn't I was given guilt and manipulated to do so.
I just feel angry. I wish I could just scream. The fact that she is probably taking ill about my husband and me to my brother is making me crazy.
I was thinking about this one time on her wedding anniversary the year before I was married. I lived at home until I married my husband, and my soon to be husband had sent me flowers to test out a particular florist that we were thinking of using on our wedding day, the same day as my parents anniversary. Well you can imagine how my mom felt when she saw the flowers were sent to me and they were not sent to her by my dad. Omg, it was awful. First of all she laced into my dad for not doing anything for years for her, then she canceled her dinner plans witch she was including me and my husband to go along. Then when my husband had come over that night he saw her and tried to say that he didn't think at the moment and he was just trying to test the florist out, we'll she just walked by him put her hand up and said just leave me alone, I don't want to talk now. Went into her bedroom for the night.
I was humiliated. I was totally embarrassed. I thought , great this guy is going to drop me and never want to get invloved with my dysfunctional family again. I tried to make dinner that night because i felt so bad for my dad, and my mom came out of her room and basically shut down the kitchen saying not to cook.She didn't talk to us for a couple of
days. Pathetic right? So I remember things like this and it makes me so upset. I of course was making excuses for her behavior left and right. It was ridiculous.
Even planning my wedding, oh good god. All I wanted was to get married I didn't even care about the things that was supposed to be the brides side responsibility or the grooms. I could care less. If it was up to me I would have eloped, or just had my family at a beautiful location. But no, it had to be done a certain way and it was her way. Even who was invited. Ugh...I went along with everything. It was real tough at times because my husband and I paid for a lot but she likes to take control of everything. She paid for the flowers and venue but my dad didn't know what was going on.
There has always been negativity. It's like she almost has nothing to talk about unless there is something bad going on. Who acts like this? I'm embarrassed that my mom does. I mean, at times I think about how lucky people are that have parents that would love to spend time with their grandchildren, and beg to take them out for a movie or an ice cream, or just have them come over. Sure my mom would watch my kids if I asked, but she's not the type to put my daughter in a tub, or feed them dinner if I went out. I always had to prepare everything ahead of time, and feed them, or get take out for them before I went. Oh god, if she was going out and dressed god forbid she had to cook for someone while she was getting ready. Seriously. I know is all sounds ridiculous. I'm just in a slump right now. I just wish things were different. I wish she would be happy for me in my life. You know there were things that my husband did for me over the years or things he took care of and I never told her because I kind of felt like she would be jealous. I felt guilty about that even then, but I really wanted her to share things with me that made me happy. I just didn't want static from her.
We found out today that our car is gone from the damage it had yesterday. So basically we are screwed. The sick part is, I was thinking if my mom knows, which I'm sure she does since I told my dad, maybe she would be happy. Maybe she would think, oh good, what goes around comes around, and I'm glad he (for my husband) is getting it. Who knows, I could be wrong, but I can tell you that my brother definitely would be happy. He would love to hear bad news about me. I'm sure of it.
I had a fortune cookie from my lunch yesterday. I opened it and it said something like, today is the day you need to forgive that person. I saved it. I don't know. I want so badly to have my parents in our lives for all the good things that I want to share, even the bad that may arise from my health. I want them around. I don't know if the damage is even fixable now with my mom and husband. I keep thinking about that fortune cookie and I am trying in my own way, deep down to forgive her for everything, things from now, and things that she doesn't even know about so I can move on. I am trying. I just don't know how to do it.

Goodness me. I won't say what I think of your mum's behaviour.

But I will say that what is the point in beating yourself up for all the things that she has done? You can wait and wait and wait to hear what you want to hear from your mother, but it will never happen. Your description and your history with your mother surely shows you this?
So what does that leave you? To get on with your own life, make it as happy as you can, and not worry about her. Or spend the next however long feeling guilty, unhappy and ruining your own life. Because that's what it amounts to. You know the things she has done wrong and how she makes you feel. If you keep letting her drag you down then you are the one responsible. Hard I know.

Maybe, just maybe, the person you are meant to forgive is YOU

At some point, as humans, letting go, means, we stop worrying about what others think, maybe thinking, wondering, saying behind our backs.

For instance, I was having my blood drawn, a couple of weeks ago, for a routine physical. The woman drawing the blood, kept saying, yeah, I know, you must be thinking, hurry up, etc. And, I looked at her, and said, nope, that's not what is going through my mind right now. What I am saying to myself is this..."c'mon blood, stop slowing down, just stop slowing down((she had several viles to take), and I actually started squeezing my hand more, to help her.

Basically, what she felt I was thinking, was nothing at all like what I was thinking.
Not, that you may not have good reason, to realize how your mom thinks and acts. It's just sometimes we spend too much time worrying about what others may or may not being thinking/saying/feeling, that it makes life all that more stressful.

Again, maybe, the person you are meant to forgive is YOU.

Can't change your mom, yet, at some point, acceptance comes in, that they are them, you are you.

Your husband, sounds considerate. Is he supportive of your ambivalence(my word ) towards your mom?

They, our parents, are supposed to behave like parents. And sometimes, we are handed the parents that we are handed.

I'd go so far as to imagine, you will/are nothing as a mom, what you've been handed?!?!?!?

I have always thought to myself when my mom or even my brother were driving me crazy or just simply acting like children, that this is just the way they are. I either accept it that its inherent in them and deal with it, or I just distance myself. I of course accepted everything. I always have and I know if there is a relationship in the future I always will.
The thing is, I think I am at the boling point of being so fed up after all these years.
I mean I'm finally able to discuss her without feeling guilty that I'm doing something wrong. It sounds so silly I know. I know how much I want her around, but I am afraid of how things will be. I'm sure she is still stewing and saying bad things especially about my husband. I don't want her around if she is going to be the baby anymore. I'm sure if she ever got me alone she would say horrible things about my husband and the nerve of him speaking to her in that fashion, blah.. Blah.. But yet, she never looks at herself. Always thinks she is right and is just plain mean sometimes. The more I start thinking about everything the more I resent her. I am trying to be the better person here and just try and forget about things, but its hard. I think because I'm realizing she has just used me for all the good times. Where is she now? Especially knowing I am so ill. She has no sympathy but only feels bad for herself. She always used the excuse of " I have a heart condition and I can't get upset and your making me upset" really? I mean she is overweight, doesn't care to take care of herself and just uses excuses. I'm sick of it. She's always feeling so sorry for herself. Ugh...
I know Mother's Day is coming up. This will be the first one in all the years I have been living that I do not see her. I have always come home early or if away or on vacation to see her. I bought her something, so I guess I will just pass it on to my dad on Friday to bring home to her. I don't know if she will accept it. She could be nasty that way, but I'll do the right thing and not ignore the day. It's just I feel like I'm in a mental prison thinking about everything she has done to me. The funny thing is she would deny it or say I was crazy and needed help if she ever knew what I was feeling.

It helps me sometimes to write a letter, that way you can get all your thoughts down without interruption from her that would happen in a phone call. That way you know she knows all your thoughts and the ball would be in her court and you could get rid of your guilt. Don't let your mothers problems become yours!

you write "i went along with everything".

That's what you did and you should take responsibility for that. You did it because you wanted to be a good girl, you wanted to be loved and you felt that the best way to be 'loved' by your mother was not contradict her. So you went along. It was your choice.

Now you won't go along anymore. Fine. You not only have a right to do so, but it is possible more right and sane to set your own rules, to lay them on the table and discuss them, if you get a chance.

You cannot reproach to your mother what you did willingly. You would have made different choices, all right, but did you say plainly "i want my marriage that way and that's the way it is going to be"?

I guess you are angrier at yourself, because you know that no one was forcing you. It probably was the need to be loved and to be a good girl (I am just guessing).

What you did not know, then, is that manipulative behaviors cannot 'love'. They just don't know how to do it. So she taught you that if wanted a smile, a caress, some appreciation you had to behave that way. And you did, hoping that at the end of the rope you were turning around your neck there would be love.
I do understand you only too well, if this was your case.

I would like you to remember and to think of these points:
2. if your mothers is not able to love (we don't know why) she did not drag it out from you to give it to somebody else. She just cannot feel and express real love. There are quite a few people in the same situation. But if this is her case, she is to be pitied. You will pity her in due time, I understand that you have to let all that anger out right now.

2. If you, on the other hand, can love, you are much more fortunate than your Mum. Just feel how blessed it is to be with own children without having to manipulate them into one behavior or another.

Crazy as it may sound, your Mum gave you the best she had. But her best was no good for you. This happens many a time.
It is time for you to step out from those behaviors and start asking yourself what do you want for your life and how do you want it.
But remember: you cannot change your Mum nor anyone.

She wanted her daughter to have a terrific wedding, her idea of terrific was different from yours. No harm meant.

You can ask the things you want. You don't need to get along. You have a right to want things and to want them the way you want.
Don't wait for your mother to call: write to her what you want from her, what you would like to receive.
Start setting your rules.
That's what makes you angry. The feeling that you followed her every request and she doesn't love you more for this.
You tried that, it seemed to work for some time, now it doesn't work anymore, then try another possibility.

You set your own rules, if she like them, she'll follow. If she won't follow, you will be living your life.
But you cannot make her like your rules.

Hope i made myself clear

You definitely did. i couldn't get through reading your post without breaking down and cry. Must be my crazy hormones now... Lol. It's hard when someone really lays it all out and it hits home. Every last bit of it. I am angry with myself. I am angry that I can't be different. I'm angry at being the weakling, I'm angry that I never stand up for myself. I'm angry that I wasn't the type to lay down boundaries In a nice way. It's mostly my fault I guess.
All I really ever wanted was for her to just appreciate me. Not always expect, and to stop manipulating me. But I guess I allowed it for so long that its just what is to be. I am so angry at me for this. I'm angry that she always wanted to start arguments between me and my husband, that she talks bad about him, and that I never said anything about it.
I just don't understand how someone could be so cold. I don't understand as being a mother myself doing this to your child. And I certainly would never play my son against my daughter or vice versa.
I'm still a nervous wreck about how things will turn out. I wish I was different.
Thank you again for making me step back and look at myself. I still feel so angry though.

When I was 8 years old i wrote my Dad "you don't know what true love is. But i do".
He was 40, I was 8 and i was correct.

If she just doesn't have love, she just doesn't have it. She cannot buy it, nor pretend to have it.

I want to congratulate yourself because you understood all this and you don't want to go on the way it was before.
The anger is what is helping you in saying 'no more'. If you were not that angry you might be back from where you stopped.

Turn this hard feeling into something good. Treat yourself as your first and most loved child. If you were your child what words would you say to her in this situation?

Let me try
"Dear one, you've had difficult moments. You wanted to love and to be loved. It seemed most natural that your mother should love you and now you are sad because you are realizing that she never loved you the way you deserve.
She didn't do it on purpose, she just didn't know how to love you.
But you can love and you will love yourself. And your own love will be safer and stronger. You are not alone, because I am with you.
And I know how good you are because I know that you..........................................."
and you fill in the blanks with all the good things you have done.

You need a break from anger and negative feelings or it will be too much for you.
Feel the rage, because it is important and true but give yourself some good time, some time out, or the pressure might harm you.
Treat yourself kindly, lovingly.
Talk to yourself with the most beautiful words you can think of.
I know you deserve them

Much love

Baker, I just wanted to let you know again how much I support you. If not this month, then when?? I was telling my t, how stupid could I have been, that one of my closest friends would have gotten pregnant when we were teens, and my mother succeeded in keeping that info away from me? For twenty years or more? THAT is manipulation. First she bothered me into being friends with this girl, then she made me drop her, and never explained why, and I just followed blindly. Unquestioningly. All because she just scared the heck out of me. I just wanted to be good too. But what is underneath wanting to be a good person? I had to be away from my mother for a couple of years before I even realized how frightened I was of her. I think she scared me when I was very small. Maybe to make me stop crying. Or just be quiet. You don't have to prove you are a good person - right now, that's like a false motivation. You just hope it will save you from some unknown punishment, like a magic spell. But all it does is keep you unconscious, unaware, unable to face the facts. You have your new family on your side - your new army!

After reading about how your mom kept you away from your friend and you had followed in fear, I started to think back to other things my mom did. She was so controlling and made sure she got her way.
My mom too, took me away from a few friends when I was young, and I allowed it. I guess I was afraid of the consequences or just her. I'm thinking maybe that's why today in my life I don't have trusting friendships with anyone.
I remember her telling me about certain people and how I need to stay away and that they weren't allowed to call me anymore, and I was forbidden to talk o hem. I also remember not being able to sleep over at a girlfriends house really ever. My mom was always afraid that something bad was going to happen. I became so much like this that even as I got older I decided when invited to girls sleepovers that I didn't want to go. My mom and I had elaborate plans of me going to the party and pretending I was going to sleepover then she would call and say I had to come ome because we were going to pick up my grandmother in the city unexpectedly. Always excuses. Maybe that's why today I'm full of them when I don't want to do something. My husband always says tell the truth, our better off, stop with these excuses.
I remember one time probably about 8 maybe 9 years ago my mom had a dentists appointment she didn't want to go to. If she didn't go and didn't cancel it this office charged her for the visit. She actually started crying begging me to help her cancel it for her because she was afraid to do it. Do you know that I was like that too. I mean I handle my affairs on my own now, and I'm honest about things where I wasn't always, maybe because I learned from my husband to grow up so to speak but I used to always rely on her to make excuses or me if I didn't want to do something. What a waste of life.
I was always a nervous child. Always afraid of my own shadow. Still to this day I am a wreck about everything. So afraid of what could happen. When I was just a young child I remember crying in bed at night thinking about if my parents ever died. This went on for years.
I really feel like I'm just an absolute emotional mess and I really don't know what to do with myself. I just feel angry and hurt but mostly guilt. I feel so weak and messed up.

Today is my daughters recital. I asked my dad on Friday to come and that my daughter would love to see my mom as well. My husband said why don't you just drive with us to my dad. He said well see. I emailed him and asked him to let me know today if he ( because i know that my mom is not by any means going to go) will be going and to let me know. He still hasn't responded. I know it's hard for him but this is ridiculous. Enough is enough already. Unfortunately, I am too sick to go today. I have to be careful with my immunity as well, so it's really difficult when I have bad days.
But, I just feel so bad for my daughter. She said to me today, maybe grandpa and grandma will come and surprise me. I smiled because I didn't have the heart to say don't count on it.
I'm sure my mom would give my dad a difficult time if he told her that he would drive with them today. I'm sure she sees that as an insult against her in her mind. But I'm left again wondering what is going on. I guess I'll just see what happens. Maybe he will just show up on his own to not create any conflict with my mom. It's just a shame.

Well I would just find ways to make the day memorable for your daughter. Like a command performance at home for you and baby-to-be, since you couldn't go?

I hear that it feels like it's all crashing down on you, but it's not. It truly is in the past. You say you feel weak, but you SOUND strong, the more you talk about this way. Remember, they are HER limitations. We feel sorry for grandma, she can't help it, but we are going on.